- The episode where Urkel builds an atom bomb and detonates it.Urkel's voice echoing, as the city is engulfed in a mushroom cloud: Did I do that?!
- When Laura wakes up to realize it was just a dream, she tells Urkel about it. His response? "I'd never build an atom bomb! (beat) Although I could." Given his track record, it's hard to argue.
- Steve's imagination sequence where he, dressed as Superman for Halloween, beats up a bank robber.
- Right beforehand, there's this exchange:Steve: Laura, I think I can take this guy!
- Right beforehand, there's this exchange:
- On the first episode with Myrtle, Steve attempts to serenade Laura with his accordion. Hilarity Ensues.Rachel: Well, it's more like Steve's playing caused the neighbors to throw bricks at his house.
- In one episode, Eddie dents the car and resorts to illegal gambling with Steve (who never loses) to work up the money to pay for repairs. After he's caught and arrested, Carl gives him a long lecture about fessing up when making a mistake to prevent things from getting out of hand like that. Immediately afterward, Harriette gives Carl the exact same lecture as the second plot of the episode involved Carl accidentally throwing away the cremated ashes of Harriette's recently-deceased great aunt and trying to cover it up. Harriette even had to start her speech over because the audience was laughing so hard and she waited for it to die down.Urkel: Relax Eddie, there is absolutely nothing that can stop us.
Police officer: Freeze! This is a raid!
Urkel: Except that.
- One episode has Carl and Estelle playing a Mortal Kombat spin-off with an elderly grandma fighting a ninja. Just hearing the "Grandma Wins!" in the deep MK voice makes the whole thing worth it.
- Later on Waldo challenges Estelle and initially wins playing as the ninja, until Estelle changes her character to Steve Urkel and makes a comeback.
- The three-part Disaster Dominoes building up to Steve and Myra's first kiss, with him making a mess of setting up folding chairs until he throws one into the grill, fumbling around her backyard furniture until he breaks a window, and finally struggling with her hammock.
- Carl has a dream of being a sheriff in the Old West with Urkel as a notorious gunman. Whenever someone mentions "Two Gun Urkel," a dramatic organ music cue plays with everyone looking around in confusion. After it plays for the fifth time, Urkel declares "Let's get together a posse and track down that dang orchestra!" Even better: After Carl wakes up, he and Steve have a nice talk, the soundtrack doing the usual "heartwarming theme"....and they both look around baffled "Where is that coming from?" The episode ends with them looking around for the source.
- Richie and 3J are hiding out in the attic and Steve uses an infrared tracking device to find them. However, when he first turns it on, it picks up on Carl.Harriette: "What's that big blob?"
- In the episode "Baker's Dozen", after trying Carl's secret family recipe, Lemon Tarts, Rachel thought of the idea of selling them. Carl thought it's a great idea, until he learns he has to make 12,000 tarts by the coming Monday. So everyone (except Harriet) start making the tarts. But after a few hours, they only made several hundreds. Due to the stress of it all, a misunderstanding caused a food fight between Carl and Rachel. Rachel accidentally threw flour at Laura, who then tries to get back at her with more flour. Eddie yells "food fight!" and starts throwing some tarts at Carl, then he throws some back. It escalates, until they were interrupted by Urkel, who asked if there's anything to eat. Everyone throws some tarts at him before resuming their fight. When Harriette shows up to stop them...Harriette: Look at you people! Look at my kitchen! Have you all lost your minds!?
Rachel: He started it!
Carl: Did not!
Rachel: Did too!
Laura: (overlapping with Carl and Rachel) It wasn't me!
Carl: Did not!
Rachel: Did too!
Eddie: I was minding my own business.
Urkel: I just came over for a snack!
Harriette: I don't care who started it! It's over! Now I'm not gonna say how you destroyed my kitchen! Or how you all act like children! Or what a dumb idea this was to begin with! I'm not gonna say that!
Carl: I'm not gonna say she started it.
Rachel: And I'm not gonna say I had lousy help!
Harriette: Good. I'm glad we're all in agreement.
Carl: (whispering) You started it.
Rachel: (whispering) Did not.
Carl: (whispering) Did too.
Rachel: (whispering) Did not.
Harriette: SHUT UP!!
(Carl and Rachel quickly stuck their tongues out at each other.)
Urkel: (licking some of the cream on him) Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face?
- Rachel's grumpy face during the whole scene was hilarious.
- Harriette: "It was everybody's fault. Except mine."
- When Waldo is involved, there will more likely than not be one of these. For example:(in a courtroom)
Urkel: State your name.
Urkel: No Waldo, state your name, not name your state.
Waldo: Oh. Waldo Geraldo Faldo. From Illinois.
- In one episode concerning Eddie's virginity, he explains to Laura that girls are supposed to be virgins, not guys. Laura points out the problem in this by asking who guys are supposed to be having sex with.
- Laura agrees to sell some hair products and the women in the house all use shampoo. The next morning, Laura, Harriett, Estelle and Rachel all find they've gone bald. The way Carl, Eddie and the rest barely hold it together is even funnier.
Rachel: You'll love how your hair comes out.Richie: Well, you can't get them for false advertising.
- Rachel reads a label off the bottle.
- Steve and Laura accidentally seeing each other in the buff when they unknowingly try to use the same shower at once.
- The entire Car Meets House sequence from "A Crash Course". Eddie, having flunked his driver's test after a last-minute "coaching session" from Carl left him hallucinating bread trucks everywhere, goes out for a drive with his girlfriend Jolene, having chosen not to tell her that he flunked his test. Back at the Winslow house, Steve is sickening Laura as he so often does, until finally she tells him to wait in the living room and let her know when Eddie gets back while she goes upstairs. Cue the sound of a car horn, followed by the car itself demolishing the living room wall...Steve: ... [calling upstairs] He's ba-a-ack!
[the wipers and sprayers turn on, then a shocked Eddie and Jolene get out of the car as Laura barrels down the stairs]
Laura: Eddie, are you okay?
Eddie: I think so... how 'bout you, Jolene?
Jolene: [her voice cracking with terror] Uh, yeah, I'm fine...
Laura: [puts her hands on her hips] Nice move, Binky Bear.
Steve: All right! Now how in Sam Hill did this happen? [pounds the front of the car]
Eddie: I freaked!
Jolene: I'll say! We were about to pull in the driveway, and we get passed by a bread truck. Next thing I know, we're... sideswiping a coffee table!
Eddie: [going into full-blown panic mode] Oh man!... Oh man!...
Jolene: Oh, will you look at the time!? [runs out through the hole in the living room wall]
Eddie: [moaning in terror] Dad is gonna kill me when he sees this! I'm dead meat! [sinks onto the piano bench]
Steve: [joins Eddie by the piano] Now relax, Eddie, you had an accident! Carl will understand!
Eddie: ... right. Dad will understand!
Carl: [off-screen] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
[Eddie and Steve get deer-in-headlights looks as a shocked Carl enters and gropes his way around the car, followed by Harriette and Rachel]
Carl: [gasping] What?- Who?- What?- What?- Who?-
Harriette: Carl! Carl! Carl! Calm down!
Carl: Harriette... there is a car... in the living room!
Harriette: Yeah, but you don't know-
Carl: Harriette, there is a car - in - the living room!
Harriette: Carl, don't overreact!
Carl: OVERREACT!? HARRIETTE, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM!!!!
Rachel: [sotto voce, to Harriette] Well, at least we know where it is.
Carl: EDWARD! [Rachel yelps and leaps out of the path of the enraged Carl]
Eddie: Yes, Dad! [backpedalling across the room away from Carl]
Carl: Edward! Go to your room! Go to your room, lock the doors, and the windows!
Harriette: Oh, Carl, he's not gonna try to get out!
Carl: THAT'S SO I CAN'T GET IN! [lunges toward Eddie as Harriette and Rachel hold him back]
- The Christmas special where Carl and Steve are trying to set up lights to decorate the house and cause a worldwide power outage.Steve: Look what you did.
- In "The Party", where Carl, Harriette, Rachel, and Carl's mother are on their way to Sheboygan.
Carl: I don't get it! I specifically told him we're by the 180 sign!
- After waiting for the tow truck for so long:
Harriette: (wipes the snow from the sign) Carl, the sign has 130!
Carl: (takes a look) Didn't I say 130?
Harriette: No! You said 180!
Carl: That explains the delay. Please don't tell Rachel and mama.
Harriette: Fine! Let's just get inside the car!
(after getting in)
Rachel: Well, what's going on?
Harriette: Carl got the sign wrong. We're back to square one.
Carl: They had to beat that out of you didn't they?
Officer: What seems to be the problem?
- The highway patrol officer arrives:
Carl: We have some car trouble.
Officer: Where are you folks heading?
Carl: We're on our way to Sheboygan.
Officer: On this road? Nobody takes this road to Sheboygan.
(Harriet, Rachel, and Carl's mom glare at him)
Carl: (laughing nervously) See Harriet? I'm the only one who knows this shortcut.
- Carl's stress relief mantra from a cheap brochure:Carl: Three-two-one...one-two-three...what the heck is bothering me? (Glances at Steve Urkel) THREE-TWO-ONE... ONE-TWO-THREE! WHAT THE HECK IS BOTHERING ME!?
Carl: Three-two-ONE! One-two-THREE! What the HECK is bothering ME?!?.........YOU!!! (Steve screams and runs for his car.) YOU'RE WHAT'S BOTHERING ME!!!! (Starts shouting angry gibberish and chases after Steve and starts banging on the car, attempts to reach into the sun roof only for Steve to close it on his fingers. Then he starts shaking the car, making the airbag pop out!)
- Then he gets fed up with giving Steve driving lessons and finds the answer to the question...
- When Steve and Stefan traded places.Laura: Why didn't you ask me instead of being somebody that you're not?Stefan: Because I'm... Stupid.
- Jaleel White doing a bad Steve Urkel impression as Stefan is not only hilarious but actually some very impressive acting.
- Steve Urkel the sleepwalker, getting vengeance for all the times Carl has manhandled him by acting out a subconscious desire to hit him back while dead asleep.
- A Side Bet between Richie and his new friend Little G, after the latter meets Carl for the first time.
- Steve and Laura come home from bowling and Steve's wearing a kilt and has a bowling ball stuck on his toe and he zipped his bowling bag over his foot as well because he didn't want to look ridiculous.Laura: First he put on that stupid kilt. Then he made a stupid bet that he could bowl a stupid strike with his stupid foot. Then he got his stupid TOE caught in the stupid ball!Steve: Well, it could have happened to anyone.Laura: Oh, don't be stupid!
- Carl's nightmare from the same episode where he dreams he's in the future and that Steve and Laura got married and had lots of mini Urkels (with another on the way; in turn, Laura got pregnant from Steve kissing her on the cheek).
- "STEVE URKEL IS ENTERING THE MALL!!!" (Cue a mass exodus of people)
- The sequence in "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Urkel", where Laura's guardian angel switches Steve's and her lives so they become Steve Winslow and Laura Urkel. This leads to Carl and Harriette's roles being reversed as Harriette is the one who tries to hurt Laura after she destroys Harriette's gingerbread house:Laura Urkel: Did I do that?Harriette: Yeah. And I'm 'bout to do this COME HERE! (lunges at her, Carl and Eddie hold her back)
- The episode "Citizen's Court" had plenty of this. Not surprising, considering it was about Steve suing Carl after the latter killed his Peruvian stick bug. Of particular note are Carl's reaction to finding said bug on his chest during a nap, Steve's pronunciation of "bric-a-brac," and Eddie's testimony about his hamster, Mr. Fluffkins.
- This exchange between Carl and Estelle:
- In one episode, Eddie blames behavior at school on a bad home life. His teacher visits the home and finds the following: Richie is literally making meals out of junk food; Judy comments that she's sick of having only candy bars for dinner; Estelle is talking about buying men note ; and Carl is demanding where some clothing is so he can wear it to buy drugs note . The entire scene and the reaction of the teacher (who doesn't know the context of any of this) is priceless.
Cleaner: We're going to need backup.
- After finding out about Eddie's lie, Carl tells Harriette to explain to the teacher that "we are a kind, loving family. I'll be in the kitchen, killing our son."
- Carl says that when he's asked about his son, he tells people Eddie is smart, bright, a great athlete and handsomer than Denzel Washington. Eddie has a bright smile...which is wiped off when Carl adds "When I lie, I lie up."
- The subplot was also pretty funny; Harriette was fed up with being taken for granted, so she decided to go on strike. This is actually why half the stuff mentioned above was happening in the first place.
- After everyone apologizes, Harriette declares her "strike" over and is ready to clean up. Carl says that "I set the bad example, I'll set the good one" and tells the family to go out for dinner. "When you get back, the place will be spic and span!" As soon as they leave, some guys from "Spic and Span Cleaners" show up.
- The first sign that Myra may be a little bit off her rocker:Urkel: And last week, she signed up for my chemistry class!
Laura: Well, what's wrong with that?
Urkel: She doesn't go to our school!
- At one point, Carl warns Harriette against "smothering" the kids by giving a comparison to a mother seal accidentally crushing her young while trying to protect them from a minor threat. Harriette's response?Harriette: Carl. Take a long look at me, then take a long look at yourself. Which one of us looks more likely to smother something?
- Some episodes end with a deliciously-subtle implication that Harriette and Carl are about to retire to their bedroom to have make-up sex.
- In season one Laura is having a garage sale and despite it raining she insists Judy stands outside in the rain, Judy comes inside announcing she quits. Laura asks how people will find the house without her waving her flashlight.Judy: I'm wet, I'm cold, and I'm cranky. Don't mess with me!
- Steve and Carl are storing some of Steve's inventions in the police lockup when a street gang comes in looking for contraband. What happens is a conversation set to "Camptown Races".Steve: Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Gun, Carl. Gun, Carl. Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Pull your gun right now!Carl: I didn't bring my gun. I don't know what to say.Steve: What the heck is wrong with you?Gang Members: Oh, dee doo dah day!
- "The Looney Bin" finds Steve and Carl trapped in the school's old bomb shelter with janitor Alfred Looney. It's French. What's worse, they're trapped over a three-day weekend, meaning ostensibly, no one will find them until Tuesday. Ever-optimistic, Steve and Looney decide to pass the time singing show tunes. They urge the increasingly angry Carl to join in, who does, with this:Carl: I have a gun. I just might shoot you...if you don't stop...with the singing! No jury will convict me!
- During the episode "Boom," Lt. Murtaugh decided Carl needed to lose weight, so he ordered him to work out on a specialized treadmill. It turns out that Nitro Newton, the Boston Bomber, planted a bomb inside said treadmill, thinking the person using it was Murtaugh (who had previously stopped him). Carl alerts the entire police gym to the danger; except for a female cop named Krowolski, they all run like heck. Carl tells Krowolski to call the bomb squad; she offers to get Lt. Murtaugh as well. To this, Carl says, "Krowolski, if this bomb goes off it'll kill anybody who's in the room with me! Get him in here!"
- While a little bit of Harsher in Hindsight within the episode after revealing why Carl is in such a bad mood, his complaining about Eddie putting things off until "tomorrow" is hilariously delivered.Carl: Why is it always "Tomorrow" with that boy? Clean up your room, Edward. "Tomorrow, dad!" Take out the trash, Edward. "Tomorrow, dad!" Pass the salt, Edward! "Tomorrow, dad!"
- One episode has Steve save Carl's life via CPR and Eddie offers to take Steve joyriding with him and his friends. Steve is hesitant to go along:Steve: I dunno about this, Eddo. Last time you invited me along you left me in the cemetery in my underpants.
- Laura and Myra in the cafeteria arguing with each other, each taking turns smashes various types of food into the others hair and face, while Steve weakly tries to discourage them (essentially a watered down version of him enjoying a cat fight between the two). However, when they accidentally spray HIM with ketchup and mustard, he wipes off his glasses and declares:FOOD FIGHT!(Cue all the other students in the cafeteria picking up food and throwing it at others)
- Urkel's weird recitation in class of a poem by Ernest Vincent Wright, "When Father Carves The Duck".
- In "My Big Brother", after 3J pays $50 to a trio of bullies note , Steve asks him, "Why did you give those three hyenas from The Lion King all that money?!"
- In "Flirting With Disaster," Carl's insurance agent plans on jacking up Carl's rates because of Steve. Steve goes to the agent's office to prove he's not a hazard. He proceeds to trash the guy's office. In walks Carl during the fiasco:Carl: Steve, why did you come here?Steve: To try and convince the agent that I'm not a hazard.
- A bit of intentional Mood Whiplash from Estelle when she gets ready to tell Laura the story of her quest to get a library card from a whites-only library.Estelle: Do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story?
Laura: Grandma, you're not old.
Estelle: Good answer! No wonder you're my favorite grandchild.
- "Scammed": Urkel creates a bottle of super glue and stores it in the Winslows' fridge. Later, Myra whips up a homemade facial mask for Laura, and unknowingly uses the glue as an ingredient, mistaking it for milk. When Urkel finds out about this, he shoots a priceless "Oh boy..." expression right at the camera.Steve: Now just brace yourself, Laura. One or two simple jerks should get this baby right off your face.
Laura: I hope so, 'cause two simple jerks got this on my face.
Myra: Drama queen, drama queen...
- In one episode, Eddie unwittingly promises Steve that he'll be his best buddy for a week in exchange for a favor. At the end of the episode, Eddie assumes Steve will just forget about it...cue Steve walking into the house with a HUGE schedule of how they'll spend said week, including visits to the bug museum and cheese factory!
Funny / Family Matters