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I want to cut the Main redirect.
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-->'''Great Pikmin Fan:''' So, regarding Connie. I'm tempted to write a third chapter to this that shows the ending scene from her perspective. I mean, how would you feel if a guy who looked like a football-playing knockoff of WesternAnimation/InvaderZim (or a green CharlieSheen) stole your book, [[spoiler:shot a kid you knew with teal paint, got told he was dead, then looked at his hands and then acted like he was in a bad soap opera and his wife died or something, all because his fingers were covered in tyrian paint? Well, granted, said kid would have told you to paint the book first so you might have been expecting something, but still.]]
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-->'''Great Pikmin Fan:''' So, regarding Connie. I'm tempted to write a third chapter to this that shows the ending scene from her perspective. I mean, how would you feel if a guy who looked like a football-playing knockoff of WesternAnimation/InvaderZim (or a green CharlieSheen) Creator/CharlieSheen) stole your book, [[spoiler:shot a kid you knew with teal paint, got told he was dead, then looked at his hands and then acted like he was in a bad soap opera and his wife died or something, all because his fingers were covered in tyrian paint? Well, granted, said kid would have told you to paint the book first so you might have been expecting something, but still.]]
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None
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* ShowerOfAkward: Mixed with ShowerOfAngst. During said trope, Rip yanks the curtains back, and Carl get embarassed to find that Captain is there too. (He doesn't mind Rip of Seras's presense, as... well, they've outright slept together.)
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* ShowerOfAkward: ShowerOfAwkward: Mixed with ShowerOfAngst. During said trope, Rip yanks the curtains back, and Carl get embarassed to find that Captain is there too. (He doesn't mind Rip of Seras's presense, as... well, they've outright slept together.)
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* AdaptationalVillainy: Carl. Captain too, being more dead-set and stoic than his SBIG counterpart. (Though he still seems friendly and is generally a better sport about the paintball games than the other three, so he ''could'' also fit under AdaptationalHeroism compared to HUC.) Seras and Rip notably avoid this, while Rip is more rude than her HUC counterpart she (and Seras) is still nice at the core... in a very, ''very'' strange way.
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* AdaptationalVillainy: Carl. Captain too, too compared to HUC, being more dead-set and stoic than his SBIG counterpart. (Though he still seems friendly and is generally a better sport about the paintball games than the other three, so he ''could'' also fit under AdaptationalHeroism compared to HUC.HUC and definitely compared to canon.) Seras and Rip notably avoid this, while Rip is more rude than her HUC counterpart she (and Seras) is still nice at the core... in a very, ''very'' strange way.
* {{BFG}}: [[spoiler:Onion uses a paint ''cannon'' against Seras. He doesn't actually get her eliminated, but he does shake her away.]]
* {{Bowdlerize}}: The recap of ''Hecksing'' is rather simplified and leaves out some of the more violent details, yet it still mentions death. (Understandable, as to explain what happened to [[spoiler:Alucard, Integra, and Kamina]].) Zorin isn't mentioned at all, although she does appear in a would-be scene. The worst offender is the fact that the foursome between Carl, Seras, Rip, and Zorin is referred to as a ''negotiation'', though in Seras's defense she was recapping with Steven as her audience. And she generally seems uncomfterable with admitting to this.
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* ContinuityPorn: Just about every character[[note]]The mayor is an exception, but he gets a quick nod at the beginning. Fryman himself also doesn't appear in spite of all three of his sons being present, and as a nod to this he does appear in a non-canon story the author posted on his profile.[[/note]] who has appeared in the first seven episodes has showed up in some way, particularly playing a role in the third game.
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* ContinuityPorn: ContinuityPorn:
** Just about every character[[note]]The mayor is an exception, but he gets a quick nod at the beginning. Fryman himself also doesn't appear in spite of all three of his sons being present, and as a nod to this he does appear in a non-canon story the author posted on his profile.[[/note]] who has appeared in the first seven episodes has showed up in some way, particularly playing a role in the thirdgame.game.
** The author loves ''King of the Hill''. Not only is the paintball idea taken from it, not only does Hellsing share the "loud and annoying" bit that [[TeensAreMonsters the teens]] did, (only Hellsing didn't actually bully anybody, they were just extremely obnoxious and Carl set the stakes up high enough to get the Gems interested) not only does Amethyst flat-out suggest one of the strategies that Hank and the guys used in the episode this was based on, [[spoiler:but Hank himself appears and gives the Gems the same general strategy of studying the enemy before the final battle.]]
** Just about every character[[note]]The mayor is an exception, but he gets a quick nod at the beginning. Fryman himself also doesn't appear in spite of all three of his sons being present, and as a nod to this he does appear in a non-canon story the author posted on his profile.[[/note]] who has appeared in the first seven episodes has showed up in some way, particularly playing a role in the third
** The author loves ''King of the Hill''. Not only is the paintball idea taken from it, not only does Hellsing share the "loud and annoying" bit that [[TeensAreMonsters the teens]] did, (only Hellsing didn't actually bully anybody, they were just extremely obnoxious and Carl set the stakes up high enough to get the Gems interested) not only does Amethyst flat-out suggest one of the strategies that Hank and the guys used in the episode this was based on, [[spoiler:but Hank himself appears and gives the Gems the same general strategy of studying the enemy before the final battle.]]
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* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Him and Connie ranting to Carl at the end is reminisent to a couple telling off their child for misbehaving, minus the whole "[[spoiler:you lost so get out of Beach City]]" bit.
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* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Him Steven and Connie ranting to Carl at the end is reminisent to a couple telling off their child for misbehaving, minus the whole "[[spoiler:you lost so get out of Beach City]]" bit.
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** Each member of the Crystal Gems also has a "foil" member of Hellsing to which they primarly target. [[spoiler:And the member of Hellsing corresponds to their respective Gem's plan in terms of what eliminates them in the third round.]] Steven has Carl, Pearl has Rip, Amethyst has Seras, and Garnet has Captain. With Amethyst and Pearl's "rivals" switches, these lineups also fit them the most in terms of their personalities in the story. (Steven and Carl are central leads yet polar opposites; Pearl and Seras are the most uptight out of their groups; Rip and Amethyst are the most [[{{Troll}} troll-ish]]; and Captain and Garnet are silent, powerful, and have the most experience. And arguably Rose Quartz to Alucard, as they are both aces who are dead by the events of the story.)
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** Each member of the Crystal Gems also has a "foil" member of Hellsing to which they primarly target. [[spoiler:And the member of Hellsing corresponds to their respective Gem's plan in terms of what eliminates them in the third round.]] Steven has Carl, Pearl has Rip, Amethyst has Seras, and Garnet has Captain. With Amethyst and Pearl's "rivals" switches, these lineups also fit them the most in terms of their personalities in the story. (Steven and Carl are central leads yet polar opposites; Pearl and Seras are the most uptight out of their groups; Rip and Amethyst are the most [[{{Troll}} troll-ish]]; and Captain and Garnet are silent, powerful, and have the most experience. And arguably Rose Quartz to Alucard, as they are both aces who [[spoiler:who are dead by the events of the story.story]].)
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** [[spoiler:Steven's own BatmanGambit in the final match had some leadup to it. Like his reaction to finding out what train he and Carl ''were'' fighting on top of: He's in complete horror about the incident.]]
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** [[spoiler:Steven's own BatmanGambit in the final match had some leadup to it. Like his reaction to finding out what train he and Carl ''were'' fighting on top of: of. He's in complete horror about the incident.]]
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* GRatedDrug: Carl's "heavy stuff." and his "tiger's blood."
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** To a different story. [[spoiler:When first meeting Hank, Steven asks if he's an angel. In ''Crconikals'', which takes place in the same world as this, Hank isn't exactly an ''[[OurAngelsAreDifferent angel]]'' (as Walter shows, they are something completely different), but he is a [[LightEmUp part-light]] being. The kicker? His introduction is from Steven seeing him behind a ''sun''.]]
* GRatedDrug: Carl's "heavy stuff."and And his "tiger's blood."
* GRatedDrug: Carl's "heavy stuff."
** This is a pseudo-sequel to ''Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals''. As the majority of ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals'' [[WordOfGod (until season six)]] is AnotherSideAnotherStory, this is pretty much the closest thing HUC has to a direct sequel so far. Or rather, an interquel, counting the DistantFinale.
** The Gems end up watching ''The Eds' [=EDventure=]'', ''Kids Fit the Trolls'', ''Sweet Jade and Hella John'', and ''Total Zeksmit Plains'', as mentioned on FakeCrossover.
** [[spoiler:While Hank and Rip have yet to meet in person onscreen in ''Crconikals'', their rivalry from ''Sweet Jade and Hella John'' is implied here, with Hank talking about a certain opera singer. Speaking of Hank, he's now confirmed to be a powerful, magic being. It is not known if he still is here.]]
** The Mario and Luigi masks from Jan and Luke's attack also make a return.
** The Gems end up watching ''The Eds' [=EDventure=]'', ''Kids Fit the Trolls'', ''Sweet Jade and Hella John'', and ''Total Zeksmit Plains'', as mentioned on FakeCrossover.
** [[spoiler:While Hank and Rip have yet to meet in person onscreen in ''Crconikals'', their rivalry from ''Sweet Jade and Hella John'' is implied here, with Hank talking about a certain opera singer. Speaking of Hank, he's now confirmed to be a powerful, magic being. It is not known if he still is here.]]
** The Mario and Luigi masks from Jan and Luke's attack also make a return.
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* SelfDeprecation: An entire paragraph is devoted to mocking ''Total Zeksmit''. (As it appears as a ShowWithinAShow; it's not stated outright that it is TZ, but the line that is heard is the same line Ezekiel says at the very beginning, word for word. Right down to calling himself Zeksmit.) Specifically, it insults Ezekiel and the show's general pacing, and mentions that the "hiatus" it entered after only three episodes should end soon[[note]]The hiatus this was based on, the "Something New Hiatus," technically ended as soon as ''Carl Stevens Universe'' itself came out, as (given by the name) working on TZ would resume after Pikmin Fan published something new[[/note]]. The partial irony is that ''Steven Universe'' itself entered hiatus after three and a half episodes work of [[ThreeShorts short pairs]].
* SeriousBusiness: The two groups have a ''paintball match'' determining which of them leaves the city permanently.
** And according to Carl, it isn't a regular match. It's "''Ed'' Paintball," meaning "almost anything goes." This includes battles on the top of trains.
* SeriousBusiness: The two groups have a ''paintball match'' determining which of them leaves the city permanently.
** And according to Carl, it isn't a regular match. It's "''Ed'' Paintball," meaning "almost anything goes." This includes battles on the top of trains.
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* SelfDeprecation: An entire paragraph is devoted to mocking ''Total Zeksmit''. (As it appears as a ShowWithinAShow; it's not stated outright that it is TZ, but the line that is heard is the same line Ezekiel says at the very beginning, word for word. Right down to calling himself Zeksmit.) Specifically, it insults Ezekiel and the show's general pacing, and mentions that the "hiatus" it entered after only three episodes should end soon[[note]]The hiatus this was based on, the "Something New Hiatus," technically ended as soon as ''Carl Stevens Universe'' itself came out, as (given by the name) working on TZ would resume after Pikmin Fan published something new[[/note]]. The partial irony is that ''Steven Universe'' itself entered hiatus after three and a half episodes work worth of [[ThreeShorts short pairs]].
* SeriousBusiness: The two groups have a ''paintball match'' determining which of them leaves the citypermanently.
**permanently. And according to Carl, it isn't a regular match. It's "''Ed'' Paintball," meaning "almost anything goes." This includes battles on the top of trains.
* SeriousBusiness: The two groups have a ''paintball match'' determining which of them leaves the city
**
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* ShowerOfAkward: Mixed with ShowerOfAngst. During said trope, Rip yanks the curtains back, and Carl get embarassed to find that Captain is there too. (He doesn't mind Rip of Seras's presense, as... well, they've outright slept together.)
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One YMMV move, another invokation. And adding stuff.
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* FauxSymbolism: Played for laughs during [[spoiler:Hank Hill's cameo]], where he first shows up from behind a bright light, giving him an angelic appearance.
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* FakeCrossover: While flipping channels, the Gems come across a number of Pikmin Fan's past works as television programs; the channel numbers corresponding to the order they came out. In order: ''The Eds' [=EDventure=]'', ''Kids Fit the Trolls'', ''Sweet Jade and Hella John'', and ''Total Zeksmit Plains''.
* FauxSymbolism:Played Invoked for laughs during [[spoiler:Hank Hill's cameo]], where he first shows up from behind a bright light, giving him an angelic appearance.
* FauxSymbolism:
* GRatedDrug: Carl's "heavy stuff." and his "tiger's blood."
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* SpoiledByTheFormat: The paintball matches are best two out of three. While [[spoiler:Hellsing losing the first wasn't too predictable]], even in the middle of the second match when [[spoiler:half of the Gems have been eliminated]] there's a second chapter and the first is almost over. You know what that means: A long, tie-breaking third round.
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Not counting Unpublished Works and — the important part — going off the top of my head, I believe this is troper work page number... seven. Counting all of SBIG as one.
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''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936851/1/Carl-Stevens-Universe Carl Stevens Universe]]'' is a ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'' crossover fan fiction by @/GreatPikminFan, his fourteenth story overall and slightly part of the ''[[FanFic/SBIGSeries Crconikals]]'' continuity. Unlike ''Crconikals'', however, this is not a StylisticSuck work, and any typoes one might find are by complete and utter accident. That doesn't mean it's not a CrackFic, however; the main work being crossed over is ''Manga/{{Hellsing}}'', or particularly, ''FanFic/HecksingUlumateCrconikals''.
Taking place nearly three years after the events of HUC's first twelve chapters, [[ParodySue Carl,]] [[HighHeelFaceTurn Rip,]] and [[ButtMonkey Seras]] decide to move to Beach City for a chain of reasons. Seras doesn't like Carl's newfound habit of practicing his sonic wave guitar practically daily (as a [[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire vampire]], that's when she sleeps) and due to the lack of getting paid for taking out supernatural forces now that London has another chain that deals with them better and faster than Hellsing, she can't get any special sound-proofing material for her room. Rip, and likely Carl, just want a place with monsters to fight. And thus the trio moves to Beach City, and believe they find themselves a goldmine when it comes to the monsters that frequent the particular place. For them, it's all a path of heroism, music making, and (mostly for Carl) self-assumed fame....
But for the Beach City residents, it's a path of loud music in the dead of night and one extremely obnoxious Martian vampire who seems to be unable to make a compromise. To make matters worse, the higher-ups have been bribed by Carl to leave them alone. Which leaves the Crystal Gems to step in, but the only way Carl would accept a shake in what he wants to be the status quo is if he, Seras, Rip, and a familiar of the Captain will take on the four Gems in a match of paintball.
!! This fan fiction has examples of:
* AdaptationInducedPlotHole: Hellsing's backstory is the events of HUC, except everyone's portrayed closer to their canon characterizations. Considering how much of the plot was driven by everyone being incompetant morons, (Doctor not firing Rip because he found her hot; Rip and Zorin joining Hellsing because they found ''Carl'' hot; and that's not getting into the events that are just flat-out stupid like [[spoiler:Alucard dying because his ''tank'' '''stalled on him''']]) several bits of the backstory become mysterious. Rip was about to give a lengthy, detailed recap before Carl interrupts her and gets Seras to do a rather shortened summary that doesn't really deal with these.
* AdaptationalVillainy: Carl. Captain too, being more dead-set and stoic than his SBIG counterpart. (Though he still seems friendly and is generally a better sport about the paintball games than the other three, so he ''could'' also fit under AdaptationalHeroism compared to HUC.) Seras and Rip notably avoid this, while Rip is more rude than her HUC counterpart she (and Seras) is still nice at the core... in a very, ''very'' strange way.
* AlternativeCharacterInterpretation: In-universe. The beginning shows Carl as being a trigger-happy music-themed guy who -- green skin and antenne aside -- actually ''does'' seem like he would fit alongside the average ''Hellsing'' character. Contrast to his appearance in HUC (and later in this very story), where one of his main gimmicks is how he sticks out of the cast (even their deliberately derailed incarnations) like a sore thumb.
* BatmanGambit: The Gems' plans for the third match is almost entirely dependant on Hellsing behaving the exact way they thought they would, considering how much of the town had been set to make traps for them. Steven's plan is '''very much''' reliant on [[spoiler:Carl both thinking Hank "accidentally" hiding behind a newspaper and taking the idea, as well as ''just so happening'' to grab the right book. Also, Steven's plan is reliant on the other Gems eliminating Seras, Rip, and Captain first, ''before the train is scheduled to arrive at a very specific time''.]]
* BigNo: Carl's reaction when he finds out [[spoiler:that the book he tried to hide behind was coated in wet paint, eliminating him on a LoopholeAbuse]].
* BiggerOnTheInside: Beach City itself is portrayed like this through implication, as its train station quickly leads out over a huge ''metropolis''. This is never explored directly within the events of the story, and in fact the only character to go there is [[spoiler:Amethyst -- by paintball-powered air travel. And possibly Garnet too, if a little more willingly.]]
* BitchInSheepsClothing: While the rest of Hellsing (at least Seras and the Captain) ''could'' be [[JerkWithAHeartOfGold Jerks With Hearts of Gold]], Carl is definitely this. He seems like an [[TheAce Ace]], but under that is a loud an obnoxious musician... and under ''that'' is a cold guy who has a rather strong reaction to "being cheated" and loves inducing overkill, and under ''that'' is a perverted sleaze who hits on every woman he sees, including [[spoiler:Peggy Hill.]]
* TheCameo: [[spoiler:[[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill Hank Hill]] appears thrice. First to help the Gems come up with a way to outsmart Hellsing, second when Carl was trying to hit on Peggy, and third to give Steven a refill for his paintball gun.]]
* CargoShip: [[invoked]]Carl ''really'' likes his electric sonic wave guitar, and cries over it after it gets destroyed. [[spoiler:This is all an act he invokes so that he can eliminate the opposing team; it works on Amethyst]].
* ChekhovsGun: When the Gems are studying for Hellsing's weaknesses over the three days between the second and final games, their notes seem fairly obvious as to how they will play. However, [[spoiler:when Steven is searching on Carl, he notes ''two'' things: His disrespect towards women, and dislike to literature. Carl's demise? He yanks a book from Connie that was deliberately covered in paint at part of a disguise, instantly eliminating himself before he gets the chance to fire at Steven.]]
-->'''Steven:''' [[spoiler:How can you shoot at me... when you're already dead?]]
* ColorCodedForYourConvenience: In the games, Hellsing as a whole is associated with teal, while the Gems are associated as a whole with tyrian-pink. WordOfGod said in ''Webcomic/SweetJadeAndHellaJohn'' that those were his favorite two colors.
* ContinuityNod:
** While coming up with strategies for the third round, Amethyst suggests using someone as bait. This doesn't go through. Sending in someone as "bait" was done in the ''King of the Hill'' episode this was based on, with Bill serving that role in question.
** Steven [[spoiler:utilizing Carl's disrespect to books and girls was faintly similar to Hank utilizing teenager's resrespect to people in uniform, only instead of serving as a distraction for the good guy to know where the bad guy is, it's an insta-elimination for the bad guy.]]
* ContinuityPorn: Just about every character[[note]]The mayor is an exception, but he gets a quick nod at the beginning. Fryman himself also doesn't appear in spite of all three of his sons being present, and as a nod to this he does appear in a non-canon story the author posted on his profile.[[/note]] who has appeared in the first seven episodes has showed up in some way, particularly playing a role in the third game.
* CurbStompBattle: A variant from what one might expect: [[spoiler:The Crystal Gems utterly ''floor'' Hellsing at the beginning. Pissed, they train up in the resulting three days while the Gems feel they have almost nothing to worry about, and as a result the second match in one-sided on Hellsing's ''favor''. That's when the know-your-enemy tactacs from the Gems begin, however Hellsing is still just as competant -- if not better -- than before.]]
* CrackFic: WordOfGod says that the pun regarding the title was the ''only'' reason for coming up with this idea, and for actually going through with it.
* CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass: To the perspective of the Beach City citizens, Hellsing seems like a complete joke at first; Carl falls off of the motorcycle in their introduction, their army is composed entirely of VideoGame/{{Pikmin}} (who look like [[http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130629222013/pikmin/images/f/f5/Pikmin_types_-_Flower.png this]]), and Carl and Rip are a rock-obsessed idiot and a childish opera fan respectively. Amethyst even ''laughs her ass off'' when they first meet. Then they're shown in action... [[spoiler:And even then, they're ''terrible'' at paintball before training.]]
** Carl specifically, especially given how he's unable to contribute in the battle against the EldritchAbomination at the beginning due to not getting his Sonic Wave Guitar yet.
* DespairEventHorizon: [[spoiler:All of the Gems bar Steven are at the point of giving up after getting curb-stomped by Hellsing in the second match ''and'' seeing the news report where Carl kills an "Eternity Wraith." Amethyst even considers bailing out on the third game alltogether, finding it to be pointless and a needless ''life-risk''. It's implied Steven himself would have been broken had nobody came up with any advice on how to win the third match, before Hank comes along.]]
* DevelopmentGag: Carl [[spoiler:almost getting killed by a train is not only a nod to Charlie Sheen's ''Series/TwoAndAHalfMen'' character getting brutally McLeaned, but also to an idea of an alternate ending to HUC where Pip would turn out to be alive, and kill Carl by pushing him in front of a train]].
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Him and Connie ranting to Carl at the end is reminisent to a couple telling off their child for misbehaving, minus the whole "[[spoiler:you lost so get out of Beach City]]" bit.
-->'''Great Pikmin Fan:''' Demonstraiting Carl's complete lack of maturity and resemblance of a 13 year old's self insert AND toying around with random ship teasing! Two birds one stone.
* DoorStopper: Averted; this was originally going to be this when it was a single-chapter, but the sheer length prompted the author to ''split'' the story.
* EldritchAbomination: The giant white thing that attacks the Gems' temple. It's also an {{Expy}} of Slender-mode Aranea from ''Webcomic/SweetJadeAndHellaJohn''.
* EveryoneHasStandards: [[spoiler:Steven actually saves Carl's life near the end, even though during the game it's clear that Carl doesn't really give a damn about anyone else's lives (as seen when eliminating Amethyst; he shoots her at point blank range ''sending her flying off the train'') and only does most of his crime fighting for fame. He refuses to let him die. But he does tell him to get the hell out of Beach City right after.]]
* FauxSymbolism: Played for laughs during [[spoiler:Hank Hill's cameo]], where he first shows up from behind a bright light, giving him an angelic appearance.
-->'''Steven:''' Are you an angel?\\
[[spoiler:'''Hank:''' No, but I work with God's gas. Hank Hill, assistant manager of Strickland Propane.]]
* {{Foil}}:
** Compare Seras to Rip. While Rip revels in destruction, mostly supports Carl's actions and openly stops him when he gets too obnoxious, and overall acts as a troll, Seras is for some reason ''still'' very often pushed around, hates it when Carl annoys others but just rolls with it, doesn't like using her powers unless it's needed, and is the most sensable out of Hellsing's survivors.
** Each member of the Crystal Gems also has a "foil" member of Hellsing to which they primarly target. [[spoiler:And the member of Hellsing corresponds to their respective Gem's plan in terms of what eliminates them in the third round.]] Steven has Carl, Pearl has Rip, Amethyst has Seras, and Garnet has Captain. With Amethyst and Pearl's "rivals" switches, these lineups also fit them the most in terms of their personalities in the story. (Steven and Carl are central leads yet polar opposites; Pearl and Seras are the most uptight out of their groups; Rip and Amethyst are the most [[{{Troll}} troll-ish]]; and Captain and Garnet are silent, powerful, and have the most experience. And arguably Rose Quartz to Alucard, as they are both aces who are dead by the events of the story.)
* {{Foreshadowing}}:
** [[spoiler:Steven's own BatmanGambit in the final match had some leadup to it. Like his reaction to finding out what train he and Carl ''were'' fighting on top of: He's in complete horror about the incident.]]
** Less than halfway through the first chapter, Carl says [[spoiler:"Oh, also, books aren't exactly my best friends" after Steven suggests that he should get into reading. Guess how he gets eliminated?]]
* GoshDangItToHeck: When Seras confronts Amethyst in the third match:
-->'''Seras:''' I know this is your doing! Show yourself, you... you... you're a coward, do you know that?\\
'''Amethyst:''' Some talk! Didn't you used to be one yourself?\\
'''Seras:''' I used to be a cop!\\
'''Amethyst:''' Yeah, I know. And like I always say...\\
* [[spoiler:Numerous people appear from under the bleachers, all armed with paintball guns of their own.]]*\\
'''Amethyst:''' Forget the police! Well, that's not what I always say but there's kids around and-
* {{Irony}}: [[spoiler:Rip's final elimination takes place in a dark forest, where she seemed to feel at home while stalking Pearl there in the third round. Seras's elimination happened ''surrounded'' by humans, even though thanks to this AU's backstory she's the most IJustWantToBeNormal of the four. Carl, a borderline Hollywood fanatic, is eliminated in a "big" spot: a train over a huge city.]]
* JerkassHasAPoint: Why Beach City puts up with Hellsing (really just Carl) more than they would otherwise; because they actually helped the Gems in their first appearance.
* KillerRabbit: Hellsing's Pikmin soldiers, apparantly.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** Carl says that he'll bet his stay in Beach City with the Gems' over any game ending with "--ball." His examples are football ("The American kind, the other kind is 'soccer' and don't you forget it"), basketball, and baseball. Steven (by accident) choses paintball, which Carl is openly surprised at before rolling with it and allowing it as the ''only'' competition.
** "Touch paint, and you're out." [[spoiler:The paint doesn't have to even come from the Gems; as before the third match, they got the various citizens to help out, which they then ambush Seras. And this loophole is used ''again'' when Carl is tricked into touching a book stained in still-wet paint, which is counted as an elimination.]]
* MythologyGag: The ''entire'' story.
* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast: The "Eternity Wraith," a creature that -- whatever it is -- was promtptly [[TheWorfEffect killed by Pikmin.]]
* NewspaperThinDisguise: Exploited. Steven makes [[spoiler:Hank Hill do this, and act surprised by this, so that Carl will be convinced to use a similar technique to try to hide himself from Steven after outrunning him.]]
* OffTheRails:
** "Ed Paintball" is this to paintball in general by design. According to Carl, "Ed ____" is whatever "____" (any game; fill in the blank) is but without "a ton of restrictions." In the case of paintball, it allows unlimited range, gun customization, and the only rule is "if you touch paint, you're out."
** [[spoiler:The Gems ''completely'' derail Hellsing's plans in the third round, by simply avoiding the usual forest for the most part.]]
* OnlySaneMan:
** Seras appears to be one of the only characters with complete rationality, [[WhatDoesSheSeeInHim affection for Carl aside.]]
** This is Pearl's depiction. She seems disgusted at Hellsing on their first impression alone (''especially'' Carl), and openly objects to the idea of betting whether the Gems or Hellsing leaves based on a ''paintball match''.
** Connie's oppinions towards Hellsing seem like a standard reaction to noisy neighbors. Her refusal to [[spoiler:go into the football stadium and ambush Seras there along with most of town]] also implies a lower revenge drive.
* PaintballEpisode: The story boils down to this.
* PaperThinDisguise:
** Seras and Rip try this with the [[ContinuityNod return]] of [[FanFic/HecksingUlumateCrconikals the Mario and Luigi masks,]] using them to sneak into a movie they've been explicitely banned from. It doesn't work.
** Carl tries this during the train portion (the one the battle takes place on, not the one [[spoiler:it was following close behind that he almost gets killed by]]), hiding himself among the crowd by holding Connie's ''Wrinkle in Time'' book up to his face. This ''does'' work, despite somehow being an even crappier disguise and how his green skin, antenne, and arguably muscular build give him away. [[spoiler:Then again, seeing as the book was a trap (coated in wet paint), Steven letting him go was likely intentional.]]
* ParodySue: Carl keeps this up, even in a setting where most of the characters hate him. His music is even described as being legitimately good, it's just that he plays it too ''loud''. In the middle of the night.
* {{Polyamory}}: Carl is explicitely stated to have both Seras and Rip as his girlfriends. Nobody makes a comment about this.
* PosthumousCharacter: Everyone who died from HUC.
* PrecisionFStrike: Given near the end. It's a more minor swear -- which was part of Hellsing itself's name -- but it's still notable considering all the GoshDangItToHeck present:
-->[[spoiler:'''Carl:''' But still... you saved my life... is there anything I can do to repay you?]]\\
[[spoiler:'''Steven:''' Yes... BY GETTING THE ''HELL'' OUT OF BEACH CITY!]]
* RunningGag:
** Carl losing track of time. [[RuleOfThree Happens thrice.]] Whenever another character (Garnet, Lars, Rip) reminds him, he looks up at the sky and says "''Shoot''. I gotta lay off the heavy stuff."
** Carl refering to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl by the wrong names. At one point he calls the second "Indigo," which as she points out isn't even the name of a gemstone (unlike most of his previous name-messups). Averted with Steven; he just calls him (and, [[AmbiguousSyntax confusingly]], Connie) "Kid."
* SelfDeprecation: An entire paragraph is devoted to mocking ''Total Zeksmit''. (As it appears as a ShowWithinAShow; it's not stated outright that it is TZ, but the line that is heard is the same line Ezekiel says at the very beginning, word for word. Right down to calling himself Zeksmit.) Specifically, it insults Ezekiel and the show's general pacing, and mentions that the "hiatus" it entered after only three episodes should end soon[[note]]The hiatus this was based on, the "Something New Hiatus," technically ended as soon as ''Carl Stevens Universe'' itself came out, as (given by the name) working on TZ would resume after Pikmin Fan published something new[[/note]]. The partial irony is that ''Steven Universe'' itself entered hiatus after three and a half episodes work of [[ThreeShorts short pairs]].
* SeriousBusiness: The two groups have a ''paintball match'' determining which of them leaves the city permanently.
** And according to Carl, it isn't a regular match. It's "''Ed'' Paintball," meaning "almost anything goes." This includes battles on the top of trains.
* ShapedLikeItself: Carl calls his matches "Challenging challenges."
* ShoutOut:
** From the second match: [[Manga/{{Naruto}} "Art is an explosion!"]][[note]]Carl using the anime dub-translation was likely done to fit his character.[[/note]]
** The scene of Rip stalking Pearl through the woods is similar to ''VideoGame/{{Slender}}'', complete with a similar building to that seen in the center of the woods of the original game.
* ShowerOfAngst: Carl has one [[spoiler:after losing the first match]] and shortly after that figuring out that he's hated by almost everyone outside of London, played for laughs.
* SpoiledByTheFormat: The paintball matches are best two out of three. While [[spoiler:Hellsing losing the first wasn't too predictable]], even in the middle of the second match when [[spoiler:half of the Gems have been eliminated]] there's a second chapter and the first is almost over. You know what that means: A long, tie-breaking third round.
* StealthPun: The title. ''Carl Stevens Universe''. Put in an apostraphe, and you have ''Carl Steven's Universe''. Fitting as Carl is very much designed as a ParodyStu and he would naturally think he owns the universe.
* SuddenlyVoiced: Inverted; this is the first time the Captain is actually ''silent''. He resorts to writing to Sadie, though.
* TalkingIsAFreeAction: Subverted. Towards the climax of the story, [[spoiler:both Steven and Amethyst have an open shot at Carl while he is weeping at his broken guitar. They stand there in confusion, ''then'' ready to aim... only to find that they are both out of ammo.]]
* TestosteronePoisoning: Everything Carl does, natch. It's revealed that Hellsing apparantly navigates across from country to country in a motorcycle (playing [[VideoGame/FZero the Mute City]] theme from ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBros'', natch) so fast that even the Crystal Gems are unable to really ''do'' anything about it at first.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill: In general, there's players from both groups who enjoy shooting others with paint far more than they should. Or using other methods of weapondry. Like puppets that ''explode in a huge blast of it''.
* TimeSkip: Takes place over two years and ten months after chapters 1-12 of ''Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals'', matching the day it takes place up to essentially the same date it was published.[[note]]HUC may have ''started'' on September 2011, but it ''takes place'' in February of the same year.[[/note]]
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: The end to the game. Buff Martian runs through a train car and tries to hide himself with a book, while a boy runs in. [[spoiler:Martian shoots the boy with paint, before boy tells Martian he's already dead. Martian looks at hands and finds that they're slightly pink. Martian overreacts by falling to his knees and shouting at the ceiling of the train. Connie doesn't say anything for that part, and nobody else is even ''there''. Then again, seeing as there was some extent to which this part was staged for Carl to be eliminated, this was likely invoked.]]
-->'''Great Pikmin Fan:''' So, regarding Connie. I'm tempted to write a third chapter to this that shows the ending scene from her perspective. I mean, how would you feel if a guy who looked like a football-playing knockoff of WesternAnimation/InvaderZim (or a green CharlieSheen) stole your book, [[spoiler:shot a kid you knew with teal paint, got told he was dead, then looked at his hands and then acted like he was in a bad soap opera and his wife died or something, all because his fingers were covered in tyrian paint? Well, granted, said kid would have told you to paint the book first so you might have been expecting something, but still.]]
* WalkingSpoiler:
** [[spoiler:Hank and Peggy Hill make brief cameoes. This is intended to be unexpected, making mere ''mentions'' of either of them this.]]
** [[spoiler:Given how she doesn't come into play in the story until '''contributing to Carl's elimination and ending the entire game''', Connie is essentially this.]]
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: This doesn't have anything really resembling an epilogue. (According to the author, this was deliberate on his part, in a sort of experiment.) So, we don't know the following:
** Where Hellsing ''goes'' after they leave Beach City. If HUC's epilogue is any indication, it's London. Or at least they settle for London in 2041.
** Generally the fates of the Gems after they [[spoiler:each get eliminated one by one in the third round.]] What happens to Pearl and Greg after [[spoiler:the train takes off]] and what happens to Garnet after she [[spoiler:jumps off said train]] seem obvious, but Amethyst's fate isn't: [[spoiler:she's shot by Carl with enough force to throw her off a bridge suspended high above a city. Granted, in the show she survived getting tossed at a giant metal eye and falling into the ocean multiple times, but the ambiguity....]]
** [[spoiler:Whether or not Garnet, Amethyst, and/or Pearl believe that Steven's plan worked or if they think Hellsing left for some other reason is never adressed, even though Steven discussing this with Connie was the final conversation before the story ends.]]
** Straighter example: Rip threatens to break Carl's guitar if he doesn't join her, Seras, and Captain in training for the second and third matches, and Carl goes on regardless of the threat because he knows it will work out. However, he says that if it doesn't work, he'll come up with some form of retribution for her threatening to break an instrument he liked so much. [[spoiler:While they win the second match, they lose the third one. Carl's "payback" never comes up again. Which is odd because Rip (and Seras) appear next to him in the end.]]
* WholePlotReference: [[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill "The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteburg."]] [[spoiler:Hank himself appears. Thrice, even, though the second was hardly anything plot significant. (Though ''Peggy's appearance'' from said second scene was arguably ''more'' important.)]]
* TheWorfEffect: Invoked. Hellsing completely dwarfs the Crystal Gems in almost every way at first, as they are able to trump the EldritchAbomination attacking the temple, and [[spoiler:in the second match they prove themselves to be so good at stealth and, most importantly, ''speed'', that it leaves all of them but Steven completely hopeless.]] To hammer this in, when Steven unveils his plan given to him by [[spoiler:Hank Hill]] for the third match, the others return from a battle with a planet-sized beast made of fire. They were able to take '''''that''''' down but Hellsing ''still'' left them hopeless and dumbfounded.
* WouldHurtAChild: [[spoiler:Carl is an ''asshole'' to Steven. Like when he blows up a huge paint-filled puppet in the second match, giving way more overkill than needed.]]
Taking place nearly three years after the events of HUC's first twelve chapters, [[ParodySue Carl,]] [[HighHeelFaceTurn Rip,]] and [[ButtMonkey Seras]] decide to move to Beach City for a chain of reasons. Seras doesn't like Carl's newfound habit of practicing his sonic wave guitar practically daily (as a [[FriendlyNeighborhoodVampire vampire]], that's when she sleeps) and due to the lack of getting paid for taking out supernatural forces now that London has another chain that deals with them better and faster than Hellsing, she can't get any special sound-proofing material for her room. Rip, and likely Carl, just want a place with monsters to fight. And thus the trio moves to Beach City, and believe they find themselves a goldmine when it comes to the monsters that frequent the particular place. For them, it's all a path of heroism, music making, and (mostly for Carl) self-assumed fame....
But for the Beach City residents, it's a path of loud music in the dead of night and one extremely obnoxious Martian vampire who seems to be unable to make a compromise. To make matters worse, the higher-ups have been bribed by Carl to leave them alone. Which leaves the Crystal Gems to step in, but the only way Carl would accept a shake in what he wants to be the status quo is if he, Seras, Rip, and a familiar of the Captain will take on the four Gems in a match of paintball.
!! This fan fiction has examples of:
* AdaptationInducedPlotHole: Hellsing's backstory is the events of HUC, except everyone's portrayed closer to their canon characterizations. Considering how much of the plot was driven by everyone being incompetant morons, (Doctor not firing Rip because he found her hot; Rip and Zorin joining Hellsing because they found ''Carl'' hot; and that's not getting into the events that are just flat-out stupid like [[spoiler:Alucard dying because his ''tank'' '''stalled on him''']]) several bits of the backstory become mysterious. Rip was about to give a lengthy, detailed recap before Carl interrupts her and gets Seras to do a rather shortened summary that doesn't really deal with these.
* AdaptationalVillainy: Carl. Captain too, being more dead-set and stoic than his SBIG counterpart. (Though he still seems friendly and is generally a better sport about the paintball games than the other three, so he ''could'' also fit under AdaptationalHeroism compared to HUC.) Seras and Rip notably avoid this, while Rip is more rude than her HUC counterpart she (and Seras) is still nice at the core... in a very, ''very'' strange way.
* AlternativeCharacterInterpretation: In-universe. The beginning shows Carl as being a trigger-happy music-themed guy who -- green skin and antenne aside -- actually ''does'' seem like he would fit alongside the average ''Hellsing'' character. Contrast to his appearance in HUC (and later in this very story), where one of his main gimmicks is how he sticks out of the cast (even their deliberately derailed incarnations) like a sore thumb.
* BatmanGambit: The Gems' plans for the third match is almost entirely dependant on Hellsing behaving the exact way they thought they would, considering how much of the town had been set to make traps for them. Steven's plan is '''very much''' reliant on [[spoiler:Carl both thinking Hank "accidentally" hiding behind a newspaper and taking the idea, as well as ''just so happening'' to grab the right book. Also, Steven's plan is reliant on the other Gems eliminating Seras, Rip, and Captain first, ''before the train is scheduled to arrive at a very specific time''.]]
* BigNo: Carl's reaction when he finds out [[spoiler:that the book he tried to hide behind was coated in wet paint, eliminating him on a LoopholeAbuse]].
* BiggerOnTheInside: Beach City itself is portrayed like this through implication, as its train station quickly leads out over a huge ''metropolis''. This is never explored directly within the events of the story, and in fact the only character to go there is [[spoiler:Amethyst -- by paintball-powered air travel. And possibly Garnet too, if a little more willingly.]]
* BitchInSheepsClothing: While the rest of Hellsing (at least Seras and the Captain) ''could'' be [[JerkWithAHeartOfGold Jerks With Hearts of Gold]], Carl is definitely this. He seems like an [[TheAce Ace]], but under that is a loud an obnoxious musician... and under ''that'' is a cold guy who has a rather strong reaction to "being cheated" and loves inducing overkill, and under ''that'' is a perverted sleaze who hits on every woman he sees, including [[spoiler:Peggy Hill.]]
* TheCameo: [[spoiler:[[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill Hank Hill]] appears thrice. First to help the Gems come up with a way to outsmart Hellsing, second when Carl was trying to hit on Peggy, and third to give Steven a refill for his paintball gun.]]
* CargoShip: [[invoked]]Carl ''really'' likes his electric sonic wave guitar, and cries over it after it gets destroyed. [[spoiler:This is all an act he invokes so that he can eliminate the opposing team; it works on Amethyst]].
* ChekhovsGun: When the Gems are studying for Hellsing's weaknesses over the three days between the second and final games, their notes seem fairly obvious as to how they will play. However, [[spoiler:when Steven is searching on Carl, he notes ''two'' things: His disrespect towards women, and dislike to literature. Carl's demise? He yanks a book from Connie that was deliberately covered in paint at part of a disguise, instantly eliminating himself before he gets the chance to fire at Steven.]]
-->'''Steven:''' [[spoiler:How can you shoot at me... when you're already dead?]]
* ColorCodedForYourConvenience: In the games, Hellsing as a whole is associated with teal, while the Gems are associated as a whole with tyrian-pink. WordOfGod said in ''Webcomic/SweetJadeAndHellaJohn'' that those were his favorite two colors.
* ContinuityNod:
** While coming up with strategies for the third round, Amethyst suggests using someone as bait. This doesn't go through. Sending in someone as "bait" was done in the ''King of the Hill'' episode this was based on, with Bill serving that role in question.
** Steven [[spoiler:utilizing Carl's disrespect to books and girls was faintly similar to Hank utilizing teenager's resrespect to people in uniform, only instead of serving as a distraction for the good guy to know where the bad guy is, it's an insta-elimination for the bad guy.]]
* ContinuityPorn: Just about every character[[note]]The mayor is an exception, but he gets a quick nod at the beginning. Fryman himself also doesn't appear in spite of all three of his sons being present, and as a nod to this he does appear in a non-canon story the author posted on his profile.[[/note]] who has appeared in the first seven episodes has showed up in some way, particularly playing a role in the third game.
* CurbStompBattle: A variant from what one might expect: [[spoiler:The Crystal Gems utterly ''floor'' Hellsing at the beginning. Pissed, they train up in the resulting three days while the Gems feel they have almost nothing to worry about, and as a result the second match in one-sided on Hellsing's ''favor''. That's when the know-your-enemy tactacs from the Gems begin, however Hellsing is still just as competant -- if not better -- than before.]]
* CrackFic: WordOfGod says that the pun regarding the title was the ''only'' reason for coming up with this idea, and for actually going through with it.
* CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass: To the perspective of the Beach City citizens, Hellsing seems like a complete joke at first; Carl falls off of the motorcycle in their introduction, their army is composed entirely of VideoGame/{{Pikmin}} (who look like [[http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130629222013/pikmin/images/f/f5/Pikmin_types_-_Flower.png this]]), and Carl and Rip are a rock-obsessed idiot and a childish opera fan respectively. Amethyst even ''laughs her ass off'' when they first meet. Then they're shown in action... [[spoiler:And even then, they're ''terrible'' at paintball before training.]]
** Carl specifically, especially given how he's unable to contribute in the battle against the EldritchAbomination at the beginning due to not getting his Sonic Wave Guitar yet.
* DespairEventHorizon: [[spoiler:All of the Gems bar Steven are at the point of giving up after getting curb-stomped by Hellsing in the second match ''and'' seeing the news report where Carl kills an "Eternity Wraith." Amethyst even considers bailing out on the third game alltogether, finding it to be pointless and a needless ''life-risk''. It's implied Steven himself would have been broken had nobody came up with any advice on how to win the third match, before Hank comes along.]]
* DevelopmentGag: Carl [[spoiler:almost getting killed by a train is not only a nod to Charlie Sheen's ''Series/TwoAndAHalfMen'' character getting brutally McLeaned, but also to an idea of an alternate ending to HUC where Pip would turn out to be alive, and kill Carl by pushing him in front of a train]].
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Him and Connie ranting to Carl at the end is reminisent to a couple telling off their child for misbehaving, minus the whole "[[spoiler:you lost so get out of Beach City]]" bit.
-->'''Great Pikmin Fan:''' Demonstraiting Carl's complete lack of maturity and resemblance of a 13 year old's self insert AND toying around with random ship teasing! Two birds one stone.
* DoorStopper: Averted; this was originally going to be this when it was a single-chapter, but the sheer length prompted the author to ''split'' the story.
* EldritchAbomination: The giant white thing that attacks the Gems' temple. It's also an {{Expy}} of Slender-mode Aranea from ''Webcomic/SweetJadeAndHellaJohn''.
* EveryoneHasStandards: [[spoiler:Steven actually saves Carl's life near the end, even though during the game it's clear that Carl doesn't really give a damn about anyone else's lives (as seen when eliminating Amethyst; he shoots her at point blank range ''sending her flying off the train'') and only does most of his crime fighting for fame. He refuses to let him die. But he does tell him to get the hell out of Beach City right after.]]
* FauxSymbolism: Played for laughs during [[spoiler:Hank Hill's cameo]], where he first shows up from behind a bright light, giving him an angelic appearance.
-->'''Steven:''' Are you an angel?\\
[[spoiler:'''Hank:''' No, but I work with God's gas. Hank Hill, assistant manager of Strickland Propane.]]
* {{Foil}}:
** Compare Seras to Rip. While Rip revels in destruction, mostly supports Carl's actions and openly stops him when he gets too obnoxious, and overall acts as a troll, Seras is for some reason ''still'' very often pushed around, hates it when Carl annoys others but just rolls with it, doesn't like using her powers unless it's needed, and is the most sensable out of Hellsing's survivors.
** Each member of the Crystal Gems also has a "foil" member of Hellsing to which they primarly target. [[spoiler:And the member of Hellsing corresponds to their respective Gem's plan in terms of what eliminates them in the third round.]] Steven has Carl, Pearl has Rip, Amethyst has Seras, and Garnet has Captain. With Amethyst and Pearl's "rivals" switches, these lineups also fit them the most in terms of their personalities in the story. (Steven and Carl are central leads yet polar opposites; Pearl and Seras are the most uptight out of their groups; Rip and Amethyst are the most [[{{Troll}} troll-ish]]; and Captain and Garnet are silent, powerful, and have the most experience. And arguably Rose Quartz to Alucard, as they are both aces who are dead by the events of the story.)
* {{Foreshadowing}}:
** [[spoiler:Steven's own BatmanGambit in the final match had some leadup to it. Like his reaction to finding out what train he and Carl ''were'' fighting on top of: He's in complete horror about the incident.]]
** Less than halfway through the first chapter, Carl says [[spoiler:"Oh, also, books aren't exactly my best friends" after Steven suggests that he should get into reading. Guess how he gets eliminated?]]
* GoshDangItToHeck: When Seras confronts Amethyst in the third match:
-->'''Seras:''' I know this is your doing! Show yourself, you... you... you're a coward, do you know that?\\
'''Amethyst:''' Some talk! Didn't you used to be one yourself?\\
'''Seras:''' I used to be a cop!\\
'''Amethyst:''' Yeah, I know. And like I always say...\\
* [[spoiler:Numerous people appear from under the bleachers, all armed with paintball guns of their own.]]*\\
'''Amethyst:''' Forget the police! Well, that's not what I always say but there's kids around and-
* {{Irony}}: [[spoiler:Rip's final elimination takes place in a dark forest, where she seemed to feel at home while stalking Pearl there in the third round. Seras's elimination happened ''surrounded'' by humans, even though thanks to this AU's backstory she's the most IJustWantToBeNormal of the four. Carl, a borderline Hollywood fanatic, is eliminated in a "big" spot: a train over a huge city.]]
* JerkassHasAPoint: Why Beach City puts up with Hellsing (really just Carl) more than they would otherwise; because they actually helped the Gems in their first appearance.
* KillerRabbit: Hellsing's Pikmin soldiers, apparantly.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** Carl says that he'll bet his stay in Beach City with the Gems' over any game ending with "--ball." His examples are football ("The American kind, the other kind is 'soccer' and don't you forget it"), basketball, and baseball. Steven (by accident) choses paintball, which Carl is openly surprised at before rolling with it and allowing it as the ''only'' competition.
** "Touch paint, and you're out." [[spoiler:The paint doesn't have to even come from the Gems; as before the third match, they got the various citizens to help out, which they then ambush Seras. And this loophole is used ''again'' when Carl is tricked into touching a book stained in still-wet paint, which is counted as an elimination.]]
* MythologyGag: The ''entire'' story.
* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast: The "Eternity Wraith," a creature that -- whatever it is -- was promtptly [[TheWorfEffect killed by Pikmin.]]
* NewspaperThinDisguise: Exploited. Steven makes [[spoiler:Hank Hill do this, and act surprised by this, so that Carl will be convinced to use a similar technique to try to hide himself from Steven after outrunning him.]]
* OffTheRails:
** "Ed Paintball" is this to paintball in general by design. According to Carl, "Ed ____" is whatever "____" (any game; fill in the blank) is but without "a ton of restrictions." In the case of paintball, it allows unlimited range, gun customization, and the only rule is "if you touch paint, you're out."
** [[spoiler:The Gems ''completely'' derail Hellsing's plans in the third round, by simply avoiding the usual forest for the most part.]]
* OnlySaneMan:
** Seras appears to be one of the only characters with complete rationality, [[WhatDoesSheSeeInHim affection for Carl aside.]]
** This is Pearl's depiction. She seems disgusted at Hellsing on their first impression alone (''especially'' Carl), and openly objects to the idea of betting whether the Gems or Hellsing leaves based on a ''paintball match''.
** Connie's oppinions towards Hellsing seem like a standard reaction to noisy neighbors. Her refusal to [[spoiler:go into the football stadium and ambush Seras there along with most of town]] also implies a lower revenge drive.
* PaintballEpisode: The story boils down to this.
* PaperThinDisguise:
** Seras and Rip try this with the [[ContinuityNod return]] of [[FanFic/HecksingUlumateCrconikals the Mario and Luigi masks,]] using them to sneak into a movie they've been explicitely banned from. It doesn't work.
** Carl tries this during the train portion (the one the battle takes place on, not the one [[spoiler:it was following close behind that he almost gets killed by]]), hiding himself among the crowd by holding Connie's ''Wrinkle in Time'' book up to his face. This ''does'' work, despite somehow being an even crappier disguise and how his green skin, antenne, and arguably muscular build give him away. [[spoiler:Then again, seeing as the book was a trap (coated in wet paint), Steven letting him go was likely intentional.]]
* ParodySue: Carl keeps this up, even in a setting where most of the characters hate him. His music is even described as being legitimately good, it's just that he plays it too ''loud''. In the middle of the night.
* {{Polyamory}}: Carl is explicitely stated to have both Seras and Rip as his girlfriends. Nobody makes a comment about this.
* PosthumousCharacter: Everyone who died from HUC.
* PrecisionFStrike: Given near the end. It's a more minor swear -- which was part of Hellsing itself's name -- but it's still notable considering all the GoshDangItToHeck present:
-->[[spoiler:'''Carl:''' But still... you saved my life... is there anything I can do to repay you?]]\\
[[spoiler:'''Steven:''' Yes... BY GETTING THE ''HELL'' OUT OF BEACH CITY!]]
* RunningGag:
** Carl losing track of time. [[RuleOfThree Happens thrice.]] Whenever another character (Garnet, Lars, Rip) reminds him, he looks up at the sky and says "''Shoot''. I gotta lay off the heavy stuff."
** Carl refering to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl by the wrong names. At one point he calls the second "Indigo," which as she points out isn't even the name of a gemstone (unlike most of his previous name-messups). Averted with Steven; he just calls him (and, [[AmbiguousSyntax confusingly]], Connie) "Kid."
* SelfDeprecation: An entire paragraph is devoted to mocking ''Total Zeksmit''. (As it appears as a ShowWithinAShow; it's not stated outright that it is TZ, but the line that is heard is the same line Ezekiel says at the very beginning, word for word. Right down to calling himself Zeksmit.) Specifically, it insults Ezekiel and the show's general pacing, and mentions that the "hiatus" it entered after only three episodes should end soon[[note]]The hiatus this was based on, the "Something New Hiatus," technically ended as soon as ''Carl Stevens Universe'' itself came out, as (given by the name) working on TZ would resume after Pikmin Fan published something new[[/note]]. The partial irony is that ''Steven Universe'' itself entered hiatus after three and a half episodes work of [[ThreeShorts short pairs]].
* SeriousBusiness: The two groups have a ''paintball match'' determining which of them leaves the city permanently.
** And according to Carl, it isn't a regular match. It's "''Ed'' Paintball," meaning "almost anything goes." This includes battles on the top of trains.
* ShapedLikeItself: Carl calls his matches "Challenging challenges."
* ShoutOut:
** From the second match: [[Manga/{{Naruto}} "Art is an explosion!"]][[note]]Carl using the anime dub-translation was likely done to fit his character.[[/note]]
** The scene of Rip stalking Pearl through the woods is similar to ''VideoGame/{{Slender}}'', complete with a similar building to that seen in the center of the woods of the original game.
* ShowerOfAngst: Carl has one [[spoiler:after losing the first match]] and shortly after that figuring out that he's hated by almost everyone outside of London, played for laughs.
* SpoiledByTheFormat: The paintball matches are best two out of three. While [[spoiler:Hellsing losing the first wasn't too predictable]], even in the middle of the second match when [[spoiler:half of the Gems have been eliminated]] there's a second chapter and the first is almost over. You know what that means: A long, tie-breaking third round.
* StealthPun: The title. ''Carl Stevens Universe''. Put in an apostraphe, and you have ''Carl Steven's Universe''. Fitting as Carl is very much designed as a ParodyStu and he would naturally think he owns the universe.
* SuddenlyVoiced: Inverted; this is the first time the Captain is actually ''silent''. He resorts to writing to Sadie, though.
* TalkingIsAFreeAction: Subverted. Towards the climax of the story, [[spoiler:both Steven and Amethyst have an open shot at Carl while he is weeping at his broken guitar. They stand there in confusion, ''then'' ready to aim... only to find that they are both out of ammo.]]
* TestosteronePoisoning: Everything Carl does, natch. It's revealed that Hellsing apparantly navigates across from country to country in a motorcycle (playing [[VideoGame/FZero the Mute City]] theme from ''VideoGame/SuperSmashBros'', natch) so fast that even the Crystal Gems are unable to really ''do'' anything about it at first.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill: In general, there's players from both groups who enjoy shooting others with paint far more than they should. Or using other methods of weapondry. Like puppets that ''explode in a huge blast of it''.
* TimeSkip: Takes place over two years and ten months after chapters 1-12 of ''Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals'', matching the day it takes place up to essentially the same date it was published.[[note]]HUC may have ''started'' on September 2011, but it ''takes place'' in February of the same year.[[/note]]
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: The end to the game. Buff Martian runs through a train car and tries to hide himself with a book, while a boy runs in. [[spoiler:Martian shoots the boy with paint, before boy tells Martian he's already dead. Martian looks at hands and finds that they're slightly pink. Martian overreacts by falling to his knees and shouting at the ceiling of the train. Connie doesn't say anything for that part, and nobody else is even ''there''. Then again, seeing as there was some extent to which this part was staged for Carl to be eliminated, this was likely invoked.]]
-->'''Great Pikmin Fan:''' So, regarding Connie. I'm tempted to write a third chapter to this that shows the ending scene from her perspective. I mean, how would you feel if a guy who looked like a football-playing knockoff of WesternAnimation/InvaderZim (or a green CharlieSheen) stole your book, [[spoiler:shot a kid you knew with teal paint, got told he was dead, then looked at his hands and then acted like he was in a bad soap opera and his wife died or something, all because his fingers were covered in tyrian paint? Well, granted, said kid would have told you to paint the book first so you might have been expecting something, but still.]]
* WalkingSpoiler:
** [[spoiler:Hank and Peggy Hill make brief cameoes. This is intended to be unexpected, making mere ''mentions'' of either of them this.]]
** [[spoiler:Given how she doesn't come into play in the story until '''contributing to Carl's elimination and ending the entire game''', Connie is essentially this.]]
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: This doesn't have anything really resembling an epilogue. (According to the author, this was deliberate on his part, in a sort of experiment.) So, we don't know the following:
** Where Hellsing ''goes'' after they leave Beach City. If HUC's epilogue is any indication, it's London. Or at least they settle for London in 2041.
** Generally the fates of the Gems after they [[spoiler:each get eliminated one by one in the third round.]] What happens to Pearl and Greg after [[spoiler:the train takes off]] and what happens to Garnet after she [[spoiler:jumps off said train]] seem obvious, but Amethyst's fate isn't: [[spoiler:she's shot by Carl with enough force to throw her off a bridge suspended high above a city. Granted, in the show she survived getting tossed at a giant metal eye and falling into the ocean multiple times, but the ambiguity....]]
** [[spoiler:Whether or not Garnet, Amethyst, and/or Pearl believe that Steven's plan worked or if they think Hellsing left for some other reason is never adressed, even though Steven discussing this with Connie was the final conversation before the story ends.]]
** Straighter example: Rip threatens to break Carl's guitar if he doesn't join her, Seras, and Captain in training for the second and third matches, and Carl goes on regardless of the threat because he knows it will work out. However, he says that if it doesn't work, he'll come up with some form of retribution for her threatening to break an instrument he liked so much. [[spoiler:While they win the second match, they lose the third one. Carl's "payback" never comes up again. Which is odd because Rip (and Seras) appear next to him in the end.]]
* WholePlotReference: [[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill "The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteburg."]] [[spoiler:Hank himself appears. Thrice, even, though the second was hardly anything plot significant. (Though ''Peggy's appearance'' from said second scene was arguably ''more'' important.)]]
* TheWorfEffect: Invoked. Hellsing completely dwarfs the Crystal Gems in almost every way at first, as they are able to trump the EldritchAbomination attacking the temple, and [[spoiler:in the second match they prove themselves to be so good at stealth and, most importantly, ''speed'', that it leaves all of them but Steven completely hopeless.]] To hammer this in, when Steven unveils his plan given to him by [[spoiler:Hank Hill]] for the third match, the others return from a battle with a planet-sized beast made of fire. They were able to take '''''that''''' down but Hellsing ''still'' left them hopeless and dumbfounded.
* WouldHurtAChild: [[spoiler:Carl is an ''asshole'' to Steven. Like when he blows up a huge paint-filled puppet in the second match, giving way more overkill than needed.]]
