Quotes / False Reassurance

"When the test is over, you will be... missed!"

"We've both said a lot of things you're going to regret."

"Most test subjects do experience some... 'cognitive deterioration' after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of... serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed! Although, if you do feel alarmed, try to hold on to that feeling! Because that is the proper reaction to being told that you've got brain damage."
Wheatley, Portal 2

Troy McLure: Come on, Billy! Let's go to the killing floor.
Billy: *gasps*
Troy: Don't let the name fool you, Billy. It's not really a floor.

"I am 100% certain you're returning from this battle, Travis. ...In a body bag."
Sylvia before the Shinobu Boss Fight, No More Heroes

"All experiments are guaranteed to be 100% Not-Entirely Lethal."
Penny Crygor, WarioWare

Pam: You've smoked an amount of crack that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes.
Jason: I just smoked crack?!
Pam: Yea, but just like, A LOT!

"Cyril, come on! Worst case scenario, [Lana's] cover got blown and Skorpio's raping her senseless before he chops her battered corpse into fish food."
Sterling Archer

EV-9D9: How many languages do you speak?
C-3PO: I am fluent in over six million forms of communication...
EV-9D9: Splendid! We have been without an interpreter since our master got angry with our last protocol droid and disintegrated him.

Ray: Try to think about something else...like how there's no sink in there.
Archer: So what if there's no...oh my God! THERE'S NO SINK!!!
Archernote 

Amy: Okay. so we've basically run up the inside of a chimney, yeah? So what if the gravity fails?
Doctor: I've thought about that.
Amy: And?
Doctor: We'll all plunge to our deaths. See? I've thought about it.

Father Octavian: Do you trust this man [the Doctor]?
River Song: I absolutely trust him.
Father Octavian: He's not some kind of madman, is he?
River Song: ...I absolutely trust him.

The Doctor: You know when grown-ups tell you everything's going to be fine, and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?
Amelia Pond: Yes.
The Doctor: Everything's going to be fine.
Doctor Who, "The Eleventh Hour"

Richard Nixon: I'm a president at the beginning of his time. Dare I ask? Will I be remembered?
The Eleventh Doctor: Oh Dicky. Tricky Dicky. They're never going to forget you.
Doctor Who, "Day of the Moon"

Larry: Yea, but the Emir of Shmow is a cutthroat. Suppose he cuts my throat?
Moe: So, it'll look like you have two mouths.

Yes, I have heard [the children] crying late at night, and I have thought about them —
I have heard them playing and laughing outside my window while I was trying to sleep and I have thought about them —
I have seen the pictures they have drawn on my car and I have thought and thought and thought about them.
And so this book —
To help all my little friends get all the things in life they so richly deserve.

Thief: Just be careful with this thing. I've stuffed more riches in there than actually exists.
Red Mage: They'll be preserved, I assure you.
Thief: What an odd statement. Yet my concerns are put to rest by it.

Pedophile Priest: Please! Y-You must understand! I am just a man! A-A-A-A man is just but a speck in the eyes of the Lord! I am weak!
Maxwell: Oh, do not worry, Father. I assure you, God is forgiving.
Priest: Really? Oh, praise be to— (Heinkel comes behind him and puts a gun to his head)
Maxwell: Just make sure to ask him when you get there.

"I'm willing to offer you positions in my new world order!" (away from microphone) "Asmyslaves."
Voldemort, A Very Potter Musical

"I assure you, a violent death is the last thing that will happen to you."
Mr. Teatime, Hogfather

"Satan is our only hope. We're working with the beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is gonna wear your face. [Beat, as Dirk gives him a look] Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is gonna happen."
Nikolai, Jennifer's Body

Supergirl: So what are you going to do now that I know? Kill me?
Lex Luthor: Oh, no I'd never do that... [The Joker] will.

Did you see what I did to get this? I'm already pretty far gone.
Silver Quill, addressing concerns that the Alicorn Amulet will corrupt him, in his "Trade Ya!" review.

"The Sekiseigumi punish breaches of the peace quite severely. I have seen foreigners permanently exiled for a single violation — though, to be fair, this is not common. More often than not, they are executed on the spot."
Hancock, Final Fantasy XIV

The Bridgehead: There is no need for you to shield them. They are in no danger now.
The Bridgehead: They are in no danger now... but they will be later.
Bernice Summerfield: Ah. Somehow I knew that was what you went.

Cisco: So you "hunted" Gypsy's last boyfriend? Where is he now?
Breacher: I don't know.
Cisco: Ha! So he got away!
Breacher: I don't know where people go when they die.

Xavier: Have fun. No trouble, and stay away from Will Anderson. Is that understood?
[...]
Hank: (matter-of-factly) You need not worry, sir. If there is any trouble. I can guarantee that one of us will not be the first to start it. You have my word.
Xavier: (narrowing his eyes) You know, if Scott were with you, how you phrased that would worry me.

Eliphas the Inheritor: They reject the Word of Chaos, my lord. The faithful here are not strong enough.
Daemon Prince: It is a poor shepherd who blames his flock, Apostle. This failure is yours, and yours alone!
Eliphas (shooting the daemon): No! I will not go to the Basilica of Torments again!
Daemon: Fear not, Apostle. The Basilica is reserved for those who may redeem themselves.
Eliphas (clutching his head and floating in the air): No... no!
Daemon (as Eliphas explodes in a shower of gore): You will have no such chance.
—>— Chaos stronghold ending, Dawn of War: Dark Crusade

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/FalseReassurance