Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

Oh, Calvin, you so hilarious.

I may not, under any circumstances, play any character based on a Super Robot series.

This ruling came after I managed to damage some recording equipment at the station where we do Parties And Parodies. The world is simply not ready for Gokin, Warforged Cleric of Zeus.

Just because the rogue got busted while trying to steal does not give my Dwarf bard the right to launch into Judas Priest's Breakin' the Law.

Sadly our group seems to have disbanded for now.

If their bones are broken, that does mean they won't stop bullets from hitting me.

You are not Fighter. Don't use his sort of logic.

When people talk about standing on the shoulders of giants, it is implied that the rest of the giant is still attached.

• Yes, our group has named some of their characters after their medication before. That does not mean I can name my next character "Probiotic Colon Support".
  • Or Acetaminophen.
    • And if I even think about naming any character, present or future, "Enzyte", "Smilin' Bob", or any variation thereof, I can expect him to die within five minutes. I can also expect his corpse to lack certain bodily features.

• I don't care how many Charisma points she has in the front; not allowed to refer to the new female sorceress as "Mai Valentine". Or, for that matter, "a pair of giant levitating chesticles".
  • Even if her giant chesticles happen to be levitating at the time.
  • Her breasts are not too big for this campaign.
  • Actually, you know what, no Yu Gi Oh The Abridged Series references, period.

edited 30th Jun '13 12:30:02 PM by Midna

I may not build a gun that shoots guns which shoot guns, thus being useless FRACTALLY!

It doesn't matter how many flasks of alchemist's fire are in the sack, I'm not allowed to one-shot the troll with it.

Apparently you can't make a Catachan demolitions expert that is very clearly an expy of Mr. Torgue.

THE BEST F*CKING WAY TO DEAL WITH TYRANIDS IS WITH MOTHERF*CKIN' EXPLOSIONS!

• Characters I create must be capable of more words then "Heyo!"
• I may not mix explosives and liquor.
  • Related: even if he is not black and/or Scottish, drunken masters of explosives are out.

1)No matter the characters previous alignments, creating living infants for the sole purpose of using them to bludgeon the embodiment of pure evil to death will result in a shift further down the alignment scale.

2)A character does not need not to always outdo their previous accomplishments/atrocities.

3)If your plan involves generating a volcanic eruption, your mission no longer qualifies as "Industrial Espionage".

3a)Invoking Kali-ma as you rip the still-beating hearts out of your opponents, also disqualifies your mission as "Industrial Espionage".

4)A jet is not a spaceship.

5)You cannot commit the "crime of the century" and frame the coast guard, on the first job.

6)You cannot pick "lawyer" as your class.

6a)"I don't see till death anywhere in this contract" is not a valid argument in Valhalla.

7)Unicorns are not created by forcing a narwhal into any part of a horse.

7a)Nor are satyrs created by by forcing a goat into any part of a man.

7b)Or into any part of your loyal vampire servant. Self-inflicted amnesia is no excuse.

7c) (7), (7a), or (7b) are not invalidated by "taking a vote".

8)The players are not allowed to instigate more than two forms of global Armageddon at a time.

8a)The players may not use time travel to instigate more than two forms of global Armageddon three times in a row.

8b)The players may not use more than two forms of global Armageddon as means to distract their omnipotent progeny...and then subsequently use time travel to do so three times in a row.

edited 16th Jul '13 5:33:00 PM by dungeonguy88

Not allowed, under any circumstances, to utter the phrase "I challenge you to a race war!"

9)Things should never make more sense by introducing temporal paradoxes.

10)You cannot select "Witty Banter" as your super-power.

11)You are not allowed to play mindgames with the major gods.

12)The forced magical inversion of your fellow P Cs alignments/genders is not a valid means of resolving internal party disputes.

13)You may no longer play a character if it has become a fundamental force of the universe.

14)"Insanity" is not allowed to be a "perk".

15)Players may no longer mug bandits "for their hats".

16)If the P Cs are unable to transport the full loot available from a recently cleared dungeon, they may not build a town around the entrance for the sake of excavating said loot.

17)P Cs are no longer allowed to institutionalize necromancy and subsequently use zombie couriers as a means of smuggling the payouts for assassination contracts.

18)Cannibalism is not a hobby.

19)The evil team mate cannot be the only one raising moral objections to a given course of action.

20)Godhood is not "a step down".

21)Creating tidal waves, a "whirlwind of martial death for 10sq miles" or a global climate shift are not valid responses to trespassing upon the P Cs beachfront estate.

22)Any recently created base of operations created by the P Cs must last more than one day in-game before the P Cs destroy it.

23)P Cs are not allowed to get away with creating a base so well-hidden that even they cannot find it, or even remember it exists.

24)A player's former P Cs are not automatically amenable towards that player's current PC. Even more so, if their former P Cs were terrifyingly powerful sociopaths.

25)"Cream-filled brownies" cannot be a P Cs favorite food, if the brownies are of the woodland fey variety.

26)Dragons cannot be ninjas.

27)A PC cannot be it's own henchman/progeny/god.

28)A PC may not be older than his own universe.

29)Talking is a free action. The verbal components of a spell are not.

30)A PC cannot befriend inanimate objects, non-sentient animate objects, abstract concepts, or eldritch abominations.

31)An action is not rendered non-hostile by calling it friendly-fire.

32)The P Cs may not clear dungeons by flooding them with any source of nigh-endless fluid.

edited 16th Jul '13 6:57:40 PM by dungeonguy88

33)If an alien entity threatens to destroy the world in 15 minutes, unless it's demands are met, the P Cs are not allowed to threaten to destroy their own world in 10 minutes, as a counter offer.

I can no longer randomly murder wanted NP Cs by knifing them in the back without an alignment change to Evil.
However, if I Marshmallow Hell them first, it's considered Neutral.

True Story.

Re: Witty Banter as a super-power.

So no taking Dashing Swordsman class levels?

The issue with it only really comes up when the party has defeated 3 out of 4 of the major antagonists using witty banter. Our party defeated world-altering entities far before we were meant to largely because we drew them into petty arguments. It got to the point where the most dangerous opponent the DM pitted against us was one that refused to speak with us or allow us to speak.

If I'm playing a Paladin:

• Can't conscript criminals to carry my loot as an act of "Community Service".
• Singing Ghostbusters isn't a substitute for casting Turn Undead.
• If I don't like someone, using Lay On Hands by slapping them is still not acceptable.
• Can't be a Paladin of Dionysis is THIS setting.
• The Church of The Holy Grave Robbers is not a real church.

edited 17th Jul '13 7:43:39 PM by Azreal341

I am no longer allowed to take a trophy from every single mook I kill.

Not even if I just put their heads in a Bag of Holding.

(After the third session, this got so out of control that I flooded a tavern with severed kobold heads by turning the bag inside-out.)

edited 17th Jul '13 8:10:38 PM by Muramasan13

You should have saved that to intimidate someone with.

What about the Order of the Little Sisters of the Immaculate Chainsaw?

Yes, the ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire. Unfortunately, the people trying to catch you aren't ninjas. They're the town watch.

Having weapon proficency X does not mean I know how to opperate any vehicle known as the X

Even if I'm more sympathetic to the villain, I am not allowed to defect.

-More than once.

I am not allowed to use harsh language if I am out of ammo.

-Even if it's more effective than my main weapon.

I must warn my DM if I plan for my character to poke out his own eardrums to avoid being fast talked again.

If a GM needs a scientific textbook of any kind to understand what I plan to do, I'm not permitted to do it.

I can not destroy any warship with just a melee weapon

-Regardless of my climbing skill

It's not a Gundam, it's a Dreadnought

Even if my armor is really, really shiny, I am not immune to Las weapons.

I may not frag the commissar with a halucinagenic grenade.

If I begin to recite all the weapons of the inquisition my party members are permitted to shoot me.

I am not allowed to hold and entire fleet at gunpoint

I do not get an insanity point for jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft if I'm an Elysian drop trooper.

Not so much me personally, but my actions led to our old DM tossing one of his house rules out the window. Effectively, we had a 2% chance for direct divine intervention if we asked it, which was increased to 5% if the character was a priest.

My priest of the god of justice managed to directly summon his god after he was disproportionately punished for a rather minor crime while under the effects of domination (the DM was in the process of being kinda jerky in that session, which he admitted the next game, then this happened).

Cue Tyr the one-eyed dropping his holy hammer on a Dwarven settlement...like the whole thing. In my defense, I DID give the Dwarves a chance to evacuate before the holy orbital bombardment, but yeah.

After that, he figured the rule was too much trouble to mess with after that, especially since I managed to argue him into a corner on that particular case. Up to that point the players' requests to their summoned deities were relatively minor or life-saving type things. I managed to weaponize it. Bad DM! BAD!

EDIT: Also, I'm never allowed to be a blood relative of an adventurer that ascended to demigod status. ESPECIALLY if said demigod was one of my old characters.

edited 18th Jul '13 2:30:21 PM by Draven_Xero