'Usagi vs. Rei: Nightmare in Dream Land': Sailor Mars gets tired of their leader's incompetence and plans a coup at a fairy tale-based kiddie theme park, where the state of Japanese robotics proves frighteningly advanced.
'Usagiís Panic: Reiís First Date': Usagi abuses her sailor powers yet again to nose into the private lives of others, The Dark Kingdom does its part for the environment, and Rei ends up dating the jerkiest guy on the show.
'A Girlís Dream: Usagi Becomes a Bride': Usagi cheats at a contest using her sailor powers, a loving relationship is nearly ruined, and the Sailor Scouts spend way too much time thinking about marriage for 14-year-olds.
'Wish Upon a Star: Naruís First Love': Usagi goes on a date with two boys, Nephrite learns the meaning of love on the run, and Naru robs her mom's jewelry store after foolishly concluding that the Silver Crystal is there.
'Naruís Tears: Nephrite Dies for Love': Nephrite loses his edge and gets ganked, and Naru cries her eyes out when her older boyfriend fades away, finally understanding The Power of Love. Not even that irritating English dub voice for Naru ruins the many feels this episode provokes.
'Restore Naruís Smile: Usagiís Friendship': Naru turns to God for answers after Nephrite's death. Usagi misuses powerful magical artifacts, and Luna worries that Usagi's goofing off will hinder their search for the Moon Princess. Featuring the Engrish stylings of Boxing Demon Priest.
'Total Chaos: The Messy Love Rectangle': Mamoru thinks Motoki is weird for dating a fellow university student instead of Middle School students. That's the opposite of weird, you creepazoid. Meanwhile, Makoto enters housewife mode to try and seduce the video game arcade clerk, which is also kinda messed up...
'Grandpa Loses Control: Rei in Danger': Usagi's rampant abuse of her transforming pen continues. A homeless, wannabe musician puts himself through hell for a chance to date Rei, and Rei's old man is turned into what can only be described as a Pokemon, bringing up some serious questions regarding Rei's heritage.
'Loved and Chased: Luna's Worst Day Ever': Luna finds herself dragged back into the street cat turf wars due to her forbidden love with the feline kingpin, leading to a wacky adventure across the city — with the Sailor Scouts and Zoisite along for the ride.
'Umino's Resolve: I'll Protect Naru': Totally forgetting her friend's considerable trauma, Usagi tries to set up Naru with that creep Umino by telling him to be a suicidal fool. Sailor Moon sinks to a new low by straight-up handing Zoisite the super-important crystal of the week.
'Enter Venus, the Last Sailor Guardian': The villain's most successful plan yet revolves primarily around cross-dressing, and they would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling Sailor V!
'The Sparkling Silver Crystal: The Moon Princess Appears': Despite mounting evidence, Usagi is still too dumb to figure out who Tuxedo Mask is until it's basically too late. Zoisite tops the charts with two named character kills, making him more effective than 99% of villains in pretty much all media.
'Returning Memories: Usagi and Mamoru's Past': Tuxedo Mask gets pretty kidnapped, and Zoisite gets pretty dead. Sailor Moon has a mental break over being The Moon Princess and humanity's only hope for survival as Kunzite beats the rest of the Sailor Scouts senseless before she actually manages to step up and do something.
'Usagiís Confusion: Is Tuxedo Mask Evil?': Usagi is feeling a bit bummed over losing Mamoru and her new responsibilities, so Minako takes her out to get her hair did...and all the hairstylists turn into the unholy union between a Barbie salon playset and a G1 Transformer. Meanwhile, Tuxedo Mask has totally defected to the Dark Kingdom. Always knew he was kind of a dick.
'Let's Become a Princess: Usagi's Bizarre Training': Usagi enrolls in a program on how to act like a proper lady. Tuxedo Mask and Kunzite work at cross purposes, while an oyster-based demon lady shoots snot out of her boobs and turns her star students into the latest works of art for Madame Tussaud's museum.
'The Snow, the Mountains, Friendship and Monsters': The crew go skiing, and it goes as well as you might expect. Usagi employs her secret flailing technique and sets a land speed record, and Rei gets over Tuxedo Mask and way into that Suicidal Shrine Guy. No accounting for taste...
'Paired with a Monster: Mako, the Ice Skating Queen': There are free skating lessons at a local rink by a pair of Olympic athletes. Usagi and one of the demons gets upset at Mako after she deadlifts a pretty-boy skater, showing girls everywhere the fun side of emasculating men. We witness an awesome demonic transformation sequence, and learn why short skirts might not be the best cold weather gear.
'The Legendary Lake Yokai: The Bond of Usagiís Family': Usagi's family goes on a lake trip. Endymion wakes up an ancient spirit and immediately regrets it due to her incredibly irritating voice acting. The Sailor Soldiers appear to be stalking Usagi and waiting for her to screw up.
'Sailor Venusís Past: Minakoís Tragic Love'note unaired in America: We learn about Sailor V's history as a badass vigilante, learn she can survive a grenade at close range, and witness somebody actually being mature about a relationship for a change. Usagi transforms in a sailor that isn't Sailor Moon.
'Usagi Abandoned: The Falling-Out of the Sailor Guardians': The Sailor Soldiers finally chuck Sailor Moon out for incompetence. We meet a ninja demon chick posing as a tabloid reporter with a strange verbal tic (and an even stranger work outfit), and it turns out Sailor Moon has customized stationery.
'Usagiís Eternal Wish: a Brand New Life': Sailor Moon redeems Endymion, becomes the Princess, and presses the Reset Button located directly in Queen Beryl/Metaria's face. That's the Power of Love, folks!note In America, this and the previous episode air as one episode — "Day of Destiny" — due to all the scenes of death and violence that had to be cut. Cowards.
Sailor Moon R
The second series, 43 episodes (episodes 47-89 overall)
'Moon Returns: The Mysterious Aliens Appear': While the former Sailor Scouts and Usagi are enjoying life as normal girls, a pair of plant aliens show up and immediately drag things into some super dumb relationship nonsense. Apparently all you need to be a vampire is to yell "Vampire!" as if you were a Pokemon. Luna is forced to restore Usagi's memories, power, and the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that accompanies it.
'Usagiís Crisis: The Tiara Stops Working': It sure is the '90s as Usagi goes to a "virtual reality" arcade. Usagi tries and fails to rekindle the romance between her and Mamoru, and has some performance issues regarding her tiara. And wait, how the heck is Mamoru not Moonlight Knight?
'A New Transformation: Usagi's Power Up': On Cherry Blossom Day, the villains unleash a freaky ghost lady that kicks the Sailor Soldiers around a bit, necessitating Sailor Moon go on a vision quest to get a shiny new wand to beat them up with.
'Is Seijuro the Moonlight Knight? Mako-chan Falls in Love': Mako thinks the alien dude might be Moonlight Knight and goes on a lunch date with him, while Usagi searches for food after forgetting her lunch. Later, the sailor scouts fight a cardian who would be right at home in a hair metal band.
'Women Should Be Strong and Beautiful! Rei's New Killer Move': Rei's grandpa opens the shrine for women's wrestling practice (though we all know it's a cover for sexually harassing women). Koan and a wrestler droid named Rhonda try to put a stop to it, but Sailor Moon and Co. intervene to save the old creep.
'Awaken, Sleeping Beauty! Mamoru's Distress': Mamoru still blows off Usagi, who becomes so depressed she eats her feelings and lets a droid named Hypnotica put her in a deep sleep. Will Mamoru swallow his pride and rescue his true love? Of course he will!
'A Battle of the Flames of Love! Mars vs Koan': Rei and Rubeus are basically both abusive dicks to their significant others, but Rubeus wins when he disses Koan for wearing too much perfume and make-up and, to add injury to insult, hands Koan a bomb as a break-up gift. Cold.
'For Friendship! Ami and Berthier Clash': Ami enters a chess tournament — and so does Berthier, who's on thin ice after a failed capture. And speaking of thin ice, Berthier attempts to freeze herself and everyone around her when Calaveras and Petz refuse to help her.
'Defeat Rubeus! The Battle in Space': Sailor Moon and Chibusa teleport up to space. Ruben does what every sci-fi villain ought to do and kicks her ass with the artificial gravity of his ship, but after some clever sabotage, Rubeus is left to die on his exploding spaceship.
'A Mysterious New Warrior, Sailor Pluto Appears': The Sailor Scouts take a journey into Chibiusa's mind to save her from a demon. Usagi must have spent her experience points from defeating Ruben because she swordfights Death, gives an awesome speech, and is generally bad-ass the entire episode. Wait, what show is this again?
'Magical Power of Darkness! Esmeraude's Invasion': Sailor Moon decides to drown her sorrows in sweets. The new villain comes along and joins her. The droid of the week is made out of sugar, so Sailor Mercury finally gets to do something useful with her water powers.
'Artemis' Adventure! The Evil Animal Kingdom': Artemis has had enough of Luna being awful to him and wanders off to prove his feline masculinity. This leads him to the world's most awesome animal shelter, which is promptly taken over by the Black Moon. People getting peed on makes a triumphant return.
'Terrifying Illusion! Ami All Alone': The villains strike Ami where she's weak — right in the friendship, which turns her into a paranoid schizophrenic when she sees images of her friends bad-mouthing her and violently beats them. Fortunately, she sees through the illusions and defeats the monster of the episode. Moving on...
'Dark Gate Completed? A Grade School in Danger': The villains turn Chibiusa's grade school into Thunderdome. The Sailor Scouts straight up murder the bad guys this week. No, they weren't demons or robots, but they just got Moon Princess Eliminated for real.
'The Shocking Future! Demande's Dark Ambition': In the grim darkness of the third millennium, there is only war. Future!Usagi is of course sleeping through it. The gang meet a hologram of Future!Tuxedo Mask, who finally explains everything. Rei asks the important questions about Chibiusa's conception, while Demande abducts Usagi and brainwashes her into kissing him. Gross.
'Wiseman's Evil Hand! Chibiusa Disappears': Chibiusa wanders off and gets kidnapped (yup, definitely related to Usagi). Meanwhile, Esmeralda goes to Wiseman for a power-up, and enjoys it for all but two minutes.
'Saphir Dies! Wiseman's Trap': Saphir decides that maybe listening to the Evil Space Lich is a bad idea and defects to hang out with the Weird Sisters. In response, Wiseman energy beams him to death in front of his own brother.
'Believe in Love and the Future! Usagi's Determination': The Sailor Scouts go charging off into a giant evil crystal because that's definitely a good idea. Sailor Moon gets separated and Demande comes back for round two of his brand of creepy seduction, but Usagi doesn't fall for it again, and Demande goes the way of his brother seconds later.
'The Rod of Love is Born! Usagi's New Transformation': There's a house filled with stray cats... and an evil catgirl demon which beats up the Sailor Scouts like it was no thing. The new Sailor Silhouettes leave the team hanging. Usagi and Mamoru get together to create a new transformation sequence and final attack!
'A Beautiful Boy? The Secret of Haruka Tenou': We're introduced to Sailors Uranus and Nepture. Haruka begins her seduction of the entire cast with Usagi and Minako. Features probably the silliest monster design in the entire series so far, and that's saying something.
'Protect the Pure Heart! A Three-Way Battle': The villains target Mamoru's sister and steal her heart. The new Sailor Scouts turn out to not actually be in the business of saving lives. The monster this week really sucks.
'Leave it to the Moon for Love Aid': Umino and Naru are having relationship trubs. Usagi "helps". Haruka and Michiru are objectively better at romance than anyone else. I have the numbers right here.
'Cold-Hearted Uranus? Makoto in Trouble': Makoto falls head over heels for Haruka. Yes, sure, you just admire her. Right. We get some hints as to the difficult job of the Outer Sensei and their cynical worldview. The villain this week turns out to be weirdly adorable under her flasher coat.
'The Labyrinth of Water! Ami the Targeted': Shocking everyone, Ami comes into direct contact with Haruka and Michiru and doesn't fall in love with either of them. Either she's the only straight Sailor Scout, or she's some kind of robot. The water-themed enemy of the week can't swim.
'Usagi in Tears! Glass Shoes for her Birthday': I'm not saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messing with no broke... uh, Usagi she gets Mamoru to buy her some glass slippers, and then they immediately get turned into a demon. This is why we can't have nice things, Usagi!
'The Pure Heart Stolen! Usagi's Biggest Crisis': Picking up from the previous episode...without her transforming trinket, Usagi can finally be replaced as Sailor Moon by somebody competent. The new Sailor Scouts take out the first of the villains. Four more to go!
'The Arrival of the Tiny Pretty Senshi': At a local festival, the new arrival from the Witches 5 dispenses with the BS and employs drive-by shooting. Chibiusa pops back in from the future with Baby's First Special Attack.
'Wanting More Power! Mako's Lost Path': Makoto takes a sabbatical in the country after fearing she may not be strong enough. Come on, a girl like her, who fought while reeling from blood loss and can lift a male figure skater?