Quotes / What Did I Do Last Night?

Bo Burnham, "What Did I Do Last Night?"

"So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut..."
Phoebe (quoting a typical Fun Bobby story), Friends

"You absolutely do not have permission to not remember the same things I don't remember especially when the results of your not remembering are so potentially life shattering!"
Ash, Misfile

Kryten: Oh, my goodness! Oh - oooh, my head. What happened to me? Damage control report! "Dehydration level: 45%. Recall of previous evening: 2%. Embarrassment factor: 91%! Advised repair schedule: reboot startup disk, offline for 36 hours and replace head". BOY, what a night! Ugh, is it just me or is that cockroach shuffling too loudly?
Rimmer: Kryten, it's called a hangover, don't panic.
Lister: We're on a mining ship, three million years into deep space. Can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?
Cat: Hey, it's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone. It's the policewoman's helmet and suspenders I don't understand!
Red Dwarf, "The Last Day"

Oh my God! I woke up with a snake tattoo!
Oh my God! And I think that my tongue's pierced too!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
It's the Sunday morning after
And baby, who the hell are you?
Amanda Marshall, "Sunday Morning After"

"What did we do last night?"
Finn, after he and Jake wake up in a pile of bananas in a jail cell in Hell, Adventure Time

Mal: [Upon hearing that he apparently got married during a big celebration party the previous night] How drunk was I last night?
Jayne: I dunno, I passed out.
— "Our Mrs. Reynolds", Firefly

Yes. Yes, this was a mistake. He'd made more mistakes than any man, woman, or child on the face of the earth, but this? This took the cake and threw it right out the window, screaming and crying as it jumped out after the cake.
Calm down, Ozpin. You just... okay, there's no real reason to be calm. You just slept with a terrorist and supercriminal that is trying to blow up your academy and presumably kill everyone inside of it. How drunk, exactly, were you? How drunk, exactly, was she? Why don't you remember important things, like... I dunno, why you had just slept with a terrorist and supercriminal?

D'Argo: Crichton...Crichton! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Crichton: Unnnggghhh...what happened?
D'Argo: What didn't happen?
Farscape, "Scratch 'N Sniff"

"Just give him one of these blue pills," said Proton. "He'll wake up in his bed tomorrow and believe whatever he wants to believe — especially after finding the words 'Bubba's Bitch' tattooed on his behind. At least, that's what happened to me."
Plan 7 of 9 from Outer Space

Joker: Luthor, baby! How ya feeling?
Lex Luthor: Not great. I don't recall much after deciding it would be fun to dress as Superman for the Halloween party.
Joker: You were a riot! You ran around drunk yelling, "I get it! I get it now! The cape's amazing!" Then you tried to fly by jumping off the roof!
Lex Luthor: Ugh. Who stopped me?
Joker: Nobody! We're villains; we all watched you jump!
Lex Luthor: How the hell did I survive that?
Joker: SUPERMAN CAUGHT YOU! And then you tried to kiss him. It was a delightful train wreck, and I've caused actual train wrecks.

"The last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that. Woke up in bed with both my executioners. Lovely couple; they stayed in touch! Can't say that about most executioners."
Captain Jack Harkness, Doctor Who, "The Doctor Dances"

Rocky: Where are we? Are we still in Texas?
Mordecai: Louisiana.

"I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night."
Benjamin Franklin (attributed)

"God... What have I done? Also, why did I do whatever it was I've done? Also, where am I?"

Sheldon: Penny, Leonard. Would you be able to answer some questions I'm having about the events of last night?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: Question one: Where are my pants?
Leonard: You might want to check YouTube.
Sheldon: (walking over to the laptop) What am I searching for?
Leonard: (grinning) It's already loaded, just hit play.

"Never let Sara mix you a drink. The last time she played bartender for the freehold, we all woke up three days later in a clearing in the Hedge with a gang of Goblins calling Joe "Your majesty"."
Introduction text of the Brewer Kith in Changeling: The Lost 2E