Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

Or as the great Mr. Welch put it, "Drowning five hundred orcs at once is heroic. Drowning them one at a time is an alignment check."

• When writing backstory, I am not to use references for series the GM has not seen, no matter how much everyone else likes it.
• When writing backstory, anything over two pages is considered "a novel" by the GM, and arguing that it's technically a novella will result in a loss of XP.
• When reading someone else's backstory, immediately reaching for a pen to make spelling corrections is impolite. Yes, even if it's something that could have been caught with spell check.
• When the only female at the table proudly proclaims that her character has a job making sandwiches, not allowed to smirk knowingly.
  • Even if someone else at the table is the one who actually says, 'At least she knows her place.'
• The drow is not the Token Black Cast Member.

I'm pretty sure that's exactly what the Drow is.

Well- assuming your party doesn't have any other under dark races.

Uh... calling a Drow character a Token Minority is so full of Unfortunate Implications that I don't even know where to begin.

I got a new one over Twitter last night. If I start lettering my plans for our current objective, and I get to at least Plan G, I am required to let the GM in on at least a couple of them.

Someone already did it.

It resulted in a near-Henderson level of plot derailment.

The Drow are generally full of Unfortunate Implications.

Drow are only black in the most literal sense, in that their skin is literally that color, which is something that makes them phenotypically unlike humans of African extraction. Also, their cackling evil doesn't match any of the nasty racial stereotypes I'm aware of, so I don't see what the issue is?

Although I think in Eberron there are a bunch of drow hanging out in fantasy Darkest Africa, which could get hinky.

I mean, a conflict based white and black skinned members of species trying to kill each is never not going to have Unfortunate Implications if we're supposed believe that one side is justified; the fact that Drow characterization generally doesn't match racial stereotypes is the whole thing keeping it from crossing into jaw-droppingly offensive territory.

But it's not just that; there's also the whole thing with them having an matriarchy when that's not really a notable thing with any of good races and the specifics of Drow gender relations reads a lot like the standard anti-feminist horror story.

edited 10th Apr '15 11:46:31 AM by Gilphon

Oh yeah, I forgot they're supposed to have a special hate-on for their paler kin, given that they basically murder and/or enslave everyone that isn't them and some things that are. And I didn't think about the matriarchy angle.

Oh Drow relations aren't that bad, just think of it as a BDSM Master Slave relation with a massive amount of masochism and Sadism thrown in on both sides.

wait that just makes it worse.

edited 11th Apr '15 7:09:50 AM by stevebat

So basically

is completely accurate

To sort of re-rail this thread:

• If the DM throws a stupidly overpowered monster at us (the only reason it wasn't a Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies situation was due to some divine intervention), I am NOT allowed to comment "Even in our D&D, F.O.E.!"

@2210 Basically, yes. Also, speaking from a biological standpoint, complete nonsense. The only Underdark race that does make sense from a biological standpoint is the derro, although there's at least a weak justification for the duergar.

@2211 Ooh, good one. I'm probably not allowed to do that either. Especially in the game where the GM has played Etrian Odyssey. I also should have thought of that when the Pathfinder group at level 5 ran into a CR 8 boss monster.

• The proper battlecry when fighting my way through an army to kill a Fairy Lord is not "I don't believe in fairies!" It's been done.
  • Nor is it "Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willnae be fooled again!"

edited 13th Apr '15 4:24:16 PM by rikalous

My GM would probably give you bonus XP for using either of those. He's a huge fan of Discworld and of Dresden.

Since we were actually playing a Dresden Files campaign, referencing it would have been cheating.

My great regret with that sequence is that I hadn't read The Name of the Wind and so couldn't assure the party that the dragon that attacked us was basically a giant, scaly cow.

edited 13th Apr '15 4:45:51 PM by rikalous

SMT Game

Never allowed to roll that many crits again. Ever. Not allowed to create a character who can consistently make poor (but in-character) decisions and still manage to nearly get the best ending out of the party.

Dn D

Do not cast Dispel Magic on every single magical thing. Fire will come for you. Not allowed to have my mount sit on the target while we deal with the other enemies for the puzzle.

That SMT game was insane. Me+mediocre angel+Law OP character versus 2 other PC's, 2 of their demons, the Chaos OP character and his demon. The fight ended with literally everyone (including an Archangel) dying except the gun-wielding PC on Chaos' side. Despite that fact that happened twice to me, I still was one of the last people killed due to critting on multiple dodges that would have killed me.

Not allowed to give the DM a clown-based idea for the monster in a horror campaign ever again.

• Especially not if it's based on Gamzee. Or It.

Relatedly, not allowed to play The Carnival during a horror campaign where the characters are exploring an abandoned circus.

edited 13th Apr '15 8:29:24 PM by Tojin

It seems that a GM trying to dictate to the Random Number God is doomed to life of disappointment.

@Rik, technically it was a giant scaly worm.

I am not one to let your plebian "facts" get in the way of a good stupid joke.

You know that Face Dresden is making in Your Story about the chapter describing how to kill him off? Tim is making it at you now.

• Plan A is NOT 'Plan B'

• When asked 'Can't you make this thing go any faster?' I am not to ask if they have any red paint.

• Due to constant abuse, I can only be fire/lightning/water/ect-resistant not fire/lightning/water/ect - proof

• I am not to 'set fire to everything ' now or ever again.

I am not allowed to abuse the fact that the DM is my dad.

• Relatedly, no matter how much of a fan he is, I am not allowed to follow the Dresden school of magic all the time. Especially if my wizard is a force mage.
  • I am, however, allowed to make a character based on Asuna, since that generally involves less havoc and derailment. Plus he's a pretty big fan of SAO.

edited 14th Apr '15 3:46:00 PM by Tojin

Dresden School of Magic:

Step1: Set the house on fire.

Step2: Make Snarky comment at Big Bad

Step4: Profit?

Does your father know there is a Dresden Files Pn P :D?

edited 15th Apr '15 3:00:12 AM by 3of4

I'm reasonably sure he does, we just can't find the books and probably don't have the money to buy them in any case.