Funny / Transformers: Dark of the Moon

  • As serious as the opening scene is, one line from Kennedy stands out: "Well, then you tell NASA to move Heaven and Earth. We need to get to the moon." Said in such a deadpan voice, it's like he's asking them to go to the store for some milk.

  • Sam's sheer exasperation with his current situation in life.
    Sam: You love it, don't you? I'm just your American boy toy!
    Carly: I love me a boy toy.
    • The fact that Brains and Wheelie are living with Sam, and Brains acts like a complete pervert towards Carly.
    • The Lucky Bunny.

  • Anything to do with Sam's Amazingly Embarrassing Parents in this film.
    • When Sam sees they've arrived early, he drops the coat he's carrying in his mouth, then turns around and walks back into the building. When he comes back out, he's all smiles and enthusiastic to see them.
    • When Sam's mom sees his new car:
      "It reminds me of Bumblebee! If Bumblebee... were a sad piece of shit."
    • And his dad's response to why he had to get it:
      "Oh, so your car has a job?"
    • During Sam's job interviews, his dad gets heartburn from a hotdog:
      Sam: "Why don't you get a little dipping tray and dip the dog in the Pepto, that's a solution. (Phone dings.) Pow, I got another one. We gotta go, come on!"
      Judy: (To her husband.) "Really?"
    • Judy: She comes first, there is some killer shit in this book.
    • Judy (again): "Sit down, sit down! Back me up."
      Ron (to Sam): "Happy wife, happy life. Unhappy wife? Stone cold misery for the rest of your-"
      Judy: "Oh, stop it."

  • Speaking of Sam's job interviews:
    • He interviews with a guy not much older than him, and when the events of the last film are brought up, says his potential boss might've missed some details because he would've been about fourteen.
    • Will anyone else be joining us?
      Oh. You want me to move right there? I can-
      Prefer not.
    • The same interviewer turning Sam down because he got a medal from Obama.
      "In this office, we're mostly Republicans. So..."
    • You remind me of like a- an Asian Colonel Sanders, a man I can trust. Made better by the old guy nodding like he agrees.

  • And then there's Bruce Brazos, played by John Malkovich.
    • He's such a Large Ham, always Chewing the Scenery with every movement. When he opens his mouth...
    • The red cup incident.
      It is a visual and therefore visceral betrayal. Stop it. Now.
    • And it becomes a Brick Joke when Carly later gives Sam a red cup filled with red licorice. Right in front of Brazos!
    • When Laserbeak kills Jerry, his body falls past a meeting Brazos is in. The boss' reaction is pretty funny.
    • Then he instructs Sam to clean up the body. Black Comedy at its finest.
    • And finally, he demands to meet Bumblebee in exchange for giving Sam information on the conspiracy. He gestures for Bumblebee to "come at" him.
      Bumblebee: Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a kid?

  • Two words: Jerry Wang
    • He stalks Sam through the office, knocking a binder out of some guy's hand.
      You do that again I'll kick your ass!
    • Then he corners Sam in the bathroom.
      I'm Wang. Deeeep Wang.
    • He encounters Brazos on his way out.
      Stare down, you and me. (Slam!) I win.
    • Sam walks in on Laserbeak torturing Jerry. The engineer gets him to leave by blaming his agony on hemorrhoids.
    • Then Jerry pulls a pair of guns on the Decepticon.
      "Oh yeah! Who wants some chicken dinner now, Bitch? Huh? 'Cause somebody messed with the wroooong Wang today."

  • Ironhide's frustration with Prime's silent treatment to the NSA director.
    "PRIME! Make something of yourself!" *clang*

  • Epps' reaction to seeing The Driller during the Battle of Chicago.