History Creator / RonWhite

-->"Some things are exactly as they seem, folks. Killer whales kill. Pilot whales [[{{Pun}} wear]] [[ComicallyMissingThePoint dark sunglasses]]. I'm not sure how the sperm whale got ''its'' name... but I'm not getting in the ''pool''."

* RunningGag Talking about the stuff his fans bought him.
--> ...that you guys (''addressing the audience about one of his cool toys'') bought me.

* TheStoner: Smokes cigarettes and cigars on stage, but openly talks about how he likes to toke. He made the news when he was arrested over trace amounts of marijuana found on his plane.

* StunnedSilence: "I got kicked off the high school debate team for saying 'Yeah?! Well, ''[[PrecisionFStrike fuck you!]]''' I thought I had won. [[ChewbaccaDefense The other kid was speechless."]]

* SouthernFriedGenius: Ron could easily qualify for this himself, albeit in an unorthodox manner. While he acknowledges that he is a high-school dropout from the most rural parts of rural Texas (hailing from a town of 400), he is also very eloquent and well-spoken, and is quite progressive on various social issues such as gay marriage and marijuana. He also enjoys fine arts, such as musicals, and expensive scotch and cigars.

* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: His plans for the Sears Tower after he wins his lawsuit: "Ron White's Big Old Goddamn Building!"

-->"They found 7/8 of a gram of marijuana on my plane. Now, when I have 7/8 of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be ''out of pot''."

* SeashellBra: "I didn't know this. If you find a girl wearing a seashell bra, and you pick her up, and put her to your ear, you can hear her scream. I thought I'd hear the ocean, but not over that bitch."

In 2022, he announced his retirement from stand-up comedy.

-->You know that little guy that sits on your shoulders that reminds you of your prior commitments and your moral fortitude? I didn't hear a peep out of that guy! He hadn't been laid in three months, either! He was speechless for like 20 minutes, then he went, "Suck her titties!" "I was ''gonna''!" Soon as the whole thing's over, he's back at his post: "That was ''wrong'', mister!" I'm like, "20 minutes ago, you were beatin' off on my shoulder, monkey boy!" I fuckin' hate him, man. He smokes pot. He burned a hole in my other jacket. (''beat'') Right before the show.

-->Hey hey hey hey hey. I was drunk ''in a bar''. They ''threw'' me into pub-lic. I don't ''wanna'' be drunk in public, I wanna be drunk in a goddamn ''bar''! Which is perfectly legal,[[InsaneTrollLogic arrest]] '''[[InsaneTrollLogic them!]]'''

-->I was not 'Drunk. In. Pub-lic.' I was drunk ''in a bar''. They ''threw'' me into pub-lic. '''[[InsaneTrollLogic Arrest them!]]'''

* ADateWithRosiePalms: According to himself, he smokes only to keep his hands off his penis. One of his routines references him being caught doing it by his very religious grandmother when he was a kid.

** [[UpToEleven Ramps up]] to PrecisionFStrike when the women won't shut up, and he turns around and yells at them...

-->Then they squared off with me in the parking lot, and I backed down from the fight; cuz I didn't know how many of 'em it would've taken to whoop my ass, but... I knew how many they were gonna ''use''.

-->Funniest movie I've ever seen in my life!

-->I bought this big two-story custom van back when I was married. I forgot to tell you this, it was getting kinda cool, it had the James Bond couch in the back, when you push a button, the couch automatically turns into a bed, and I was like, "Well, that's cool." I finally got something over those Mercedes-Benz-driving in-laws of mine, you know what I mean? When I first bought the van, I was real proud of it. I took it straight over to my brother-in-law's house to show it off, 'cause he's such a prick. He takes one look at my new van and he goes [''in snobbish accent''] "I can't believe you didn't buy a Mercedes-Benz." "They don't make a van." "Ron, I don't think you fully understand the intricacies of Mercedes-Benz engineering. Why, I got the three-inch windshield wiper that keeps my headlight clean in a rainstorm." "I got a place to fuck your sister." I don't know why they didn't like me.

--->Alright. Let me explain something to you. It isn't ''that'' the wind is blowing, it's ''what'' the wind is blowing. If you get hit with a ''Volvo'', it ain't gonna matter how many sit-ups you did that morning.

* SouthernFriedGenius: Ron could easily qualify for this himself, albeit in an unorthodox manner. While he acknowledges that he is a high-school dropout from the most rural parts of rural Texas (hailing from a town of 400), he is also very eloquent and well-spoken, and is quite progressive on various social issues such as gay marriage and marijuana. He also enjoys fine arts, such as musicals.

* CoolOldGuy: 64 years old and still smoking, drinking, and cursing like [[Music/{{Motorhead}} Lemmy Kilmister]].

* GagPenis: During a cruise to Santorini, Greece, he encounters a man that must have had a fully grown squirrel stuffed into his speedo. He meets him again, this time at a nude beach. Later on the squirrel was apparently eaten by an anaconda. [[NotSoDifferent Although Ron comments that if he were in this guy's position, he'd have a frame around it.]]

* JapaneseRanguage: His bit about how sushi ends with a sushi chef getting busted with a whale's giant tailfin sticking out his dumpster because (in exaggerated Japanese accent) "I forgot to crose the rid!"

* SharpDressedMan: It's generally a standard that Ron White will appear on stage wearing, at the very least, a nice suit.

--->Okay, uh, let's get something straight. It's not ''that'' the wind is blowing, it's ''what'' the wind is blowing. If you get hit by a ''Volvo'', it doesn't matter how many sit-ups you did that day.

* DigitalPiracyIsEvil: In one bit, he laments the income he's lost from people illegally downloading his albums, and thinks back to [[WhenIWasYourAge his youth]], when he would go down to the record store and [[BaitAndSwitch stuff records down his pants]]. "Now THAT'S stealin' music!"

'''Ron''': [[BrickJoke Do you like chocolate?]]

* YourCheatingHeart: He had an entire routine about how the miserable state of his first marriage led to him cheating on his wife and how the [[GoodAngelBadAngel guy on his shoulder]] was egging him on (at first).