Quotes: Kleptomaniac Hero

"If adventure games were a medical condition, the first symptom would be amnesia and the second would be kleptomania."
Yahtzee, Zero Punctuation

Yahtzee: Once again, I spot something that's one pixel big: A plectrum. And specifically because the game kinda guilts me for taking it, I'm gonna take it.
Gabriel: You've just saved the world one really annoying bass guitar demonstration at a party.

[hard boiled V.O.] "We have to check the pants for any evidence we might find. Sir, let me check your pants, I say clumsily. I don't think he's going for it."
Splattercat, Let's Play Noir Syndrome

"Well, there's the holly, anyway. [chortling] Of course it's in there. Why wouldn't in be in the wardrobe? I keep, like, fuckloads of holly in my wardrobe. I got a whole fuckin' bushel in me cubbard! And an elderberry tree in the bath."
Jim Sterling on Guise of the Wolf (Steam)

"Hey, look, I'm the hero here. Will you quit accusing me of stealing things?"

"What do I want? I don't really know. Most of the time I ignore my quest and walk into the homes of others, riffling through people's shelves..."
The Chosen One, Fallout 2

Tidus: You're just gonna take that?
Firion: What? It's free!
Dissidia: Final Fantasy, on random treasure chests.

GG: Yeah. Remember what Mr. Kuja [said] about the high security on the lower levels? He wasn't kidding. Bears, land octopi, tigers... a whole lot of guardian creatures are living down there.
Asagi: Woah, seriously? You went exploring...huh. You find any nice loot in the lower levels?
GG: Yeah, but I left it there. I mean, how much of a douchebag would I be if I stole from the guy giving me a place to not-sleep?
We Are Our Avatars, after GG Explored the Desert Palace.

Billy: Could you guys please stop going through my house?
Bart: But...we're RPG characters!

Obi-Wan: So, we're just sitting in a room, waiting for these Trade Federation dudes to talk to us?
GM: Right.
Qui-Gon: We search the room.
GM: What?
Qui-Gon: We search the room. Anything valuable?
GM: It's a waiting room! You're ambassadors!
Qui-Gon: Well what do you want us to do? There's not even anyone to talk to except a butler robot.
GM: "Protocol droid". And what about some in-character conversation?
Qui-Gon: "Say Obi-Wan, how about we search the room?"

It's not "Stealing". It's "Adding to my Inventory."

Garrett's Principle: Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down (or on fire) is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.

Shepard: Aha!
Kasumi: Found a sample?
Shepard: No, a credit chit.
Mass Effect 2, during Kasumi's mission.

"I didn't know immortality came with a license to steal, but whatever."

"What the hell am I looking at? Seriously... and I can collect it! So Curtis sees a pile of milky-green phlegm that just emerged from the throat of an alien creature during its death rattle, and his first instinct is to scoop it up and stuff it in his pocket?"
(After an awkward moment between Curtis and a coworker) "What does it say about me as a person that my first instinct is to rifle through her desk for useful items?"

"Heroes?! You're thieves pillaging the town before the army destroys everything! You're no heroes, you're scavengers!"
Petula, You Are Not The Hero

Matsuda: Can I have my phone back, please?
L: I think you know the answer to that.

Isabela: If we kill them we get their stuff!

Black Mask: Amazo was going to buy my way up into high-end international trafficking. Now I'm forced to keep rooting around in this local leg-breaking garbage! And he gives me bat trouble — who blows the damn robot's head off! I could have at least sold it for scrap... but Batman kept it.
Ms. Li: Yes. Batman likes to keep things.

"Dibs" is not a term of bereavement.