Funny / Thunderbolts

Examples from the original series:

• One of the Thunderbolts' first missions consists in going after... the Masters of Evil. Or more specifically, a group of mercenary supervillains who took the name for themselves, ignoring the original Masters of Evil are still around in disguise. Zemo/Citizen V is particularly eager to take these ones down, as he takes personal offense that a random bunch of hired hands is using his team's name.
  Citizen V: You're not the Masters of Evil — You're little more than a joke! The old Masters — they never were anyone's hirelings, not like you! They were Masters, not slaves! That was the point!
• In an earlier issue, MACH-1, after arresting a thug, takes time to steal part of his money, making up a story about an accomplice escaping with it. When he comes back with the money, Zemo proceeds to berate him for risking their cover for a few hundred dollars when being the Thunderbolts gets the government to deliver them a high tech and the Baxter Building willingly.
• The joke "Tastee Fruit Pies" ad.
• At the end of the fight between the Thunderbolts and the Great Lake Avengers, the former managed to defeat all of the latter until only Mr Immortal is left. Mr Immortal mocks them, boasting about how his power means they can't kill him no matter how they try. Their answer?
  Moonstone: Oh, is it? What a lucky break for us they don't call you Mr Conscious! (knocks him unconscious)
• The Running Gag of the Thunderbolts' headquarters being destroyed:
  • First, the cabin where they hid is attacked and wrecked by Cyclone;
  • Then, that same cabin is wrecked by The Incredible Hercules crashing through the wall, with Songbird complaining they had just repaired it.
  • Then Edwin Cord's mercenary team, the Jury, arrives to attack them and wreck yet another cabin Hawkeye had found for them. To make things even better, this one actually works in their favour, since as a result all the traps and bugs Citizen V had put inside to spy on them are now useless.
• When Zemo recruits him, a bored Fixer has been splicing old movies together so he can watch Godzilla play the Peter Lorre character in Casablanca.
• The Exact Words Black Comedy when Zemo tells Jolt that Songbird/Mimi’s boyfriend was tragically shot during a bank robbery, given that he was one of the bank robbers.
• Hawkeye awakens in the morning and finds the entire team fighting with Charcoal and calling him a traitor. After he forced them to stop and asked for an explanation about what is going on, they explain they caught Charcoal looming over Songbird in monster form, seemingly about to crush her. Turns out Charcoal actually was just trying to get past her so he could go to the bathroom, and he was in his monster form because he was freezing. Hawkeye's reaction is priceless.
  Hawkeye: (sigh) What am I gonna do with this bunch of yahoos?
• Upon first meeting the new (female) Crimson Cowl, Hawkeye's reaction is to comment she looks prettier than the first Crimson Cowl he met.
• While they are infiltrating the Crimson Cowl's base, the Thunderbolts ambush a small group of villains and steal their costumes. Charcoal ends up disguised as a the Man-Ape, and is fast to express his irritation about the Unfortunate Implications:
  Charcoal: Sure, sure, go ahead, put the black kid in the monkey costume!
  • Then as they leave, Jolt jokingly comments Joystick will probably wish she was the type to wear underwear when she wakes up.
• There is something hilarious with Jolt's irritation about Hawkeye trying to get her to go to school like if he was her father. The teenage super-powered girl who spent a good chunk of her recent life fighting crime, hanging around with a former super-villain team turned superheroes and running away from the authorities reacts about as well as you'd expect when faced with the perspective of returning to a normal life:
  Jolt: SCHOOL?! I hate school! I don't wanna go to school! When are you going to stop trying to make me?!
• The series usually makes good use of Gosh Dangit To Heck but in Thunderbolts #50 the new Meteorite, who makes heavy use of Symbol Swearing in just about every speech bubble, ends up fighting with and getting captured by Moonstone who casually remarks "I washed this one's mouth out with soap..."
• The Thunderbolts, led by Zemo, forced a Banana Republic to give up their secret atomic plans. The President Evil sent his navy, to no avail. He kept nagging that he would gather allies, go to the UN... and Zemo interrupted him, showing him and his cabinet a porn video of the president having sex with the wife of his minister (standing right next to him). What the Hell, Hero? Well, he ended the conflict swiftly, decisively, and... let's hope... without loss of life. Isn't that what heroes do?
• After arriving at Dr. Faustus' island, Skein decides to take a swim - "And who has time to look for a bathing suit?" Techno is clearly impressed by what he sees, given he starts panting and his sensors lift up.
• In the Avengers/Thunderbolts crossover #3, the T-bolts attack The Wizard to steal some of his technology, causing him to furiously rant:
  Wizard: You invade my home? Threaten me? Disrespect me? Interrupt the Daily Show?
• When Fixer references Animal House mid-battle, Zemo reveals that he's seen the film, and that he was rooting for Dean Wormer.
• During the origin telling in the first Annual, Zemo's looks are hilarious after learning the Avengers were "dead". Then he goes into lab and trying to tell the others it doesn't matter anymore then Fixer manages to start pulling Goliath out of Kosmos and the voices are yelling out Zemo goes on a brilliant rant, while his face even through his mask looks hilarious.
  Zemo: No! I am Zemo! And A Zemo never surrenders. I will not be denied! I will not be scorned- not twice in one day! I am Zemo! I want the man you hold — and you will release him! I do not surrender! And I will not be destroyed! I am Zemo, Do you hear?! I am Zemo — And What I want I take!

Examples from the Warren Ellis Retool:

• Norman Osborn showing off the new Thunderbolts merchandise. He says Moonstone is most popular with males, age 18-49, and shows her the...appropriate limited edition statue they made of her.
• Osborn discusses a focus group's initial reaction to Radioactive Man's original costume.
  Norman: One of them actually said "Why is the green dude wearing a diaper?"
  Chen Lu: "Dude"?
  Norman: I'm not going to say the word he actually used.
• Norman Osborn's mad rant during his Villainous Breakdown; his sheer insanity is glorious.
  Osborn (while getting into costume): "Note to self: give naked dictation more often, the ideas seem to flow more freely."
  • Likewise, him greeting two security guards while in full Goblin costume.
  Guard: I'm going to be in therapy for the rest of my life.
• Following on from that, what he does while kicking Swordsman's ass.
  Swordsman: Mommy.
  Green Goblin: YOU DIDN'T HAVE A MOTHER! A PIG COUGHED AND YOU FELL OUT!

Examples from the Andy Diggle Retool:

• The death of Headsman is perfectly timed Black Comedy. You know that Scourge is going to try and kill Osborn, and when the hologram of him appears...
• Mister X realizing, after killing an Asgardian warrior, that he just killed a god.

Examples from the Jeff Parker Retool the Cagebolts:

• Ghost giving mouth-to-mouth to Songbird and Moonstone. Remember, this is the guy who is constantly followed by a swarm of flies.
  Moonstone: "Oh, nasty."
  • She pukes her guts out too; not sure if that is from the drowning, or Ghost.
• Female inmates flashing and cat-calling Thor on his visit to the Raft.
  "You're gonna be very Thor after we have Thex!"
• Satana flirting with Man-Thing, Juggernaut, Ghost and Moonstone. Also Luke's reaction.
• From #162: Giant-Size Man-Thing.
• Golden Age Moonstone.
  • It gets better. After the "Golden Age Thunderbolts" story, we now have... Victorian Thunderbolts! Complete with Centurius trying to get Gunna to talk normally: "The rain... in Spain... falls mainly... in the plain..."
• Issue 176 (following the Dark Avengers retitle) has Man-Thing after his rebirth at the dawn of life on Earth as heard by Boomerang.
  Man-Thing: Y'all tha snitches that got me my riches.
  Boomerang: Why is he all thug-talking now? Does that seem weird to anyone else?
• Also from Issue 176, Mr. Hyde's reaction to seeing the Watcher while time traveling.
  Mr. Hyde: What are YOU lookin' at, Y' bleedin' BABY MAN!?
• Upon realizing that the time traveler they rescued was in fact Dr. Doom who promptly betrays them by destroying Thunderbolt Tower, the team stares in shock and anger, vocally plotting out revenge until we get to Boomerang.
  Ghost: Oh my!
  Moonstone: Well, that is that. So long Thunderbolts Tower.
  Centurius: If it takes a dozen lifetimes, I am going to kill Victor von Doom.
  Troll: Troll... home... gone?
  Hyde: I'll chew his foreign head off.
  Boomerang: I'll talk a lot about evening the score, and then get distracted by stuff and never get around to it.
• Ghost in a party hat.
• Man-Thing and Boomerang fist bump.

Examples from the Marvel NOW series:

• The 2013 annual by Ben Acker and Ben Blacker is full of good jokes, including Elsa Bloodstone mistaking Elektra and Deadpool for The White Stripes, The Leader describing his sensors' readout as "They're really calm. They sound insane. Like Kevin Spacey." and a dig at the Shawarma-eating ending of the Avengers movie, but special mention should go to this exchange between Venom and Punisher in Jotunheim:
  Punisher: Let's go kill some gods.
  Venom: You can't kill gods.
  Punisher: I can kill whoever I want. I'm the mother ████ing Punisher.
  • Also from the annual: Ross declares they're going to kill Doctor Strange. Venom objects, Deadpool's all too ready to do so... and they're all stopped by The Leader - "We are unable to kill him. He's magic, we're not."
• In Issue #1, when Ross is recruiting members for the team, all of them are presently busy. Punisher is captured by thugs and preparing to kill them all, Agent Venom is fighting off Somalian insurgents, Elektra is assassinating Afghanistan official, and Deadpool is... fighting and killing a troupe of mimes in France. No explanation is ever given for this.
• Deadpool states he's a certified notary, and thus can witness the team's contract with Mephisto.
  Mephisto: Fair enough then.
  • The same issue has Johnny Blaze's Ghost Rider grumbling that he deserves the name "Daredevil" since he's a stuntman, and that the Man Without Fear is probably an accountant.
    • In the same conversation, he also brings up that he was in show business for a while, doing some movies. Unfortunately, they sucked.
  • Deadpool hijacks the contract to include a clause that allows him to obtain a new feather for his hat. From the wing of an angel. Which invades Hell through Deadpool's portal along with its comrades.
• The series makes a subtle joke about the unpopular angel Punisher arc, which Punisher refuses to talk about.