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Fan Works
Your battleship is ours. Your bodyguards are dead. You’re surrounded. And we have a bear.
— Shepard, Vigil
Film — Animated
A bear doesn't love! They don't think! They don't feel! They're thieves!
— Kenai, Brother Bear
Film — Live-Action
You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.
— Brian Fantana, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
[W]hat haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the bears that Treadwell ever filmed, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food.
Hobo: Well Abby, can I tell you something about bears?
Abby: Sure.
Hobo: The bear is a solitary animal. They like their space. They live in a magic circle. They don't mind if you're like a mile away, but if you get inside their circle, they will maul you. If a bear's claw would ever strike your face, it would take your whole face right off your skull... your eyes, your nose, your lips, everything.
Abby: Wow. Didn't know bears could be so vicious.
Abby: Sure.
Hobo: The bear is a solitary animal. They like their space. They live in a magic circle. They don't mind if you're like a mile away, but if you get inside their circle, they will maul you. If a bear's claw would ever strike your face, it would take your whole face right off your skull... your eyes, your nose, your lips, everything.
Abby: Wow. Didn't know bears could be so vicious.
Stranger Danger: keep your eyes down, there's some sort of bear over there. Probably selling something.
— Mr. Brown, Paddington (2014)
Literature
No Andalite accustomed to our more pacific animal life could possibly understand what a grizzly bear charge means. Even most humans would fail to imagine it. Grizzly bears are not lithe and graceful like the big cats. They are more like dogs. They move with a rolling, lopsided gait that at first seems almost tentative, as if they might stop at any moment.
But then you begin to realize how large they are. And you begin to realize that, awkward or not, they are very fast. And you begin to realize that you are puny, pathetic, weak and insignificant. You begin to realize that this bear, this rolling, shaggy, unstoppable monster, can kill you from the mere impact of his shoulder hitting you.
But then you begin to realize how large they are. And you begin to realize that, awkward or not, they are very fast. And you begin to realize that you are puny, pathetic, weak and insignificant. You begin to realize that this bear, this rolling, shaggy, unstoppable monster, can kill you from the mere impact of his shoulder hitting you.
— Ax on Rachel's favourite combat morph, Animorphs: The Experiment
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.
—Rudyard Kipling, The Female of the Species
Live-Action TV
Spike: A bear! You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to!
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!
Buffy: I didn't mean to!
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!
And, ladies and gentlemen, the number one threat to America... BEARS!
I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are godless killing machines!
Tabletop Games
Don't try to outrun one of Dominaria's Grizzlies; it'll catch you, knock you down, and eat you. Of course, you could run up a tree. In that case you'll get a nice view before it knocks down the tree and eats you.
Theatre
Video Games
Battle bears? B-E-A-R-S?
— George Takei has the idea of the Soviet War Bear explained to him, Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 outtakes
Never trust a... BEAR!!
— Tresdin the Legion Commander after defeating bear-like heroes, Dota 2
Somebody ate his porridge, and he isn't too happy about it.
— Description of the Bear, EarthBound Beginnings
His chair was broken, and he isn't very happy!
— Description of the Polar Bear, EarthBound Beginnings
If you must sleep, don't borrow his bed!
— Description of the Grizzly Bear, EarthBound Beginnings
We interrupt this broadcast for a Public Service Announcement: Don't feed the Yao Guai. That is all.
— Three Dog, Fallout 3
Kid can't hunt a grizzly, thing'll eat him alive.
— John Marston, Red Dead Redemption
H-he's like a bear! He's like a big shaved bear that hates people!
— The Scout on the Heavy, Team Fortress 2
"This king among animals is dangerous game for even the most seasoned hunters. They'll attack anyone who wanders into their territory regardless of the wanderer's weaponry. As their name implies, they have a natural love of honey. Extreme caution is advised when you spot one, but if you're sneaky enough and maybe just a little bit crazy... you just may be able to ride one."
—Monster Compendium entry on Honeyvore Bears, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
"This breed of honeyvore bear is distinguished by its gray fur. Even more ferocious than their relatives, they're commonly believed to be the most dangerous wild animal. They live in deep snow away from villages, so it's uncommon to encounter one. That said, if you do find one, you'd be better off not picking a fight with it."
—Compendium entry on Grizzlemaw Bears, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Visual Novels
I'd better warn you: I have no compassion, sympathy, or pity. That's because I'm a bear.
Webcomics
I'm pretty sure the survival strategy for a polar bear encounter is "don't encounter a polar bear."
A bear. Of course it's a bear. Why would I have thought it would be anything other than a bear.
Web Original
Being a gigantic bear is nature's way of saying, "Fuck off!"
Honestly, if a stranger were to fuck with a bear, that'd probably be the last time you heard from that stranger anyway.
>Walk into Gamestop.
>Purchase game.
>Walk back to car.
>Open case.
>Disc is a bear.
>Attack it with my claws.
>I am also a bear.
FUCKING BEARSTOP.
>Purchase game.
>Walk back to car.
>Open case.
>Disc is a bear.
>Attack it with my claws.
>I am also a bear.
FUCKING BEARSTOP.
Nick: That's a scary-ass bear!
Brad: That's, like, a Jaws-sized bear!
Nick: That's not even a bear. That's like a monster bear. What the fuck...
Brad: That's, like, a Jaws-sized bear!
Nick: That's not even a bear. That's like a monster bear. What the fuck...
Kathleen: I just have this completely rational fear of bears.
Gramm: Explain.
Kathleen: Well, let's see. Why don't I list off everything that makes me afraid of bears, and we'll take off anything that seems unreasonable. Bears are very large, they have giant teeth and claws, they have been known to maul humans, they can crush a human skull in their jaws, and if they can be taught to dance, I'm pretty sure they can be taught to do kung-fu, and that would fuck you up.
Gramm: Explain.
Kathleen: Well, let's see. Why don't I list off everything that makes me afraid of bears, and we'll take off anything that seems unreasonable. Bears are very large, they have giant teeth and claws, they have been known to maul humans, they can crush a human skull in their jaws, and if they can be taught to dance, I'm pretty sure they can be taught to do kung-fu, and that would fuck you up.
Number one, it's a bear. Number two, it's a bear. Number three, and probably most important... HOLY SHIT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! IT'S A GODDAMNED BEAR!
— Nash pointing out the flaws in a man's crazed attempt to murder his ex-girlfriend by killing a bear and dressing up in its skin, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, "Deep Hurting"
We better get out of this cave. Bears live in caves. And bears are crazy.
— Lelouch vi Britannia, Code MENT
"You can tame animals, which is sort of the compensation for not having guns, cause rather than sniping all the guards from a nearby hill, you just deploy a giant bear and throw bees at the survivors. You don’t fuck around in my Hundred Acre Wood!"
—Zero Punctuation, reviews "Far Cry Primal"
The bear necessities, your asses are my recipes!
—The Nostalgia Critic, reviews The Christmas Tree
Western Animation
Cricket Green: Bears are a menace! They'll terrorize the innocent, rifle through our garbage, and if left unchecked, will eventually destroy this good city! [imagines a giant, fire-breathing bear rampaging through Big City]
Remy Remington: Really? You must've dealt with a lot of bears back in the country, huh?
Cricket Green: Remy, I've never met a bear in my life, and for that, I consider myself lucky.
Remy Remington: Really? You must've dealt with a lot of bears back in the country, huh?
Cricket Green: Remy, I've never met a bear in my life, and for that, I consider myself lucky.
Bears are crazy, Willie. They'll bite your head if you're wearing steak on it.
— Space Ghost, Space Ghost Coast to Coast
"Bear?! Is the bear back?! We've already lost one intern!"
— Bridgette, Total Drama World Tour, "Aftermath Aftermayhem"
Real Life
Acid was always my favorite drug. When we would do acid, we'd go out into the woods, because there was less chance of running into an authority figure — but we ran into a bear, and that was an even bigger buzzkill...
