Funny / Kung-Fu Jesus

Funny Moments from Let's Play aficionado Kung-Fu Jesus.

God Hand

• It is so perfect that a guy named Kung-Fu Jesus decided to play a game called GodHand.
• Many, many of them, especially with medibot, but here's one that sticks out. Doubly digital nonexistent real estate on the digital divide. It Makes Sense in Context...a little. Sort of.

pokecapn's Sonic Unleashed Let's Play

• From the same LP, when Kung-Fu Jesus starts poking fun at the "successful quicktime sequence" noise:
  *game makes a "ding-dong" sound*
  Kung-Fu Jesus: Someone's at the door! Medibot, get my door.
  Medibot: Yes'm.
  *door opening sound; Kaz enters the room*
  Kung-Fu Jesus: OH WAIT, THERE WAS ACTUALLY SOMEONE AT THE DOOR?!?!
  • KFJ does not have a doorbell. Them trying to explain what just happened to the audience and the entering MyNameIsKaz is also hilarious.
    • "Fuck the Fourth Wall, let's break the fifth and sixth while we're at it!!"

pokecapn's Mario Party Marathon

• Kung-Fu Jesus getting drunk when he gets tired of losing in Mario Party 5, and everything that follows. All of it. A few examples are listed below.
  • A drunk KFJ duels pokecapn for one coin.
  • medibot, as Waluigi, has been holding a Bone capsule at some point. KFJ, as Yoshi, lands on a Chain Chomp space and chooses Waluigi as the target, not knowing what the bone would do to Chain Chomps. The result is the Chain Chomp gets lured away from Waluigi by the bone, causing pokecapn to cry out in Angrish, all while berating KFJ for being so stupid. The kicker? pokecapn already told the group what the bone would do, many times, before it happened.
    • Of course, KFJ was falling-down drunk at the time. When pokecapn first explained what the Bone did KFJ even said it didn't make any sense to him.
• In Mario Party 7, Kung Fu Jesus confuses the mic.

Final Fantasy XIII-2

• The entirety of the cat chase. "I'm high as hell, kupo!"
• Not even ten minutes after naming their Cait Sith "Buttercup", a random NPC says "What's up, buttercup?" as they pass by. Total coincidence, but a damn good one.
• The first time the gang encounter Chocolina they quickly decide that she must have killed a Chocobo and is wearing its skin.
• The fight in Chapter 07 against Aloeidai (a copy of Gogmagog, their favorite boss thus far) results in Kaz making an interesting correlation:
  Kaz: I feel like I'm watching mathematics unfold.
  pokecapn: *laughs* Like this is what the old mathematicians were doing in their brains?
  Kaz: They were fighting Gogmagog.
  dreamsower: "I've unlocked algebra!"
  pokecapn: "You haven't eaten dinner in three days." "Not now, honey; I'm switching to Scouting Party!"
  Kaz: Yes, yes!
  pokecapn: "It all makes sense now!"
  Kaz: "The rates are related!"
  • Immediately afterward...
    Kaz: *as Aloeidai* "Do you have toilet paper or not?!"
• While searching for Hope in the 10th video (and momentarily mistaking a passing NPC woman for him), KFJ uses Mog to find a hidden chest. This prompts NPCs in the area to flock to the spot for apparently no reason, much to the amusement of the confused players. The kicker is when the NPC they subsequently speak to says, "People don't seem to be very interested in this site."
• In the 30th video, Mio Bison speaks in a high pitched voice to emulate a flan in order to react to Serah's Badass Teacher act.
  Mio Bison: (in an extremely high voice) We're sorry, Miss Farron!
  • Then, his subsequent translation of Mog's translation of the flans from English back into Flan.
• The conversation about medibot cramming into half of a hole results in him lying on the ground curled into a ball.
• Part 2: A male side-character named Yuj mentions Serah's change in clothes (after the four LPing chuckleheads constantly wonder why nobody has brought it up). A subsequent Live Trigger option has Serah asking Yuj if he'd like to try her clothes on - on top of that, it was the 'Y'-button option, meaning it was the very first one their eyes saw. Raucous laughter ensues and, naturally, they immediately pick that option without even considering (or probably even reading) the other three.
• Anything involving CP. ^note Crystogen Points, if you're wondering.
• One live trigger option has Noel asking if Snow wants to sing to the crystal pillar.
  dreamsower: Please be a musical! Please be a musical!
  My Name Is Kaz: And Iiiiii will alwaaays love yooooooooou
  • Whenever they try to turn Serah into an airhead.
• In part 17, they look around for a new adornment they found, and end up finding this, which causes everyone on board to laugh their asses off.
  • From that same part, pokacapn says he didn't like The Princess Bride..."TvTropes."
  KFJ: Yeah, Crowning Moment of Awesome was when Inigo Montoya was like "You kill my father, very nice."
• The chuckleheads are looking for Captain Cryptic in Part 34, with pokecapn looking online for his location based on hints from NPCs.
  pokecapn: "He is at the yellow spot on the floor in the small niche at the apex of the triangular-shaped alcove south of the east end of the long moving walkway."
  Kaz: ...Good...
  medibot: Bless you.
  Kaz: Say that sentence in reverse.
• The Goons are grinding for a Fencer in Academia 400, in which they take delight in reading the IKEA catalogue and mocking the names. But then Kung-Fu Jesus, acting on habit, quits the game and forgets to save, so they lose the Fencer they just spent so long trying to get and have to keep trying for another one!
• In the 16th video, the group has been playing the game for so long that it starts to affect their minds. Case in point:
  Noel: Wow. How do you build something like this?
  Kung-Fu Jesus: Well, with a lot of sweat and tears.
  Kaz: A little bit at a time-
  Serah: A little bit at a time, I guess.
  Kaz: Oh my God! Noooooo!
  pokecapn: Goodbye Kaz, it was nice knowing you.

  Kaz: This is what happens when you stay sober and play this game.
  Medibot: You stared too deeply into the abyss.
• After a battle in the 19th video, the camera cuts to a rather interesting view.
• During a discussion with Yeul in the 20th video.
  Yeul: [Caius] brought me here. And when we are finished, he will take me away.
  pokecapn: (as Caius) Yeul, pack up your toys. It is time for us to leave.

  Yeul: Everyone is smiling. This is the future...I wanted to see.
  Kaz: She's seen the future where we turn the game off.
• In the 21st video, the posse plays a friendly game of Brain Blast. One of the questions is "What does Serah do for a living?" to which Kung-Fu Jesus answers correctly. He claims that he knows everything about Serah, to general laughter. The next question?
  What colour are Serah's eyes?
  KFJ: Fuck.
  • This exchange from the same video:
  pokecapn: That kid phased into appearance and said "Yay!"
  medibot: Well, if you suddenly existed, you'd be pretty happy too!
• Their encounter with Thurston in Part 31.
  Thurston: I wonder why people waste their efforts picking off monsters one creature at a time.
  pokecapn: I don't know, Thurston...
  Thurston: I know a faster way we can get rid of them. We just need a lot of explosives—enough to blow up the entire ruins!
  Kung-Fu Jesus: This guy is awesome! [starts laughing]
  pokecapn: [also laughing] Oh my God! "Yo, we need to re-invent nukes!"
  medibot: "We forgot how, but we'll remember!"
• Part 52 features the return of none other than Gogmagog. It remarkable how funny it is to hear Kaz and KFJ regress from somewhat sensible adults to squeeing, giggling children upon seeing him.
• Part 56 gives us this Overly Long Gag.
  Noel: Do you think this will make Yeul happy?
  Caius: Which Yeul are you talking about? I've known and protected hundreds of Yeuls! Although they had the same soul, every one of them was unique! A Yeul who dreamed of travel! A Yeul who loved to sing! A Yeul who collected flowers.
  Kaz: A Yeul who did petit pois. A Yeul who wanted to learn every language. A Yeul who played video games for thirteen hours a day.
  medibot: A Yeul who became a private investigator.
  Kaz: A Yeul who counted sand.
  KFJ: A Yeul who became a pastry chef.
  Kaz: A Yeul who compulsively cleaned carpets.
  KFJ: ...I could use a Yeul like that.
  medibot: A Yeul who joined the Dadaist movement.
  KFJ: Don't joke.
  Kaz: A Yeul who would only comb her hair with boar bristle brushes.
  KFJ: A Yeul who became a voodoo priest.
  Kaz: A Yeul who liked to sharpen things that don't usually have edges. (...) A Yeul who would not stop talking.
  medibot: A Yeul who would never speak.
  pokecapn: A Yeul who hated really big swords.
  Kaz: That one didn't last long...
  KFJ: No, no. He probably killed her.
  • Becomes a Running Gag. They randomly invent new Yeuls as they go, up to and including "a Yeul who composed all of her sentences and thoughts in dactylic hexameter".

Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII

• In part 2, an NPC gives the posse valuable information... then promptly walks off the edge of the building.
• In part 7, pokecapn guides KFJ to take a train... right as it heads out of the station.
  pokecapn: Ohhhhh shit.
  • Later in the same episode, the posse get excited when they receive a Tonberry's Lantern for completing a quest. Their excitement only increases when they equip the lantern on Lightning, only for it to appear on the rear end of her character model. medibot's quip is what makes the moment:
  medibot: It's a light in the dark!
• In Part 11, they all crack up upon seeing an Outerworld post by someone using the name "Cyrus Return's". They even name the video after him.
  Kaz: He's shooting his gun's.
• In part 15, the posse finds a rather familiar-looking NPC.
  NPC: Why don't you take a look at my wares?
  KFJ: Whoa.
  pokecapn: Okay... is that...?
  medibot: Wait, I know that guy...
  Kaz: I will, Anthony Bourdain!
  pokecapn: [laughing hysterically] Man!
  KFJ: Oh my God!
  medibot: Got it in one.