Don't Do Anything I Wouldn't Do
Alice and Bob are about to part ways for a while. Alice is going to be alone in a situation, possibly her first time in such a situation, and Bob feels compelled to give advice, so he tells her, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Can go one of a few ways. It may make Alice seriously consider, What Would Bob Do? Depending on the situation, Alice may be wondering if there is anything Bob wouldn't do. Occasionally, in these situations, Bob may realize this and correct the phrase to "Don't do anything I would do."
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- Come See the Paradise
- Evil Roy Slade
- Gosford Park
- Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Freakshow: Just don't do anything the good Lord wouldn't do.
- Little Manhattan
Rachel Flax: Don't do anything I wouldn't do! Or don't do anything I would!
- Sweet Smell of Success
Sidney Falco: Don't do anything I wouldn't do! That gives you a lot of leeway...
- The Munsters' Revenge
- Discworld's Nanny Ogg: "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, if you ever find anything I wouldn't do."
Live Action TV
- Fawlty Towers
Miss Gatsby: And don't do anything *we* wouldn't do!
Basil: Oh, of course not. Just some light breathing...
- Married... with Children episode "No Pot to Pease In"
- Quantum Leap
Al: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do, take pictures.
- In Sliders, Rembrandt utters this phrase and a confused Colin remarks "...I do not think I know him well enough to know what he would or would not do under certain circumstances."
- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"
- The Facts of Life episode "Sex Symbol"
- The League of Gentlemen
- When Castle's teenage daughter is going to the prom he tells her date "Don't do anything I would do."
- In Sex and the City, Samantha's boyfriend Smith is about to leave for a work-related venture. Samantha tells him not to do anything she wouldn't, to which he wryly repsonds "What things don't you do?" Samantha: "There are some things.... Karaoke. I don't do that."
- In the M*A*S*H episode "The Novocaine Mutiny", Frank Burns says this to Colonel Potter as the latter is heading to Tokyo on R&R, prompting Potter to reply, "I don't know that I'd want to do anything you would do."
- The Cosby Show: When Theo is about to head out to his Senior Prom he assures Cliff "I won't do anything you wouldn't do." Cliff responds, "Just remember: I married my prom date."
- In WWE, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin said this to Goldberg when handing him a ticket to the No Way Out pay-per-view in 2004, in which Goldberg's enemy Brock Lesnar was defending the WWE Championship. The problem with this was soon afterward lampshaded by Vince McMahon:
Vince McMahon: There isn't a damn thing you wouldn't do!
- Inverted in this strip of Doonesbury: "Don't do anything I would do!"
- Backfires in Ozy and Millie when Pirate Captain Locke pretends to be Millie at school:
Ozy: Just don't do anything Millie wouldn't do.Locke: Okay, that should be easy enough. Listen up, everybody! We're going to consolidate our pirate booty, and then pillage the principal's office!Ozy: [Facepalm] Shoot... I forgot he's met her.
- Steven Universe: Steven's dream of Garnet gives him this advice for the big dance, much to the delight of the "live studio audience".