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Funny: The Emperor's New School
  • "Officer Kronk":
    Kronk: If you keep having me dungeoning people you're gonna end up Emperor of Nothing. Just like that guy... in the story... who, uh, ended up Emperor... of Nothing.
  • "Evil and Eviller":
    Mr. Moleguaco: (strapped to a lunette) Being bad isn't... good.
    Kuzco: Thanks for the obvious, Mr. M. I don't know what I'll do without you.
    Mr. Moleguaco: Now can you let me out of this thing? I didn't think ahead.
    Kuzco: No way. I'm trouble with a capital "T". (whispering to Malina) Trouble does start with a "T", right?
    Mr. Moleguaco: You're about to be in BIG TROUBLE!!
    Kuzco: (beat) Do you have a hacksaw?

    Kuzco: Ms. Ni? What's your sister's name, Ms. Elbow? Ha. I'm trouble.
    Ms. Ni: Actually, my sister's name is Ms. Ni too since Ni is our last name.
    Kuzco: Yeah, well, what's your brother's... er, huh, I mean... wait give me a sec...
    Ms. Ni: I should mention I'm now in charge of student discipline. Troublemakers will be dealt with swiftly and severly—
    Kuzco: I got it! What's your mother's maiden name, Ms. Elbow?
    Kronk: Okay, okay. Let me see if I understand. Because her name is Ni, which sounds like "knee", then it would be funny if her mother's real name also represented a hinging joint of the body. Is that... right?
    Kuzco: You got it, Kronky.
    Kronk: Ha ha ha! Ms. Elbow! Rich!
    Kuzco: I'm on fire!
    Ms. Ni: No you're not. But since you seem to be a troublemaker, I'll be watching you from now on.
    Yzma (Principal Amzy): Eh, I'll be watching you too.
  • "Kuzclone"
    • Kuzco's paper on his best friend, Brad Bowllama:
    "Brad Bowllama, my super-cool and very funny best friend by Kuzco
    Brad Bowllama is a super-cool and funny and he use to be emperor and he's funny. He likes everything I like and he hates cauliflower which I hate too. He doesn't like Yzma either. He thinks Malina is a hotty-hot-hot-hot-hotty, and should spend more time with Kuzco. And did I mention he's super-cool and he's funny? Because he is. The end."

    Yzma: Kronk! (rips her Principal Amzy disguise) It's me!
    Kronk: Wow! Right, then who am I? (rips his clothes off, revealing his underwear)
    Yzma: You're Kronk. In underwear.
    Kronk: (covers himself) Aah!
    • Also, Malina says that while the name Brad Bowllama is a stupid name that came from common objects, it's still a better name than "Mr. Bananastaircasehat". During the credits, Mr. Moleguaco reads an essay from a student describing a "friend" with that very name.
  • "Attack Sub"
    Mr. Moleguaco: This morning we're going to discuss relative pronouns, such as "what" and "that".
    Kuzco: What? When are we ever gonna use that?
    • One of Kuzco and Kronk's plan to get out of class involves a radiation meltdown.
    Kuzco: There's been a dangerous radiation leak!
    Kronk: (runs out of the class with a wooden arm tied to him) Oh no! A third arm! This dangerous radiation leak must be turning me... into a mutant!
    Mr. Moleguaco: (rips the arm off) Your mutant arm is made of wood.
  • In "Girls Behaving Oddly", Kuzco pointing out all the signs that Malina isn't taking it easy (i.e. bulging eyes, flared nostrils, and scary teeth) and that she looks like Pacha when he's angry at Kuzco for using his poncho as a towel, complete with a picture of an angry Pacha with red eyes.
  • "The Emperor's New Musical"
    • During the credits:
    Malina: What are you staring at?
    Kuzco: We kissed and you said wow.
  • In every episode... The lever.

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