Black Mage: Lady, you've tried every shoe in the store; including the men's and children's shoes, which clearly won't fit.
Old Woman: Don't you tell me what won't fit. I am old and possibily senile.
Black Mage: As you insist on telling me every few minutes.
Old Woman: Now, cobble me up a pair of comfortable shoes or I'll start making unreasonable demands that I have no intention of letting you fulfill.
Thorpe: I hope the system of gingerly handling old people like they're retarded is still in place when I'm old, because I'm going to be saying the most racist shit imaginable just to watch people squirm.
Zack: Yeah, if you can live past about 60 you are finally free to just absolutely hate black people in public. Which I think is what we all secretly want.
Thorpe: Actually, at that point the standards of society will change so my opinions actually WILL be really offensive. I'll be like "they really should do something about all these pedophiles having sex with children in the streets," and everyone will blush and get really quiet, and I'll be like "what!?"
Zack: "Fucking manga!" Gasps all around, because the president will be a manga-loving pedophile.
Thorpe: President Naruto Herbert Bush and his adorable first lady, Billy.
—"Doctor" David Thorpe and Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons, regular contributors to Something Awful
"Write this down, Perry. I'm old, and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do." (farts) "That was me, folks."
— Dr Kelso, Scrubs
"You fucking son of a bitch. I'm dying. There is no time to be sentimental."
— The Commodore, Boardwalk Empire
"Okay, whoa! You donít get a bitch pass just cuz youíre old. Yes, thatís right, I said it. You come in here with your gangster granny attitude and think you can get away with dumping all over the lowly Gypsy waitress. No way. At this diner, we donít discriminate due to age. If youíre gonna act like an ass, Iím gonna treat you like an ass, no matter how close that ass is riding to the floor. Now, Iíll wipe off the table and weíll take it from the top. Hi, Iím Max. Who wants tapioca?"
— Max Black, 2 Broke Girls
I'm not mean, I'm a thousand years old,
And I just lost track of my moral code
— Marceline, Adventure Time
"I'm old! Gimme, gimme, gimme!"
—Grampa Simpson (upon entering a Social Security office)
Boxer Boy: "Were Old!"
Great-Granny Girdle:"And we don't care what anyone think!"
Boxer Boy:*shoves a policeman into water*"Outta my way, Buster Brown!"
Great-Granny Girdle:*whacks a guy with her walker*"Step aside, you bother me!"
"Ahh, you're a couple of fucking broads, work this shit on your own. Need some smokes... Nurse batshit, where's my smokes?"
— Frank Woods, Call of Duty: Black Ops 2