- "Officer Kronk":
Kronk: If you keep having me dungeoning people you're gonna end up emperor of nothing. Just like that guy... in the story... who, uh, ended up emperor... of nothing.
- After Kronk arrests everyone, the scenery is only outlines because he arrested the background painters.
- "Evil and Eviller":
Mr. Moleguaco: (strapped to a lunette) Evil isn't glamorous. Being bad isn't... good.
Kuzco: Thanks for the obvious, Mr. M. I don't know what I'll do without you.
Mr. Moleguaco: Now can you let me out of this thing? I didn't think ahead.
Kuzco: No way. I'm trouble with a capital "T". (whispering to Malina) Trouble does start with a "T", right?
Mr. Moleguaco: You're about to be in BIG TROUBLE!!
Kuzco: (beat) Do you have a hacksaw?
Kuzco: Ms. Ni? What's your sister's name, Ms. Elbow? Ha. I'm trouble.
Ms. Ni: Actually, my sister's name is Ms. Ni too since Ni is our last name.
Kuzco: Yeah, well, what's your brother's... er, huh, I mean... wait give me a sec...
Ms. Ni: I should mention I'm now in charge of student discipline. Troublemakers will be dealt with swiftly and severly—
Kuzco: I got it! What's your mother's maiden name, Ms. Elbow?
Kronk: Okay, okay. Let me see if I understand. Because her name is Ni, which sounds like "knee", then it would be funny if her mother's real name also represented a hinging joint of the body. Is that... right?
Kuzco: You got it, Kronky.
Kronk: Ha ha ha! Ms. Elbow! Rich!
Kuzco: I'm on fire!
Ms. Ni: No you're not. But since you seem to be a troublemaker, I'll be watching you from now on.
Yzma (Principal Amzy): Eh, I'll be watching you too.
"Brad Bowllama, my super-cool and very funny best friend by Kuzco
- Kuzco's paper on his best friend, Brad Bowllama:
Brad Bowllama is a super-cool and funny and he use to be emperor and he's funny. He likes everything I like and he hates cauliflower which I hate too. He doesn't like Yzma either. He thinks Malina is a hotty-hot-hot-hot-hotty, and should spend more time with Kuzco. And did I mention he's super-cool and he's funny? Because he is. The end."
"Malina, Pacha and Kronk are my real super-cool and very funny best friends. The end."
- Doubling as a heartwarming moment, Kuzco's report later about his real best friends.
Yzma: Kronk! (rips her Principal Amzy disguise) It's me!
- The Yzma/Amzy gag for the episode.
Kronk: Wow! Right, then who am I? (rips his clothes off, revealing his underwear)
Yzma: You're Kronk. In underwear.
Kronk: (covers himself) Aah!
- Also, Malina says that while the name Brad Bowllama is a stupid name that came from common objects, it's still a better name than "Mr. Bananastaircasehat". During the credits, Mr. Moleguaco reads an essay from a student describing a "friend" with that very name.
- When Malina, Pacha and Kronk save Kuzco from one of Yzma's traps, they all turn around to see Yzma glaring down at them and threateningly asking "And just where are you going!?" All four of them are understandably frightened...and then Yzma asks why they're not answering her question. Turns out she really was just asking where they were going and not trying to foil Kuzco's escape attempt.
- "Attack Sub"
Mr. Moleguaco: This morning we're going to discuss relative pronouns, such as "what" and "that".
Kuzco: What? When are we ever gonna use that?
Kuzco: There's been a dangerous radiation leak!
- One of Kuzco and Kronk's plan to get out of class involves a radiation meltdown.
Kronk: (runs out of the class with a wooden arm tied to him) Oh no! A third arm! This dangerous radiation leak must be turning me... into a mutant!
Mr. Moleguaco: (rips the arm off) Your mutant arm is made of wood.
- In "Girls Behaving Oddly", Kuzco pointing out all the signs that Malina isn't taking it easy (i.e. bulging eyes, flared nostrils, and scary teeth) and that she looks like Pacha when he's angry at Kuzco for using his poncho as a towel, complete with a picture of an angry Pacha with red eyes. Here's the scene.
Kuzco: (about Malina) How about we brainwash her?
- The fact that Kuzco is ecstatic about a C+... but Kronk has a B average.
- Later, we have this:
(shows an image of Kuzco and Kronk holding a pair of sponges up to Malina's head)
Kronk: Nah, Malina's too smart for that. Plus brain soap's expensive.
- "The Emperor's New Musical"
Malina: What are you staring at?Kuzco: We kissed and you said wow.
- During the credits:
- In every episode... The lever.
Yzma: Pull the lever, Kronk!
(Kronk pulls the lever, and the fire alarm goes off prompting everyone to run out of the school)
Yzma: (on the loudspeakers) False alarm! Get back to your classes! (to herself, as the students file back to the school) Imbeciles. Okay, "to the secret lab", "pull the lever Kronk", something goes wrong, then the wall spins.
(Kronk pulls the right lever)