How to write a bully that doesn't sound cliche

Okay so I got so this scene in my story where the hero is confronted by a rival of his. The guy's basically the spoiled son of a corrupt police chief and holds his father's racist/white supremacist views. He doesn't like the hero and his friends and often suggests that the hero is a 'Freak' and his friends by association (and because they're Jewish).

How do I make his dialogue not sound cliche?

edited 5th Jun '11 1:51:15 PM by JewelyJ

For one make him eloquent in speech.

Villain with Good Publicity. So have him do well in school.

Spare me and don't make him use the word "freak". I don't know about the dialogue, but scale him up a bit; make him something of a minor Manipulative Bastard who got some brain.

edited 5th Jun '11 6:45:33 PM by dRoy

I wonder if there's a way to structure the bully's dialogue so that not everything he says comes off as a jerkass/racist comment. His distaste could be less overt, maybe because he's busy trying to keep up his own image and knows people won't be on his side if he's too blatant.

So yeah, seconding Worlder's comment.

More importantly, how much balance is there between the hero and this bully? Obviously the latter's going to be more antagonistic, but maybe he should have a few good points every now and then that not even the readers can disagree with (if the hero's a troublemaker — one way or another — then have the bully call him out). Or maybe the bully can have a Pet the Dog moment.

Well, the best thing to do is experiment and see what you like, I suppose.

edited 5th Jun '11 6:45:09 PM by Voltech44

You could also write the bully to be... well, likable. Not in the "audience disagrees with him" sense, but maybe a smart, funny guy with a superiority complex. Give him believable (not necessarily reasonable) points, fun dialogue, etc, since on a superficial level a lot of bullies appear to antagonize for the fun of it, whether there's a deeper motive or not.

What he said. I would make it that aside of his bullying and superemacy and whatnots, he is a pretty cool guy to hang out with.

Make him female.

...there are lots and lots of female bullies.

Lots of them.

That does nothing to stop making a character cliché. Being female is not a unique trait. At all.

Besides, it's not uncommon for The Libby to be a female bully, so it's not even an averted stereotype.

Redundancy Time! Make him a Jerk with a Heart of Gold!

More seriously, do you REALLY NEED a bully?

I would say to make the character not only "eloquent," but to make him/her seem to have a point in what they're saying. Make them be an asshole, but an asshole that, from their view point, has good reason for being an asshole.

Exactly.

I ask this second time, but do you really need a bully, because, although this may sound too generalizing, I find bully to be a Discredited Trope.

edited 6th Jun '11 4:14:11 AM by dRoy

If it's not a children's book, use kike, not freak.

It's more specific.

But would he even want to go that route at all? One of the worst tropes, in my opinion, is the stereotypical "1980s Jerk Rich Guy." Minus the timeframe, you should try to avoid the "being an asshole to be an asshole" character as much as possible.

Chronicles suggests a newspaper format, so I guess "Area man insults Jews, elderly women" isn't quite a headliner.

Always have him choose the pokemon with the advantage over the protagonist's.

Ah thanks. Well bully may not be the right word. Essentially he is an antagonist/rival on the Muggle front. Sort of like Dudely was to Harry.

eh....this isn't a Pokemon story. ^^;.

I would love to experiment with the idea of a female bully and a male victim but I already have the big bad and a minor antagonist (a pushy relative) being female.

edited 6th Jun '11 2:23:18 PM by JewelyJ

"Make him female." - chihuahua 0

Or make the bully a Lesbian Jerk Jock.

Well, they could be having a very slow news day...

I would recommend that, in addition to trying to avoid making the bully bully people because he can, you should also try and avoid giving him an Inferiority Superiority Complex. The idea that all bullies are just insecure people taking it out on others borders, IMO, on a Family-Unfriendly Aesop, and even if you disagree, it's still highly cliche.

edited 6th Jun '11 3:03:16 PM by nrjxll

He's certainly not insecure. He kind of has an entitlement complex though, and is unsure whether or not he agrees with his dad's views. Especially when he starts having a thing for a Jewish girl.

Make him fake friendship, then set the guy up for humiliation.

Learn sarcasm?

Have him talk to the girl he likes about how she deserves someone better than a Jewish person as a boyfriend.

edited 6th Jun '11 8:07:10 PM by OrangeAipom

^^The main character already doesn't trust him and knows he doesn't like him from their days on the same soccer team.

^Sarcasm would be a yes especially considering the whole slick/clever thing I"m going for. Also about your earlier point, I'm a bit nervous about using slurs but perhaps that would be good to be specific.

Also to the guy who said bullies are a discredited trope: what school do you got to. I was picked on in school. It. Is. Not. A.Discredited. Trope.

edited 7th Jun '11 7:26:56 AM by JewelyJ

It's not so much that bullies are discredited, just that as a writing device...it largely falls into Acceptable Breaks from Reality, I suppose, only inversed. Unacceptable Adherence To Reality. From the perspective of the bullied, the bully really is a shallow cliche of a jerk ass that everyone inexplicably likes.

It's realistic, but does not make for good storytelling, since it usually coms off as projecting, or as lazy writing.

Ah I see.

Well bully was probably a bad choice of words. He's more of a rival than anything. The Dudley...so to speak.