Voldemort receives word of a strange Muggle contraption located in America. He and his Death Eaters set out for Disney World, Muggle-style… and end up getting more than they bargained for.
The Death Eaters' Disney World Trip— Summary
is a Crack Fic of the Harry Potter series by Do a Barrel Roll. It is Exactly What It Says on the Tin — Voldemort hearing of Disney World from a Muggle man he randomly tortured and deciding it to be good idea for him and his followers to go there, and the shenanigans that ensue. It also involves Bellatrix being creepy, Draco acting like a prissy and effeminate brat, two Genre Savvy Muggle teenage girls trolling the Death Eater troupe, and Severus Snape being the Only Sane Man.This work has been deleted from FanFiction.Net and is not completely archived.
Note: Unmarked spoilers ahead. You Have Been Warned.
This Crack Fic includes the following tropes:
- Added Alliterative Appeal: In Chapter 7:Narrator: Was he [Snape] the only sane one remaining in this perilous party? And yes, that was a purposeful alliteration. See, even narrators need some knowledge of using good language!
- Alternate Universe Fic:
- For one, the Death Eaters quite obviously do not go to Disney World in canon — if Harry had any nightmares of the trip (thanks to the Horcrux scar), he would have told us, the readers, in Half-Blood Prince via the narration.
- There's a fair amount of Anachronism Stew, which implies the timeline is pushed from the '90s to the late 2000s — which makes sense, as the author published the fanfic in 2010. On top of this, the magical world is able to use text messages and social media (e.g. Facebook) to keep in touch with each other.
- Voldemort also happens to have more Horcruxes than canon.Voldemort: (upon seeing Cinderella Castle) What…What in the name of my twelve Horcruxes is this?!
Narrator: Yes, you heard right. Twelve Horcruxes, not six or seven. What a creep. I wonder what the other Horcruxes are?
- The Bad Guy Wins: Conversed and name-dropped by Voldemort in an in-universe context while watching Fantasmic! in Chapter 8.Voldemort: (clapping his hands in delight) Good goody gumdrops! I hope the bad guy wins!
- Bratty Teenage Daughter: Gender-Inverted Trope. Draco acts like this throughout the entire fic, being a whiny, gullible Twilight fan.
- Bring My Brown Pants:
- In Chapter 4, while riding Splash Mountain on Voldemort's insistence:Wormtail: I don't get this. Why is everything all dark?
Snape: (sarcastically) I don't know. Maybe those two fat Americans that were in the line behind us are about to impale us with plastic forks from that hot dog stand, or perhaps something as absurd as that notion?
Wormtail: Dude, you're right! That's a scary thought! …Aww great, Severus, you made me wet my pants!
Snape: Idiot. - Before bringing the Death Eaters to ride The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, Ali asks if everyone went to the bathroom before getting on the ride. Considering the reputation of the Tower of Terror, it's no wonder that the unprepared Death Eaters almost collectively soiled themselves on the ride.
- In Chapter 4, while riding Splash Mountain on Voldemort's insistence:
- Chekhov's Gunman: Two OCs, Ali and Solar, make a brief cameo in Chapter 4 "shooting paintballs at the man in a Donald Duck suit as they want that 'I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts'", and proceed to help drive the plot for the remaining chapters as random passersby that repeatedly aggravate the Death Eaters, and later as guides for the Death Eaters' trip through the park.
- Crack Fic: Stated in the description to be one, so much that Snape mentally questions if Voldemort was "on crack" when he suggested the visit to Disney World in the first place.Narrator: (in the ending of Chapter 6) Come on, Death Eaters at Disney World? How much more random could you get?
- Damned by Faint Praise: Courtesy of the Lemony Narrator in Chapter 3.Narrator: All in all, the Death Eaters only had to use the Imperius Curse twice and the Killing Curse once to escape this madness [airport security]. It was a new record for them!
- Department of Redundancy Department: Lampshaded by the Lemony Narrator in Chapter 3:Narrator: The man was blasted off his feet and hit the wall with a thud, cold and dead. But that's slightly redundant. Let's just say dead.
- Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?:
- When Wormtail beats an old lady to the handicap parking spot and Voldemort shouts at her to "eat that", the old lady throws her half-eaten burrito at Voldemort… and lands a hit on him. Voldemort tries to Avada Kedavra her for it just afterward, but he misses.
- "Sucky Lady" the airport receptionist insults Voldemort to his face and doesn't hesitate to snark at him. This is quickly deconstructed when Bellatrix kills her on the spot.
- Solar threatens to use her toy lightsaber to "go Jedi on [Voldemort's] skinny white butt" for ticking her and Ali off. Ali quickly follows suit, but the whole group (Death Eaters, fangirls, and Dark Lords alike) gets ushered onto the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster by a bored attendant before anyone can attack the other. The two also repeatedly troll and snark at the Death Eaters and Voldemort.
- Do Not Call Me "Paul": Ali's full given name is 'Alizarin'.Ali: Don't call me Alizarin!
Solar: Sheesh, you sounded like Tonks… - Evil Is Petty:
- Voldemort kills two Death Eaters in Chapter 1 for having the gall to… assume his plans.Voldemort: (unusually jovially) Welcome, my Death Eaters. I have a new mission for you all.
A Random Death Eater: Kill the Potter brat?
Another Random Death Eater: Attack the Ministry?
Voldemort: Well, not really. Avada Kedavra!
(Both Death Eaters fell to the floor, dead.) - In Chapter 2, Voldemort Crucios a Death Eater for farting in the minivan they were driving to the airport.
- In Chapter 3, Wormtail parks the minivan he is driving into a vacant handicap parking spot, beating an old lady to it.
- Voldemort kills two Death Eaters in Chapter 1 for having the gall to… assume his plans.
- Fashionable Asymmetry: Ali is noted by several characters to wear "long, mismatched socks" during the trip — one neon orange, the other black with green polka dots.
- Genre Savvy:
- Ali and Solar are fans of the Potterverse, and thus know pretty much all there is to know about the magical world (as of 2010). They also take advantage of this not just to joke around about spoilers for the last book, but also to try to save Snape's life by telling him to "run like heck" if he encounters Nagini… though they would rather not "mess with the time stream" actively.
- In the epilogue, Dumbledore's "omniscience" is attributed to him having read the Harry Potter novels beforehand.
- A Good Name for a Rock Band: In the first few chapters, the Lemony Narrator remarks that the 'Death Eaters' is a good name for a band. Chapter 3 also features airport security officials dismissing the Death Eaters' robe-clad appearances as them being "another quirky heavy metal band".
- Hidden Depths: Snape is apparently a fan of The Princess Bride, as demonstrated by the ending of Chapter 7, where he quotes Inigo Montoya.
- I Have a Family: Downplayed. The Muggle man Voldemort decides to torture on a whim pleads that he hadn't even seen his family for the final time, and that they hadn't gone to Disney World yet. This ultimately kicks off the plot.
- In Touch with His Feminine Side: Draco is apparently "addicted" to The Twilight Saga in this continuity, so much that his mother compared him to "many other teenage girls" for this while his father chides him on his lack of masculinity.Draco: (tapping his foot impatiently while in the line for Space Mountain) This is lame! Father, you know I wanted to ride the Snow White ride!
Lucius: (snorting with disgust and smacking his son on the back of the head) Why can't you actually be a man for once in your life?! - Lemony Narrator: The author thoroughly enjoys taking potshots at Voldemort and his Death Eaters in their narration.
- Loophole Abuse: Played for Laughs when Ali and Solar prank the Death Eaters by telling them the employee wearing a Donald Duck costume tasted like chicken.Narrator: "Yeah, you can taste them and everything! It's permitted[.]" It wasn't a lie exactly. No one ever wrote in a rulebook that you couldn't lick some dude in a duck suit and say they taste like poultry.
- Noodle Implements: As Snape considers what and how to tell Dumbledore about his predicament as a spy in Chapter 4:I could just send him updates via Facebook. And then I must remember to delete my activities from He-Who-Has-A-Hyphenated-Name. Yes, and I also must become a fan of hexes and…dolphins and…pastries…
- Noodle Incident: In Chapter 9, the epilogue, Snape mentions an incident where he was forced to ride "it's a small world" twenty-six times with Wormtail and Lucius Malfoy, "with Lucius braiding his hair the whole time and Wormtail singing along the the music". This is never chronicled in the fic itself.
- Oh, My Gods!: Expressions used by Voldemort and his Death Eaters (and their allies) include "Oh my Grinde[l]wald!" and "What the Order of the Phoenix".
- Only Sane Man: Severus Snape appears to be the only "Death Eater" with any ounce of common sense and pragmatism. He lampshades his status as this in Chapter 7.Narrator: These guys [Voldemort and his Death Eaters] would be nowhere without their bat-like Potions Master.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: In Chapter 1:Narrator: Voldemort did not even spend time torturing Wormtail. This was odd. Why would Voldemort not take his precious time to torture his followers? His news must be of great importance.
- Original Character: Two major OCs, Ali Wraith and Solar Woods, alongside many unnamed Muggles who are unfortunate enough to witness the catastrophe that was the titular trip… though Solar was created by one of the author's friends, xXRandomNemesisXx.
- Plane Awful Flight: The Death Eaters' nine-hour flight to the US doesn't go well, due to several incidents that involve Voldemort acting like an entitled asshole, Bellatrix creeping Voldemort and probably everyone else out, Draco acting like a shining wit (that's a spoonerism), a Death Eater being outright killed, and/or crappy airline food. However, considering these are Death Eaters we're talking about, it's probably worth more of our time and effort to pity the Muggles who were unfortunate enough to sit in the flight with them, especially "Uptight Man", who had to endure the sixteen-year-old Draco kicking his seat from behind so much that both had to moved to different seats.
- Pragmatic Villainy: Snape (albeit as a spy) opts for pragmatic solutions to problems the Death Eaters were facing, e.g. casting Imperio on Muggle airport employees to retrieve the twenty plane tickets Voldemort wanted, instead of torturing and murdering their hapless colleagues like Voldemort and Bellatrix.Draco: Wow, Uncle Sev, you're a genius! I don't know how anyone else didn't think of that!
- Present-Day Past: The fanfic is stated to take place in Half-Blood Prince, after Draco became a Death Eater but before Dumbledore tracked down the Ring Horcrux, which places the fanfic in late June to early July 1996 if we're following the canon timeline, but several elements in the fanfic did not exist back in the 1990s — among others, in Chapter 2 alone, Voldemort listens to "Gimme More" by Britney Spears (released in 2007) and the Malfoys read Breaking Dawn (published in 2008).
- Rage Against the Author: Voldemort is somehow aware of the author's narration of the fic and all the snark that comes with it, and occasionally protests the snarky comments. For instance, in Chapter 4, he starts arguing with the Narrator over his character description.Narrator: […] Poor ugly, bald, creepy, disgusting Dark Lord.
Voldemort: (to "no one in particular") Lord Voldemort is none of those things!
Narrator: Yes, Voldemort could read the narration. Dang. Oh well, it's not like he can curse me, right?
Voldemort: YOU KNOW I WOULD SO DO THAT IF I HAD THE ABILITY! - Sanity Slippage: The entire trip is described to be one to the Death Eaters, and to Snape in particular due to his status as the Only Sane Man. Chapter 7 is even titled "Dwindling Sanity".
- Third-Person Person: Voldemort occasionally refers to himself in the third person — fitting for an egomaniac like him.Voldemort: YOU DARE SPEAK LORD VOLDEMORT'S NAME?
Ali: You dare speak in third person? - Troll: Ali and Solar take pleasure in trolling the Death Eaters and driving them mad, and take it in their stride as Voldemort 'recruits' them as park guides for the trip.Narrator: [Solar] and her partner in crime shot each other significant looks. [A]s if they'd actually help Dung Eaters without having some fun.
- Villainous Crush: Draco finds Ali hot, but Ali doesn't appreciate guys that hit on her.
- Villains Out Shopping: This is the very point of the story — the Death Eaters taking a trip to Disney World on Voldemort's orders. It also features Voldemort enjoying listening to Britney Spears, Draco Malfoy being "addicted" to The Twilight Saga, Bellatrix regarding Taco Bell as sacred, and many Death Eaters being Pokémon fans.
- Violently Protective Girlfriend: As per canon, Bellatrix. In Chapter 2 alone, she murders a Muggle airport receptionist for not taking Voldemort's threats seriously, then starts firing Crucios at her corpse before she was yanked away by six of her companions."Sucky Lady": (raising her eyebrows at Voldemort "jabbing his wand at [her] face") Ooh, how threatening. You're not a wizard, you know?! Idiot!
Bellatrix: Avada Kedavra! No one insults my Voldy-poo! DIE! - Who Would Be Stupid Enough?: In Snape's internal monologue in Chapter 7, in reaction to Ali and Solar telling the Death Eaters they could lick the employee in the Donald Duck suit and that they tasted like chicken.Narrator: Both of them were barely concealing their snorts of hysterical laughter, Snape noticed. Oh, this wouldn't end well for whoever believed them. But who'd be thick enough to believe them anyways?
[…]
The chaos all began when Draco licked the Donald Duck's head. "Blech, he does not taste like chicken! That hot chick lied to me!" - Yandere: Bellatrix's obsessive love for Voldemort is played up more in the fic when compared with canon, to the point of openly calling him "Lord Sexymort".
