Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. It's sour.

I wish for a cup of Ethiopian coffee.

Granted, it's coffee made from Ethiopians. The human rights activists sue you for that.

I wish that this wish was not corrupted!

Granted. You wished for corruption.

I wish to be immortal, with eternal youth and beauty, and to be able to live until the end of civilization easily, and did not die due to it being granted.

Granted; you're Jones.

I wish my computers wouldn't break or otherwise malfunction.

Granted, but the end of civilization is next week.

Granted, but now your computer is so awesome everyone wants to steal it.

I wish to postpone the end of civilization by AT LEAST another week.

edited 24th Aug '14 12:27:55 PM by Everzwijn

Granted, but the end of the world happens immediately. Civilization lives a torturous 2 weeks floating in bits of Earth.

I wish that humans were better people (and not better at a bad/harmful thing).

edited 24th Aug '14 12:38:15 PM by ironcommando

Granted: Earth is now an overpopulated Sugar Bowl due to a lack of war.

I wish for a Token Mini-Moe who is Wise Beyond His Years.

Granted. He is a treacherous backstabber who withholds information to the people who need it most.

I wish that there were more 3D exploration platformers on the PC.

Granted. They all suck, though.

I wish I had a Barrett 50 Cal

Granted, it's a plastic display model and none of the parts articulate.

I wish to have a tenderly cooked, honey and pineapple glazed ham. Perfectly safe to eat and untainted (no poison, no pest contact, no other alterations).

Granted. It's about 2 cm tall.

I wish for an iPhone.

Granted. It's severely broken and is out of charge, and you don't have an iPhone charger.

I wish for Monty Pythons Flying Circus to come back.

Granted, but it ends after a single episode.

I wish Capcom got off their lazy asses and started making good Mega Man games again!

Granted; it turns out that the way in which games have evolved means that a good Megaman game either has to be a glorified Mission-Pack Sequel for the original games or use so many new mechanics that it barely resembles a Megaman game anymore.

I wish that Nintendo would make a new, 2D (or 2.5D) Metroid for the 3DS (and that it is nothing like Other M).

Granted. However, they outsource development to the guys behind Big Rigs, and the game is released as an unfinished, buggy, not even pre-alpha stage retail game.

I wish I had my own version of the original Megazord.

Granted. You lose a small but essential part of it that makes it much less fun. (Happened to me with my Thunder-Megazord's sword when I was a kid).

While we're at it, I wish I had had the awesome-looking original Dragonzord toy.

Granted. It's so awesome-looking your entire head explodes.

I wish for this wish to be corruptible.

Granted. I'm not telling you how.

I wish puzzles had a clear cut method of sorting different solutions.

Granted: Victory Is Boring now.

I wish grenade spam to be a viable tactic in Real Life.

Granted. It results in a much higher rate of friendly-fire and self-fire incidents.

I wish I could breathe fire, and have all the Required Secondary Powers.

Granted, but you have turned into a fearsome firebreathing serpent. You are unrecognizable to your friends and are subsequently put on a critically endangered species list and taken to a zoo.

I wish there were 32X CD games other than FMV games.

But every single one of them suck.

I wish to have mind control powers.

Granted. You can control a person's mind for up to 5 minutes, but for each minute you spend controlling someone's mind, you go into a coma for a month.

I wish that my car always worked perfectly, always looked at least as good as it did when it was new, and never needed any kind of maintenance, repairs, or gas. (I think I left enough loopholes here... )

Granted. When it was new, it looked like absolute rubbish, and in order to never need maintenace, gas or repair, it got rid of an engine, leaving you with a useless vehicle.

I wish people would shut up about Monty Python And The Holy Grail. I mean, it's a good film, but I'd like one day where people don't say everything from it.

Granted. That day comes when the world ends.

I wish that Justin Beiber was hated by absolutely everyone.