Quotes: Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!
I'm not mean, I'm a thousand years old, And I just lost track of my moral code
Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Write this down, Perry. I'm old, and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do. (farts)
That was me, folks.
Good evening. Today is Wednesday, September the 24th, and this is my last broadcast. Yesterday I announced on this program that I was going to commit public suicide, admittedly an act of madness. Well, I'll tell you what happened: I just ran out of bullshit. I just ran out of bullshit! Am I still on the air?
... I don't have anything going for me. I haven't got any kids. And I was married for 33 years of shrill, shrieking fraud
. So I don't have any bullshit left. I just ran out of it, you see.
You fucking son of a bitch. I'm dying. There is no time to be sentimental.
"Were Old!" Great-Granny Girdle:
"And we don't care what anyone think!" Boxer Boy:
*shoves a policeman into water* "Outta my way, Buster Brown!" Great-Granny Girdle:
*whacks a guy with her walker*"Step aside, you bother me!"
Ahh, you're a couple of fucking broads, work this shit on your own. Need some smokes... Nurse batshit, where's my smokes?
: Lady, you've tried every shoe in the store; including the men's and children's shoes, which clearly won't fit. Old Woman
: Don't you tell me what won't fit. I am old and possibily senile. Black Mage
: As you insist on telling me every few minutes
. Old Woman
: Now, cobble me up a pair of comfortable shoes or I'll start making unreasonable demands that I have no intention of letting you fulfill.
Okay, whoa! You don’t get a bitch pass just cuz you’re old. Yes, that’s right, I said it. You come in here with your gangster granny attitude and think you can get away with dumping all over the lowly Gypsy waitress. No way. At this diner, we don’t discriminate due to age. If you’re gonna act like an ass, I’m gonna treat you like an ass, no matter how close that ass is riding to the floor. Now, I’ll wipe off the table and we’ll take it from the top. Hi, I’m Max. Who wants tapioca?
It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
While talking to the Wall Street Journal
about her new album, Queen Aretha
was asked to give her thoughts on some of the 'young divas' of today. You can tell that Queen Aretha hates interviews and thinks every question is filed under STUPID. Queen Aretha is over it before it even begins and she doesn’t have time for sentences that end in a question mark. But since she’s got an album to sell, she goes along with it. When the interviewer spit out a few names, it looks like she had a hard time coming up with a compliment...Besides Whitney
and maybe Adele
, it doesn’t seem like Queen Aretha is really that impressed with any of them. She straight up hated on Nicki Minaj
and threw a little shade at Taylor
way. She is the Say Something Nice
champion. Queen Aretha always keeps it cuntastic. 'Great gowns, beautiful gowns…
' Oh, Aretha, great shade, beautiful shade… Maybe Aretha doesn’t even know who Taylor is, though
. Maybe she thinks Taylor Swift is a line of quickly made dresses at Lord & Taylor.
, "A Lesson In How To Properly Shade From Queen Aretha"
I hope the system of gingerly handling old people like they're retarded is still in place when I'm old, because I'm going to be saying the most racist shit imaginable
just to watch people squirm. Zack
: Yeah, if you can live past about 60 you are finally free to just absolutely hate black people in public. Which I think is what we all secretly want. Thorpe:
Actually, at that point the standards of society will change so my opinions actually WILL be really offensive. I'll be like "they really should do something about all these pedophiles having sex with children in the streets," and everyone will blush and get really quiet, and I'll be like "what!?" Zack:
—"Doctor" David Thorpe and Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons, regular contributors to Something Awful