History ComicallyMissingThePoint / LiveActionFilms

--> '''Dr. Rumack:''' Captain, how soon can you land?
--> '''Captain Oveur:''' I can't tell.
--> '''Rumack:''' You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
--> '''Oveur:''' No. I mean I'm just not sure.
--> '''Rumack:''' Well, can't you take a guess?
--> '''Oveur:''' Well, not for another two hours.
--> '''Rumack:''' You can't take a guess for another two hours?

-->'''Elaine''': You have a telegram from headquarters.
-->'''Ted''': Headquarters? What is it?
-->'''Elaine''': [[RunningGag Well it's a big building with lots of generals,]] but that's not important right now.

-->'''[[GranolaGirl Lacey]]:''' Hannah, you do have beautiful hair, ''however,'' I sense that you have some deep-rooted insecurities, therefore you like to emphasize superficial things in fear that people might notice you aren't as perfect as you look.
-->'''[[AlphaBitch Hannah]]:''' Aw, you think I have beautiful hair?

-->'''Veronica''': I'm good at three things: fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?
-->'''Ed (hopefully)''': Uh...screwing?
-->'''Veronica''': ''(smacks him across the face)''

-->'''Mrs. Slocombe''': They've never boiled their cat?

--> '''Frau Farbissina''': [[GratuitousGerman Herr Doktor]], I'm late.\\
'''Dr. Evil''': No, you got here right on time.\\
'''Frau Farbissina''': No, I mean, ''I'm late''.

-->'''Vanessa''': Did you at least have protection?
-->'''Austin''': Of course, I had my 9mm with me.
-->'''Vanessa''': No, I mean did you use a condom?
-->'''Austin''': Only sailors use condoms.
-->'''Vanessa''': Not in the nineties, Austin.
-->'''Austin''': Well they should, the filthy buggers, they're going from port to port.

-->'''Marty''': Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Doc. ''Ah...'' Are you tellin' me you built a TIME MACHINE... ''({{beat}})'' out of a [=DeLOREAN=]?!

--> '''Doc Brown''': My God, do you know what this means? It means that this damn thing [the mind-reading device] doesn't work at all!

-->
--> '''Osbourne''': If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a shitstorm of consequences my friend your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there.
--> '''Chad''': (''laughing'') You think that's a Schwinn?

--> '''Arthur:''' (howls loudly after putting his breakfast tray on the floor, then treading in it)
--> '''Daphne:''' Arthur, what are you doing?
--> '''Arthur:''' I've just trodden in my breakfast.
--> '''Daphne:''' Well, I wish you'd do it more quietly.

-->'''Wadsworth:''' You see, like the Mounties, we always get our man!
-->'''Mr. Green:''' [[spoiler: Mrs. Peacock]] was a man?! (''[[DopeSlap gets slapped repeatedly by the others]]'')

-->'''James Bond''': Now don't tell me... you're St. Peter?

--->'''Sir Lancelot''': You cut a patient, he bleeds, until the processes of nature form a clot and stop it. This interval is known scientifically as the "bleeding time". You! What's the bleeding time?
--->'''Simon''': Ten past ten, sir.

---->'''Wendover''': I was at Dunkirk, mate.
---->'''Satterjee''': Oh, very good ferry service at Dunkirk. [[UsefulNotes/NationalRail British Railway]]. Most excellent.
---->'''Wendover''': I was talkin' about the beaches.
---->'''Satterjee''': Oh, very sandy. The beaches.
---->'''Wendover''': I' wasn't when I was there. I' was full o' bomb 'oles.
---->'''Satterjee''': Oh, yes. The-the sunbathing was very good, ''also''.
---->'''Wendover''': I said "''bomb'' 'oles", not-

---->'''Basil''': Tell the Captain to go to hell.
---->'''Satterjee''': I'm afraid that is not possible, sir. Our first port of call will be Marseilles.

---->'''Dr. Burke''': I'm Basil's ''personal'' doctor.
---->'''Satterjee''': Which doctor?
---->'''Dr. Burke''': No, I'm not a witch doctor. I'm-I'm-I'm his physician.

---->'''Wendover''': So, under the circumstances, you'll be wantin' apologise!
---->'''Captain Spratt''': I ''apologise'' to '''you?!'''
---->'''Wendover''': Thank you ''very'' much.

--> '''Renfield''': I'm scheduled to meet Count Dracula.
--> '''Villager 1''': Dracula!?
--> '''Villager 2''': Dracula!?
--> '''Villager 3''': Dracula!?\\
'''Villager 4''': ...shed-yool?

--> '''Jesse:''' Hey, have you seen my car?
--> '''Christy Boner:''' Well, I saw it last night. I saw the back seat.
--> '''Jesse:''' No, I'm talking about the whole thing.

'''Bikini girl:''' ''(weirded out)'' Okay... Thanks.\\
''(the bus starts leaving)''\\
'''Lloyd:''' ''(upset at Harry)'' Do you realize what you've done?! ''(starts running after the bus)'' Hey! Wait!\\
''(the bus stops as they get to the door)''\\
'''Lloyd:''' Y-you'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow... [[TooDumbToLive The town is ]]''[[TooDumbToLive back that way!]] (points at the opposite direction Harry pointed to earlier on)''

-->'''Ray Kinsella:''' So, what do you want?
-->'''Terrence Mann:''' I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.
-->'''Ray Kinsella:''' I mean, what do you want? [Gestures toward concession stand.]
-->'''Terrence Mann:''' Oh. Dog and a beer.
-->'''Ray Kinsella:''' Two.

-->'''Narrator''': When they finally beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, they reacted with awe.\\
'''Expedition''': ''[affectionate]'' Awwww...\\
'''Narrator''': I said "awe". A-W-E.\\
'''Expedition''': ''[awestruck]'' Oooooh!\\
'''Narrator''': That's better.
* ''Film/{{Ghostbusters 1984}}'' has this:
--> '''Stantz:''' Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
--> '''Mayor:''' Is this true?
--> '''Venkman:''' Yes it's true. ({{beat}}) This man has no dick.
* ''Film/{{Grease 2}}'' features the very 'patriotic' musical number "Lets Do it For Our Country" Where Louis is trying to trick Sharon into doing it...to bad she's singing about him joining the army.

** Again when they return to the hotel room
--->'''Alan''': Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?
--->'''Phil''': Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?
--->'''Stu''': I don't know, because I don't remember. (Referring to [[spoiler:Alan who slipped them roofies]])
--->'''Alan''': One of the side effects of roofies is memory loss.
--->'''Stu''': You are literally too stupid to insult.
--->'''Alan''': Thank you.

--> '''[[Music/JohnLennon John]]:''' Ringo, what are you up to?
--> '''Ringo:''' Page five.

--> '''John:''' What are you doing?
--> '''Ringo:''' Posting a letter.

--> '''John:''' What are you doing on the floor?
--> '''Ringo:''' I'm tired.

-->'''Veronica''': All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits!
-->'''Veronica's father''': I don't patronize bunny rabbits!

--> '''Ding:''' What if something goes wrong?
--> '''Tyler:''' What could ''possibly'' go wrong with an Old Fashioned?

'''Roland:''' ''(baffled)'' You waited your whole life for Sir Ector to shite himself to death?

-->'''Duke Forrest''': If I nail Hot Lips and hit Hawkeye, can I go home too?

-->'''Rusty:''' Dad that thing will never fit in the front yard.
--> '''Clark:''' It's not going in the front yard, it's going in the living room.

--->'''Matron: This interfering busy-body-
--->'''District Nurse: A ''very'' pretty little body, I agree.

--->'''Henri: My fazzer. 'E 'as wrotten?
--->'''David: Oh, really?
--->'''Henri: 'E 'as wrotten to you? No?
--->'''David: Well, no, I've never... Oh-ho-ho-ho, you mean, has he written to me?

--->'''Janet''': Oh, by the way, did y-
--->'''Ian''': No, Janet, we're in the middle of the road.
--->'''Janet''': Oh, well, that doesn't matter. It's a very quiet street.

--->'''Ian''': Get off the pavement. Get off the-
--->'''Janet''': There's ''nobody'' on it.
--->'''Ian''': That's not the point, get off the ''flippin''' pavement!

-->'''Maxwell''' (from an adjoining room): Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper, or you come home to Manderley with me.
-->'''Narrator''': You mean you want a secretary or something ?
-->'''Maxwell''' I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool.

--> '''Girl Scout''': Would you like to buy some cookies?\\
'''Jehova's Witness''': Have you heard the good news?\\
'''Scooby-Doo''': Yeah, there's ''cookies!''

-->'''Shaun''': Oh my god...\\
''(Shaun and Ed stand there mouths hanging open as the zombie slowly turns around.)''\\
'''Shaun''': ...She's so drunk!\\
''(They look at each other and laugh)''

-->'''Cameron''': She kissed me!
-->'''Patrick''': Where?
-->'''Cameron''': In the car!

-->'''Pat Healy''': Really, [architecture is] only a side thing for my true passion.\\
'''Mary''': And what's that?\\
'''Pat Healy''': I work with retards.\\
'''Mary''': Isn't that a little politically incorrect?\\
'''Pat Healy''': Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with.

-->'''David''': We had a Stonehenge monument that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.
-->'''Derek''': We could redo the choreography. Keep the dwarf clear.

--->'''Henry:''' Er, ajar.
--->'''George:''' Eh? We're not making a jam?
--->'''Henry:''' The door, you great ''nit''.

-->'''Grace''' Where are my friends?
-->'''Spencer''' Oh man. Where's my sister?
-->'''Mr. Porter''' They went where all the good little boys and girls go for Christmas. They went somewhere nice. Where you ask? Why the comfortable and festive...Hoover International Lodge. Which is just a few thousand yards down from this delightful little room, which now smells like a horse died in it.
-->'''Beef''' Oh, so we're going to the lodge?

-->'''Ms. Gulch:''' Mr. Gale!
-->'''Uncle Henry:''' Howdy, Ms. Gulch!
-->'''Gulch:''' I want to see you and your wife right about Dorothy.
-->'''Henry:''' Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?
-->'''Gulch:''' What's she done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg!
-->'''Henry:''' You mean she bit you?
-->'''Gulch:''' No, her dog!
-->'''Henry:''' Oh, she bit her dog, eh?
-->''(Henry lets go of the gate and it hits Ms. Gulch from behind.)''
-->'''Gulch:''' No!
** Of course, given the type of person she was, it's probable he was simply ObfuscatingStupidity in an attempt to protect Dorothy.

-->[[spoiler: '''Gary''': ''I fucking know what I fucking said!'']]

---->'''Hank''': Moira [=MacTaggert=]?\\
'''Charles''': ''(with a goofy grin on his face)'' Uh huh.\\
'''Hank''': Give me the details.\\
'''Charles''': She looks amazing. She has barely aged a day.\\
'''Hank''': No, I meant, what is she doing there?

* From ''Film/TheAList:''
-->'''[[GranolaGirl Lacey]]:''' Hannah, you do have beautiful hair, ''however,'' I sense that you have some deep-rooted insecurities, therefore you like to emphasize superficial things in fear that people might notice you aren't as perfect as you look.
-->'''[[AlphaBitch Hannah]]:''' Aw, you think I have beautiful hair?
* In ''Film/LastActionHero'', Danny questions why there is ''[[RogerRabbitEffect an animated cat]]'' (it's not an animated film) in the police station. Jack Slater explains that the cat's suspension was only for 2 weeks.

* In ''Film/{{Kingpin}}'', this happens twice. Once, he holds out his rubber hand to Ish, to show him is bowling championship ring and Ish comments on his hand. Later in Reno, he holds out his hand to demonstrate its fakeness and the guys he's showing think he's going on about the ring.

* This exchange in ''Film/LordOfWar'' (Yuri wants his uncle (a Red Army colonel) to fudge his weapon stocks numbers to sell the rest to him on the black market).
-->'''Yuri:''' How many Kalashnikovs do you have?
-->'''Uncle Dimitri:''' Forty thousand.
-->'''Yuri:''' Is that a four? Doesn't look like a four to me. Looks more like a one.
-->'''Uncle Dimitri:''' [Looks at clipboard] No, it's a four.

* ''Film/TwiceRoundTheDaffodils:

--->'''Ian: No, Janet, we're in the middle of the road.
--->'''Janet: Oh, well, that doesn't matter. It's a very quiet street.

--->'''Ian: Get off the pavement. Get off the-
--->'''Janet: There's ''nobody'' on it.
--->'''Ian: That's not the point, get off the ''flippin''' pavement!

* The movie version of Creator/DaphneDuMaurier's ''Film/{{Rebecca}}'' has an example that is at once comical and dramatic.