Meet the Belaskos
Written By: John Esposito
In the distant past, a vampire hunter enters a candlelit crypt and approaches the stone casket in the middle of the room. The hunter walks up to the vampire lying inside, freshly fed, and lowers his stake to her heart. The vampire's parents, locked in cells next to the casket, beg the hunter not to kill their only daughter. Plainly stating that "there is no mercy for the undead", the hunter raises a mallet and strikes down on the stake, spraying blood everywhere as her parents scream and wail.
This turns out to be a nightmare of Chuck Belasko (Brendan Taylor), a modern-day vampire who lives in a world where "Vampire-Americans" and humanity co-exist, though the former are prejudiced against. His wife Helena (Lisa Durupt) asks if everything is okay, and after confirming that he's alright, Chuck climbs out of the couple's king-sized coffin to check on their daughter Annastasia "Anna" (Karis Cameron), growing relieved to find his daughter alive and well listening to music in her own coffin. Once they reach their location, the small town of Mapleton, two men in 1800s attire wheel the coffins into their new home as a man next door watches with great contempt.
That night, the Belaskos spruce up their new yard, with Chuck pounding a fence into the ground. They are greeted by their new neighbor, Doug Roach (Donavon Stinson), who makes it clear that he possesses a vehement hatred of vampires. As Chuck and Helena try to make conversation and explain that they teach night classes at the local college, Anna happens to spot Doug's son Alex (Matthew Nelson-Mahood) peeking at her through the window, staring at her with an apparent infatuation. Sensing the mutual attraction, Alex's father immediately cuts it short, telling his son to mind his own race and putting a garlic-laden cross on his front door.
Later that week, the Belaskos have settled into their new home relatively well, enjoying a nightly breakfast made with blood substitutes. Anna asks her parents if she can join a 24-hour gym she's read about, but they’re hesitant about letting her mingle with mortals. An angered Anna reminds them that Mapleton was supposed to "be different", to which Chuck attempts to calm her by saying that Mapleton is fully integrated. Anna retorts that the last neighborhood they lived in was also fully integrated, rolling up her sleeve to reveal a cross-shaped scar on her arm, implying that the residents of the former neighborhood attacked her. Seeking solace, Anna climbs up to the roof for some moon-bathing. Alex, having been alerted via the noise, tries snapping a photo of her, only for the image of her to display her as a monstrous bat-human hybrid. Alerted via her heightened senses, Anna attempts to escape, only for her bra to come off. Running down to the yard and returning the bra, Alex and Anna introduce themselves to one another and strike up a friendship.
Alex gives Anna a midnight tour of Mapleton as Anna clears up some vampire misconceptions for him, saying her family hasn't consumed human blood in over a century, and that per society, a vampire feeding on human blood is both illegal and disgusting. On noticing an ice cream shop with a "Help Wanted" sign in the window that says "vampires need not apply", Alex apologizes on the owners' behalf and recognizes Anna as someone with her own feelings, much like himself. Anna and Alex hold hands as he takes her to the last stop of the tour, a small playground that has been designated the town's unofficial "Disneyland". As Alex discusses how his mother died when he was seven, Anna tells him that vampires die too, but it just takes longer, after which they share their first kiss. As the couple proceed to spend every day afterwards having sex several times a day, Anna's parents have a frank discussion about their interspecies relationship, noting that while it's already certain that no one will ever fully accept them, the romance will make things even worse.
Alex plays his guitar for Anna on his roof, asking Anna to share her "gift" with him, but she desires to spare him from a prolonged life of being loathed and prejudiced. Remembering that Anna brought up the possibility of running away to where no one could ever find her during their tour, Alex asks where she would even go, prompting Anna to say she wants to go to Alaska, where it's dark six months out of the year. Alex gladly volunteers to go with her, looking forward to "hibernating" the rest of the time there. The next day, Doug reveals that he knows about his son's relationship with Anna and berates him for it. Doug reveals that Alex's mother was killed by a vampire, and rose from the grave as one of the undead and floated outside his window demanding to see Alex, forcing him to drive a stake through her heart. He hands Alex a stake, but Alex, angered by this revelation and his bigoted father's expectations, refuses to turn his back on Anna. After he leaves Alex, Doug gets on the phone and calls one of his old vampire-hunting friends, telling them to get their group back together since there's going to be a hunt that night.
Overhearing the plot, Alex texts Anna to let her know that she and her family are in danger and to meet him at "Disneyland". Upon arriving, Alex tells Anna that his father is planning to come after her and that they need to leave immediately. Doug and his friends then arrive, having followed a tracker on Alex's phone. When Alex is knocked unconscious, Anna flies away as Doug fires his crossbow, letting the stake go straight through the forehead of one of his friends. She then turns into her natural form (the bat-human hybrid Alex photographed) and viciously slaughters Doug's friends, saving Doug for last and savagely biting his neck. After the scuffle, Anna discovers that Alex's heart is failing, and as the sun gradually rises over the horizon, she carries Alex all the way to the hospital, burning into ash just as he is escorted inside.
Sometime later, Doug wakes up to find himself chained up and stuck in a coffin, with Chuck and Helena standing over him, bearing their fangs. He threatens them to undo his chains or he'll sue them back to Transylvania. They correct him by revealing that they're actually from Pennsylvania, just as it's revealed that Doug himself is now a vampire. An infuriated Alex looms over his now-undead and pleading father, repeating how there's no mercy for the undead and slamming a wooden stake into his heart as revenge for ruining his love with Anna. Blood rapidly fills the coffin as Doug writhes in agony.
This episode contains examples of:
- Affectionate Nickname: Chuck is fond of calling his daughter "Anna Banana".
- Ambiguous Situation: Regarding Doug's wife coming back as a vampire, was she truly out for her family's blood? Or did she genuinely want to come in and see Alex again, and this is just how Doug saw her from his specist point of view?
- Arc Words: "There is no mercy for the undead."
- Bittersweet Ending: Chuck and Helena lose their daughter, but she gives her life to save Alex's, and they allow him to stake his now vampiric father through the heart as a means of revenge.
- Bland-Name Product: As part of their diet, the Belaskos drink a canned blood orange drink known as "Fang", after the orange drink of the same name.
- Bookends: The episode begins and ends with a vampire being staked in the heart, with the only difference being who the vampire is.
- Bratty Teenage Daughter: Anna plays the role on the surface, but it's to mask the fact that she clearly loathes being undead and was viciously attacked/scarred from the last neighborhood she and her parents lived in.
- Call-Back:
- The stock footage of the sun rising featured in the episode is reused from The Hat.
- A box of vampire-themed cereal from the supermarket in The Parent Deathtrap can be seen in the Belaskos' kitchen.
- Dark and Troubled Past: The Belaskos previously lived in a "fully integrated" neighborhood that turned out to be hostile to vampires, to the point where Anna was given a crucifix-shaped scar right on her wrist.
- Death by Irony: The bigoted Doug is killed by the son he warned to stay away from his vampire neighbor, who stakes him in the heart after he becomes a vampire himself.
- Defrosting Ice Queen: Anna is originally withdrawn upon moving to Mapleton, the scars of her attack in her last neighborhood still weighty, but Alex gradually helps her to come out of her shell.
- Distant Prologue: The opening dream sequence takes place in the distant past, as evidenced by the candlelit crypt.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: The episode is a giant allegory for neighborhood prejudice and discrimination, swapping those prejudiced against for their species instead of their race.
- Dream Intro/Dreaming of Things to Come: The episode opens on a nightmare that Chuck has, where he and his wife are forced to watch a vampire hunter that looks like Doug kill Anna with a stake through her heart. Anna is very nearly killed by Doug and his posse at the climax of the episode, but she manages to overpower the sun long enough to get Alex to the hospital. Chuck and Helena lock the vampirized Doug in a casket and let Alex stake him through the heart, making his dream a karmic reality.
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: As much as Doug argues with his son over the episode, he's very clearly appalled when one of his friends knocks him unconscious, though he still blames it on Anna.
- Face Death with Dignity: Anna is at peace with herself as she succumbs to the sun's rays turning her to dust, so long as Alex gets medical attention. She even notes how beautiful the sun itself is as she disintegrates.
- Fantastic Racism: Though vampires co-exist with humans in this world, they are often treated as minorities or second-class citizens. Doug himself acts incredibly hostile to Anna and her family, even going as far as to round up his old friends to hunt her down.
- Fantasy-Forbidding Father: Alex's romance with Anna is shut down by his father Doug, who rebukes vampires with a furious passion.
- Foreshadowing:
- Anna plays timelapse footage of a sunrise on her phone while she simulates getting a tan, the flare of her glasses even making it appear that she's staring right at it. The end of the episode has the same footage playing as she turns herself into dust while getting Alex to the hospital, staring at the sun a good chunk of the way there.
- Alex's covert photo of Anna as she moonbathes features her as a humanoid bat-monster. She breaks this form out in the climax to attack Doug and slaughter his friends.
- Freudian Excuse: The hero and villain of the episode both have them:
- Anna is bitter and hesitant to make friends because the last neighborhood she and her parents lived in turned out to be horrifically prejudiced against vampires, attacking her and branding her arm with a cross.
- Doug apparently hates vampires so much because one of them killed his wife, who returned from the dead to suck his blood, prompting him to kill her again.
- Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: Vampires (or rather, Vampire-Americans) and humans co-exist in the episode's setting, though the former are often treated with scorn and hostility, even though they don't legally kill people for their blood. While Anna is notably bitter about what happened in their old neighborhood, Chuck and Helena go out of their way to become friendly neighbors to Doug and his son, even when they're discriminated against. When push comes to shove, Anna even butchers Doug's similarly specist friends when they try to kill her and seriously wound Alex.
- Good Parents: Chuck and Helena think the world of their daughter, doing their best to keep her happy after what happened in the old neighborhood. They also support her relationship with Alex, though they believe that the rest of the neighborhood won't condone it.
- Hate Sink: Doug Roach, the Belaskos' neighbor who hates vampires with a fury, even going as far as to call up his old vampire-hunting buddies to kill Anna when she and his son fall in love and plan to run away together.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Anna exposes herself to the sun as she carries Alex to the hospital, turning to dust just as she brings him to the door.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Doug wants Alex to be a vampire hunter like him, only to meet the business end of his stake when he ends up indirectly killing his girlfriend.
- Homage: The episode is mostly an homage to Romeo and Juliet for its tale of a forbidden romance between members of rival families. The fact that the lovers are a human and a vampire also brings Twilight to mind.
- Humans Are the Real Monsters: Anna and her parents are well-meaning and good-hearted beings. It's the bigoted, murderous Doug and his friends that are the true villains.
- Idiot Ball: The ending is dependent on Anna carrying Alex to the ER for treatment. However, for this to even be possible, it would take an extended period of time for sunlight to kill her. In spite of this, she's fine with her decision, taking her time and not attempting to seek cover after Alex has been handed off to medical professionals. She also goes out with a smile, accepting that a "monster" like her was actually able to do some good.
- In a Single Bound: Being a vampire, Anna has a notable leap, using it to get to the roof for moon-bathing and to get the drop on Doug's friends.
- Interspecies Romance: The human Alex and the vampiric Anna become fast friends, then lovers, as they take a walk around Mapleton.
- Ironic Echo:
- Doug's dream self declares "There is no mercy for the undead." before he stakes Anna. At the end of the episode, Alex throws this line back at him before staking him. The Belaskos also repeat his discriminatory remarks back to him when he discovers he's undead.
- Anna also repeats Doug's decree that he'll "make this fast" as she goes in to bite him.
- Love at First Sight: From the moment they first looked at each other, Anna and Alex fell in love right there.
- Meaningful Name:
- Doug Roach is a pesky, invasive, bigoted jackass who tries to get rid of the Belaskos by any means necessary.
- The Belaskos are named after someone who is synonymous with vampires.
- Model Couple: Chuck and Helena, who think the world of each other and their daughter.
- Morton's Fork: Near the end, Anna and Alex are faced with the choice of letting the latter's heart fail or have the former carry him to the hospital in the sun. Though the latter is chosen, it's clear that no matter what happened, someone would've died.
- Mythology Gag:
- The "Father's Day" ashtray can be seen on the Belaskos' kitchen counter, next to the sink.
- The brand of syrup the Belaskos have with their breakfast is named "Aunt Bedelia's Blood Red Syrup", named after the deranged spinster who used the ashtray as a murder weapon in the above story.
- As they introduce themselves to Doug, Chuck and Helena reveal that they teach night classes at Horlicks University, the college from "The Crate".
- The flashback where Doug describes his wife coming back home as a vampire, levitating outside the window amid smoke and dressed in the white gown she was buried in, comes straight out of 'Salem's Lot.
- The hospital featured near the end of the episode is named St. Stephen's Memorial Hospital.
- Never My Fault: Doug blames Anna for letting his son get critically hurt, even though it was actually one of his friends that did it.
- Nice Guy: Alex is more than willing to make friends with Anna, later becoming her boyfriend and offering to run away with her to escape his specist father and his cronies.
- Our Vampires Are Different: Vampires co-exist with humanity in this episode, but they are often treated as second-class citizens. They consume human food mixed with blood-based substitutes instead of actual human blood, as the act of actually feeding on human blood has been deemed illegal. They also can become winged, bat-like humanoids by spinning around instead of the traditional bats in a plume of smoke, and this form is also displayed as their reflection instead of having no reflection at all. When they die, blood also fills their caskets to the point of overflow, for whatever reason.
- Physical Scars, Psychological Scars: Anna received a horrific cross-shaped burn on her wrist from the last neighborhood she lived in, and it's this, plus the ignorance and bigotry of mortals, that make her bemoan being the undead.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Doug is a violent bigot who hates vampires, and tries to kill the one in love with his son when they plan to run away.
- Proscenium Reveal: When Chuck wakes up from his nightmare and talks to Helena, they appear to be lying in bed. As he goes to check on Anna, he opens the lids of their coffin, designed to look like a bed.
- Putting the Band Back Together: Doug performs a villainous example by calling up one of his old friends and telling them to get their hunting party back together as a means of killing Anna.
- Reduced to Dust: Anna allows herself to succumb to this by carrying Alex to the hospital under the sun's rays, content to go out doing a good deed after being seen as a "monster".
- Reluctant Monster: Anna hates being a vampire, as she sees her life as a never-ending cycle of being hunted and persecuted.
- Shout-Out:
- The homages to Romeo and Juliet and Twilight are already present (and stated above), but the episode's focus on vampires just trying to live their afterlives in a mortal-dominated world also brings What We Do in the Shadows to mind.
- The Belasko family name is derived from "Béla Ferenc Dezso Blaskó": the birth name of Bela Lugosi.
- The titular family's new house is shown to have been sold to them by Stoker Realty, and the name of the company who drives them and their stuff to the house is Fly by Night Movers.
- Vampires are capable of transforming into bat-like humanoids by spinning in place, much like the vampires from Van Helsing.
- When suggesting a possible location that she and Alex can run away to, Anna suggests going to Alaska, as there's a months-long period of darkness up there.
- The town the episode is set in is named Mapleton, and the fact that humans are more hostile than vampires in said town is a clear reference to the Twilight Zone episode "The Monsters are Due on Maple Street".
- Super-Hearing: As a vampire, Anna was able to hear Alex in his room across the street, even lampshading that she can hear everything whether she wants to or not.
- Super-Speed: Anna uses the skill to meet Alex at "Disneyland" as soon as he texts her, as well as to evade the vampire hunters looking to stake her.
- The Swear Jar: The Belaskos keep a "cuss jar" that Anna puts a dollar in whenever she becomes a potty mouth.
- Vegetarian Vampire: Since vampires co-exist with humans in this world, the sight of them drinking human blood nowadays is considered both disgusting and illegal. As the Belaskos show, modern vampires largely eat human food mixed with blood-based substitutes.
- Wall Crawl: Alex spots Anna crawling up to the roof of her house so she can moonbathe.
- Wardrobe Malfunction: Anna loses her bra as she leaps off the roof when Alex snaps a photo of her in the above scene, and he introduces himself while handing it back to her, being careful not to look.
- You're Not My Father: After Doug presents Alex with a stake and tells him to kill Anna with it before leaving to gear up for his vampire hunt, Alex screams after him that Doug isn't his father before discarding the stake in disgust.
