Literature: The High Crusade
"Hearken, Brother Parvus," said Sir Roger. "I'm weary of this whining about our own ignorance and feebleness. We're not ignorant of the true Faith, are we? Somewhat more to the point, maybe, while the engines of war may change through the centuries, rivalry and intrigue look no subtler out here than at home. Just because we use a different sort of weapons, we aren't savages."
A humorous Science Fiction
novel by Poul Anderson
. First published in 1960.
England 1345, and Sir Roger de Tourneville has volunteered to help King Edward III in his war against the French. The English army, fully prepped on the eve of leaving, crushes a small alien invasion force, by dint of cunning, superior numbers, and having no EMP-susceptible equipment or depletable bullets/explosives/laser charges - but plenty of reusable arrows, swords, sheer brute strength and a sense of righteous Christian indignation.
Using the captured spaceship and the grudging assistance of a surviving alien interpreter (taught Latin by a local cleric), they launch a counter-invasion of the evil intergalactic empire, whom they view as the more prolific, Heaven-soiling brethren of the infidels overrunning the Holy Land. Because the invaders to our world have been dominant for so long over such a wide area, nobody up in the stars has any damn idea what politics are any more. Sir Roger, a man who's managed to survive medieval European politics quite well for some time, knows exactly
what politics are, and manages to convince every single alien he meets, through bravado, underhandedness, trickery, and good old-fashioned lying, to assail their opponents. The only downside to their situation is that unfortunately the humans - not being astrogators, among other reasons - have no idea where Earth is any more.Centuries later, when "future" Earth finally reaches the stars, they are met by the emissary of the trans-galactic feudal Christian empire, run by Human descendants of the would-have-been Crusaders. The Earth explorer is questioned as to whether the Holy Land has been liberated from the pagans. As a loyal citizen of the Israeli Empire the Earth explorer can only reply with a "Well, sort of".
This work provides examples of:
- Alien Invasion
- Alternate History Wank: Played straight and in time taken to Biblical proportions.
- Badass: Oh so many! Sir Roger, his chief man-art-arms Red John Hameward, Lady Catherine, heck even Brother Parvus and the captive Wersgor officer get their moments.
- Battle Couple: Sir Roger and Lady Catherine
- Badass Israeli: The first humans meet them on their recontact with Earth hundreds of years later is a starfaring Israeli Empire.
- Disneyfication: A film version, produced by Roland Emmerich, was made in 1994. It takes the humorous-but-played-straight premise of the book and tries very hard to turn it into Monty Python and the Holy Grail ... IN SPACE!! Sadly, this does not work particularly well.
- Easily Thwarted Alien Invasion: See Epic Fail
- Epic Fail: The Wersgor invasion of Earth: their technologically advanced spaceship armed with laser weapons taking on a medieval village completely by surprise manages to not just get overrun, but captured and commandeered by said medieval villagers.
- Even Evil Has Standards: The Wersgor see nothing wrong with imperialism and genocide, but are appalled at the medievals' use of Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique.
- Exact Words: Sir Roger is very good at bluffing while not actually, precisely lying.
"Our lords have extensive foreign possessions, such as Ulster, Leinster, Normandy — but I'll not weary you with a catalogue of planets." I alone noticed he had not actually said those counties and duchies were planets.
- Brother Parvus does it rather nicely, too, backing up Sir Roger's claim that Earthpeople have been exploring space for quite some time by mentioning that our first such endeavor was "about thirty-five hundred years [ago], at a place called Babel." Well, yes, a tower intended to reach into Heaven could be considered space exploration....
- False Reassurance
- Feudal Future: Played straight and justified: the human newcomers offered a viable and stable socio-political system as well as centuries of experience at it whereas the Wersgor mirrored the Western Roman Empire at its downfall and had long since forgotten how to actually conduct politics. Curiously though, even centuries later in the future, when Earth-bound humanity finally had spaceships of their own the interstellar empire forged by the crusaders and their descendants is very noticeably English.
- Framing Device
- Galactic Conqueror: Sir Roger
- Good Republic, Evil Empire Inverted - the theoretical freedom of the Wersgor 'democracy' is unfavorably contrasted with the securities of the feudal system.
- Also played with, in that the Wersgor republic is also unfavorably contrasted with the Jair Republic (one of the lesser starfaring powers Sir Roger convinces to join his crusade against the Wersgor), with the Jair republic described as a true republic, "not a sham one such as the Wersgor had", and the descriptions of the Wersgor explicitly describing their state as all-powerful and the citizens as reflexively subservient to it and to their superiors.
- The Wersgor are criticized for being too dependent on their Vast Bureaucracy and habitually subservient; similar criticisms to those levied against modern Western states by many conservatives.
- Humanity Is Superior
- Humans Are Warriors
- Knight in Shining Armor: Played with.
- Medieval Morons: Subverted - and how!
- Nicknaming the Enemy: "Bluefaces".
- No Indoor Voice (Part of how Sir Roger outsmarts the first set of aliens he encounters. Their species does not have as sensitive hearing as the humans and therefore both does not realize that the humans are whispering to each other, but also don't realize that their own whispered planning is clearly audible.)
- Outgrown Such Silly Superstitions: The Wersgor. The humans on the other hand are very pious. While there is some tongue in cheek humor about Medieval practices and obsessions, their faith is definitely not portrayed as a bad thing, and the most humane character in the book by far is the narrator - who is a pious monk.
- Ramming Always Works: The English crash land their first captured warship, the Crusade, on an energy shielded Wersgor battle fortress, crushing it. Then pissed off cavalry trample down the survivors.
- Rising Empire: Good honest Englishmen.
- Rock Beats Laser: Not to mention rock helps laser. A trebuchet firing nuclear shells? Undetectable by space age sensors? Yes please.
- Wait... why isn't the trebuchet and anyone working it nuked themselves? Also a trebuchet would be in visible range and nuclear shells launched by a trebuchet but not something more... advanced?
- At least once the people using the trebuchet are caught in the blast and killed. It worked on the base because the aliens were looking for an incoming missile with Radar, and didn't see the lobbed trebuchet shot coming out of a patch of forest until it was already within exploding radius. They were ready for an incoming missile, and ready for humans trying to smuggle a bomb in on foot. They were completely unprepared for humans to carry the bomb on foot, then lob it the last thousand yards.
"That word sword. Do you mean a cutting weapon?"
I had no time to ask my master's advice. I prayed inwardly for steadiness and answered, "Yes. You have observed them on our persons in camp. We find them the best tool for hand-to-hand combat. Ask any survivor of the Ganturath garrison."
- Torture Technician: One-eyed Hubert. Who is quite pleased when Sir Roger threatens to apply the Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique on the captive Wersgor. One-eyed Hubert also laments that Sir Roger isn't as quick with the irons as his grandfather, old Rip-Talon, and is quite dismayed to learn that he won't be getting to torture the Wersgor officer after all... right before he goes back to helping his little granddaughter gather daisies.
- Vichy Earth: The Wersgor plan for Earth is this. It backfires spectacularly.