Quotes / False Reassurance

"When the test is over, you will be... missed!"

"We've both said a lot of things you're going to regret."

Troy McLure: Come on, Billy! Let's go to the killing floor.
Billy: *gasps*
Troy: Don't let the name fool you, Billy. It's not really a floor.

"I am 100% certain you're returning from this battle, Travis. ...In a body bag."
Sylvia before the Shinobu Boss Fight, No More Heroes

"All experiments are guaranteed to be 100% Not-Entirely Lethal."
Penny Crygor, WarioWare

''"Cyril, come on! Worst case scenario, her cover got blown and Skorpio's raping her senseless before he chops her battered corpse into fish food."
Sterling Archer

EV-9D9: How many languages do you speak?
C-3PO: I am fluent in over six million forms of communication...
EV-9D9: Splendid! We have been without an interpreter since our master got angry with our last protocol droid and disintegrated him.

Ray: Try to think about something else...like how there's no sink in there.
Archer: So what if there's no...oh my God! THERE'S NO SINK!!!

Amy: Okay. so we've basically run up the inside of a chimney, yeah? So what if the gravity fails?
Doctor: I've thought about that.
Amy: And?
Doctor: We'll all plunge to our deaths. See? I've thought about it.

Larry: Yea, but the Emir of Shmow is a cutthroat. Suppose he cuts my throat?
Moe: So, it'll look like you have two mouths.

Yes, I have heard [the children] crying late at night, and I have thought about them —
I have heard them playing and laughing outside my window while I was trying to sleep and I have thought about them —
I have seen the pictures they have drawn on my car and I have thought and thought and thought about them.
And so this book —
To help all my little friends get all the things in life they so richly deserve.

Thief: Just be careful with this thing. I've stuffed more riches in there than actually exists.
Red Mage: They'll be preserved, I assure you.
Thief: What an odd statement. Yet my concerns are put to rest by it.

Pedophile Priest: Please! Y-You must understand! I am just a man! A-A-A-A man is just but a speck in the eyes of the Lord! I am weak!
Maxwell: Oh, do not worry, Father. I assure you, God is forgiving.
Priest: Really? Oh, praise be to— (Heinkel comes behind him and puts a gun to his head)
Maxwell: Just make sure to ask him when you get there.

"I'm willing to offer you positions in my new world order!" (away from microphone) "Asmyslaves."
Voldemort, A Very Potter Musical

"I assure you, a violent death is the last thing that will happen to you."
Mr. Teatime, Hogfather

"Satan is our only hope. We're working with the beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is gonna wear your face. [Beat, as Dirk gives him a look] Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is gonna happen."
Nikolai, Jennifer's Body

Supergirl: So what are you going to do now that I know? Kill me?
Lex Luthor: Oh, no I'd never do that... [The Joker] will.