I always find the most difficult part of any story is starting it. I've got a decent (I think) Five-Man Band and Big Bad for a shonen manga parody (called JACKS) that I'd like to do for fun though. I figured I'd try posting them up, both for fun and for some advice and critiquing. The story is a for-fun parody of manga and tabletop RPGs in the form of a shonen fighting manga, and in most instances the Rule of X tropes come first (in other words I don't care if the science doesn't make sense so long as it's cool/funny/whatever, it's set in an fantasy world anyways). Things are relatively idealistic, and the world is certainly a Fantasy Kitchen Sink and an Anachronism Stew for good measure (my favourite kind of world), and the fourth wall is never really there.
As for the start of the story; well this is it narrowed down to the main points (and it's still pretty darn long, but I think it'll be more than enough to get me over the writing-hurdle of the story's beginning and into the rhythm of actually continuing it):
Kellen wants to be a hero and learns of a minor villain nearby, he tries to gather a heroic team but fails to impress anyone enough to want to follow him. Depressed and considering joining someone else's heroic team instead of starting his own, Kellen meets Jude. Jude advises Kellen on how to seem like a more desirable leader (with an eyepatch) and he quickly attracts the attention of Sable, who decides to join the group. The three then set off to fight their first villains and Jude and Sable draw the attention Cello who is lurking in the shadows. After the defeat of the first minor villain Cello reveals herself as a minion of Krome and manipulates the group into attempting to kill the Big Bad. After some fighting through Krome's minions and managing to free his slaves and all of the gladiators in his arena, including Avery (although Avery doesn't join the heroes yet) the heroes arrive to fight Krome. Krome proves to be more than a match for them, easily defeating Kellen, Jude, and Sable combined. Cello then attempts to backstab Krome, but this fails as well. Krome is about to kill all four when Avery charges in to repay the others for the earlier rescue and manages to actually land a direct hit. Krome still manages to look relatively unscathed, but changes his mind about killing them right then, telling the defeated heroes that they'll make for good enemies. He encourages them to get a lot stronger and try again to defeat him before leaving in a cheerful mood.
The Protagonists:
The Hero (Kellen Kidd) - Green haired (the only colour considered unusual for hair in the setting) and striving to be nothing more and nothing less than heroic, Kellen wants to be liked by everyone and end up having songs written about him. He deliberately tried to recruit others into Power Trio (and then later a Five-Man Band) but failed miserably until meeting Judas, who showed him how to make joining his team seem more appealing (namely by having him wear an eyepatch to seem more mysterious and experienced as a leader). He fights unarmed most of the time with the least magical aid in the group, and is actually a very competent and powerful fighter. His eyepatch eventually gained a secondary use as a Power Limiter, as taking it off returns his depth perception and increases his field of vision. Personality-wise Kellen is based on a mishmash of many of the classic shonen Idiot Hero characters I could think of.
The Lancer (Sable Lamain) - Arrogant swordsman(woman), but also rather intelligent (although book-smart moreso than street-smart) and very skilled. She wields a greatsword and has healing abilities. Sable initially joined the group because she was fooled by the fake-eyepatch tactic that Jude had advised Kellen to use. When she learns the truth however she remains on the team, impressed that their leader willingly uses a power limiter and not realizing that its whole purpose was to trick her into joining in the first place. She respects Kellen a great deal (possibly more than he deserves) and addresses him formally as "Mr. Kidd". She has a tendency to speak formally or use titles to those she respects, and use derisive nicknames towards those she doesn't, calling very few people by their actual given name.
The Chick (Jude, last name not decided yet) - Supposedly the strongest magic-user from his world, Jude was more than happy to help give advice on how Kellen could attract teammates, and also joined him as one of those teammates. He's Genre Savvy, charismatc, and a nice guy, but also a rather extreme ditz. His magic powers are primarily wind-based.
The Smart Guy (Cello) - Reverse MoleNinja Maid who initially works for the Big Bad. She manipulates the protagonists into trying to kill her master, and although she is essentially defeated by him at Xanatos Speed Chess and he gets away, they still manage to undo much of the damage he dealt in the process. Cello joins the protagonists after that. She fights mostly with ranged weapons like shuriken and needles and likes to use various poisons. She's a bit of a coward and unlikely to stand up to anyone on her own, but still attempts to do good from the shadows via manipulation.
The Big Guy (Avery V (V as in "The Fifth" but it's just pronounced like the letter V)) - The fifth person to join the protagonists, Avery was initially held prisoner for a crime s/he didn't commit, and forced to fight regularly in Krome's gladiatorial arena. S/he was the crowd's least-favourite gladiator because of a "gross" fighting style, and despite being a rather likeable person. On the other hand though, the crowd loved one of the other regulars despite that regular being a murderous psychopath because they found him "adorable". Avery's fighting style was vaguely inspired by the Bloatmage prestige class from Pathfinder. By forcing him/herself past physical limits (in extreme cases doing this so heavily that it holds risks like blood leaking back into his/her brain) in order to improve his/her various abilities. The backlash is somewhat avoided through tactics like forcing excess blood into large "bubbles" of skin on the arms and back, or by forcing hair-growth instead of risking a backlash of blood at all (although these avoidance tactics only work to a certain extent and can't stop extreme overuse of his/her powers). Avery fights with a rather well-rounded and diverse style aside from this and alternates unarmed combat, weapons, basic (for the setting) magical powers that are primarily earth-based, and various potions (including poisons and potion-grenades) and has very little trouble with improvisational combat. S/he is (obviously) ambiguously gendered, with the fact that his/her primary ability involves regularly altering his/her basic physical shape making the issue perhaps even more confusing.
The (Main) Villains:
Big Bad (Krome) - A rather sophisticated (both in design and attitude) Unobtanium golem. Krome is evil because of his evil "core" (although he has the evil core in the first place because he was evil enough to choose it, making it a kind of circular way of saying "he's evil because he's evil"). Not content to simply chew scenery or take over the world, Krome's long-term goal is to do evil "right" and win despite having to face severe threats to his plans. He's Dangerously Genre-Savvy as a result and has likely read the Evil Overlord List (even though he deliberately ignores portions of it at times in favour of letting various "good guys" have a fair shot at taking him down).
Big Bad Wannabe (Viol) - A JerkassCard-Carrying Villain and Cello's younger brother. Viol is smart, and rather dangerous as a villain, but believes himself to be an even greater threat than he actually is. Viol believes Cello is stupid for following Krome (and later Kellen) rather than him, and that he must kill her because she "insulted" him with her refusal to join his side. He would likely have much more success as a villain if he could put aside his ego and and not try to confront all foes directly because of his imagined-superiority towards everyone else. Viol fights with a rapier and has magic powers that are primarily light-based.
Knight Templar (Silver "Holy Fire" Speirs, AKA Fire) - The strongest knight of the holy temple of fire, Silver has taken it upon herself to cleanse the world of evil after realizing that the majority of her fellow knights of fire were unwilling to do so in most cases (most often because the "evil" in any given situation was imagined by Silver and the other knights knew better). Unfortunately Silver is a Horrible Judge of Character and tends to name even the smallest less-than-perfect actions or flaws of others as pure evil (while failing to notice her own flaws). It is also nearly impossible to convince her that she is wrong about any given topic, usually until it is too late. She is aware of Krome's evil, but considers the protagonists just as evil for attempting to kill the villain, and often finds that they are an easier target. In battle Silver is nearly identical to Sable, wielding a greatsword and having healing abilities, she also has basic magic powers that are primarily fire-based. Silver is slightly stronger than all five of the protagonists combined however, and would even stand a chance in battle against Big Bad Krome. She is also a Determinator making her an extremely dangerous threat to the protagonists (in fact she would be a greater threat than Krome if not for the fact that beneath her misguided Knight Templar tendencies she is still technically "good" and that she sometimes demonstrates this). Personality-wise she is considered generally unlikable by most.
I always find the most difficult part of any story is starting it. I've got a decent (I think) Five-Man Band and Big Bad for a shonen manga parody (called JACKS) that I'd like to do for fun though. I figured I'd try posting them up, both for fun and for some advice and critiquing. The story is a for-fun parody of manga and tabletop RPGs in the form of a shonen fighting manga, and in most instances the Rule of X tropes come first (in other words I don't care if the science doesn't make sense so long as it's cool/funny/whatever, it's set in an fantasy world anyways). Things are relatively idealistic, and the world is certainly a Fantasy Kitchen Sink and an Anachronism Stew for good measure (my favourite kind of world), and the fourth wall is never really there.
As for the start of the story; well this is it narrowed down to the main points (and it's still pretty darn long, but I think it'll be more than enough to get me over the writing-hurdle of the story's beginning and into the rhythm of actually continuing it):
Kellen wants to be a hero and learns of a minor villain nearby, he tries to gather a heroic team but fails to impress anyone enough to want to follow him. Depressed and considering joining someone else's heroic team instead of starting his own, Kellen meets Jude. Jude advises Kellen on how to seem like a more desirable leader (with an eyepatch) and he quickly attracts the attention of Sable, who decides to join the group. The three then set off to fight their first villains and Jude and Sable draw the attention Cello who is lurking in the shadows. After the defeat of the first minor villain Cello reveals herself as a minion of Krome and manipulates the group into attempting to kill the Big Bad. After some fighting through Krome's minions and managing to free his slaves and all of the gladiators in his arena, including Avery (although Avery doesn't join the heroes yet) the heroes arrive to fight Krome. Krome proves to be more than a match for them, easily defeating Kellen, Jude, and Sable combined. Cello then attempts to backstab Krome, but this fails as well. Krome is about to kill all four when Avery charges in to repay the others for the earlier rescue and manages to actually land a direct hit. Krome still manages to look relatively unscathed, but changes his mind about killing them right then, telling the defeated heroes that they'll make for good enemies. He encourages them to get a lot stronger and try again to defeat him before leaving in a cheerful mood.
The Protagonists:
The Hero (Kellen Kidd) - Green haired (the only colour considered unusual for hair in the setting) and striving to be nothing more and nothing less than heroic, Kellen wants to be liked by everyone and end up having songs written about him. He deliberately tried to recruit others into Power Trio (and then later a Five-Man Band) but failed miserably until meeting Judas, who showed him how to make joining his team seem more appealing (namely by having him wear an eyepatch to seem more mysterious and experienced as a leader). He fights unarmed most of the time with the least magical aid in the group, and is actually a very competent and powerful fighter. His eyepatch eventually gained a secondary use as a Power Limiter, as taking it off returns his depth perception and increases his field of vision. Personality-wise Kellen is based on a mishmash of many of the classic shonen Idiot Hero characters I could think of.
The Lancer (Sable Lamain) - Arrogant swordsman(woman), but also rather intelligent (although book-smart moreso than street-smart) and very skilled. She wields a greatsword and has healing abilities. Sable initially joined the group because she was fooled by the fake-eyepatch tactic that Jude had advised Kellen to use. When she learns the truth however she remains on the team, impressed that their leader willingly uses a power limiter and not realizing that its whole purpose was to trick her into joining in the first place. She respects Kellen a great deal (possibly more than he deserves) and addresses him formally as "Mr. Kidd". She has a tendency to speak formally or use titles to those she respects, and use derisive nicknames towards those she doesn't, calling very few people by their actual given name.
The Chick (Jude, last name not decided yet) - Supposedly the strongest magic-user from his world, Jude was more than happy to help give advice on how Kellen could attract teammates, and also joined him as one of those teammates. He's Genre Savvy, charismatc, and a nice guy, but also a rather extreme ditz. His magic powers are primarily wind-based.
The Smart Guy (Cello) - Reverse Mole Ninja Maid who initially works for the Big Bad. She manipulates the protagonists into trying to kill her master, and although she is essentially defeated by him at Xanatos Speed Chess and he gets away, they still manage to undo much of the damage he dealt in the process. Cello joins the protagonists after that. She fights mostly with ranged weapons like shuriken and needles and likes to use various poisons. She's a bit of a coward and unlikely to stand up to anyone on her own, but still attempts to do good from the shadows via manipulation.
The Big Guy (Avery V (V as in "The Fifth" but it's just pronounced like the letter V)) - The fifth person to join the protagonists, Avery was initially held prisoner for a crime s/he didn't commit, and forced to fight regularly in Krome's gladiatorial arena. S/he was the crowd's least-favourite gladiator because of a "gross" fighting style, and despite being a rather likeable person. On the other hand though, the crowd loved one of the other regulars despite that regular being a murderous psychopath because they found him "adorable". Avery's fighting style was vaguely inspired by the Bloatmage prestige class from Pathfinder. By forcing him/herself past physical limits (in extreme cases doing this so heavily that it holds risks like blood leaking back into his/her brain) in order to improve his/her various abilities. The backlash is somewhat avoided through tactics like forcing excess blood into large "bubbles" of skin on the arms and back, or by forcing hair-growth instead of risking a backlash of blood at all (although these avoidance tactics only work to a certain extent and can't stop extreme overuse of his/her powers). Avery fights with a rather well-rounded and diverse style aside from this and alternates unarmed combat, weapons, basic (for the setting) magical powers that are primarily earth-based, and various potions (including poisons and potion-grenades) and has very little trouble with improvisational combat. S/he is (obviously) ambiguously gendered, with the fact that his/her primary ability involves regularly altering his/her basic physical shape making the issue perhaps even more confusing.
The (Main) Villains:
Big Bad (Krome) - A rather sophisticated (both in design and attitude) Unobtanium golem. Krome is evil because of his evil "core" (although he has the evil core in the first place because he was evil enough to choose it, making it a kind of circular way of saying "he's evil because he's evil"). Not content to simply chew scenery or take over the world, Krome's long-term goal is to do evil "right" and win despite having to face severe threats to his plans. He's Dangerously Genre-Savvy as a result and has likely read the Evil Overlord List (even though he deliberately ignores portions of it at times in favour of letting various "good guys" have a fair shot at taking him down).
Big Bad Wannabe (Viol) - A Jerkass Card-Carrying Villain and Cello's younger brother. Viol is smart, and rather dangerous as a villain, but believes himself to be an even greater threat than he actually is. Viol believes Cello is stupid for following Krome (and later Kellen) rather than him, and that he must kill her because she "insulted" him with her refusal to join his side. He would likely have much more success as a villain if he could put aside his ego and and not try to confront all foes directly because of his imagined-superiority towards everyone else. Viol fights with a rapier and has magic powers that are primarily light-based.
Knight Templar (Silver "Holy Fire" Speirs, AKA Fire) - The strongest knight of the holy temple of fire, Silver has taken it upon herself to cleanse the world of evil after realizing that the majority of her fellow knights of fire were unwilling to do so in most cases (most often because the "evil" in any given situation was imagined by Silver and the other knights knew better). Unfortunately Silver is a Horrible Judge of Character and tends to name even the smallest less-than-perfect actions or flaws of others as pure evil (while failing to notice her own flaws). It is also nearly impossible to convince her that she is wrong about any given topic, usually until it is too late. She is aware of Krome's evil, but considers the protagonists just as evil for attempting to kill the villain, and often finds that they are an easier target. In battle Silver is nearly identical to Sable, wielding a greatsword and having healing abilities, she also has basic magic powers that are primarily fire-based. Silver is slightly stronger than all five of the protagonists combined however, and would even stand a chance in battle against Big Bad Krome. She is also a Determinator making her an extremely dangerous threat to the protagonists (in fact she would be a greater threat than Krome if not for the fact that beneath her misguided Knight Templar tendencies she is still technically "good" and that she sometimes demonstrates this). Personality-wise she is considered generally unlikable by most.
edited 17th Jul '11 8:04:20 PM by VensaeKorti
Call me Cinnamon. ^_^