- Date First Aired: 14/11/1994
Brittas has gone of to Brussels for the interview which will determine if he gets the role of European Commissioner of Sport or not. As such, he has put Laura in charge, although is he giving orders to them via phone. At the end of his first call with Laura, he notes that he wasn't able to locate Helen.
The good news is that the dustbin strike is over, and the bins have been put around the back. There's also a children's party on that day, and Tim has been chosen to be "Mr. Jolly", much to his annoyance. Helen also comes in needing Laura. The police have arrived as well. Apparently, Helen has been accused of attempted murder, specifically to her son Jonathan's English teacher for giving his homework (actually hers) a bad grade, and she doesn't want Brittas to know. Julie recommends John Rawlinson, a sleazy lawyer who knows some loopholes. Not helping matters is that the guy who has come for the party is the very same teacher, and he ends up thinking that Helen is going to murder him. Brittas also wants Colin to get rid of the weeds in the centre, although thanks to some misunderstandings, Colin thinks he has to clear a whole pitch-worth's of grass.
At reception, a boy comes up to Carole with a half chewed crisp bag and the perpetrator - a rat! It soon becomes clear that there's an infestation of them, with one in particular scaring Mrs. Delgado and leaving uncertain who's going to be cooking for the Birthday Party and another getting into the pool. They've also been getting in via the loose bin bags that haven't been cleared away yet. Colin finally finds out from Laura that he's clearing away the wrong patch of grass, which Brittas confirms, and he is advised to throw away the weed killer.
The party regardless is still on, and the children are taken to the gymnasium for some trampolining. However, things get worse when the rats get into the sugar, ending with Gavin having to empty it all. He does this as Colin is also throwing away the weed killer. As Carole and Colin talk, they find that Ben's tin whistle playing is luring the rats. Thanks to said playing, they're able to get a bucketful of rats. Linda finds the bucket and ends up flushing them down a toilet, who end up biting the teacher in the butt. The party is also off, so Tim throws the cake (with still lit candles) into the bin. The result is a garbage bomb, which ends up blowing up the kitchen. Thankfully, Brittas is in favor for the job and the charges against Helen have been dropped. She celebrates by having an affair with Rawlinson. The episode ends with Brittas, unaware of what happened despite a news report on the matter behind him, asking how it went.
Tropes In This Episode:
- Acquired Error at the Printer: The badges that are supposed to read "I Partied with Mr. Jolly" instead say "I Fartied with Mr. Jolly".
- Agony of the Feet: Mr. Furber is left with a slight limp where the roof rack clipped him in the ankle during Helen's attempted murder of him.
- Ambulance Chaser: John Rawlinson manages to help Helen get away with the attempted murder of a teacher after she had signed a confession. He was also able to let Julie's previous boyfriend off the hook on no less than three cases of car theft through loopholes.
- Ax-Crazy: Helen makes an attempt to kill her son's teacher with no remorse. She even says she's perfectly happy to do it again.
- Beleaguered Boss: Poor Laura falls into this role during her time spent running the centre whilst Brittas is away, not helped by the fact that unbeknownst to both her and the rest of the staff, it's Brittas' phone calls that are causing issues. Upon discovering that Colin got the idea to apply weedkiller to an entire pitch, she even mutters to herself "I'm beginning to see how he (Mr. Brittas) feels".
- Birthday Party Goes Wrong: The party of the Furbers' child already goes wrong when a rat gets into the pool, necessitating it being closed down. However, it is further ruined by Tim taking on the Dreaded Kids' Party Entertainer Job before it is canceled altogether. Oh, and the birthday kid preferred the previous Mr. Jolly.
- Book Dumb: Helen is shown to have a poor ability to do schoolwork in the fact that the work she's doing for her son is getting consistently low marks.
- Business Trip Adultery: The episode ends with Helen having an affair whilst Brittas is away in Brussels.
- Butt Biter: Mr. Furber is bit in the butt by the rats which Linda dumped into the toilet.
- Car Fu: How did Helen try to kill Mr. Furber? She backed into the school with her car.
- Child Hater: Tim makes no attempt to give the children a happy birthday party during his time as Mr. Jolly, rather deciding to half-ass it as much as possible and talk shit about them to Gavin.
- Coincidental Broadcast: A television in Brittas' hotel room in Brussels shows a live news report on Whitbury New Town leisure centre after two bins full of weedkiller explode. Brittas is of course merrily oblivious and on the telephone at the time.
- Continuity Nod:
- Rawlison was able to get Julie's previous boyfriend off from car theft, which he had been mentioned to be getting arrested for at the end of "Shall We Dance?"
- John Rawlinson remembers Helen from the time she gave birth to twins on the high street.
- Contrived Coincidence: The child having the birthday party this episode coincidentally happens to be the child of the same teacher who Helen tried to run over.
- Cut-and-Paste Note: Brittas has been getting threatening notes from a man called Mr. Redwood, with one reading "I know where you live and I am going to get you". Mr. Furber accidentally stumbles upon one and is left to believe it's Helen, coming to try to murder him.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Helen's response to her son getting a D Grade is to try to kill his teacher.
- Dreaded Kids' Party Entertainer Job: Tim has to take the role of "Mr. Jolly" this episode, and he is shown to both half-ass it and not enjoy it at all.
- Everything Makes a Mushroom: The garbage bomb makes a mushroom cloud that rises high above the centre.
- Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Laura does so in the page quote when she realises Brittas has inadvertently made a garbage bomb.
- Fun with Flushing: Linda's response to a bucket of rats is to flush them down the toilet.
- The Ghost: A man named Mr. Redwood is apparently responsible for the threatening Cut-And-Paste-Notes, but he never appears in the flesh.
- Handsome Lech: John Rawlinson, the dodgy lawyer who Helen has an affair with.Helen: So what do we do now?John: Well, I suggest we go round to a hotel and I buy you a jolly good lunch.Helen: I'm afraid I'm not really very hungry.John: We could just go to a hotel...
- Ignored Vital News Reports: At the end of the episode, Brittas is too busy chatting with Helen on the phone to realize that there is a news report reporting on an explosion at his leisure centre right behind him.
- Implied Death Threat: Julie tells Rawlinson over the phone that if he wasn't at the centre in 20 minutes, she would torch his new Mercedes, adding that it would be a pity if someone was inside it at the time.John Rawlinson: I think it was a joke, although one can never be entirely sure with Julie.
- Insane Troll Logic: Why does weed killer need to be moved immediately? Because what if some small child decided to pour some in its eyes?
- Mama Bear: Helen does her son Jonathan's homework for him. When he gets a bad mark on the work she did for him, she tries to run down the teacher in her car.
- Mass "Oh, Crap!": Laura, Carole, Linda and Julie all immediately rush out of the centre when they work out that Brittas has inadvertently made a garbage bomb.
- Mind-Control Music: Ben is shown to be able to lure rats in with his music playing.
- Mission Control: Brittas isn't physically anywhere near the centre this episode, yet it's his phone calls to the staff that end up causing trouble for them.
- Mistaken for Murderer: Mr. Furber comes across several things which leave him with the impression that Helen intends to kill or at least severely injure him, including a threatening Cut-and-Paste Note, his car getting destroyed and a toilet full of rats. Played With in that Helen really was thinking of murdering or severely injuring him, it's just that the attempts that he thought came from her were in fact coincidental.
- Modesty Towel: Linda wears one after she gets out of the shower and is ordered to flush a bucket's worth of rats down a toilet.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Even though Helen is for the most part without remorse for trying to kill her son's English teacher, she does nevertheless eventually feel some regret.Helen: She's right.John Rawlinson: I'm sorry?Helen: Laura. I shouldn't have done it, should I?
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Brittas' attempts to guide his staff over the phone makes them unknowingly construct a garbage bomb that destroys the centre's kitchen.
- Noodle Incident: Carole's offscreen holiday, which started off with a bus trip to see Colin and involved Colin accidentally using the wrong tea caddy, leading to her and Colin ingesting paralytic herbs.
- Not So Above It All: Linda has no problem flushing a bucket full of rats down the toilet despite being an outspoken animal rights activist.
- One-Shot Character: John Rawlinson, Graham Furber and Mrs. Furber.
- One-Steve Limit:
- Before John Rawlinson, there was a One-Shot Character called John in "Back From the Dead".
- Graham was also the name of a One-Shot Character back in "Set in Concrete".
- Out-of-Character Moment: Linda has no problem flushing a bucket's worth of rats down a toilet, despite only two episodes ago in "The Old, Old Story" being strongly pro-animal rights.
- Out of Focus: Whilst Brittas still plays a decent role in this episode, he doesn't get as much screen time as usual due to him being away at Brussels this episode, with the episode largely revolving around the rest of the cast instead.
- The Parent-Produced Project: It's revealed that Helen has been doing the homework for her son Jonathan. Unfortunately for both of them, Helen is terrible when it comes to schoolwork.John Rawlinson: I believe you said he'd been consistently undermarking your son in his English.Helen: All term. He's never given him a decent mark ever.Laura: That's it?Helen: I've spent two days on his last homework, Laura and do you know what he got? A "D" and something about "Had You Read the Book?". Of course I've read the bloody book!Laura: So that's why you drove the car at him? Because he gave you a "D" in English?Helen: This is exam work Laura! Much more of this and he's going to fail his GCSEs.
- Pun-Based Title: The title comes from the wartime phrase "London calling".
- Shout-Out:
- Mr. Jolly (the character that Tim dresses up as) takes a good resemblance to Mr. Blobby. Even more funny if you remember that Brittas actually made an appearance on Noel's House Party.
- Ben is also shown to be able to lure rats with music playing, much like The Pied Piper of Hamelin.
- Stuff Blowing Up: The episode ends with the kitchen blowing up.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: Thanks to the stresses of the day, Laura becomes snappier than usual, most notably when she coldly tells Carole to get back to work.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Carole is revealed to be terrified of rats.
- You Dirty Rat!: The centre is having an outbreak of rats this episode and they're portrayed as quite disgusting and a health hazard.
