Quotes / Guns Akimbo

Thurl: Well, boy, you look like infantry material to me, can you fire a handgun?

Andy: Can I ever! You ever seen somebody handle four weapons at once?

Thurl: Yes, but it looks like you've got the same kind of stereo-articulated eyes I have. That means you're only gonna hit one target at a time, son. Same as the rest of us.

Andy: Oh.

Thurl: Don't sweat it. I'll put down 'Very enthusiastic', and 'Seen too many John Woo movies.' You're in.

— Schlock Mercenary, Friday April 12 2002

"Gun plus gun equals more gun, that is the key to victory."

— General Ironicus

"Two guns, bitch!"

— Two-Face, Batman: Arkham City

"We can dual-wield these [MG 08/15s]. I'd like it to be known that these are approximately, I believe, 130 pounds each and watercooled. And we can dual-wield them. Realism has gone out the window."

— Null Set, Let's Play NecroVision

George: Hey, kid, maybe think about firing one piece at a time. Saves an arm for the Senoritas. You know what I mean?
Nick: Nah, double the pleasure, double the fun. If you've got enough ammo, that is.
George: Ha! That's what Viagra's for, sonny boy!

— True Crime: Streets of LA

"Double Shotgun Dude is a dog rapist. On this point, there is consensus."

— Tycho, Penny Arcade

"AKIIIIIIIIIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

— Salvador the Gunzerker, Borderlands 2

"Hi I'm Star-Lord. I'm with the Guardians of the Galaxy. I'd flash you my business card, but my hands are too full of guns."

— Star-Lord, Guardians of the Galaxy

"Double pistols, son!"

— ComedyShortsGamer

''"I’ve seen a Spartan use two [SMGs] at once, tearing the crap out of the little ones; sending the big ones down in bloody heaps. But I guess that’s what ya gotta be to pull it off: an action-movie hero or a seven-foot-tall walking tank.

— Anonymous E2-BAG/1/7 serviceman, Halo

"You're the kind of guy for whom one is never enough. When you and your buddies cruised bars Earthside, you always had a beer in each hand, and when you left, you left with two girls. Where you're going now there aren't beer or girls, but there are guns!"

— Dualgunner Skill description, DRL

Stephen: I count six shots, nigger.

Django: I count two guns, nigger.

— Django Unchained

"I've got two guns, that should be enough for all of you."

— Caleb, Blood

"Two guns at once? That's kinda lame. [Asskicking by Root ensues] Okay, that was kinda hot."

— Sameen Shaw, Person of Interest, "The Devil's Share"

(clickclick!) "TWO MACHINEGUN!"'

—The Large-Ham Announcer, Metal Slug 4 and subsequent games

[Chorus]I'm Dual Wielding my SMGs,
I'm gonna go on a Killing Spree
You'd better not try and mess with me, coz
I'm dual wielding my SMGs.

I don't need rockets to enable me to pwn
With Dual SMG's I'll take you all alone
I don't need grenades
A sniper or a sword
My caseless rounds will take you out
Like Ghengis and his horde!
[Chorus]
All the noobz may whine
They keep rushing for the sword
With SMG's combined,
I am well-endowed!
My guns are apporops;
One left; one right
Firing at your head
Your quest for all the Power Weapons
Soon will leave you dead
For cryin' out loud, you have an SMG
In Free For All or in a Brawl
They just might save your life!
[Chorus]
It's nice to find a weapon on the map
Be wary when you play with me
It just might be a trap!
For cryin' out loud! I'll let them come to me!
I'll just wait and watch the bait
And use my SMGs!
[Chorus]
I'm dual wielding my SMG's! [X4]

— My SMG's, Halo 2 Filk Song, extolling the virtues of using two submachine guns

"The main is the Splat Dualies, a pair of dualie-type weapons born from the culture of Turf War! You carry one in each hand, which is pretty sweet, and their propulsive exhaust nozzles allow you to perform a high-speed dodge roll! You can't move for a brief period immediately after rolling, but the two sights overlap during that time, increasing your splatting power."

— Sheldon, Splatoon 2

Yeah, one in each hand!

—Any given playable character, Killing Floor; and/or The Postal Dude, Postal 2: Paradise Lost

Double the gun, double the fun!

—Sam Stone, Serious Sam: The First Encounter

You really need Two of those?

—Spiderman to Silver Sable, Spider-Man (PS4)

---