History Funny / FreemansMindSpinoffs

'''Barney''': "Screw roads! [[Film/BackToTheFuture Where we're going, we don't need roads!]]"\\

--->'''Chell''': I'm ''not'' crazy.
--->'''Chell's mind''': ''Yeesss yoouuu aaaarrreee...''

--->'''Chell''': Vy toof! Vy toof!
--->Following the Emancipation Grill incident: "I ''hate'' this place, with its big retarded cubes that don't even have food in them, and that computer's compulsive lying, and all the creepy stains on the floor, and the Scaffold of Death, but most of all, ''most of all'', I hate this stupid rickety elevator, and its infuriating Emancipation Grid! A plague on both your houses! And your summer homes! And your ''shower curtains''!

-->'''Shephard''': Yes, thank you, please put me on with your supervisor- NO DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD! [''slams phone''] RRRGH JUST DIE! [''fires pistol'']\\

--->'''Shephard:''' Wait, wait! Just wait a second! It's me! It's Corporal Shephard!
--->(They continue shooting at him.)
--->'''Shephard:''' AAAHH!! I mean, I mean, I mean Corporal -- Corporal Swanson!

--->'''Shephard:''' So, hey, do you...do you read any Terry Pratchett?
--->'''Scientist:''' ''(Killed by an exploding door)''
--->'''Shephard:''' ...Okay, what does ''exploding'' mean? Is it "yes"? Do you explode twice if you want to say "no"?

-->"Where are my pants?!\\

-->"What the fuck does that mean, what obstruction? [notices the [[BigCreepyCrawlies Pit Worm]]] Oh. [[OhCrap SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!]]

-->"Oh my god, this is the single best ladder I have ever climbed in my entire life. I love this ladder, it's so... good. I just wan- I just wanna stay here. Climbing it forever. I-I'm just gonna take a minute to sit here, because of how good this ladder is. This ladder is so awesome. I want to find whoever built this ladder and just give him a hug, y'know? Wow!"

-->'''Soldier''': [''off screen''] I got a bad feeling about this mission...\\

--> '''Parker''': Why does the music stop whenever I start talking?
--> '''Eos''': We need that antidote Parker! If you're not gonna help, shut up!

--> '''Barney''': (ducks beside the body) "I think I'd better check for a pulse." (stands) "Nope, no pulse." (ducks) "Maybe definitely..." (stands) "Nope, no wallet either."

--> '''Barney''': *hears techno music* "What the hell?" *walks to the door to computer lab* "...I don't even want to know." *walks away*

--> '''Douchebag''': "Are roads a recommendation too?"
--> '''Barney''': "Screw roads! [[Film/BackToTheFuture Where we're going, we don't need roads!]]"
--> '''Douchebag''': "...You're not funny."
--> '''Barney''': "Nobody asked you!"

--> '''[=EV91=]''': "...comply or you will be shot down."
--> '''Barney''': "Lies! Where's the transmit button? Oh here. Hey fighter jets, I just survived an alien invasion, SCREW YOU!"
--> '''Douchebag''': "Yeah, piss the pilot off in a million dollar fighter jet with tons of missiles."
--> '''Barney''': "Bah, they can't use missiles in here. [[BuffySpeak Too much canyon.]]"

--> '''Barney''': "Let's see if we can lose them in that canyon down there."
--> '''Douchebag''': "What?! I'd rather go to the airbase."
--> '''Barney''': "Screw that! Dig deeper in your pants for a bigger set of balls because there's no way in hell I'm going with the military! You wanna go? Fine! Door's right there."
--> '''Douchebag''': "Okay but you better not get us killed."
--> '''Barney''': "No promises!"

* Episode 15 of Felix's Mind:
--> Felix: "Aww, now that I've used [the shield recharger] so many times, [the high I was getting off of it] is starting to lose its effect. But I'd better keep moving before [[TemptingFate this morphine makes me see something I wish I hadn't.]]" (rounds a corner and sees [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario]])
--> Mario: "It's-a me! Mario!"
--> Felix: "..." ([[ScrewThisImOutOfHere turns right around and walks away]])

'''Shephard''': [''still talking to the skeleton''] I know... you were just following orders. It wasn't your fault, soldier. [''sits down next to the skeleton and starts crying'']

-->"Hey, is that a mirror in your pocket? Because you JUST SHOT ME IN THE KNEE! OW!"

--->'''Shephard:''' Aah, what the HELL! I thought you said it was secure!

** I could've been at a barbarque! *kicks dead alien*

--->'''Shephard:''' "High voltage"? *throws head up* I guess this is where they make the ELECTIFIED toxic waste! It's more dangerous than the sum of it's parts!

** Electrified toxic waste.
--->'''Shephard:''' Oh for Christ's sake- You know, I just wonder what the going rate is for a barrel of electrified toxic waste. It's obviously pretty high. Maybe they're using it as some kind of alternate energy source.

--->'''Shephard:''' AAAHH!! I mean, I mean, I mean Corporal - Corporal Swanson!

-->'''Shephard:''' "Hey, is that a mirror in your pocket? Because you JUST SHOT ME IN THE KNEE! OW!"

** Then the soldier with Shephard says the area is secure, but while Shephard charges his suit you can [[FunnyBackGroundEvent hear the soldier getting his ass handed to him by a Black Ops agent.]]

--> Felix: "Aww, now that I've used [the shield recharger] so many times, [the high I was getting off of it] is starting to lose its effect. But I'd better keep moving before [[TemptingFate this morphine makes me see something I wish I hadn't.]]" (rounds a corner and sees [[SuperMarioBros Mario]])

--->"Now here's the plan. I'll run DPS, Mr. Loudmouth is our tank, the engineer is support and crowd control, and the medic can be our personal heal-bot. I'll pull the mob into this room. Engineer, I want to see [=DOTs=] all over these guys. And Medic, watch your aggro. (gets shot by a Shock Trooper) Jeez! I am ''so'' not geared for this instance!"

-->[[spoiler: '''Shephard''': "All right. I was never a good marine. I couldn't protect the people under my command. I never caught Freeman. I couldn't go fifteen meters without running into some insurmountable delay. I didn't earn my advanced training or even my rank as Corporal. Some guys just dropped it on me! I'm not even fighting for a cause, I just don't want to die. All the good things I did today were just because I was backed into a corner and could only keep charging forward."]]\\
[[spoiler: [music starts up]]]\\
[[spoiler: '''Shephard''': "If I die today, nobody's gonna remember. Adrian Shepherd might as well never have existed. And you know what? I refuse to believe that this overconvoluted clusterfuck of a disaster happened just so I could get eaten by a giant squid in a dusty ventilation shaft! So screw it. I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna fight, and I'm gonna fucking win! Come and get me yo-"]]\\
[[spoiler: [Music cuts off, Shepherd runs back into hiding.]]]\\
[[spoiler: '''Shephard''': "Ow! Leg cramp, leg cramp, ow! Jeez! Ow, damn! Man! I really need to remember to limber up before this kind of crap. Anyway, have at you!"]]

--->"Now here's the plan. I'll run DPS, Mr. Loudmouth is our tank, the engineer is support and crowd control, and the medic can be our personal heal-bot. I'll pull the mob into this room. Engineer, I want to see DOTs all over these guys. And Medic, watch your aggro. (gets shot by a Shock Trooper) Jeez! I am ''so'' not geared for this instance!"

** Shepard's ImagineSpot where he kills a trio of Vortigaunts with his bare hands. Cut to him running around and wildly firing an MP5 while screaming instead.

--> '''Douchebag''': "Are roads a recomendation too?"

--> Felix: "..." (turns right around and walks away)
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Courier's Mind]]
* Season 3: Episode 1:
--> Courier: Ah...another day and another job well done. I think I'll go and thank my employer for being such a reasonable guy. (enters building) [[SuddenlyShouting JACKSON, YOU PRICK! WHERE ARE YOU?!]]
* Season 3: Episode 4:
** The entire conversation with Rose of Sharon Cassidy in the bar.
** "I was joking when I said I wanted something that could make me forget the last hour! I didn't mean it!"