Funny / Clerks II

  • The opening scene. Dante goes in to open the Quick Stop, assuming it's going to be an ordinary day. He pulls up the metal shutters to find... the inside of the store is on fire! Dante promptly slams the shutters closed, looks around, then pulls the shutters up to confirm that, yes, the inside of the store really is on fire.
    • And everything but the fire is in black and white.
    Randal: Terrorists?
    Dante shoots him a look.
    Randal: I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I?
    Dante just nods slowly.
    Randal: Shit! Now where am I supposed to bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?
  • The Pillow Pants scene. That is all.
  • Jay mugging for the camera, putting on Chapstick, while "Goodbye Horses" plays.
  • A real life, behind-the-scenes example: Jeff Anderson told the story on the DVD commentary of how he was staying during filming at a place that appears briefly in the background across the street, and sometimes after a long day he would end up unknowingly trudging back there with the "Porch Monkey 4 Life" shirt still on, thinking to himself how people in that neighborhood sure do like to throw a lot of bottles for some reason or other.
    • Another one from the commentary: Kevin Smith was talking about the different actresses he considered casting as Becky, which included Sarah Silverman, who allegedly said "Let me play Randal and I'll do it for free."
  • Randal taunting Elias by talking about "...the Beast we call the Desolate One! The First of the Fallen, the Spoiler of Virgins, the Master of Abortions! (grabs mike) ''Let me help you out of your chair, Grandma!!!''"
    Jay: GRANDMA! *climbs through drive-thru window* WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE ON THAT HOLIDAY SITE?!
    • The deleted scene right after is also great, where Randall shoos Jay from behind the counter in a simple deadpan manner worthy of Leslie Nielsen himself.
  • Randall acting out the Lord of the Rings movies.
  • The result of Elias getting drunk.
  • After asking Jay and Silent Bob to cover their ears near the end of the movie, we get this exchange. Also a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming.
    Randal (to Dante): You're my best friend, and I love a totally heterosexual way.
    Jay: Yeah right.
  • And, of course, the infamous Refuge in Audacity scenes - the "Porch Monkey" bit, alongside the "Interspecies Erotica" scene.
    • The "Porch Monkey" bit gets even funnier upon learning that the majority of Wanda Sykes and Earthquake's dialogue was a case of Harpo Does Something Funny.
      Black woman: I'm not eating something that was cooked by some cracker-ass hatemonger!
      Black man: I will! Baby, you can't taste racism!
    • This exchange during said scene:
      Randal: Since when was it a crime to say "porch monkeys"?
      Becky: Oh, I don't know, since forever?!
      Randal: Why?
      Dante: Because porch monkey is a racial slur against black people!
      Randal: No, it's not! Nigger is!
      Dante: (understandably offended): RANDAL!!
      Becky: Shut up, Elias!
      • It's funnier because it sounds from Elias' tone of voice that he's pretty much resigned to this type of stuff by now.
      • Also funny is that it's a fairly obscure slur- if you hadn't seen this movie, and you heard someone call you a "porch monkey", you'd likely think that's a bizarre insult.
    • "Ooh, cake!"
    • Elias isn't very good at making fries:
    Elias: *pulls out deep-fryer basket; it's covered in burnt to a crisp fries* I don't think these look right!
    Randal: JESUS! Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive!
  • Jay moshing to King Diamond.
  • "Wow, thanks Pickle fucker!"
    • "Yo, some pickle fucker gave us free eats!"
      • "This tastes like piss and flies, don't it?"
    • The alternate ending to the scene gives us this follow-up:
    Jay: Wow, thanks Picklefucker!
    Randal: How'd you know we call this guy "Picklefucker?"
    Jay: (confused) You do?
  • When Dante tells Randall Becky is pregnant, he is too occupied playing with a deck of cards to care. When Dante tells him he is the father he drops his cards in shock, hitting a customer passing by causing him to front flip and fall over a table.
    • After the dancing scene, Dante is holding Becky as he tells her he loves her. When she tells him she's pregnant, he drops her in shock, then realizes and picks her up.
    • When Dante goes out back with Randall to tell the situation regarding Becky's pregnancy, Jay and Silent Bob are out back taking a piss. When Randall goes out, he accidentally slams the door open on Jay knocking him down. When Becky follows them outside she hits Jay, too, causing Jay to understandably yell "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
    • In the aftermath, an exasperated Dante is Tempting Fate by asking: "How the fuck could this day get any worse?" (Cue Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud arriving at the parking lot).
  • The full version of Randal and Dante's "jerking off in the Mooby's bathroom" conversation in the deleted scenes (culminating in a twistedly hilarious Incest Is Relative speculation.)