, AKA Cactus Jack
, is a 1979 comedy parodying western films in general. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger
as Handsome Stranger (that's literally his name), who is escorting Charming Jones (played by Ann Margret
) so that she can claim money left by her father, Parody Jones. Avery Simpson (Jack Elam
), the corrupt town boss forced to hand the money over, wants it back and so hires/conscripts an inept outlaw named Cactus Jack Slade (Kirk Douglas
) into stealing it back. What then unfolds
is literally a live-action Roadrunner cartoon.
No relation whatsoever to the wrestler Mick Foley
This movie contains examples of:
- Aren't You Going To Ravish Me?: Charming is not subtle about what she wants.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Or at least thanks to the above trope, gets the girl in the end.
- Being Good Sucks
- Bulletproof Fashion Plate: Handsome Stranger never gets dirty. Ever.
- Calling Your Attacks: Cactus Jack does this in a saloon.
- Chaste Hero: Handsome Stranger. Because of this, he does NOT get the girl in the end.
- Chekhov's Gun: A literal example. Handsome has a seven-shot six shooter, which is established early on with a bit of dialog. At one point later, Cactus Jack empties the bullets from the gun onto a table while counting them. Then, assuming the gun is now unloaded, accidentally shoots himself.
- Cool Horse: Cactus Jack's super-genius horse Whiskey. The horse keeps reminding him this all the time.
- Evil Wears Black: Cactus Jack
- Handcar Pursuit
- Harmless Villain: Cactus Jack is a horrible brigand. He isn't especially dangerous - he just isn't very good at it.
- His Name Really Is Barkeep: Handsome Stranger.
- Hilarity Ensues: The movie runs on this.
- Injun Country: Its border is marked by a literal white line drawn across the desert.
- Insistent Terminology: "Cactus Jack Slade!"
- Made of Iron: Cactus Jack survives cartoonish levels of violence and failure at different points in the movie. The guy's Kirk Douglas playing Wile E. Coyote!
- Meaningful Name: Handsome Stranger was named after his father, whom he never met.
- Charming sort of falls into this category as well. She was named after the first thing her father said after she turned out to be a girl.
- Painted Tunnel, Real Train: One of Cactus Jack's ill-fated attempts to capture Handsome and Charming.
- Powder Trail: Another of Cactus Jack's attempted schemes leads to this.
- Snarky Non-Human Sidekick: Whiskey is a cool and loyal horse, but he's also a dick.
- Sticky Situation: Yet another of Cactus Jack's schemes, which of course leads to him trying to figure out what went wrong by standing in a puddle of rubber cement on a railroad crossing.
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Cactus Jake at the end, oh so much.
- Up to Eleven: Handsome has a seven-shooter.
- Villain Protagonist: Says so right there in the title!