If it takes five men six days to dig seven holes, how long does it take one man to dig half a hole?
You can't dig half a hole.note
edited 9th Sep '16 7:27:43 AM by megarockman
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
If you help Jack on the horse, should you help Jack off the horse? Answer
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
Two-bit blockhead
The police arrested two men for drinking battery acid and eating fireworks, respectively.
They charged one, but let the other one off.
Weird in a Can (updated M-F)
Deka-Madora~
A delusional programmer was at the seashore,frustrated.
A lady came up to him and asked "What's the matter?"
He said he'd been lied to.
"Why's that?" she asked.
He said,"Because there aren't any C shells here,just a bunch of clams!"How the hell is that funny?
That face when you realize you've just walked into a pit.
see you, space cowboy.
I'm planning on freezing myself to −273.15 °C. My friends think I'm crazy, but I think I'll be 0K.
Long live the New Bev.
my current job
Many of you may be familiar with the oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist as he drinks the last of his beer.
The strange charm of the top down bottoms up.
edited 12th Oct '16 6:27:20 AM by WilliamRadarStorm
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
watermelon
It is possible to draw a regular heptagon, however...
It's a very protracted process.
current jam | avi
my current job
Overheard on a MUGEN match:
"Pinky is OP; please narf!"
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Mario's not the only Wonder here.
Julie's mother has 5 daughters. Four of them are named Jane, Janet, Joline, and Jennifer. What is the name of her 5th daughter?
![[down]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_down.png "[down]"){kind=icon}
Very good. You'd be surprised how many people completely missed it.
edited 16th Oct '16 9:56:44 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS
These two may literally be more bark than bite, but they are no less tenacious than everyone else.
sess10n status: l0st
julie, of course!
[forum cryptid: it/it's]
We are assuming there is no I Have No Daughter! situation.
What did Della wear? A new jersey.
RJ Savoy
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
People who are dehumanised to the point of being known only by a number are easily given to paranoia.
Stories don't tell us monsters exist; we knew that already. They show us that monsters can be trademarked and milked for years.
Your New Lord and Master for All Eternity
Two boys stole a big bag of oranges and wanted to eat them somewhere quiet. They decided on a nearby cemetery As they were going through the gate, two of the oranges fell out of the bag, but the boys left them because they had so many.
They were in there sharing the oranges, when a drunk man walked past the gate. he heard the two boys, saying "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately ran to the church, yelling, "Father, Father! God and Satan are in the cemetery sharing corpses!"
He led the priest to the cemetery gate. They could still hear the boys saying, "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Both men immediately took off running, screaming, "We're not dead yet"
edited 18th Oct '16 3:28:44 PM by Owlivia
Your New Lord and Master for All Eternity
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were running from the police.
The police started to catch up, so the brunette turned around and screamed, "Tornado!" The police turned to look, so the girls managed to get away.
However, the police began to catch up again. This time, the redhead turned and yelled, "hurricane!" Again, the police turned around to look, and the girls got away.
When the police started to catch up again, the blonde turned and called, "Fire!" The police took out their guns and shot all three girls.
Mweheheh
What's loud & sounds like an apple?
AN APPLE!!!
edited 18th Oct '16 3:35:06 PM by Spinosegnosaurus77
Peace is the only battle worth waging.
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
I'd heard that one before. In the version that I remember all was the same except that it was walnuts rather than oranges, and after the drunk brings the priest to the gate, the punchline was "Now all that's left is to divide up those two nuts by the gate and we're done."
FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC!
That's much better. There's an actual joke there.
Your New Lord and Master for All Eternity
Does anybody here like puns? I, for one, do.
Who got it? (I took a while to get it. Eh-heh... heh... I love this)
edited 19th Oct '16 6:17:40 PM by Owlivia
Is that referring to the usage of Roman numeral I as the number one?[
Our Favorite Cowgirl, er, Mare
my current job
"Don't play George Michael..." Tom whispered, carelessly.
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.
Your New Lord and Master for All Eternity
^^^ Tempest Knight, yes, yes it is.
edited 25th Oct '16 9:23:04 AM by Owlivia
Night Clerk of the Apacalypse.
How did the veteran gummy bear lose his leg? Nom.
Who watches the watchmen?
Our Favorite Cowgirl, er, Mare
My dinner out tonight made me remember one of my favorite jokes.
When I was a kid, a gentleman once told me that the Greek expression "Opa!" means "Hey mister, your cheese is on fire."
I like to keep my audience riveted.
Husband: When I die, do you think you'll remarry?
Wife: Oh, probably.
H: Would you live in the same house?
W: I guess so, yes.
H: Would you let him wear my clothes?
W: Maybe.
H: What about my golf clubs? Would you let him use those?
W: No, he's left handed.
Angry queer dude. Ze/zer, they/them, or xe/xyr/xem pronouns.