- The glorious return of the pipe joke.
Clover: Give me a "P"!
Tenmyouji: Give me an "I"!
Sigma: What is wrong with you?!
- Despite being a Killer Rabbit, Zero III has some rather amusing lines.
- At the crew quarters, Sigma needs to scratch off a poster of a woman wearing a bikini at the beach. He considers getting a poster like this sacred and hard to find. Too bad it necessarily didn't mean stripping her off from her clothing.
- After scratching off the real portions that needed to be scratched off, the sound of the coin scratching furiously is suddenly heard and Phi berates Sigma for thinking he can scratch the bikini off.
- Even better is if you continue to check it after everything possible has been scratched off: Sigma tries his darndest to stare through the bikini.
- Before entering one of the puzzle rooms, Sigma attempts to get Clover and Luna to pull on a lever using some rather suggestive dialogue. Eventually, Clover gets fed up.
Sigma: Clover, try pulling that lever.
Clover: Why do I have to do it?
Sigma: It might be dangerous. I was hoping you could just wrap your hands around it and give it a good jerk. It is kinda big, but I'm sure you can handle it. Just...be gentle.
Clover: Uh... This doesn't seem like appropriate workplace behaviour. You're kinda grossing me out.
Sigma: I know you probably still think of yourself as just a girl, but you've become a woman some-
Clover: You're not making it any better! Why don't you do it?!
Sigma: If you can't take it, then maybe Luna can. Have you done this before? You just start at the base and work your way up, then give it a good tug once you get to the top.
Clover: What is wrong with you?! If you're so desperate to give that lever a good time why don't you do it yourself! Just leave me and Luna out of your sick fantasies, you creep!
Sigma: Hmph. Fine. But I won't like it.
Luna: One of the doors opened. Hmm, we might as well go through it.
Sigma: Maybe we should try flipping it one more time, though... I think you could actually manage with just one hand, Clover. Just do it real fast, it'll only take one second. Just up and down once...
Clover: Ugh. You are disgusting.
- Even funnier once you realize these comments are coming from a 67 year old man.
- In the Archives, by examining a desk again after getting the items off of it, Clover opts to crawl under the desk and check there to be sure. This gives Sigma his only successful pervy moment in the game.
- During the pantry if you fail to solve a puzzle too many times, Clover notes that Sigma is having a hard time, only for him to rudely ask her for the answer. She decides not to help him until he apologizes properly.
Clover: Say it!
Sigma: C-Clover-chan is... hella moe...
Sigma: Clover-chan is hella moe!
Clover: Eeeeeee! Oh, you're embarrassing meeee! He he he.
Alice: What in God's name is wrong with you...
- Sigma using logic to determine how he ended up in the game.
"Had I started a fight with a frightening and mysterious new religion? No... Had I hacked into some terrorist group's server? No... Had I witnessed an assassination? No... Had I gotten wasted and had a one night stand with the mistress of a prominent politician? Well, yes...
But it was just the one time...And she
was the one who went after me
- It gets better when you realize that Sigma proceeds to do all of these things over the course of the game.
- K on the kiddie ride in the Rec Room, and Sigma and Alice's reactions.
K: (With an ^_^ expression) Eeeeeeeeeee he he he he! Look at me go!
Alice: I... I can't watch this...
- Tenmyouji voices what anyone who played 999 was thinking upon seeing a room labeled 'Q':
Tenmyouji: Alright, now someone's just being a smartass.
- The description of the jellyfish puzzle in the treatment room ends with "If you move one of the yellow jellyfish to the hole instead, you are a failure and we are very disappointed in you"
- Going through the green door with Luna and Alice leads to a number of these, especially when examining the robot with the boxer shorts.
Sigma: This one is wearing boxers...
Alice: Y-Yeah, looks like it...
Luna: Why would a robot be wearing underwear?
Sigma: Maybe he's, uh, hiding something.
Luna: Hiding what, though?
Luna: Like a diary or something?
Sigma: Why the hell would you hide a diary in your crotch?!
- Not to mention Alice's...enthusiasm in removing the shorts to check if it has a 'hose'.
Alice: Remove these shorts of obfuscation and let us gaze upon it - this so-called "hose"!
- In that same room, try examining the cluttered desk in the back, multiple times. The sheer amount of random things Sigma does to try and find something useful is hilarious, capping it off with Alice needing to slap Sigma so that he doesn't eat something.
- The COCKNEY. ROBOT. Or Kansai Robot.
- We get his story about the Chinese Room, with Luna asking why it mattered if the woman involved was pretty... or what color underwear she wore.
: Just tickles my fancy, I guess. But the prettier the bird is, the more fun the story is, innit? Sigma
: What? Alice
: What? Sigma
- Examining the oil spill will have Luna make a comment about how slippery it is, and that it could be used to 'lube something up'. Apparently, she didn't realize how she says it could be taken in a completely different context.
- Then comes this comment from Luna after you examine the oil covered key the first.
- Throughout these dialogues, Sigma is actually rather unnerved by Luna's innocent but accidentally suggestive comments, which is something coming from him. To the point where examining the oil covered key again will have him ask Luna to stop talking while he uses the key. Luna's confusion confirms she really didn't realize the implications of her wording.
: Okay, now that you've got it all lubed up, stick it in! Sigma
: S-stick it... in...? Lubed up...? Luna
: Yes! Why do you think we put all that lubrication on it?! It wouldn't go in otherwise! Sigma
: Uh, well... Luna
: Stop teasing me! Hurry up! Put it in! Sigma
: Argh! Okay, fine! I'm doing it just... stop talking... okay? Luna
- Alice, however, offers to slip into a doctor's labcoat because she figured that Sigma might be into that sort of thing. His blush confirms it for her.
- Sigma isn't the only Covert Pervert - Tenmyouji has a conversation with Quark about a pin-up poster in the Crew Quarters, and expresses a desire to head back home to watch some of his "Grandpa videos". He does, however, have the good sense to keep said videos in a locked cabinet.
- While explaining the multiple-worlds theory, Phi asks Sigma to do anything to elaborate her point. Among the choices you can pick for this besides the ones she mentions include moonwalking, tap-dancing, and blowing a kiss.
- Dealing with the Schrödinger's Gun aspects of the game, at one point Sigma is taken aback that in one route Alice betrays and in another, she allies, depending on what Sigma chose. He goes over all the aspects of why this shouldn't have happened, when...
Sigma: No, wait... wait! Wait wait wait wait wait! Why the fuck was I talking so casually about going back in time?!
- Sigma's reactions to a lot of the puzzles, especially the difficult ones.
Sigma: I JUST SOLVED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PUZZLE!
- This is funnier when you remember Troy Baker said a similar line in another game.
- Pretty much everything Sigma says becomes this retroactively when you learn that Sigma is in his 67-year-old body. It's funny enough imagining Troy Baker saying Sigma's lines, but try to imagine the voice of Jamieson Freaking Price spewing cat puns!
- Dio offers an invite to K for a drink in the lounge. K is not impressed.
Dio: You wanna tag along K?
K: Are you making fun of me? I find it rather hard to drink with this mask on.
Dio: Oh, right, of course. My bad.
- What makes this funnier is that Dio's response to K implies that he genuinely forgot that K is wearing a mask, and wasn't actually making a bad joke at K's expense.
- The player's realization, post-reveal, that the flowers on Luna's dress resemble the Windows logo. It Makes Sense in Context.
- Going to the laboratory with Dio and Clover prompts the latter to make go on a tirade of puns, prompting Visible Silence from both Dio and Sigma. After Clover pats herself on the back for her humor skills:
Dio: Sigma, please, let me give her a smack.
Sigma: I wouldn't do that. What if it only makes her worse?
- In the same place, when you examine the "hole" on the table...
Clover: Is that a speaker on the table?
Sigma: IT'S A DRAIN! What is wrong with you?!
- Clover's insistence that the jellyfish are aliens. And then naming the purple one "Ellen" after fishing it out of the tank.
- Clover's mistake when saying what is in the Pantry is one that sticks around during the whole time you are exploring the room, with Sigma and Alice making multiple jokes
Clover: I wonder what's under the wrapper
Alice: Under where?
Sigma: Under there!
Clover: Shut up!
- Exploring the Director's Office with Tenmyouji and Quark yields this Shout-Out to Tenacious D, when they ask how you plan on using the slingshot without any ammo.
Sigma: With... mind-bullets...
Tenmyouji: It's called "telekinesis," Sigma.
- Someone asked Uchikoshi about Sigma's 12 inches (a reference to a line in the game). He "clarified" that he actually has 9 inches but it doubles when he's aroused. When someone points out that it's inhumanly long, he responds by saying he can fold it into a sigma shape.
- According to Uchikoshi in the Answers, SOIS' dress code is very loose for the purpose of making people not think they're members of a top-secret organization, to the point where there are agents dressed up as Elvis, Lady Gaga, and even Captain America. This fact has not gone unnoticed by those whom actually know about the organization.
Uchikoshi: The very few people that know of the organization are said to be teasing them by calling them "State Of InsanitieS", or that’s what I hear.
- This exchange between Tenmyouji and Sigma:
Tenmyouji: I'll have you know that the last guy I fought with went home in an ambulance.
Sigma: Guess you shouldn't pick a fight with a paramedic, then.
- Zero's hologram. He introduces himself as Zero, ominous music plays. Then he informs you that he has two incredibly important things to tell you... and promptly launches into a monologue about termites.
Zero: Hm. In retrospect, I suppose that's a rather odd thing to say. I imagine you look rather bewildered right now. Perfectly understandable. The person who kidnapped you and threatened you with death is lecturing you about insects.
- There's something vindictively funny about jumping back to the beginning of the game and completely skipping the first puzzle room entirely by virtue of already knowing the final password, especially if said rooms have given you trouble throughout the course of the game.
- There are some gems hidden in the secret files:
"For some reason Sigma—or perhaps the author
—seems to be unnaturally obsessed with swimsuits. Why is that? Was he involved in a horrible swimsuit accident (now repressed) in this youth? Did he have a crush in high school on a girl on the swim team who put her Olympic aspirations ahead of any possible romance? Is he just a perv? The world may never know. "
"...a useful tool in criminal investigations, where it can reveal blood stains that have been cleaned up. Keep this in mind the next time you're contemplating how to deal with the neighbors listening to death metal at three in the morning."
- The Secret of Quark's Hat:
"Don't you think his hat looks kind of weird? There's that huge band that just wraps around his head. Is he hiding a pair of Ferengi ears, or maybe he's just a young Lobot? Well, this is just between you and me, but he's got missiles in there. The sides of the hat are hiding those pods, like you see on helicopters on SAM sites. Except these missiles are tiny, and when he gets in trouble, both sides of the hat open up and they just fly out all at once like PSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH... Just kidding. Actually, he just keeps snacks in there."