Funny / American Horror Story: Murder House

  • Marcy's attempt to pull the Last-Second Word Swap while showing the house to the Armenian:
    "It was left by the previous homos—owners. Homeowners."
  • "You buried your sorrow in some twenty one year old's pussy!"
    • "You bought a dog!"
  • Ben's second meeting with Larry, produces this gem.
    Ben: You murdered your entire family!
    Larry: But I was never unfaithful.
  • "Now spit in it!"
  • Constance's introduction to Vivien where she meanders into their home uninvited (she was looking for Addie) and tells Vivien her life story without missing a beat. Hilariously lampshaded by Viv.
    Constance: I didn't catch your name?
    Vivien: No I never got a chance to tell you. Its Vivien Harmon.
    Constance: (uninterested) Oh, hmm.
  • Chad's friend telling him to "spice things up" with Patrick and the scene cutting to his shocked and pained expression as he's looking at some of the BDSM-related product. In fact, that whole scene is funny because he has absolutely no idea what he's doing.
  • "I'm not a whore, Ben. I matter. I MATTER!"
  • Zachary Quinto as a super gay man. Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
  • Ben screaming at Vivian about Moira, bringing up how this luscious, hot redhead is "always flaunting herself" at him. Since Vivian sees Moira as an elderly woman in her 50s, she just answers with a blank look.
  • Constance and Chad's Snark-to-Snark Combat in "Birth".
    Constance: Man shall not lie with man. It is an abomination.
    Chad: So is that hairdo, but I figured that's your business.
    • The blunt, nonchalant manner Constance asked Billy how to get of Chad and Patrick.
      Constance: "But the gays, Billy Dean, how do we get rid of them?"
  • Speaking of "Birth", Chad trolling Violet when she tries to exorcise him.
  • I'm sorry but every time I hear the twins' reply to Addie about having bats I crack up.
    "We got batssh."
    • "I hate trees!"
  • Tate and Violet bonding over a mutual fondness for gay porn.
  • You want anything from the kitchen? Said by Hugo to Hayden... after she stabbed him.
  • The reaction of Travis to being murdered
    Travis: Shit... now I'm really not gonna be famous.
    • Even more before hand when Hayden and Travis have sex:
    Travis: I came inside!
    Hayden (laughs): Don't worry, I can't get pregnant.
    Travis: Really? (beat)... Sweet!
  • Most if not all the dialogue between Hayden and Travis is more than a little comical given that Hayden for all her craziness is a former psychology student, and evidently a very good one and Travis is, well Travis. The scene where the two first hook up is worth a mention.
    Travis: Constance is gonna be so mad!
    Hayden: I'm a hot bit of revenge.
    Travis: I'm not gonna tell her!
Just the fact that even Travis isn't that stupid is quite funny.
  • Hayden asking Travis if she can get a hug before stabbing him to death is reminiscient enough of Melvin to be funny.
    • And just later, the ghost of Hayden lamenting being stuck with Travis' dead body, the ghost Travis appearing to lament that he's never going to be famous, the ghost of the Black Dahlia appearing to suggest that may not be the case, and the ghost of Charles Montgomery appearing to offer help. It's just this hilarious thing of the ghosts each showing up in turn to offer their input like some surreal brainstorming session.
    • The way they solve both problems by letting Charles recreate the Black Dahlia with Travis's body.
    • Hayden is the master of this. It is revealed that Hayden sometimes has sex with Constance's ex-husband, Hugo, and then fake murders him in order to take out her revenge fantasies on him. He however, being a ghost, bleeds, but then snaps right back seemingly without pain and goes to the kitchen to eat something. Its funny just to watch him getting up, like nothing happened.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/AmericanHorrorStoryMurderHouse