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Hey, Happy! Nice jacket!
  • The opening videos showing Happy's backstory:
    • We get one shot of Happy's mother walking out on the family, allegedly moving to Egypt "where there's no hockey rinks for over fifteen hundred miles", which his dad completely fails to notice as the game's on.
    • Then when we see Happy's violent temper flare up for the first time, it's at a birthday party. Owing to being a child at the time, Happy doesn't have his Olympian strength yet, so he settles for knocking some kid on the head with a toy hammer. The kid looks more annoyed than hurt.
    • Happy's various jobs, all of which show him grabbing anything even vaguely phallic and making a visual dick joke. One particular moment being when he's pumping gas and knowingly wastes petrol just to make it look like he's peeing. The only exception being when he was a plumber, in which he just pointed the camera at his colleague's crack.
    • After Happy fires a nail into his boss' head, which he survives due to being an ogre. Cut to Happy in traction, giving a bandaged thumbs-up while his narration claims that his boss only got a few lucky shots in.
  • The Cluster Bleep-Bomb as a funny background event.
  • The dialogue between Happy and his girlfriend Terry as she's leaving him.
    Terry: You're going nowhere Happy, and you're taking me with you. All you ever talk about is being a pro-hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
    Happy: I am good! You know what, you're a lousy kindergarten teacher, I've seen those finger paintings you bring home and they SUCK!
    (Happy darts off, then comes back three seconds later)
    Happy: I'm sorry babe I didn't mean that, I think they're excellent finger paintings. Just please don't go.
    Terry: I am not spending the rest of my life with a loser. I'm gone.
    (Happy darts off... again)
  • Bob Barker and Happy's brawl: from 1:30 to 2:52
    • "The Price is Wrong, bitch!"
    • Made even funnier when you find out Bob was originally going to deny the cameo until he was told he would win the fight.
  • The following:
    Shooter: You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
    Shooter: [long pause] No!
  • After Happy trains his body to take on any blunt force by standing in front of a baseball pitching machine. We see a kid try the exact same thing. He goes down on the first ball.
  • Happy's first ever golf swings; in order to get his movers back to work, he bets that he can out drive them. The first busts out a window at the end of the street, the second hits the homeowner coming out to yell at them, and the third hits his wife who was sticking her head out of a second floor window to check on her husband, causing her to fall out.
  • The guy constantly calling Happy a "Jackass".
  • Happy's girlfriend leaves him after he gets rejected from a pro hockey team yet again. After a lot of back-and-forth over the apartment speaker, he starts trying to win her back by singing, and a crowd has gathered to witness the awful breakup. Finally the door opens. . . but it's not his girlfriend to come in the door, but an older Asian lady who'd been listening. Smash Cut to the next morning, when Happy gets his grandmother's call about her house being repossessed. He darts out...pursued by the older Asian lady in one of his hockey jerseys. "Wait! You no want breakfast?!"
  • "You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut the hell up! Now you will go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep. Check out the nametag; you're in my world now, grandma!"
    • How is this hellhole foreshadowed? With a woman leaping onto the bonnet of Happy's car and screaming for help. The same woman ends up getting an air conditioner accidentally dropped on her but survives.
  • Happy tries to putt the ball into the clown's mouth on the miniature golf course, and every time he fails (due to the clown putting its teeth in the way), the clown laughs at him. Eventually, he succeeds, only for the clown to cough the ball back up and laugh at him.
    • "YOU'RE GONNA DIE, CLOWN!!"
    • Even funnier is that the clown was voiced by Adam Sandler, meaning he's laughing at himself.
  • "Grizzly Adams did have a beard."
  • Happy's interactions with his first caddy.
  • Chubbs and Happy's first meeting:
    Chubbs: Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.
    Happy: Yeah? What happened?
    Chubbs: They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
    Happy: Ah, I'm sorry. Is it because you're black?
    Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off! (shows Happy his wooden hand)
    Happy: OH MY GOD!
    Chubbs: Yeah. Tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up! Cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out though! Look at that.
    [Chubbs shows Happy a small glass jar with an eyeball in it]
    Happy:...you're pretty sick, Chubbs.
  • Happy's "gift" for Chubbs:
    Happy: Remember the gator that got your hand? I got his head. "
    (Cue dramatic zoom in on gator's head accompanied by dramatic music.)
    Chubbs: (screams and falls backwards out of a window)
  • The misadventures of Chubbs' prosthetic hand. All of which were caused by Happy.
    • Happy accidentally sends it flying into the carpark. Chubbs assures Happy that it's tough enough to handle that. Then a truck runs over it.
    • Happy mimes shaking Chubbs' now-absent hand. When Chubbs manages to glue the whole thing back together, Happy shakes it again and it crumbles in his hand.
    • Happy shaking hands with Chubbs' prosthetic hand at his funeral.
  • For some reason, Happy's Happy Place includes a dwarf dressed like a cowboy.
    • Judging by the resemblance to Shooter, it's implied to be him, in a ridiculous getup, transformed into a dwarf.
  • Gary Potter was just trying to help Happy sink a putt. Instead, this happens:
    Gary: Happy, the ball itself has its own energy; life force, if you will. Its natural environment is the hole. So why don't you send him home? His bags are packed. He's got his airplane tickets. Bring him to the airport. Send him home.
    Happy: [nervous chuckle] Send him home. Just send him home. Time to go home, there, ball.
    [Happy attempts a putt, and fails to the groans of the crowd]
    Happy: Son of a bitch ball — why don't you just go home?! That's your home! Are you too good for your home?! ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!!
    • Psycho. (Said by both men at different points, Potter providing the Ironic Echo after Happy uttered it when they first met)
  • Happy celebrates his first win by doing the bull dance. His grandmother watches him on television and mimics him.
    "Doing the bull-dance. Feeling the flow."
  • Shooter's first meeting with Mr. Larson:
    Mr. Larson: Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?
    Shooter: That's not possible, sir.
    Mr. Larson: I beg to differ; Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
    Shooter: Well, MORON...(turns around) good for Happy (sees that Larson is over 7 ft tall and has a nail in his head) GilmOH MY GOD!!
    • And soon after that, Mr Larson decides to bend Shooter's 9-iron for intimidation. After teeing off, Shooter exits as fast as he can without running.
    Mr. Larson: Hey Shooter! Haven't you forgotten your 9-iron?!
    • Then after that, when Happy wins the tournament, Shooter runs off with the jacket.
    Mr. Larson: I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's jacket!
    (Mr. Larson, and the rest of the crowd, runs after Shooter and proceed to beat the crap out of him.)
    Mr. Larson: "I will get you, Shooter!" (Shooter screams in horror as heavy punches begin landing) "STAY STILL!"
    Shooter: (Whomp!) "NOOOOOOO!" (WHOMP!) "NOOOOOOoooooOOOO!!"
  • Happy's unimpressed response to Shooter's threats:
    Shooter: Just stay out of my way... or you'll pay! LISTEN to what I say!
    Happy: (mockingly) Why don't I just go eat some hay? I could make things out of clay, or lay by the bay! I just may! What'd ya say?
  • The pan down to the ice rink manager lip-syncing to "Endless Love."
  • Happy's bet with Virginia at the ice rink. She makes the shot that'd mean he would have to leave her alone. Before she makes it a heartwarming moment, the look on his face just says "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!".
  • Chubbs needles Happy for showing up to a game in a jersey and baggy clothes, only for Happy to gesture to the other golfers and reply with this golden line:
    Happy: Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like those, I'd have to kick my own ass.
  • A sneaky-good line by announcer Verne Lundquist when more Happy fans begin to populate the tour galleries:
    Verne: Quite a large and economically-diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.
  • When Happy starts out on the Pro Tour, Verne has this gem:
    Verne: What a shot by... Happy Gilmore! (covers mic and leans over to his partner in the booth) Who the hell is Happy Gilmore? (partner mumbles an inarticulate "I dunno.")
  • Happy quickly being able to deduce from the pain on his body alone (since he had just less than a moment to look) what kind of car he got hit by, as if it's something he puts up with regularly.
    Virginia: Happy!! Happy, you okay?
    Happy: *writhing*...Volkswagen!
  • Happy gets so annoyed by a heckler that he pulls the guy's shirt off and punches him. Then he sheepishly gives the guy's friend his shirt.
    Heckler: It's about time!
    Happy Gilmore: Hey it is about time. I mean, I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I wanted to but I just couldn't do it!
    (Happy pulls the guy's shirt over his head and then punches him in the face, sending him rolling down a hill)
  • The visual gag of Happy driving around with several novelty-sized cheques on the front seat of his car.
  • Happy has to grovel to Chubbs to finally be taught proper golf. Chubbs doesn't let him stop until Happy calls him good-looking and himself unattractive.
    Happy: "I'm stupid, you're smart. I was wrong, you were right. You're good looking, I'm not attractive..."
    Chubbs: "Alright. As long as you're willing to admit that."

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