You are Satan, and you must do satanic things!

Inspired by this post:

I think if I was Satan, I'd come out publicly in support of "traditional marriage". That ought to throw those fundies for a loop.

ITT we post what EVIIIL things we would do if we were Satan.

Let's get started:

If I were Satan, I would finance a few ads encouraging people to buy a Hummer by suggesting the newest model is fuel-friendly, and then leave them stranded in the middle of nowhere!

edited 26th Sep '10 2:33:04 AM by TheStupidExclamationMark

If I were Satan,I would reveal that the Catholic Church is my co-conspirator!

I listen to Lady Gaga. According to Westboro church, that's enough.

If I were Satan, I would help starving kittens and orphans, thus convincing fundamentalists that they're my minions!

I would delay just the right trains to stuff up the whole system - during peak hour, of course >=D

If I were Satan, I'd show up regularly at Catholic, Protestant,and Mormon masses!

I'd walk into old peoples homes, go "ooooooooOOOooooo!", and see how many drop dead.

I'd maim Calvin in the most horrifying way possible.

I'd listen to Heavy Metal.

And then I'd start using gospel music to corrupt the youth.

I would corrupt the pure and the innocent through some VERY horrid and inhuman methods...

edited 26th Sep '10 6:23:04 AM by Strigon

I would publicly endorse the Westboro Baptist Church.

I'd maim The Great Pies Alt in the most gruesome way possible.

Me?

Honestly, I'd go around openly and publicly endorsing rock music and heavy metal.

I'd drive around in a classic American big block muscle car. I'd own numerous aircraft, mostly WWI & WWII propeller driven fighters.

I'd definitely go around publicly endorsing various video games. Mostly Western-made shooters. Racing games, too, especially the more physical and destructive ones.

And I'd most likely deliberately pull a Shadow Broker and use information trade to intentionally keep wars going.

edited 26th Sep '10 7:12:29 AM by rallyfan9000

I'd cause global thermonuclear war in order to end humanity.

I would stay the same.

This would mke a great topic for a gag comic. Everybody hates Satan, right? So just by existing, everybody would think that everything he does has some hidden meaning. He could ruin shop chains like Wal-mart by simly shopping there. He says "hi" to someone, not only does the guy piss himself now he'll be vindicated fo his neighbors for life. Yup, lot of good comedy material.

Slap a baby with a kitten.

Have sex.

Ludicrous amounts of sex.

^With Catholics. And they will like it!

of course.

If I was Satan, I'd make my devil worshipers perform a Metal concert in evry single one of their rituals.

I'd make everyone like Dethklok or they'd have to hang out with me at my subterranean nightclub.

edited 26th Sep '10 8:14:34 PM by Tre

I'd make people trip over small pebbles.

And I'd torture people until they became my willing slaves and exploded.

If I were Satan, I'd get my own 24-hour network to gush about the people that inspire me, starting with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

I'd high five the Pope just to see everyone freak out.