Quotes: Guns Are Worthless

You remember the story about John Carter of Mars. He was Edgar Rice Burroughs' hero, and he galloped all over Mars on whatever passed for a horse up there. One day he was attacked and chased by a band of villains who started hacking at him with their swords. Carter of Mars drew his own trusty blade and started hacking back at them, while trying to make it up the castle stairs. But they were too much for him. First he lost a leg. Then an arm. They were gaining on him. "The hell with this," said John Carter, throwing away his sword, drawing his atomic ray gun and zapping the bad guys into a radioactive ash heap. I think about that story every time I see a kung fu movie, because kung fu movies depend upon the same unwritten rules as John Carter novels: Nobody can have a gun.

"Actually, I haven't had the best luck with shooting irons."

"Don't shoot him. You'll just make him mad."

"They don't work on anything these days..."