Quotes: Grammar Nazi

If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading, there will be a fault of some kind in what you have written.

Ohhhh, if you want it to be possessive, it's just I-T-S,
But if it's supposed to be a contraction, then it's I-T-apostrophe-S...
Scalawag!
Strong Bad, Homestar Runner

Ego sum rex romanus et supra grammaticam.
Translated as: I am the King of Rome, and above grammar.
Sigismund I, Holy Roman Emperor

Correct English is the slang of prigs who write history and essays.
George Eliot, Middlemarch

This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put.
Attributed to Winston Churchill (rejecting the rule against ending a sentence with a preposition)

Arguments over grammar and style are often as fierce as those over IBM versus Mac, and as fruitless as Coke versus Pepsi and boxers versus briefs.
Jack Lynch

I was standing in the lobby of this hotel just minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said, 'Sir, could you please move? You're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't going to run. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit...Unless you're a table.
Mitch Hedburg

Avery: What are you, some kind of grammar nazi?
Millie: Yep. I've just invaded Grammar Czechoslovakia and duped Grammar Neville Chamberlain, and now it's off to Grammar Poland and Grammar World Conquest!!
—>— Ozy and Millie

The English language is being treated nowadays exactly... as the inmates of concentration camps were dealt with by their Nazi jailers.
— John Simon, film and theater critic

And I loved her even more than Marlon Brando loved soufflé
She was gorgeous, she was charming, yes, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer" when she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing, but frankly, I can't imagine why
"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Close but No Cigar"

Homer: Linguo...dead?!
Linguo the Grammar Robot: Linguo...IS...deeeeeaaaaad...(dies)
The Simpsons, episode "Trilogy of Error"

"Whoever killed her...also murdered the English language."
Rick Castle, who later goes on to correct who/whom and the improper use of the word ironic.

Agent Bork: Chief, you know that guy whose camper they were whacking off in?
Agent Flemming: Bork! You are a federal agent. You represent the United States Government... Never end a sentence with a preposition. Try again.
Agent Bork: Oh, ah... You know that guy in whose camper they... I mean that guy off in whose camper they were whacking?
Agent Flemming: That's better. Yes?
Beavis And Butthead Do America

"Y-O-U-R. Y-O-U-Apostrophe-R-E. They're as different as night and day. Don't you think that night and day are different? What's wrong with you?"

"We must invade the Bureau and bring them under our control! They WILL correct this typo!"

Sorry, I think you mean "who", not "whom". People WHO correct grammar in casual conversation are obnoxious. Now run along. Men are talking.

"Yes, they're the sort of dribbling unpardonable cretins that use "party" as a verb and, when I'm in charge and have established my Reich, those people are going to be punished."

Her'ak: No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.
O'Neill: You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard!"

Prisoner in Belarus: She's always gettin' at me, saying I weren't a real man...
Sherlock Holmes: Wasn't a real man.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock Holmes: It's not "weren't", it's "wasn't".
Prisoner: ...Oh.
Sherlock Holmes: Go on.
Prisoner: Well, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly there's a knife in my hands, and me old man was a butcher, so I know how to handle knives, he learnt us how to cut up a beast...
Sherlock Holmes: Taught.
Prisoner: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Taught you how to cut up a beast.
Prisoner: Yeh, well, and I done it.
Sherlock Holmes: Did it.
Prisoner: (annoyed) Did it! STOP THAT! Over, and over, and over, and I looked down and she weren't... (Sherlock just sighs) ...Wasn't... moving no more... (Sherlock rolls his eyes) ...anymore. (calmer) God help me, I don't know how it happened, it was an accident, I swear! (Sherlock gets up to leave) Hey, you gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you... I'll get hung for this.
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, Mr. Bewick, not at all. (beat) Hanged, yes.

There is a busybody on your staff who devotes a lot of time to chasing split infinitives... I call for the immediate dismissal of this pedant. It is of no consequence whether he decides to go quickly or to quickly go or quickly to go. The important thing is that he should go at once.
George Bernard Shaw, letter to the Times of London

Amerei Frey: He gave them the money, but they hung him anyway.
Mariya Darry: Hanged, Ami, not hung. Your father was not a tapestry.

Becker: Whoa whoa whoa, I don't know nothin', I didn't see nothin', I didn't say nothin'.
Luger: "Nothing". The word is "nothing", not "nothin'". There's an -ing on the end of it, "nothing".
Becker: OK, nothinG. NothinG. NOTHIIIIIIIIING. 'K, you happy?
Luger: That's better. But that's not what you told York.
Becker: I don't know no York, and where's my food?
Luger: We ate it. And please, no double negatives.
Becker: Sorry. I don't know ANY York.

Alright, if you say 'You laughed so hard you literally pooped your pants', there better be actual poop in your actual pants... or literally you're a little illiterate.

When you're insulting someone's intelligence on the internet, one should be mindful of their own spelling and grammar. In other words, don't call someone a retard when you spell like a retard.
Adam Buckley, A Dose Of Buckley

A couple of weeks ago I was interested — in the loosest possible sense of that word — to watch [an episode of David Mitchell's Soapbox] about Gallic, in which David proclaimed his lack of sympathy for the plight of the dying Gallic language. "Who needs it?" fumed the red-shirted Mr. Gradgrind. "Language is about communication, it's not about maintaining a secret code for the few." Which, I suppose, is fair enough — if a little bloody bleak. Until, that is, you compare it to the desperate huffing and puffing that went on a few weeks earlier. The one about spelling, where David's own little secret code was under discussion. Suddenly, upholding arcane language rules was tremendously important and everyone else was told very sternly to pull their socks up and knuckle down to learning where the apostrophe goes just like he had to. No worries about a secret code now, no observation that communication was key. No, now people who were communicating perfectly well — and more other, in the organic evolving way which people have always used language to communicate — they were suddenly not trying hard enough and made to feel bad for not using a certain set of tools to which they may or may not have access or even need. Well, I say that's rubbish, and it's far more valuable to spend time, energy and even money on preserving an entire language than getting all red in the face because someone's put an extra 'u' in 'manoeuvre' at precisely no expense to either meaning or poetry. David, you are an arse. Thanks for listening.
Robert Webb, calling out David Mitchellnote  and by extension others for this trope.