William lulzblogs Chick Tracts because he hates himself

Nope, not a troll just a very PO'ed amoral nihilist who came across his views in a chick tract. It hurts for me too.

Your saying that you are not a troll is not evidence either way for you being a troll or not; because if you were a troll you would say you weren't a troll, and also if you weren't a troll you would say you weren't a troll. So I'm afraid I'm gonna have to wait for some evidence that actually means something.

Looks like a troll to me.

He likes Seltzer And Friedberg. There's no way he's not a troll.

I was going to suggest "maybe not", but the above is logic that cannot be gainsaid.

edited 31st Dec '09 12:30:48 PM by Haven

He also misspelled "Cardcaptors". Definitely a troll, but a D-grade one. Sorry, no consolation prize for you, but feel free to play the home version!

He likes Seltzer And Friedberg. There's no way he's not a troll.

Well there are people who like their work......Or So I Heard. In all fairness, I did enjoy parts of Meet the Spartans (I'm not under any illusions that it's a good movie, but I still laughed at a number of the jokes).

Of course, that was the first and last Seltzer And Friedberg movie I ever watched, so make of that what you will.

Did I kill the thread?

Possibly, people tend to be put off by flame-bait insults.

Nah. Classes are starting back up.

Possibly, people tend to be put off by flame-bait insults.

I don't think I posted an insult...

Nah. Classes are starting back up.

Thanks, Fox.

edited 6th Jan '10 9:02:54 AM by Enchanter468

After just reading the latest Chick Tract (Crazy Wolf), I have seen the light, and now know the following truths:

1) Native Americans are EEVVIILL sorcerers who summon evil demons to kill old ladies.

2) As with 'Lisa' - it's fine to "commit every crime known! Murder, rape, everything!" As long as you accept that Jesus is your personal saviour, even if you do it two minutes before an evil (Native American, of course) lady mercilessly shoots you in the back FOR NOT KILLING THE (white) OLD LADY BY RIPPING HER HEART OUT. To be fair though, she was a Chick Christian. And the fact that such an evil person went to Chick Heaven is possibly stretching the boundaries, even for Jack Chick. Chick-God even remarks 'you only got through by the skin of your neck'.

Sounds interesting. I think I'll lulzblog this next.

Holy crap! Jack Chick admits Jesus wasn't White!

Is there a trope for unbelievably wrong people to have 'one right idea. Because if so, this is the MTE of it!

Glad I wasn't the only one who noticed that saintly "Old Mary" just happened to look suspiciously white.

I swear, this kind of stuff makes me squirm, as a Christian of course, but also as a white person. I mean, really, we do NOT all act like that. Heck, I'd hazard a guess that most of us don't act like Jack Chick, although I guess that goes without saying.

I just really hope nobody takes Jack Chick as an example of whites, Christians, Americans, men, or humans.

Holy crap! Jack Chick admits Jesus wasn't White!

Wow. I actually missed that on my first read through. That's...pretty impressive. Well, it's actually common sense, but for Jack Chick it's impressive.

Given what some of his kind have said in the past,it's quite surprising.

The Pious Man dies, and goes to the gates of heaven, and sees the Lord, and thereupon he exclaims in awe and surprise: "Gee, Jesus, I never knew you were Jewish!"

This is probably the first Chick Tract I've seen that includes an (albiet short) action sequence with a Chick-angel versus the eevviill Native American warlock in the body of... a wolf crossed with a yeti, apparently.

Also: is anyone else tempted to print out that last panel on every comic and where it says 'Did you accept Jesus as your personal saviour?', tick the NO box?

edited 12th Jan '10 7:48:56 PM by Mcoot2

-jumps on bandwagon- I wanna lulzblog too! I choose... The Accident!

The opening panels show two... whoa. These are literal Quintessential British Gentlemen.
: This tract takes place at the subatomic level and all the characters are Jesus-Gluons.

They're arriving at the Winthorp Castle, which is full of priceless treasures, the most famous of which is in THE LOCKED ROOM! It seems that Gluon Winthorp's grandfather saved some bigwig's life, and in a blatant display of Disproportionate Reward, the man had his entire country work for nineteen years straight to make something we're not told what it is. Which, I'd think, makes it less famous than anything we've actually identified.

IN THE GREAT KITCHEN
Oh, wow, this immediately made me think of a thread on Fanfiction Dot Net wherein people listed things that would make them quit reading a story. One of them was marking location changes with... well, what Chick just did, pretty much. Just, "IN THE OTHER PLACE". If The Pit of Voles can't stand it, it's Bad Writing.

Back to the story, the maid is nonplussed to see that a caretaker has forgotten a box, and orders her daughter to tell the new boy to deliver it properly. The daughter is viewed from behind, so as to make The Reveal in the next panel that she is Obviously QUALITY Evil all that much tiny bit more dramatic. The new boy is also viewed from behind, but that's artistic lazyness.

Oh, no, he's Obviously QUALITY Evil as well, as evidenced by his entering a locked room that totally had a key in the door, he said so, solely so that he can take a QUALITY nap.

Meanwhile, the Jesus-Gluons have arrived and are making introductions. Gluon Carlton mentions the PRICELESS treasure he has been told about, and Gluon Winthorp explains that it's the fabulous.......................... Carpet of Snow! Which is named for some reason, despite the fact that only Gluons even know it exists, much less what it is. He goes on for several panels about how awesome it is, building up tension for the inevitable Reveal of the new boy sleeping on it, which is wrong.

It's even more wrong when they open the door at Mach 9000, cracking the guy in the head and spilling the bottle of indelible ink (that's what the package was, dontcha know?) all over the carpet. Somehow. Gluon Winthorp immediately feels literal nausea at his carpet being stained and has to go to bed.

The servants, being servants, try their best to clean up the stain, but must report to their Lord that it's uncleanable. He orders them to burn it, as he cannot allow anything with a stain to remain in his castle. Maybe they really are Jesus-Gluons.

After a quick panel of the carpet burning in Hell, the butler (who is also a doctor, apparently) explains to Gluon Winthorp this incredibly obvious allegory. Gluon Winthorp's first question upon hearing that God can't allow sinners in heaven is "How can there be a stain on MY soul?" Nobody was accusing you, Gluon Winthorp. Defensive, much?

Doctor Butler points out that everyone lies, lying is a sin, and sinners burn in hell. This comes as a complete shock to Gluon Winthorp, who immediately continues the analogy by asking "If we couldn't get the stain out of the Carpet of Snow, how could I possibly get my soul cleaned?" He immediately suggests many things, but as none of them are "do what Jack Chick says", Doctor Butler shoots them all down. He explains that sin must be covered by innocent blood, Jesus is the son of God, blah blah blah Jesus died for your sins. (The maid eavesdropped on this part.)

Gluon Winthorp immediately accepts Jesus as his savior, which takes 5 minutes, and is incredibly happy, ending the tract. Why was the maid eavesdropping, then? And what happened to the Obviously Evil maid's daughter and new boy? Oh, right, that would have required this whole thing to have some semblance of a plot.

Precious blood.

edited 9th Jul '11 7:17:04 PM by billybobfred

Wow. Chick finally comes right out and says it in so many words: since humans are not perfect, we are worthless. What a LOVING religion!

Also, for some reason I find it extremely amusing that Gluon Winthorp wears his monocle to bed.

edited 27th Jan '10 12:18:56 PM by Karalora

I thought the whole point of baptism was to cleanse the person of the Origina Sin. Also, apparently Chick God demands the blood of the innocent. Immortality is the gift of Chaos. In exchance, Chaos demands sacrifice. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! The galaxy will drown in it!

On a side note, getting your sins forgivens seems pretty easy in Chickverse. All he had to do is spend 5 minutes praying and he was done. Then again, we don't see what happens during those 5 minutes, so maybe he sacrificed the maid for the Blood God in exchange of not being sent to Hell.

Well, considering other tracts, he probably read a Chick Tract in those five minutes.

Of course! Jack Chick is a Chaos cultist! IT ALL FITS!

^^ But then he would have shot himself in the head.

s_d posted a bunch of parody Chick Tracts yesterday. I wanted to link them, but they weren't that great (well, the "Be eaten first!" one is a classic, of course).

edited 28th Jan '10 5:54:46 AM by Haven