Film: The Sword and the Sorcerer
Talon and the titular sword. Offscreen, making him sick: The titular sorcerer. The Sword and the Sorcerer
was a low-budget Heroic Fantasy
movie from 1982.
A generation ago, evil sorcerer Xusia aided an ambitious tyrant named Cromwell, allowing him to win a decisive battle against his enemies. But Cromwell betrayed the sorcerer, stabbing him in the back (literally). Xusia wasn't quite dead, but it took a decade for him to recover. In the process, Cromwell also slew his arch-rival Richard, but made the crucial mistakenote
of leaving Richard's young son Talon alive.
Cut to the present — a present that resembles a fantasy version of the Middle Ages — and Talon is now a grown mercenary. With the help of a sword with 3 blades (2 of which it can shoot like missiles), Talon rides into town, swings his sword, woos the princess, defeats the evil Cromwell, and finally slays the evil sorcerer for good.
At the end of the film's credits, we were given a tantalizing promise of the further adventures of Talon in later movies
, none of which ever materialized. A Spiritual Successor
, titled Tales of an Ancient Empire
, was eventually released in 2010 — but with almost no relation to the original film.
This movie contains examples of:
- Arrows on Fire: The Red Dragon archers. However, they don't live long enough to use them.
- Awesome Moment of Crowning: Mikah accepting the crown of Ehdan.
- Badass: Talon. Any man who can pull himself free of a crucifix with six-inch nails driven through his hands certainly qualifies, in my book.
- Bald of Evil: Verdugo, Cromwell's Torture Technician.
- Balls of Steel: Machelli when he reveals himself as Xusia.
- Bare-Handed Blade Block: Xusia defeats Cromwell's attack by catching his sword in the crook of his thumb.
- Big Damn Heroes: A nice subversion. When Talon's mercenary band learn that he's been captured, they very exitedly and ostentatiously rally to rescue him, and... cut to them imprisoned in the dungeons. If memory serves, one of them even says something to the effect of "Well, that didn't go well."
"We should never have followed that bitch in here!"
- Big "NO!": Young Talon witnessing his mother's death.
- Black Magic: Xusia wields this to devastating effect against Richard's army.
- Body Horror: Xusia sheds his mortal skin, quite literally.
- Bound and Gagged: Alana.
- Cold-Blooded Torture: Mikah in Cromwell's torture chamber.
- Cool Sword: A sword you could shoot people with. Stan Freberg's "forty-five caliber sword" joke takes on a whole new meaning here. A big deal is made in this movie of "whose steel is stronger." In the final fight against Cromwell, the titular 3-bladed sword actually breaks when Talon parries one of Cromwell's blows; thus, by the transitive property, we know that Cromwell's sword must be even cooler. Until Talon pulls the grip free, revealing another sword (more of a dagger, actually), which he stabs Cromwell with. Of course, it probably only broke because the core was hollow...
- Deadly Nosebleed: Xusia's black magic causes hemmorhaging of the eyes, nose, ears, and gums, and also has the potential to extract the heart from its victims.
- Deal with the Devil: Cromwell's arrangement with Xusia.
- Evil Sorcerer: Indeed, as the title would suggest.
- Fanfare: The main theme is just about the only memorable thing made by David Whitaker. (And just about the only memorable thing in this movie, for that matter.) It appears in this video at about 2:43.
- Groin Attack: Alana's favorite method of attack.
- Heartbeat Soundtrack: Used during the climax.
- Heroic Fantasy: Another name for heroic fantasy is "Sword and Sorcery", after all.
- I Am X, Son of Y:
Cromwell: "Who are you?"
Talon: "Talon...Son of Richard!"
- I Don't Like the Sound of That Place: Tomb Island, Skull Cave.
- La Résistance: Mikah's rebel faction, seeking to overthrow Cromwell.
- Meaningful Name: Cromwell's Torture Technician, Verdugo: the name translates to "executioner" in Spanish.
- Men on Fire: Talon uses a keg of oil to set Cromwell's Red Dragon archers ablaze.
- Ms. Fanservice: Alana becomes this when she gets the Bathe Her and Bring Her to Me treatment, right down to a close up of her ass being rubbed down.
- Pre-Asskicking One-Liner:
Talon: "I have no quarrel with you. Out of my way."
Xusia: "Cromwell's mine!"
Talon: "Now we have a quarrel..."
- Rightful King Returns: Subverted; while Talon is, in fact, the rightful heir to the throne, he passes his crown on to Mikah for a life of adventuring.
- Say My Name:
- Soundtrack Dissonance: Light, cheerful music is played over bloody and brutal fight scenes.
- Sword Sparks: Used liberally during the final battle.
- Terrifying Pet Store Rat: The heroes are attacked by hordes of these when they are traveling through some tunnels.
- The Casanova: Talon seems to have little interest in staying monogamous, having far too many "kingdoms to save and women to love".
- This actually gets really creepy sometimes. One of the first things we see him do as an adult is try to seduce a woman moments after saving her from sexual assault, and then only aid the resistance after she promises him sexual favors in return.
- The Mole: Machelli.
- The Time of Myths: The opening narration.
Know you now, of days long past. A time when the world was young. When sorcery thrived, and wild adventure was forever in the offing. And of this epoch, little is known, save that which is veiled in the mists of legendry...
- Villainous Crush: Cromwell desires Alana. He even threatens to kill her brother Mikah unless she submits to marriage.
- You Killed My Father: Talon swears an oath to avenge his father's death.