"Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
Thank you for releasing me! *poof*
— Some dragons who had nothing much to say in the very first Spyro the Dragon
LONG LIVE FLASH. YOU'VE SAVED YOUR EARTH. HAVE A NICE DAY.
I'm only here because gamers would be posting all sorts of complaints if we didn't include SOME kind of ending.
— Professor Yaiman, Bangai-O Spirits
You beat the game, you're feelin' pretty cool You stayed up all night and missed a day of school You played like a champ, so what do you get? 37 pounds of Jack Shit.
You know what? I don't expect a good ending, either. Why work hard on creating an elaborate ending when you've made the game so hard to figure out that there's not a chance in hell anyone would get that far? In fact, I expect
a shitty ending. A fucking loathsome, ass-sucking shit-heap of an ending! Grandma: oh!my dead little red hood! thank you for your coming! Nerd:
[drops the controller in shock, then untwists a beer
] You did not disappoint.
Lord British summons you to his throne room to be knighted (Jesus Christ, this
is what it takes to be knighted around here?) ...He doesn't even get up
, much less tap you on the shoulder with a sword. He just sorta waves. Like, "By the power vested in me, uhhhhh, Sir Spooky of...Thing. (Spoony?) Whatever, you're a Paladin, rise and fuck off."
I sat around leveling for hours, spent eons waiting to heal, and all you do for the ending is say congratulations. More like 'Congratulations! It's over!', or 'Congratulations! You never have to play Hydlide again!', or 'CONGRATULATIONS! Throw this cartridge into a garbage disposal!'