-jumps on bandwagon- I wanna lulzblog too! I choose... The Accident!
The opening panels show two... whoa. These are literal Quintessential British Gentlemen
: This tract takes place at the subatomic level and all the characters are Jesus-Gluons.
They're arriving at the Winthorp Castle
, which is full of priceless treasures
, the most famous of which is in THE LOCKED ROOM!
It seems that Gluon Winthorp's grandfather saved some bigwig's life, and in a blatant display of Disproportionate Reward
, the man had his entire country work for nineteen years straight to make something we're not told what it is. Which, I'd think, makes it less famous than anything we've actually identified.
IN THE GREAT KITCHEN
Oh, wow, this immediately made me think of a thread on Fanfiction Dot Net
wherein people listed things that would make them quit reading a story. One of them was marking location changes with... well, what Chick just did, pretty much. Just, "IN THE OTHER PLACE". If The Pit of Voles
can't stand it, it's Bad Writing
Back to the story, the maid is nonplussed to see that a caretaker has forgotten a box, and orders her daughter to tell the new boy to deliver it properly. The daughter is viewed from behind, so as to make The Reveal
in the next panel that she is Obviously QUALITY Evil
all that much
tiny bit more dramatic. The new boy is also viewed from behind, but that's artistic lazyness.
Oh, no, he's Obviously QUALITY Evil
as well, as evidenced by his entering a locked room that totally had a key in the door, he said so
, solely so that he can take a QUALITY
Meanwhile, the Jesus-Gluons have arrived and are making introductions. Gluon Carlton mentions the PRICELESS
treasure he has been told about, and Gluon Winthorp explains that it's the fabulous.......................... Carpet of Snow!
Which is named for some reason, despite the fact that only Gluons even know it exists, much less what it is. He goes on for several panels about how awesome it is, building up tension for the inevitable Reveal
of the new boy sleeping on it, which is wrong
It's even more wrong when they open the door at Mach 9000, cracking the guy in the head and spilling the bottle of indelible ink (that's what the package was, dontcha know?) all over the carpet. Somehow. Gluon Winthorp immediately feels literal nausea at his carpet being stained and has to go to bed.
The servants, being servants, try their best to clean up the stain, but must report to their Lord
that it's uncleanable. He orders them to burn it
, as he cannot allow anything with a stain
to remain in his castle
. Maybe they really are
After a quick panel of the carpet burning in Hell
, the butler (who is also a doctor, apparently) explains to Gluon Winthorp this incredibly obvious allegory. Gluon Winthorp's first question upon hearing that God can't allow sinners in heaven is "How can there be a stain on MY
soul?" Nobody was accusing you, Gluon Winthorp. Defensive, much?
Doctor Butler points out that everyone lies, lying is a sin, and sinners burn in hell. This comes as a complete shock to Gluon Winthorp, who immediately continues the analogy by asking "If we couldn't get the stain out of the Carpet of Snow
, how could I possibly
get my soul cleaned?" He immediately suggests many things, but as none of them are "do what Jack Chick
says", Doctor Butler shoots them all down. He explains that sin must be covered by innocent blood, Jesus is the son of God, blah blah blah Jesus died for your sins. (The maid eavesdropped on this part.)
Gluon Winthorp immediately
accepts Jesus as his savior, which takes 5 minutes, and is incredibly happy, ending the tract. Why was the maid eavesdropping, then? And what happened to the Obviously Evil maid's daughter and new boy?
Oh, right, that would have required this whole thing to have some semblance of a plot.
edited 9th Jul '11 7:17:04 PM by billybobfred