Lets Play / Zisteau

"Lava bucket hooo!"

When Minecraft proved to be too tame, Vechs came along with his Super Hostile series to destroy all you hold dear. He challenged you with scorching lava. He dominated with floating islands and trap-filled caverns, shadowy deserts and sinister trees, varied landscapes with severely limited resources and sunny tropical islands bereft of normal foliage.

And Vechs looked on all he had created, and laughed, and said, "They will never make it out alive."

But then came Zisteau, and he looked upon these challenges and said, "Feel the power of the Sign."^note A literal sign. He hits things with it.

Zisteau has finished his LPs of:

• Many Minecraft challenge maps
  • Survival Island - interrupted by a hard drive crash, it was later given a proper ending (thanks to a fan who reconstructed the map based on video footage) and eventually revisited in "Zisteau Plays Minecraft" (see below).
  • Super Hostile #1: Sea of Flame, incomplete due to a hard drive crash, but eventually revisited in "Zisteau Plays Minecraft"
  • Super Hostile #3: Infernal Sky with MyselfOverwhelmed
  • Super Hostile #4: The Kaizo Caverns
  • Super Hostile #7: Legendary
  • Super Hostile #12: Inferno Mines (Beta)
  • Captive Minecraft - Rules that Matter
  • Skygrid - Rules that Matter (12 episodes, no playlist available)
  • Captive Minecraft 2
  • Captive Minecraft 3
  • Pantheon (CTM)
  • Ragecraft 2 (CTM)
• Baldur's Gate Evil Bastard, incomplete due to hard drive crash
• Dark Souls
• Diablo 3 with PauseUnpause
• Portal 2
• Starbound Beta
  • Starbound 2015 Update
• Terraria
  • Terraria 1.2 is EZ (with Etho)
  • Terraria 1.3 is EZ (also with Etho)
• The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim as "Lynx-O the Night Cat"
• Transformers: Fall of Cybertron
• Hexen
• Life on Bogota, where he played Minecraft using the seed "Bogota" with his friends. Now with its own page.
• The Witness

He is currently playing:

• Fallout 4 - "The Unraveling of Zed in the Wasteland"
• Ark: Survival Evolved - "Naked Dino Man"
• Zisteau Plays Minecraft, starting with Alpha 1.2 and progressing through the versions
• TerraTech

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This LPer provides examples of:

• The Ace: To Team GOB (Guude, OMG Chad, and Vintage Beef) in his LP of Panthon. By the end of the series, he has three deaths, as opposed to the cumulative 222 deaths of Team GOB. Both LPs joke about this state of affairs.
• Angrish: He makes very strange noises when flustered or freaking out, variously described as "panicking in high-speed Morse code" and "lapsing back into his native tongue."
  dogdoc: I thought zombie pigmen just went uweee! uweeeek!
  Nimmrod: That's only when they're pissed off.
  Zisteau: ...That's what it sounds like to the layman.
  Stickicide 21: It's actually a sophisticated language. Consisting of lower and higher pitches of uweeks.
• Ascended Fanboy: Vechs gives several Shout Outs to Zisteau in his maps.
  • In one, when giving you an early weapon, he notes "He'll probably still use a sign."
  • In another, he lays out a lot of early resources, but sets aside one chest with nothing but a sign, a stick, and a pair of "man pants," labelled "Zistonian Equipment Station".
  • Newer maps have chests filled with nothing but leather pants and an enchanted sign, labelled Zistonian Battlesign.
  • And even newer maps have Zombie Pigmen wearing leather pants and wielding Zistonian Battlesigns.
• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Zisteau has a hard time making it out of the abandoned mineshaft in Life on Bogota. You've got precious, precious wood to deliver to a safer area, and you stop to patch the irregular floor with gravel??
• Buffy Speak:
  • "This is now dirt region... area... type... place."
  • Suckerfish, Zombie Brain, Pig Skull thing! About 5:16 in.
• Chekhov's Gun: The Thumbnails of his Mindcrack videos were often clues as to what his next prank will be.
  • The rainbow of colors from episode 1 to 19 related to him building a rainbow in Pause's nether track.
  • The random objects from 27-35 were all objects he used when building CandyLand in VintageBeef's castle
  • The introduction of episodes 48-72 contained fragments that when put together described the prank Team America pulled on Team Canada in episode 75.
• Cozy Voice for Catastrophes: Like Helloween 4545, Zisteau is very pleasant to listen to, even if the circumstances put you on edge due to sheer suspense (or hordes of shrieking ghasts).
• Determinator: In the Super Hostile Minecraft map Inferno Mines, Zisteau decides to investigate a suspiciously lit spot in the ceiling of one of the secret areas, and discovers that being a Super Hostile map, the place is full of nasty monsters... lots and lots of monsters. It takes nearly three full episodes with much fast-forwarding and Zisteau chattering like a chipmunk to clear out the area (without dying once!), but he eventually does it. And why spend all that time and effort? Mostly just because it was there.
• Hoist by His Own Petard: Frequently. Mostly due to lava.
  • In Ultra Hardcore Season 6 Episode 2, stating for himself to not be reckless, he quickly goes and burns away half his life; go figure.
  • Also in Ultra Hardcore Season 5 Episode 3 he finds another player, runs for them (taking fall damage while jumping off a cliff to get to them) attacks and... finds himself dead.
• Improbable Weapon User: Given nothing at the start of Kaizo Caverns, he plucks the nearest sign from the wall, and history is made.
  Break down your tree with a sign, like God intended.
• Letter Motif: The real names of the Life on Bogota crew all start with T.
• Pig Man: His Minecraft avatar is a zombie pigman.
• Precision F-Strike: He sounds like a pleasant, mild-mannered, amiable uncle, even chatting away with the creepers he's killing... but he swears abundantly when things go wrong. Not in an angry way, usually, but it's still enough to offend a 7-year-old^note my nephew.
• Sequence Breaking: A pit of lava between you and that tree. A clearly marked tunnel to the left. Digging to the right reveals a lava trap. Give up and go where you're told? Never! Zisteau digs his way right up and around to the left, over the tunnel entrance. Through sandstone, with his bare hands. He not only avoids the tunnel entirely^note never goes through the entire thing, but checks enough to be sure he's not missed any treasure, but finds a secret room in the process.
  I have managed to completely avoid that jumping trap and—more important than avoiding this lava jumping trap, I'm avoiding going the direction the map designed to kill me intended for me to go. There's a small victory there, I think.
• Shoot the Dog: Quite literally in Life on Bogota. Several times, actually.
• Suspicious Video-Game Generosity: The few times Zisteau falls for it are priceless. For example, the time he cheerfully hops a minecart track off to parts unknown, notes "this may be a bad idea," and soon is bathing in lava. Laughing while he dies.
• Tim Taylor Technology: His answer to any problem he encounters in Kerbal Space Explosion is more power, whether it makes sense or not. Or if he doesn't have a problem.
• Too Dumb to Live: In Season 6 of Ultra Hardcore, Zisteau goes to take a bathroom break, unfortunately, he stands on top of a tree in a forest he'd just set on fire, in plain sight. Cue Kurt sniping him with a bow and wondering why he's not moving.
• With Great Power Comes Great Insanity: When Zisteau finally gets lava buckets in Legendary, he ends up covering the entire map in lava. While playing happy music.

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"See you later, take it easy, have a good day, bye bye."