Rod Serling: Good evening, art lovers. For your enjoyment and edification, three paintings on display; part of a collection of kookery unique to this special exhibit.
House – with Ghost
Original story by: August Derleth
Teleplay by: Gene R. Kearney
Directed by: Gene R. Kearney
Rod Serling: Painting number one; out of the real estate section of "The Ghost Town Weekly". A gingerbready item quite appropriately called: House – with Ghost. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Night Gallery.
American businessman Ellis Travers (Bob Crane) moves to London with his overbearing wife Iris (Jo Anne Worley), largely to be together with his lover Sherry (Trisha Noble), who is getting impatient waiting for Ellis to leave Iris. To this end, Ellis purchases a haunted house so Iris, who suffers from dizzy spells and has a strong interest in ghosts, will be scared enough to "accidentally" fall down the stairs. The only factor in his plan is just how long it takes for any potential ghosts haunting the house to show themselves and do their duty, which soon costs Ellis much more than his wife.
Tropes
- Awful Wedded Life: Ellis can't stand his nagging wife Iris and wants to be with his mistress Sherry instead, so he intends to have the potential ghost inhabiting the supposedly haunted house he and the missus buy and move into scare Iris to death.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Ellis buys a haunted house in London to scare his wife to death so he can be with Sherry. Once Iris finally dies, Ellis, who no longer has any use for the house, is told by Mr. Canby that he'll have to keep making a monthly payment of $2,000 to keep it. And also, Sherry broke up with him just before Iris died.
- Bittersweet Ending: Iris dies, just as Ellis wanted her to, but he loses Sherry just before she goes down the stairs. Furthermore, Mr. Canby tells him that he'll have to pay $2,000 a month every month for the rest of his life to keep the house he clearly no longer has a use for.
- Conditioned to Accept Horror: The segment's universe is one where ghosts not only exist, but people are so accustomed to their presences that they've been reduced to tourist attractions, with travel agencies charging travelers to rent and stay in the places they haunt.
- Fright Deathtrap: Ellis hopes for the haunted house to be the literal death of his obnoxious wife. It comes to pass in the end, but it costs Ellis his mistress and a good chunk of his finances.
- Haunted House: Ellis buys one with the express interest in having the overbearing Iris frightened to death.
- Henpecked Husband: Ellis, who pines for Sherry while thinking up a way to kill the overbearing Iris.
- Ironic Echo: Ellis' habit of using the old "A., B., C.," trope in his conversations is spat back at him at Sherry before she breaks up with him, and again by Mr. Canby to continue his monthly payments on his now useless haunted house under the threat of being hounded to death.
- Laser-Guided Karma: After cheating on his wife and plotting to have her killed, Ellis gets what he wants, but loses his mistress' love, and is forced to pay $2,000 a month for a house he no longer needs.
- Lighter and Softer: The segment is set in a world where haunted houses are regularly sold as commercial real estate and rental properties, realtors and buyers treating the ghosts within as additions to their properties. Ellis intends to use one of these houses to scare his nagging and superstitious wife to death so he can start a new romance with his mistress, but it doesn't happen fast enough for his tastes.
- Nightmare Fetishist: Iris has a strong interest in ghosts and the supernatural, and she's eager to move into a haunted house housing genuine phantoms, telling Ellis that it's "not very hip to be unspiritual these days". This rebuttal and the brochures Ellis reads in the same scene indicate that all of London is similarly ghost-crazy, as haunted houses "with or without ghosts" are freely advertised for purchase or rental to travelers.
- Pyrrhic Victory: Ellis still has Iris killed by the haunted house's resident ghost, but his romance with Sherry ended just before Iris died, and he'll need to pay an additional $2,000 a month for a house he no longer needs for the rest of his life.
- The Reveal: The ghost haunting the house is its previous owner, Mr. Canby. While he does kill Iris for him, he informs Ellis that in doing so, he'll need to pay $2,000 a month to keep the house; the exact sum promised to Canby's own mistress, who was cut out of his will by his own wife.
- "Shaggy Dog" Story: Iris dies by being thrown down the stairs by Mr. Canby, which Ellis was hoping for all along, but she dies immediately after Sherry breaks up with him.
- Staircase Tumble: Iris is killed when she is yanked down the stairs by Mr. Canby and breaks her neck.
- Villain Protagonist: Ellis, who aspires to use his new haunted house to scare his wife to death.
- Your Days Are Numbered: Ellis finds out that the condition that gives Iris her dizzy spells is terminal, and she has only a few months left to live. Or she did, before Mr. Canby threw her down the stairs.
A Midnight Visit to the Neighborhood Blood Bank
Written by: Jack Larid
Directed by: William Hale
A vampire (Victor Buono) flies through an open window and approaches a slumbering woman (Journey Larid) in her bed. Just before he can sink his fangs into her neck, the vampire is given an unexpected surprise.
Tropes
- Affably Evil: Once the woman confirms that she's already given blood, the vampire apologizes for intruding, makes a note to himself, and leaves.
- Anti-Climax: The vampire leans in, preparing to feed, but the woman rebuffs him by revealing that she's already given blood. He leaves, and the sketch ends right there.
- Breaking and Bloodsucking: Parodied. A vampire breaks into a woman's room and goes to sink his fangs into her neck. At the last second, she wakes up and tells him "I gave at the office." He apologizes, makes a note in his book, and flies off.
- Covers Always Lie: The painting is creepy, but the story itself is a comedy.
- Everybody Lives: Unusually for the show, no one dies or suffers.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: A vampire sneaks up on an unsuspecting woman. Just as he's about to feed, she calmly tells him that she already donated blood at work. He makes a note, apologizes, and leaves.
Dr. Stringfellow's Rejuvenator
Written by: Rod Serling
Directed by: Jerrold Freedman
Rod Serling: As our third selection, an item from the past. That uniquely American institution known as the "pitchman". The wheeler and dealer of magical nostrums, guaranteed to cure, to palliate, to bring back the glow of health to everything but a cadaver. Model dreams, if you will. Our painting is called: Dr. Stringfellow's Rejuvenator. Drink hearty.
In the Old West, Ernest Stringfellow (Forrest Tucker) is a fraudulent doctor who makes a living peddling phony medicine he calls "Rejuvenator" to swindle gullible townsfolk out of their cash. Soon after his latest pitch, a farmer approaches Ernest and begs him to heal his ailing daughter, suffering from acute appendicitis. Ernest gives the sick girl doses of Rejuvenator, but his fake medicine exacerbates the girl's illness and ultimately kills her, which Ernest shows no fear or remorse about as he and his assistant Rolpho (Don Pedro Colley) prepare to head to the next town. Before he can do so, Ernest is confronted by what appears to be the ghost of the young girl that his phony medicine killed.
Tropes
- Asshole Victim: Ernest, who made a living scamming people with fake medicine, is killed by a heart attack brought on by the fear of seeing the ghost of an ailing girl his medicine killed.
- Bait-and-Switch: It looks as though Ernest was killed after being clobbered by a falling sign. It turns out that his tension from seeing the ghost of the girl his phony medicine indirectly killed, combined by the fear of the sign potentially hitting him, caused him to have a heart attack. The sign actually missed him by at least a foot.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: In keeping with how he sells "dreams" and "faith" to those who buy his Rejuvenator, Ernest promises the farmer that he's going to sell his daughter so much belief that she'll burst out of a pine coffin. This seemingly comes to pass near the end, as the girl's ghost returns from the grave to seek vengeance on the peddler, moments after she's hauled off in a hearse.
- Bittersweet Ending: The farmer's daughter dies thanks to Ernest's actions, but Ernest himself dies soon after she does. Rolpho also burns his stagecoach so his phony Rejuvenator can't harm anyone else.
- Cowboy Episode: The setting is the Wild West, but the main character is a peddler instead of a cowboy.
- Death by Irony: As lampshaded by Rolpho, Ernest made a living by deceiving others, and he died right after he was deceived by his own eyes.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: Ernest treats his black assistant Rolpho with very little respect, calling him stupid, giving him insulting nicknames, and essentially using him as cheap labor. It fits with the time period, but whether the peddler's attitude towards him is because of the generalized racism or his overall rotten attitude is unrevealed.
- Horrible Judge of Character: The desperate farmer genuinely trusts Ernest and his Rejuvenator to save his daughter's life, even as Snyder, an actual (albeit disgraced) doctor, warns him against it. Sure enough, the Rejuvenator exacerbates the daughter's illness and kills her.
- Last Disrespects: Ernest's assistant Rolpho gloats about his boss' undignified death, then burns his stagecoach and destroys everything inside, getting revenge for Ernest's treatment of him and his willingness to let the farmer's daughter die in the name of easy money.
- Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: It's never said if the farmer's daughter's ghost came back to avenge her death, or if his guilt from killing her caused Ernest to hallucinate seeing her.
- Meaningful Name: Ernest Stringfellow is a classic Western scamster, and thus, he naturally "strings fellows" along with his phony promises and phony products to make a living.
- No Name Given: The desperate farmer and his sick daughter are unnamed.
- Only Sane Man: Snyder, the former doctor-turned-town drunk who cautions the farmer about trusting Ernest, is the only person in town to deduce Stringfellow as a total fraud.
- Seemingly Profound Fool: Town drunk Snyder was once a licensed doctor, and as such, he's the only person in the segment who tries to tell everyone else, especially the desperate farmer, that Ernest (a doctor in name only) is nothing more than a con artist.
- Snake Oil Salesman: Ernest makes a living as a phony healer who sells fake medicine he calls "Rejuvenator" (said to be a mixture of caramel coloring, wood alcohol, and burnt cork) to gullible people throughout the West.
- Undignified Death: Ernest dies of a heart attack brought on from his guilt of killing a local farmer's daughter, and the overwhelming fear he experiences when he comes across what looks like her ghost, coupled with a sign dropping in front of him.
- Vengeful Ghost: The farmer's daughter seemingly becomes one when the Rejuvenator kills her, and she stares down Ernest from across the road, ultimately giving him a heart attack.
- Would Harm a Child: Ernest doesn't care about saving the farmer's daughter, giving her more and more Rejuvenator so he gets more money, fully anticipating her death. When the Rejuvenator does kill her, Ernest isn't at all shaken up by it, until he spots her ghost.
Hell's Bells
Original story by: Harry Turner
Teleplay by: Theodore J. Flicker
Directed by: Theodore J. Flicker
Rod Serling: Our final selection this evening; an import from that outer region. That infernal inferno down below. Offered to you now in living color, and with a small scent of sulfur. Our painting is called: Hell's Bells.
Aging hippie Randy Miller (John Astin) dies in a fiery car crash on a dark highway, and soon finds himself in Hell's waiting room. Realizing what's happened to him, and actually looking forward to a land of fire, brimstone, demons, torture, and ceaseless agony, Randy is shocked to find that Hell appears to be a dull-looking room with drab wallpaper, a collection of boring music on vinyl, and the only company he has being an apparently-senile farmer and a couple of tourists who have a massive collection of vacation photos to share with him. Growing impatient, Randy demands an explanation as to why Hell is so boring, prompting the Devil to appear and straighten things out.
Tropes
- Affably Evil: The Devil is rather polite with Randy, explaining everything about his eternal torment in a calm and reasonable manner.
- Boring Vacation Slideshow: The married couple in Randy's personal hell have one of their trip to Tijuana that they're dying to show him... one that's 8,500 slides long.
- Bottle Episode: Aside from the opening scene on the highway, the rest of the story takes place in two rooms, mostly the second one.
- Breather Episode: The preceding segment was emotional and gripping, so this one is much more light-hearted to take the edge off.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: The people that Randy ends up stuck with, consisting of an old farmer who seems to live in his own little world, and a couple who have a very long slideshow of their vacation that they're just dying to show him. It's justified since they're acting this way to torture him.
- Creator Cameo: Theodore Flicker, director and writer of the segment, plays the Devil.
- Denser and Wackier: The segment goes out its way to be over-the-top while ironically giving Randy the most painfully mundane Hell ever. Randy's journey to Hell even has him spiraling in a black void as ridiculous looking demons yell the names of villainous people and their sins to the viewers, providing an additional sort of comedic irony to Randy's fate.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Besides smoking weed and potentially driving while stoned, Randy doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who deserves Hell, especially a Hell as mind-numbingly boring as his.
- Drives Like Crazy: Randy's car crash comes about because he weaves up and down the road like a madman, likely being behind the wheel while stoned out of his mind. It's even possible that his driving high is what got him sent to Hell to begin with.
- Fire and Brimstone Hell: Randy expected this to be what Hell was like and was actually interested in seeing it. Too bad that's not what he got.
- Hawaiian-Shirted Tourist: The married couple in Randy's personal hell appear as such, and they have an 8,500 slide-long slideshow of their Tijuana vacation to show him.
- Ironic Hell: Randy, who craves excitement, ends up in the most boring situation imaginable once he dies.
- Mundane Afterlife: Randy's personal hell. It consists of a room with ugly wallpaper, a record collection of the most boring music possible, and roommates who absolutely bore him.
- Nice Guy: Randy is a pretty chill guy who notably doesn't look like he belongs in Hell, likely being sent there just for smoking weed, or as indicated by the opening scene, driving while high.
- Nightmare Fetishist: Randy was actually looking forward to a Fire and Brimstone Hell in the waiting room. Unfortunately, the Devil had other ideas in store for him.
- Offscreen Teleportation: The Fat Lady usually appears from nowhere to clean up rolling paper Randy throws on the floor when he tries toking up, then disappears when she finishes. The Devil also does the same when Randy calls on him for an explanation.
- Plot-Triggering Death: Randy's death in a firey car crash at the start of the segment.
- Satan: He shows up to tell Randy the truth behind his personal hell, and to fit with the comedy stylings of the segment, he's portrayed as a short and stocky middle-aged man in a cheesy costume, complete with a sparkly pitchfork.
- Scatterbrained Senior: The old farmer, who answers Randy's questions with completely different answers, usually regarding agriculture.
- Self-Inflicted Hell: Before the Devil leaves Randy to his fate, he notes that there's a room exactly like the hippie's personal hell in Heaven, meaning that this is only Hell for Randy because he sees it that way.
- Soundtrack Dissonance: Randy's firey death and his trip down to Hell, along with the eerie/comedic screaming demons, is all accompanied to the groovy music he was driving to.
- Tempting Fate: Subverted. After learning that he's in Hell and asking "How bad can it be?", Randy immediately begins imagining all sorts of ancient illustrations of the horrific punishments that potentially await him, though he's not fazed by that. Turns out, Hell is much worse (for him).
- Totally Radical: Randy interjects over-the-top hippie slang in his dialogue.
- Visual Pun:
- In the waiting room, Randy meets the Fat Lady, who serves as Hell's cleaning woman. True to form, she doesn't do any singing, since Randy's ordeal is far from over.
- Seeking an explanation as to the constant boredom of his eternal fate, Randy demands to see the Devil, who instantly appears in his room. "Speak of the Devil", they say...
- World of Ham: Randy and his above-mentioned hippie slang, as well the Fat Lady and his new roommates. His trip to Hell is accompanied by pale-faced demons screaming insults and sins at the viewers as he falls through a black void.
