Quotes: The New Tens

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    Live-Action TV 

Oh, 'get a job'? 'Just' get a job? Why don't I strap on my Job Helmet and squeeze down into a Job Cannon and fire off into Job Land, where jobs grow on jobbies?!
Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia ("The Gang Sells Out")

Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14, and I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava. In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make some significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you, a cruel trick indeed. Any questions? (deafening silence) Of course not. I weep for the future of science; now if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.
Dr. Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

    Music 

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Great clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above
But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
'How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?'
Bastille, "Pompeii"

    Stand-up comedy 

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.
Louis C.K., Untitled

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?
Bill Maher

They say the economy is essentially sound because people are considering buying things. That's like saying fat people are healthy because they might exercise.
Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction

There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce.

    Web Original 

People taking selfies with Cybermen? What an appalling comment on today's society (and unfortunately an accurate one).
Joe Ford on Doctor Who, "Death in Heaven"

Matt’s a frightening character because of the nonchalant manner with which he discusses blowing his fellow students’ skulls off. Is he joking? Is he for real? Everything’s so fucking ironic these days, with people afraid of getting caught being earnest — an entire generation of walking memes — that neither his ‘accomplice’ nor the audience are sure where he stands, at least until the end.
Stuart Millard on The Dirties

Well we've left behind the 200X's, and we move onto the 20XX's. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we're living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.

The fiscal cliff looms. Wars rage around the globe. Apple Maps wasn't everything they promised.

The Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear was like if Martin Luther King graced those stairs and said, 'I had a dream, but it’s not really important to talk about right now. Just know that bad things are happening to black people, but I guess bad things always happen, so never mind. We can’t change anything. Hey, at least we aren’t slaves anymore! Am I right?! NO CHANTING!
Jamie Kilstein and Allison Kilkenny, "The Day Jon Stewart Quit"

I feel like today’s popular music doesn’t really grapple with the important issues, namely that the world is gonna burn and we’re all gonna fucking die. That’s a message those SELFIENNIALS need to hear in 2015. No more of this self-empowerment business.
Drew Magary, "One Day We'll Be Too Lazy to Watch Football"

Go ahead and add Kim Gordon is talking shit about Courtney Love and Billy Corgan after “Suge Knight is killing people, Missy Elliott is on TV and gas is under $2 a gallon” to your the 90s really are back” joke.

The popularity of the series shows that there is no vision out there, no concept of the future. Aside from the crippling inequality that is putting all of us who aren't hedge fund pirates under enormous stress, the dominant intellectual fashion these days is a straining towards utter nihilism.

     Western Animation 

You guys are so talented and imaginative... but you can't work as a team. I'm just a construction worker, but when I have a plan and we were working together, we could build a skyscraper. Now you guys are Master Builders. Just imagine what you could do if you did that! ...You could save the universe!
Emmet, The LEGO Movie

    Real Life 

In a celebrity culture, earnestness about social and political change is replaced by a pose of 'irony' that is really just a sullen and helpless paralysis.
Katherine Viner, Stiffed