Quotes / I Call It "Vera"

[Jayne walks menacingly towards Mal with a large gun.]
Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. And the best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.
[He holds the gun out to Mal.]
Mal: [exclaims in Chinese] You offering me a trade?
Jayne: A trade? Hell, it's theft. This is the best gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy 'n what you got!
Mal: What I got? She has a name.
Jayne: So does this. I call it Vera.
Mal: Well, my days of not takin' ya seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.
Firefly, "Our Mrs. Reynolds"

Xander: Yeah, great knife. Although I think it may technically be a sword.
Jack: She's called Katie.
Xander: You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Zeppo"

"I stole her off the toughest kid I ever messed with back in school. He was dead at the time, so he didn't miss her. I call her Gladys after one of the sisters from school. She's almost lived up to the name."
Marv, describing his favorite .45, Sin City

Tip: Sorry, I've been rude. Unity? Sweetheart? I'd like you to meet Alice. Alice is a .38 Colt Commando service revolver. A classic.
Sweetheart: What are you?
Tip: I'm a psychologist.
Skin Horse, "Dead Dogs"

Ramund took his great knife,
the one called Dear Dimling.
He took the emperor's life,
and his head flew fifteen miles
— "Ramund hin Unge" by Týr

"Tonight... you pukes will sleep with your rifles! You will give your rifle a girl's name! Because this is the only pussy you people are going to get! Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece, this weapon of iron and wood! And you will be faithful!"
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

"Oh my God. Who touched Sasha? All right... Who touched my gun?!"
Heavy, Meet The Heavy

Wheeljack: It's set and ready to go.
Roadbuster: I love it.
Wheeljack: It was never designed to be removed from the Trion so the power relay is bound to fry in seconds. You'll only have a few shots, so make them count.
Roadbuster: Do you think we should give it a name? I think we should give it a name...

"I know, but I already used Pointy and Stabby for my daggers, Slicey doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well, Impaley just sounds stupid, and I think we can forget about Slashy without going into too much detail."
Agent Foxglove, in The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall, when told Choppy was a bad name for a dueling saber, which isn't a chopping weapon.

"Hey! Wynnona has been very reliable. It's not her fault that she jammed."
—John, Farscape "A Clockwork Nebari"

"I will give you a name, and I shall call you Sting."
Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

Fenris: So who is "Bianca"?
Varric: My crossbow. Say hello, Bianca.
Fenris: But why Bianca? You must have named her after someone.
Varric: Nope. Mirabelle was taken.

"But without a name, your weapon will forever remain some mundane object!"

Nostalgia Critic: ...and then there's Helga, who's so tough that she actually names her fists.
Helga Pataki: [holding fist up] They're gonna hafta answer to Old Betsie.
Nostalgia Critic: That's not so tough; I named my fists, too! This is Glenda and Pancake!
The Nostalgia Critic, review of Nicktoons (Hey, Arnold!).

Arya: He's still got it. My sword. Needle.
Sandor: Needle. Of course you named your sword.
Arya: Lots of people name their swords.
Sandor: Lots of cunts.
Game of Thrones, "Two Swords"

"I bring Home Run (did I mention that I gave my bat a traditional Equestrian name? He’s earned it) down with all my might. ... Score to beat? Fifty-three changelings."
Twilight Sparkle, Eakin's Hard Reset

One: You named your guns?
Three: Of course!
One: What about the knife in your boot? What's its name?
Three: It doesn't have one.
One: It doesn't?
Three: I'm not a psychopath.

Alternative Title(s): I Call Her Vera