All Purpose Ranma Fanfiction Thread

The water's surface broke, and out peeked the head of a small furry animal.

As the Guide lamented in Mandarin and the panda stared on in mute amazement, the wet cat stared down at its reflection on the surface, then jumped out the spring, fur spiking itself in all directions. It began running around madly, as if it was trying to escape itself, before colliding against a tree head first and knocking itself out.

The panda looked down at the Guide. "Grnf?"

—-

"And so, sadly, repeated exposure to his cursed form has left his mind in this permanent state!" Genma sniffed aloud as he patted the head of the crouching Ranma at his side, who was licking his own hands the way a cat would lick at its paws. "I trust that still won't affect the engagement, however, will it?" he asked hopefully.

The three sisters looked at each other.

"Aren't you the cat lover here?" Akane asked Nabiki.

"What? Me! All I said that time was cats were better than people! But that wasn't praise for cats, but scorn for people!"

"Well, it's decided!" Kasumi smiled pleasantly. "Since you'll be happier with Ranma than with any human husband, I'm sure this is actually a gift from the gods!"

"Oh, just screw you guys!" Nabiki yelled.

Spring of Half-Drowned Akane.

Akane scratched her chin. "Hm, well, yeah, I remember it now. We were very young, and we went on that vacation to China, and I stumbled and fell into some water... Dad was very nervous, but it turned out not only I was okay, but no one had ever drowned there before, although I didn't think that mattered at all then..."

She looked at the other Akane sitting right across the table.

"... but I suppose it did matter after all, right?"

"Right!" the other Akane growled.

Akane kept on looking at her face.

Ranma stared back.

There were perfectly identical light blushes.

Soun actually smiled. "This... This actually could work after all...!"

Absently, Akane and Ranma both punched his face at the exact same time.

—-

Kuno twitched several times before regaining his breath and jumping straight for them, with wide open arms. "TWIIIIIIINS....!"

"OH, GO TO HELL!-!" a glorious Akane Double Punch ensued.

—-

"I know, I know I should be punching you right now..." Akane's fist shook, "But I just can't hurt that face...!"

Then she tossed a bucket of warm water on Ranma's face before punching him.

"There, better," she sighed in self-satisfaction.

—-

Ryouga had it even far worse than in canon.

—-

"So, it was like masturbation, right?" Nabiki curiously asked.

"No business of yours!" the Akanes grumbled while pulling their clothes back on. It was difficult to remember who had to close the door this time, with them being the same, so they hadn't fallen into the mutual blame game yet.

Spring of Drowned Pervert.

"This... This has to be karma! The work of a vengeful justice god...!" Soun bawled as he rested against Genma.

Genma cried back, supporting himself on his friend as well. "We never should have attempted to get rid of the Master! Fate always finds a way..."

They looked back at where the tiny bouncing form chased the three sisters around the table.

"On the other hand," Genma said, "If we did it once, we can do it again."

"Right," Soun nodded gravelly. "I'll go bring the rope, you fetch the Playboys and the liquor."

"AND MAKE HASTE!" Nabiki screamed.

Naruto grinned. He had made excellent time on his trip back to Konoha. Tazuna hadn't even been assigned a team yet. For the time being, all he needed to do was wait.

Hopefully, this wouldn't take too long. If all went well, he might even be able to handle the Wave Mission and get back to Team Five before anyone noticed he'd swapped out with a shadow clone. Although even if they did notice, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it until after the Wave Mission had already started.

A growl from his stomach reminded Naruto that he hadn't had anything to eat since he'd left the village. Better take care of that while I've got the time. Pausing to create a shadow clone, Naruto hopped down from the rooftop he'd been spying on Wave's bridge builder from and took off toward the market district.

Let's see... Where should I eat? A patron from a nearby barbeque shop poked their head out and waved at Naruto. Naruto waved back, but kept going. I don't feel like barbeque right now.

Anko passed by gnawing on a stick of dango. Naruto followed the kunoichi with his eyes, then kept going. Dango wasn't doing it for him either.

A hot dog vendor waved frantically trying to get his attention, but Naruto ignored him as he continued looking for somewhere to eat.

“Over here, Naruto!” cried a voice, drawing his attention to a rather expensive looking restaurant. The owner was smiling and waving at him. “Over here! We can feed you!”

Naruto looked at the restaurant owner. “Do you sell ramen?”

Immediately, the smile switched from warm to mocking. “Ramen? We don't sell that crap here. There was only one place in the village that sold that, and now its gone.”

Suddenly, Naruto found himself in front of the destroyed remains of Ichiraku Ramen, which now sported a sign declaring it to be for sale. “No...”

“Gone,” repeated the restaurant owner.

“It can't be,” gasped Naruto. “They said they were going to fix it.”

“Gone!” Naruto started breathing faster as the word echoed throughout the village, getting louder with each repetition. “GONE GONE GONE GONEGONEGONE!”

“NOOOOOOO!” screamed Naruto, dropping to his knees and wailing.

“Oy, bro,” said Chamo, shaking Negi. Or trying to, anyway. The size difference between the ermine and the boy made actually shaking him pretty much impossible for the stoat. “It's just a dream. Wake up.”

“Sis,” moaned Negi, shivering. “Sis, no. Run.”

“NOOOOOO!” Naruto suddenly wailed from the other side of the tent.

“Oh come on,” grumbled the ermine. “You too?”

“The ramen,” cried Naruto. “Not the ramen! Anything but the ramen!”

“Damn you, Ranma!” growled Ryouga, from by the tent entrance.

“Is everyone here having nightmares?”

Sakura did not respond, as she was sleeping contently.

A few hours later, a loud snort awakened Chamo from his slumber. Instincts honed by centuries of a species of small predatory mammals living in a world of much larger predators screamed at him. In an instant, Chamo snapped into full wakefulness.

There was a bear in the tent.

It wasn't a particularly large bear, but it was significantly larger than the ermine. And everyone else was still asleep. Ryouga was somehow managing this while the bear was stepping on him.

“Bro,” Chamo whispered through clenched teeth, trying frantically to shake Negi awake while remaining as discreet as possible (and failing at both). “Bro!” he repeated louder, as the bear finally took notice of him. “BRO!”

The bear stood up on its hind legs and growled loudly.

“AUUUGH!”

Ryouga groaned and abruptly rolled onto his side, toppling the bear that had been standing on his chest in the process. The tent shifted as the bear crashed into the side of it, waking up Naruto.

“Wha?” muttered Naruto, only to freeze up at the sight of the bear. Likewise, the bear stopped growling as it looked at Naruto. Chamo even stopped screaming. For a long, tense moment, silence filled the tent. Then Naruto abruptly slammed his hands into his go-to hand seal.

“KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!”

In short order, the tent was destroyed, everyone was awake, and the bear was fleeing from the remains of the tent.

“Alright,” said Ryouga, once the remains of the tent had been recovered and packed away. “Since we're all up anyways, it's time to train.”

Three miserable faces stared back at him. “Sensei, the sun isn't even up yet,” said Sakura.

Ryouga snorted dismissively. “It's fine. You all had several hours of sleep, and the sun will be rising in less than an hour. This way, we can get some extra training in before your mission. Besides, do you really want to sleep without a tent?” Ryouga's declaration was met with groans. Ignoring them, Ryouga picked up his pack and slipped his arms into the straps. “Let's start with some jogging. All of you grab your packs, we're not going to be coming back here afterwards. We might as well make some headway while we're at it.”

After 2 straight hours of 'jogging', Ryouga called out to his team to stop. Leading them into a nearby clearing, he waited a few moments for them to catch their breaths. Oddly, Naruto didn't actually seem to need to catch his. Sakura and Negi, on the other hand, were gasping for air. That's strange, he thought. I would have pegged Naruto to have fared the worst, but he doesn't even seem tired. After him, I would have expected Negi, but he seemed to be using some sort of ninjutsu to help support him near the end. It looks like Sakura actually came out the worst of the bunch, even though she seems to be in the best physical condition.

“Alright,” said Ryouga once Negi and Sakura had receovered, in his best approximation of a professor teaching a class. “Today, you're going to learn some offensive ki manipulation.” Ryouga paused at the confused looks his genin were giving him, then corrected himself. “Chakra manipulation.” Reaching up, the jounin withdrew one of his bandannas from his head and held it before him.

“Chakra, of course, is what we use to generate ninjutsu and genjutsu. However, it also has several uses outside of that. Take this bandanna, for instance. Normally, it's just a piece of cloth. However, if you add a little chakra...” Abruptly, the cloth straightened in his hand. Ryouga tapped the side of it against his hand, resulting in a knocking noise. “It becomes as solid as a plate of steel.” He then threw it through a nearby tree, leaving a bandanna shaped hole. “And as sharp as a butcher's knife.” With a sealless shunshin, Ryouga caught the bandanna out of midair.

“Holy cow,” said Naruto, looking at the hole in the tree. “You did that with a bandanna?”

Internally, Ryouga grinned as he turned to face the direction Naruto's voice had come from. This is going better than I thought. It looks like even Naruto's paying attention. Ryouga tossed the now limp strip of cloth over to Naruto before walking back to his team. “Admittedly, this isn't a normal bandanna. I've had my bandannas with me for a long time, and have honed them to the point that they can easily take on a blade's edge. You could still get that effect with an ordinary bandanna, but it would be more difficult to achieve.”

Negi and Sakura stared at the bandanna as Naruto focused chakra into it. Immediately, it snapped back into the blade-like shape it had taken earlier. “Ooh,” said all three of them. And then Naruto ran his finger along the edge.

“Wait! Don't do that!” yelled Ryouga, as Naruto yelped in pain and jerked his now bleeding finger away from the razor-sharp edge of the hardened strip of cloth, dropping the bandanna to the ground. “What part of 'as sharp as a butcher's knife' did you not understand?”

“Ow ow ow ow ow!” cried Naruto, clutching his bleeding finger, while Negi stood to the side looking conflicted.

Ryouga grabbed the bandanna from the ground and tied it back around his head, then started digging through his pack for his first-aid kit.

“You idiot,” yelled Sakura. “Why would you test a blade on your finger? Didn't you learn anything from when you first got your kunai?”

“But it was made of cloth!” replied Naruto. “How can cloth be so sharp?”

“Did you not see sensei just throw it through a tree?”

Having retrieved a set of bandages and some disinfectant wipes from his pack, Ryouga turned back to Naruto. “Alright, give me your hand.” Ryouga took a moment to disinfect Naruto's hand with the wipes, when he made a surprising discovery.

“The cut's gone.”

“What?” said Negi, examining the wound. Or rather, the lack of wound.

Sakura failed to look even vaguely surprised. “So unfair,” she grumbled.

“Naruto, what happened to your cut?” asked Negi, looking confused. “You were just bleeding from it.”

“I, uh... heal fast?” said Naruto, sounding like he was asking rather than telling.

Ryouga stared at the unblemished flesh of Naruto's finger. And then he grinned. “Naruto, did you just use a sealless healing ninjutsu on your finger?”

“No.”

“I didn't think so.” Ryouga's grin turned sinister. “Wait here. I've got an idea.”

Naruto struggled in his sack, but to no avail. Whatever it was made of, it wasn't something he could just tear his way out of. That he wasn't sure if it was due to the material being strong or his twelve-year-old body being weak wasn't particularly reassuring. “I'm telling you, there was a bear in the tent, I swear. I wouldn't have destroyed your tent with my shadow clones if there wasn't.”

“He's telling the truth, sensei,” Negi chimed in. “Chamo said that he saw it as well.”

“I believe you,” replied Ryouga, hoisting Naruto into the air via a rope tied to the sack the genin was trapped in.

“Then why are you doing this?!” shouted Naruto. The genin was bound in a sack of unknown material, with one arm on the outside and one on the inside, thus rendering handseals unusable. Furthermore, a length of cloth had been tied tightly around his hand on the arm outside of the sack, trapping his hand in a 'pointing position'. A rope was attached to the back of the sack, and Ryouga was in the process of tying the end of it to a tree branch, leaving Naruto dangling helpless from the tree. A few feet across from him, a massive boulder hung suspended from another tree by a rope. Several more boulders sat nearby, having been collected by Ryouga before he'd started setting Naruto up in this contraption. It didn't take much of a leap of logic to figure out what Ryouga was planning. Even Naruto had managed it. Unfortunately for him, he hadn't managed it until after Ryouga had trapped him in the sack.

“To teach you the Breaking Point,” Ryouga explained while failing to actually explain anything to the boy at all.

“What the heck is the Breaking Point, and what does it have to do with you swinging rocks at me?!”

Having secured the sack containing Naruto to the tree, Ryouga hopped down next to a nearby boulder (one of the several he had collected earlier). He then turned to face Naruto. “This,” he said, stabbing a single finger into the boulder, “is the Breaking Point.” And the boulder exploded.

Naruto, Negi, and Sakura stared at him, flabbergasted.

“All objects have a weak point within them, a place more vulnerable to damage. Bakusai Tenketsu, the Breaking Point, teaches you to locate these weak points and attack them.” Ryouga motioned toward the pile of rubble that had once been a boulder. “The results speak for themselves. Once you've mastered this technique, you'll never be cornered again.”

“That sounds amazing,” said Negi, “but-”

“AMAZING?” interrupted Naruto. “THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!”

“Right,” agreed Negi. “But what does that have to do with throwing rocks at him?”

Ryouga managed to look incredulous. “That's how you learn the Breaking Point. You strap into a harness binding all your limbs except for one arm, then you have rocks swung at you and try to hit the breaking points on them before they slam into you.”

Negi stared at him in horror. Naruto suddenly looked incredibly conflicted. Sakura dug some beef jerky out of her pack and started eating it.

“That sounds dangerous,” said Negi.

“It is,” replied Ryouga. “That's why I'm not teaching you and Sakura it yet. However, Naruto's surprising stamina and fast healing indicates that he's got enough ki- CHAKRA to survive the training. So he gets to learn it first.”

The Kyuubi started laughing. Naruto thought some bad words at it.

“Don't worry,” Ryouga added upon seeing Negi's concerned look. “Once you and Sakura are strong enough, I'll teach it to you too.”

The Kyuubi started laughing louder.