Funny / Serenity (2005)

• A rapid-fire chain of these right at the beginning, after the introduction:
  Wash: If [Kaylee] doesn't give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn-through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
  Mal: Define "interesting".
  Wash: [deadpan] "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die"?
  Mal: [over intercom] This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we might experience some slight turbulence, and then... explode. [to Wash] Can you shave the vector?
  Wash: I'm doing it, it's not enough.
  Mal: Well, just get us on the ground.
  Wash: That part'll happen pretty definitely!
  Jayne: [out in the hallway] We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!
  • After the prologue, the film starts out with a beautiful shot of Serenity on land approach, music over the roar re-entry (the one time where Space Is Noisy is justified), and the primary buffer panel flies off the nose.
    Mal: What was that?
  • Also can't forget how that comes up again right at the end, just as the reborn Serenity goes full burn... and loses a tail piece. With the same tone and inflection.
• Before River joins the others on the heist, Simon tells her that if there's trouble she should just run, and "It's okay to leave them to die." River gives him an incredulous glance, as if to say, "Wow, Simon..."
• When entering the vault, Mal calls down to the people inside that they're there to take the money. A voice calls up at them asking for a password. Jayne fires a quick full-auto burst from his gun, to which a shaken voice replies, "Okay!"
  • The guard then discussing where he wants to be shot (so he can avoid punishment for allowing the robbery to take place), with him and Mal debating the merits of a bullet through various areas of human anatomy.
    Mal: The leg is good, it'll bleed plenty, and we avoid any necessary organs.
    Guard: I was thinking more of a graze...
    Mal: Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up.
• When fleeing from the Reavers:
  Jayne: I won't get et! You shoot me if they take me!
  [Mal aims pistol squarely at Jayne]
  Jayne: Well, don't shoot me first!
• After the Mule has crash-landed back in the ship, Kaylee rushes to Simon, who was only there to open the door and says, with obvious concern, "Are you okay?" Mal, who was thrown off the Mule during said crash-landing stands up and with the most indignant look on his face, exclaims, "Is he okay?!"
• As River fights in the bar:
  Fanty: Do you know that girl?
  Mal: I really don't.
• After the River fight in the Maidenhead some time later, Wash offers up this gem:
  Wash: Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl...cause I don't think that's ever getting old.
  • Made even better in the outtakes when he messes up the line as "Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-year-old...man...with man boobs."
    • "Oh, man!"
• Kaylee after Simon confesses his feelings for her:
  Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you.
  Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in sex?
  Simon: [flustered] I... mean to say.
  Kaylee: To Hell with this. [Dramatic Gun Cock] I'm gonna live!
• When they enter the bar:
  Kaylee: It's been going on a year now I ain't had nothin' betwixt my nethers that weren't run on batteries!
  Mal: Oh god! I can't know that!
  Jayne: I could stand to hear a little more.
• After the Reaver chase at the beginning:
  Simon: River! Are you alright?
  River: I swallowed a bug...
• This exchange:
  Mal: You want to run this ship?!
  Jayne: Yes!
  Mal: [thrown off] ...Well, you can't!
• Those grenades Mal didn't want Jayne to take along... one Reaver ship later:
  Jayne: Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?
• And in the background as Mal walks away from the chewing-out:
  Zoe: Are those grenades?
  Jayne: Yeah, captain doesn't want 'em.
  Zoe: Jayne, we're robbing the place. We're not occupying it.
• The scene in the bank where River is identifying who among the hostages is going to be a hero, especially the entire silent conversation between River and Zoe that, with dialogue, would go something like this.
  River: [Him.]
  Zoe: [Him?!]
  River: [Yes, him! Duh!]
• Jayne calling for Mal when the Reavers arrive:
  Mal: Every heist he's gotta start yellin' my name!
• If you ever think you're alone on Serenity, and you're having an intimate moment with the medic or mechanic of your dreams, check the ceiling in the event that Ceiling River is watching you fornicate.
• "I've staked my crew's life on the theory you're a person, actual and whole. And if I'm wrong, you'd best shoot me now." *click* "... or... we could talk more."
• "Zoe, ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don't hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me!
  • Zoe's reply as well: "What? And risk my ship?" How thoughtful of her.
• Mal sneaking into the Companion's Guild's building by dressing like a woman, then kneeling next to Inara as she meditates in front of a Buddha statue.
  Mal: Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...
• "Yes, I've read a poem. Try not to faint."
  • Even funnier because Inara's "WTF?" reaction is a silent Funny Background Event. Mal knows Inara well enough to expect her reaction. He doesn't even turn to face her.
• The Operative's entrance in that scene is equally hilarious just for this line:
  The Operative: Captain Reynolds. I'm impressed that you would come for her yourself, and that you would make it this far... in that outfit.
• When the Operative and Mal first meet, and Mal tries to goad him:
  The Operative: Captain Reynolds, I should tell you so that you don't waste your time; you cannot make me angry.
  Inara: Please, spend an hour with him.
  Mal: [looks pleased and proud for a second, then realizes what Inara said and gives her a swift glare]
  • Brick Joke'd a while later when Mal does, in fact, succeed in pissing him off.
• This exchange between Mal and the Operative:
  The Operative: I'm not threatening you. I'm unarmed.
  Mal: Good. [He whips out his pistol and shoots the Operative. He turns to leave, and the Operative jumps him from behind.]
  The Operative: I am of course wearing full body armor. I am not a moron.
• At the heist at the beginning, they open the safe door... only to find almost nothing in it.
  Zoe: At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime.
• In the midst of River's breakdown:
  Simon: Am I... talking to Miranda now?
  [River shoots him a look of hilarious contempt◊ that just says "You're a boob."]
• When several of the crew are eavesdropping on Mal and Inara's conversation, they groan and throw popcorn at the screen when Mal claims that Kaylee has been missing Inara.
  • And of course, Zoe and Mal's assessment of that conversation.
    Zoe: So... trap?
    Mal: Trap.
  • A bit later, Mal explains his reasons for knowing said conversation was bait for a trap:
    Kaylee: How do you know Inara don't just... wanna see you? People do have feelings.
    Mal: You all were watchin', I take it?
    [awkward silence]
    Kaylee: ...yes.
    Mal: You see us fight?
    Kaylee: No.
    Mal: Trap.
  • There's also an amusing outtake where Mal puts a Surrounded by Idiots spin on that last line: "TRAP!!"
• GET OUT OF THE WAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
  Alan: Fine! You wanna fly?! Fuckin' fly!! (gets up and 'storms' off; Nathan grabs the wheel and begins 'driving' the ship. As he leaves the cockpit, Alan turns and screams) I'LL BE IN MY BUNK!
• Another outtake: an alternate version of the "gather up these bodies and tie them to our ship" scene.
  Mal: Put Book front and centre; he's our friend, we should honor him. Kaylee, find that kid taking a dirtnap with Baby Jesus, we need a hood ornament.
  • The crowning bit is the finish: "Jayne, try not to to steal too much of their shit!" Complete with Adam Baldwin's look of "What? I wasn't gonna."
• Define "Disappeared".
• I submit for your consideration Alan Tudyk reading Hoban Washburn's eulogy.
• The Operative, normally the absolute epitome of Cool, completely losing his shit on seeing a fleet of Reavers that was just lured by Serenity to attack his own ships. Delayed reaction of his crew is also pretty hilarious. Undoubtedly, they were expecting easy job of intercepting a single vessel, so when many new adversaries suddenly appear, they are left dumbfounded to the point that they need to be reminded that they have weapons they can fire.
  The Operative: [smiling smugly and watching Serenity seemingly going alone against his fleet] Bastard's not even changing course.
  [an entire Reaver armada in pursuit emerges from the nebula right behind Serenity; Operative's smile drops instantly]
  Officer: [watching a flood of threat indicators fill his radar screen] Sir...?
  [beat]
  The Operative: Target the Reavers [nobody does anything] Target the Reavers! Target everyone... SOMEBODY, FIRE!!!
• This exchange between Mal and the Operative in the generator room:
  The Operative: [re: Mal's determination to get the word out about Miranda] And are you willing to die for that belief?
  Mal: I am.
  [a Beat, then Mal whips out his gun and opens fire, forcing the Operative to seek cover]
  Mal: ...'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A.
• Mr. Universe marrying his love-bot.
  Mr. Universe: She wrote her own vows. I cried, like a baby. A hungry, angry baby.
  • Mr. Universe Lampshade Hanging how out-of-place the Operative's preference for a sword is, given the space-faring setting of the film.
• Huge explosion rocks the Serenity.
  Wash: (sputtering in fright) It's okay, I-I'm a leaf on the wind.
  Mal: What does that even mean!?
• The crew are preparing to Hold the Line against a horde of Reavers. The only two with any meaningful combat experience are Zoe and Jayne
  Zoe: You really think any of us are going to get out of this alive?
  ''Camera pans across to the rest of the crew fumbling with their weapons before panning back to Jayne
  Jayne: [Nervously] I might
• The very last line in the whole movie (and the last in the franchise as a whole making it all the funnier). A piece of debris flies at the camera which Mal simply says, "What was that?".
• This deleted scene in which Inara learns from fellow Companion Sheydra that their students have been spreading rumors about her "torrid affair with a pirate."
  "A who with a what ..?"