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Quotes: The New Tens
"Oh, 'get a job'? 'Just' get a job? Why don't I strap on my Job Helmet and squeeze down into a Job Cannon and fire off into Job Land, where jobs grow on little jobbies?”
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "The Gang Sells Out"

"Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava. In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make some significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you, a cruel trick indeed. Any questions? (deafening silence) Of course not. I weep for the future of science; now if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out."
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

“Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.
Louis C.K., Untitled

"Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?'
Bill Maher

"We're a heavily medicated society. All the drugs we take: Prozac, Effexor, Valium. I thought for the last ten years, we've been on some weird fucking drug — the whole country — called 'Fukitol.' What a weird fucking drug. And we're just coming out of it and we're kind of waking up. Fuckin' A! It's weird. It's like you're going "last thing I remember was the economy was working and there was a budget surplus.... What about the economy?' Well, we had to bail out the banks. 'Again?' Fuck, yeah! 'And now who's the president?' A black guy. 'Oh, yeah right. Yeah, there's a black president and a Latino on the Supreme Court.' There is. 'Oh, my God! Who's the president? Jesse Jackson?" No, his name is Barack Hussein Obama. 'Now you're fucking with me!'"
Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction

“Well we've left behind the 200X's, and we move onto the 20XX's. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we're living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.”

"Never mind Ben Stein's bullshit about the have-nots hating the haves. I'm perfectly willing to be the haves hating the haves. Perhaps depression is a wholly appropriate consequence. Here we are, cooking the planet, and what do we have to show for it? Who wouldn't be depressed to realize that?"

"As we move into 2012, the final year of human existence, I wanted to take a look back on the last great apocalypse— Y2K. We've rebuilt society since the Millennium Bug destroyed everything we knew, but for what? So our souls look better as they're being pulled from the gnarled teeth of Ah Pukuh in twelve months?"

"Matt’s a frightening character because of the nonchalant manner with which he discusses blowing his fellow students’ skulls off. Is he joking? Is he for real? Everything’s so fucking ironic these days, with people afraid of getting caught being earnest — an entire generation of walking memes — that neither his ‘accomplice’ nor the audience are sure where he stands, at least until the end."
Stuart Millard on The Dirties

"We've given a cat a media empire complete with endless merchandise, a New York Times Bestseller, an agent and a movie deal that will no doubt produce a film on par with the classic Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties, the Casablanca of movies about cats with a single personality trait... 2013 was the year we took the Internet, with its near infinite content and potential, and decided to declare a frowning cat its God. When Grumpy Cat appeared at SXSW this year she drew a bigger crowd than some of the finest creative minds of our age. Does that worry you? Because it damn well should."

"We talk a lot on this site about how geek culture has taken over the mainstream and I worry that another part of geek culture — the social awkwardness and inability to deal with social settings — is also going to become the norm. We've slowly killed off most of the activities where kids get together with other kids and have fun (and in the process, learn how to interact)."

"Millennials, according to some depressing data gathered by Business Insider, have taken it on the chin during the economy's torpor...But all is not well with the baby boomers, either, as the generation of seemingly well-heeled, permissive parents has seen their retirement funds be slowly nibbled away by the banking sector and those profligate southern Europeans with their loose morals and Vespas. Boomer parents are, as a result of being less liquid, finding it tougher to finance their children's seemingly endless bildungsromans. Though some have suggested that parents who cut kids off entirely actually do more harm than good to that child's financial maturation, who wants to keep paying for a twenty-five year-old son's shitty Los Angeles apartment while he works on his HBO series at the local Coffee Bean? Nobody, that's who."

"This current 20-something generation is an American version of Japan’s Lost Generation. So many of us have so many more skill sets and competencies than most previous generations had at our ages. So many of us carry high levels of education at great personal expense in the form of predatory loans. And yet, we’ve been so shut out of even getting the chance to participate in the general economy. There are any number of PhDs and Law School Graduates working retail for not even close to enough wages and despite all of us fucked taking it pretty well and trying our best to make do, we’re assumed to be lazy and incapable entirely because we haven’t magically made good jobs appear out of nowhere (oh hey, wasn’t there something about our holiest of job creators back when democrats pretended to try and attempt to slightly increase taxes on the wealthiest 1%?). And that’s before you factor in the debt and the huge cost of living these days relative to the minimum wage.

So yeah, it’s kind of slightly insultingly disgusting when unqualified hacks who were able to walk into full-time massive salary positions with promotion opportunities back when jobs still existed and worked their ass off since making sure that the door was tightly closed behind them start pontificating on how the younger generation just doesn’t have the 'moxie'."
Sadly, No! rebuts Washington Post columnist George Will

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