History Funny / FamilyMatters

'''Steve:'''Give me the money. Go eat. Go eat.

'''Steve''' Oh get in here.\\
(Waldo climbs through the window and gets his food.)
'''Steve''' I meant through the door.\\
'''Waldo''' Sorry.\\ (tries to climb out window but Urkel stops him)
'''Steve'''Give me the money. Go eat. Go eat.\\

'''Waldo:''' I like talking to the big bun.

* Carl finding Steve's VR helmet (which Steve for Laura) only to get the shock of his life in the form of virtual Steve kissing him, causing him to rip off the helmet and scream.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40KSSlLqi44 Steve Urkel the sleepwalker,]] [[spoiler: getting vengeance for all the times Carl has manhandled him by acting out a subconscious desire to hit him back while dead asleep]].

* The fun of the episode "Old and Alone" is seeing every character as an ''elderly'' person in Laura's dream. Laura now has a comically-large rump, the once-beautiful Rachel is now an obese {{Gonk}}, Richie and Judy never got any bigger because they "never ate their vegetables", and even Mother Winslow is still around, and she ''[[TheAgeless hasn't aged a day]]''.

-->'''Rachel''': You'll love how your hair comes out.
-->'''Richie''': Well, you can't get them for false advertising.

-->'''Carl:''' I don't get it! I specifically told him we're by the 180 sign!\\

-->'''Officer:''' What seems to be the problem?\\

-->'''Carl''': Three-two-ONE! One-two-THREE! What the HECK is bothering ME?!?.........'''YOU!!!'''
-->'''Steve''': AAAAAHHHHHH! (''runs for his car'')
-->'''Carl:''' '''YOU'RE WHAT'S BOTHERING ME!!!!''' Every time I see you, you just do this! If I just get my hands on you! Open this door! If I could just... Oh, I would... If I could just get my hands on you! You little... (''tries to reach into the sunroof only for Steve to close it'') Oh, I just... Let me get my hand in there! Let me just get my hand in there! Let me just get my hand in there! (''grabs the car's bumper and starts shaking it, activating the airbag in the process'')

-->'''Carl:''' (''about the bug'') Did you see the size of that thing!?\\

-->'''Cleaner''': We're going to need backup.

--->'''Harriette:''' Right now, he's probably in the middle of a big sandwich.
--->''(Cut to Carl and Steve sleeping in a big cheese sandwich.)''

* "The Looney Bin" finds Steve and Carl trapped in the school's old bomb shelter with janitor Alfred [[ItIsPronouncedTroPAY Looney. It's French.]] What's worse, they're trapped over a three-day weekend, meaning ostensibly, no one will find them until Tuesday. Ever-optimistic, Steve and Looney decide to pass the time singing show tunes. They urge the increasingly angry Carl to join in, who does, with this:

'''Waldo''': Well, make it snappy. The guy in the next cell [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar keeps calling me “chiquita.”]]\\

-->'''Steve''': Hey, is my cannonball in there?\\(Reaches out and points toward the viewer)\\
'''Steve''': I think it went over there. Perhaps on your couch, maybe?

* Urkel’s face when he’s photographed for stealing the Ferrari along with Eddie and [[OneShotChatacter Clarence]] in “Jailhouse Blues”. (Pictured above)

* In the episode "Baker's Dozen", after trying Carl's secret family recipe, Lemon Tarts, Rachel thought of the idea of selling them. Carl thought it's a great idea, until he learns he has to make 12,000 tarts by the coming Monday. So everyone (except Harriette) starts making the tarts. But after a few hours, they only made several hundreds. Due to the stress of it all, a misunderstanding caused a food fight between Carl and Rachel. Rachel accidentally threw flour at Laura, who then tries to get back at her with more flour. Eddie yells "{{food fight}}!" and starts throwing some tarts at Carl ("You wouldn't dare!"), then he [[PieInTheFace throws some back]]. It escalates, until they were interrupted by Urkel, who asked if there's anything to eat. Everyone throws some tarts at him before resuming their fight. When Harriette shows up to stop them...

** Carl then gets the insurance agent to lower his rates, by setting Stevie up in an apartment at the agent's address.

* "STEVE URKEL IS ENTERING THE MALL!!!" ''(Cue a mass exodus of people)''

* Steve, Eddie and Waldo end up on a dating gameshow where they are set up on a date with three different girls and based on the girls' comments on their dates, they have to guess which girl said what. One of the girls said about Steve, "I showed him my tattoo, and he fainted."

* In one episode, Eddie blames behavior at school on a bad home life. His teacher visits the home and finds the following: Richie is literally making meals out of junk food; Judy comments that she's sick of having only candy bars for dinner; Estelle is talking about buying men [[note]]it's a bachelor auction[[/note]]; and Carl is demanding where some clothing is so he can wear it to buy drugs [[note]]he's an undercover cop[[/note]]. The entire scene and the reaction of the teacher (who doesn't know the context of any of this) is priceless.

* One episode has Carl and Estelle playing a ''VideoGame/MortalKombat'' spoof with an elderly grandma fighting a ninja. Just hearing the "Grandma Wins!" in the deep MK voice makes the whole thing worth it.

-->'''Carl''': Three-two-one...one-two-three...what the heck is bothering me? (''Glances at [[PersonOfMassDestruction Steve Urkel]]'') ''THREE-TWO-ONE... ONE-TWO-THREE! WHAT THE HECK IS BOTHERING ME!?''

-->'''Steve''': AAAAAHHHHHH! ''(runs for his car)''
-->'''Carl:''' '''YOU'RE WHAT'S BOTHERING ME!!!!''' Every time I see you, you just do this! If I just get my hands on you! Open this door! If I could just... Oh, I would... If I could just get my hands on you! You little... ''(tries to reach into the sunroof only for Steve to close it)'' Oh, I just... Let me get my hand in there! Let me just get my hand in there! Let me just get my hand in there! ''(grabs the car's bumper and starts shaking it, activating the airbag in the process)''

-->'''Carl:''' '''YOU'RE WHAT'S BOTHERING ME!!!!'''

-->'''Carl''': Three-two-ONE! One-two-THREE! What the HECK is bothering ME?!?.........'''YOU!!!''' ''(Steve screams and runs for his car.)'' '''YOU'RE WHAT'S BOTHERING ME!!!!'''