- Some of the reactions as Eddie is about to die, usually after driving to his inevitable death are priceless. In particular, when Ophelia's in the car.
Eddie: Wanna make out before we hit the water?
Ophelia: In your DREAMMMMMMMMMMS!
- There are many but here's a favorite, which occurs while fighting the giant worm boss:
Worm: (screams at Eddie)
Eddie: Ugh! Smells like a whale... ate some cabbage... then died in your mouth... like a year ago!
- There's Doviculus' line after you win the Tainted Coil stage battle.
Doviculus: Come to me once you grow a pair as big as your mother's.
Eddie: I hope he was talking about horns.
- Most of the moments involving the Guardian of Metal:
Guardian of Metal: You've interrupted the Guardian of Metal's nap!
Guardian of Metal: The Guardian of Metal is getting just a little bit tired of all this.
Guardian of Metal: Every time you come back, there's another fucking scratch on that beautiful car!
- The one time he seems determined to say nothing...
Guardian of Metal: ...
Eddie: (raises eyebrow)
Guardian of Metal: ...WHAT IS IT?!
- Many of the Guardian's store pitches are also hilarious.
Guardian of Metal sculpture: "Oh, no, who put this in here?", and when you purchase it, "I hope you're not embarrassed."
Ace of Hades paint job: "Oh, I hate puns."
Bolt Thrower: "Why don't you make someone else ride your lightning for a change?"
Drowned Ophelia sculpture: "Oh, the young ones and their make-up..."
Chrome paint job: "Shiiiny!"
Second armor augmentation: "Well someone's a little paranoid!"
- And Eddie's promise to the Guardian of Metal.
Eddie: Okay, I'll be back, covered in Metal God Love!
- Watching a Headbanger fish is singularly entertaining. He sees a fish, waves at it, and grabs it in his teeth.
- Hell, Headbangers in general. Also, Bouncers. "I'm helping!"
- The bat family was pretty funny, too.
Dad Bat: My ass is getting sunburned.
- And after beating the secondary mission:
Daughter Bat: Oooh, look at all the blood! (flies into cave with brother)
Mom Bat: (kisses Eddie on the cheek) Nice to have a man around sometimes.
Dad Bat: I HEARD THAT! Oh, by the way, sorry I took a shit on your head, earlier.
Eddie: What? When?
Dad Bat: Nothing.
- When Eddie discovers how to use his wings:
Eddie: From this new vantage point I can totally see what the problem is. A bunch of gross fan leeches are eating our fans.
Lita: We already knew that.
Eddie: Silence, ground walker!
- "Ewwww! You are the DEFINITION of Butter Face!"
- When the Headbangers first hear the gift of Metal.
Headbanger #1: Wha-? What is that sound!?
Headbanger #2: It's a devil screaming...
Headbanger #3: It's an angel singing!
Headbanger #2: It is the pounding of creation's hammer upon the anvil of time...
- And from the same scene, after Eddie commands the Headbangers to destroy a statue of Lionwhyte...
Headbanger #1: Lionwhyte sucks!
Headbanger #2: Death to Lionwhyte!
- Eddie and Ophelia. Running across a meadow to a Scorpions ballad. Staring dreamily into each other's eyes. Slaying demons with the world's goofiest smiles on their faces.
- The Ozzy-Osbourne-headed bat.
- "DECAPITATIOOOOOOON!" is extremely funny the first time. Its re-use after Eddie kills Doviculus ramps it Up to Eleven by combining it with a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- He only does it with the Love Giver guitar, but hearing him shout "POWERSLIIIIIIIIIIIDE~!" when he does a...well, Power Slide never fails to get a chuckle.
- He also calls out "ROCKING SOUNDS!" when you use the lightning attacks, "SUCK ON MY SWEET NECTAR!" when you use a strong guitar attack, and when you select the strings, you can hear him sing "LOVE GIVER!!" in various hammy ways.
- The design of the Love Giver has Jack Black and Kyle Gass standing atop a pile of naked women and, ahem, thrusting their hips forward, in which said hips are strategically placed where the guitar neck meets the body. It should also be noted, that Jack Black is placed directly behind Kyle.
- When you highlight it in the shop, the Guardian of Metal will say "SSSEXY."
- Killmaster, due to Kilmeister's deadpan delivery of pretty much everything.
(Re: the Spider Queen) But we don't go into her lair any more, lest she bite us in half, suck out our innards, and lay her eggs in our eye-sockets.
(Bus is atacked en route to Drowning Doom territory) It's those Brides. I think they're giving us something blue.
(During the To The Slaughter mission): That's a hell of a bird you've got there, Eddie.
(attacked by Tainted Coil): Demon, I'm warning you!
(attacked by Drowning Doom): Fuck off, zombie!
- It's a shame the unit chatter is often obscured by combat noise, because some units drop the funniest lines.
Eddie: (enemy avatar flees combat) Buk-buk-bukawk!
Headbanger: One point for you? I'm still ahead!
Headbanger: What a strange day, huh, fellas?
Headbanger: (against Drowning Doom) That's for using a keyboard!
Headbanger: Eddie can take care of himself! What about helping me?!
Headbanger: Who do you think is hotter, Lita or Ophelia?
Bouncer: (near death) Must... keep... punching...
Screamwagon: (when given an order) Like I give a shit.
Screamwagon: (double team ends) Well, at least he talked to me. Which is more than I can say for you guys.
Screamwagon: (double team) Can you help me? I was told I was signing up for a spa day!
Skull Raker: (victory) What were they thinking?
Grave Digger: (attacking Doviculus) You look like a fork!
Grave Digger: (victory) Thank god, those guys were a pain!
Bride: (move order) Okay, let's walk in order of height!
- Some good Eddie lines:
I'm the wiener, you're the bun, get over here and lets have fun.
Everything in that general direction must die!
(Attacking a mortar operator) Hey! Knock it off with the cannon!
(Using the Face Melter) Bet you wished you wore a bib cause now you've got face all over your shirt!
(Using Bring It On Home) That pilot is gonna lose his job. Alternatively: Oh no! The metal gods still use hydrogen!
Come, morning sun, and vanquish my enemies as I enjoy eggs and bacon!
(Summoning the Druidplow) Did someone wash you? (Especially great if the last you saw of it was it plummeting off a cliff.)
Eddie: (Upon finding a headbanger puking and another comforting him) Make sure you pull his hair back.
Headbanger: It's a little too late for that.
- At the party on the beach, you help a headbanger win a girl's heart. When you complete the mission, they can be seen making out. Interacting with them will make Eddie say things like:
It's love in the age of Metal.
Kind of creepy of me to be staring at this for so long.
Wonder what Ophelia's doing right now...
- This line here:
Eddie: Dude, how about this? How about you take off your fucking diaper, lay down your little baby foo-foo, and go do your fucking job right now?
Mangus: Dude, not cool! I wear this thing so I don't have to stop the bus to take a leak!
- From the intro:
Eddie: (as "Girlfriend" is playing) I can fix anything...except THAT.
Guy: Metal is dead.
- And who could possibly forget this?
: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CLIMB ON THAT, YOU STUPID MOTHER —
(message appears asking if the player wants swearing censored
[I wanna hear every nasty syllable.]
—>[It's funnier if they're bleeped out!]
- Lars being rather sceptical of Eddie's plan to recruit the Headbangers.
Lars: What do you do with a bunch of kids who can't do anything but bang their heads all day?
Eddie: (tears forming) You start a revolution, Lars. Right now! It's time to sound the battle cry!
Lars: Have you... been looking at my sword?
Eddie: (glances downward quickly, then back up as Lars pulls out his sword)
- When you sneak up on the two Hair Bangers controlling the impalers in the Cleave of the Impalement, you can overhear them talking about their styling in terms of... "performance."
- Putting Doviculus behind the mike in Stage Battles.
An Amazon: Would you like to have intercourse?
Eddie: Maybe later.
- "Start a revolution! [NOW] [LATER]"
- Many of the mission start screens.
Baron: Tell me you're joking!
Tell him you're serious. [NOW] [LATER]
- Eddie's Sophisticated as Hell prayer that he uses to get the Overblesser moving at the Temple of Ormagöden.
- Lars telling Eddie about the Kill Master.
Lars: He chooses that name to scare off intruders. And to protect his flock. Of giant spiders.
Eddie: *Best facial expression in the game*
- The entire scene where the Zaulia have trapped Lita, The Baron, and Eddie into a burning cage.
Eddie: The fire's not spreading! It's just an illusion.
The Baron: After all the fires I've set in my life, don't you think dying here is a little ironic?
- The naming of Ironheade:
EDDIE: All right now, everybody listen up! In honor of you guys, we're calling this new army 'Ironheade'. [beat] With an e on the end, so people know we're not messing around!
HEADBANGER #1: Ironheade!
HEADBANGER #2: I like it!
HEADBANGER #3: Right on! [beat] I don't get it...