Fanfic / Clone Musume

Clone Musume is a Star Wars fanfiction by The_Plauge_Dragon.

Jenga Fett is hired by Dooku to be the template for a new Clone Army. Unfortunately, her DNA is quite scrambled due to environmental hazards, so the Kaminoans had to... add a few things. The result were several of the clones being mutated by this DNA... and usually in ways that would make them physically appealing. Welcome to a world where Jango is a girl, several clones are monster girls, and The Force is cackling in the distance.

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This fic provides examples of:

• Abhorrent Admirer: Jabba, a giant space slug and a crime lord, is attracted to Obi-Wan, much to Obi-Wan's displeasure.
• Action Mom: Giving birth to Boba hasn't decreased Jenga's ability to kick ass. She also considers the clones to be her daughters, and most of the clones consider her their mom.
• Adaptational Badass: Boba is Force-sensitive in this story thanks to Obi-Wan being his dad.
• Adaptational Heroism:
  • Komari Vosa never falls to The Dark Side and instead joins the True Mandalorians after leaving the Jedi Order to avoid letting her infatuation with her master, Count Dooku, and her love of combat corrupt her.
  • Jenga Fett deliberately sabotages the assassination of Padme and is allied with the Republic and Jedi.
  • Slick does not turn traitor during the Battle of Christophis and instead lures the Separatists into a trap at the Grand Crystal with false intel.
  • Cad Bane is not the sociopathic mercenary his canon counterpart was and joins forces with the Republic to locate and rescue Rotta from the Separatists. He later becomes a training instructor for the clones, and proves to be a Reasonable Authority Figure.
• Adaptational Name Change: Jango is Jenga, Cody is Codi
• Adaptational Nice Guy:
  • Count Dooku is more or less an Affably Evil Well-Intentioned Extremist and grandfather figure despite being a Sith Lord, as he only intends to reform the Republic rather than turn it into The Empire like his master Sidious intends.
  • Jabba the Hutt is still a powerful and feared crime lord, but he's kind enough to protect Shmi and the Lars family from his rivals by hiding their existence, willingly let his slaves buy their freedom, and makes plans to tear down slavery in Tatooine.
• Adaptational Sexuality: If the relationship between Aayla and Bly (who's genderflipped in this universe) is of any indication.
• Adaptational Villainy: Subverted with Yoda, who, as the crime boss known as the Green Monster, uses his underworld operations to clean up the lower levels of Coruscant. He even tells Ziro that he's still helping people like a proper Jedi would, just in a way that wouldn't have the Senate breathing down his neck.
• Adaptation Dye-Job: Boba has reddish hair in the fic, rather than black hair like in canon, due to being Obi-Wan's son. This causes Obi-Wan to instantly realise that he's the father.
• Age Lift: Due to having been conceived and born the natural way before Jenga took the job of creating the clone army rather than being an unmodified clone created after Jango took the job, Boba is a few years older in this story, with him having been a toddler when Jenga was hired by Dooku.
• A Father to His Men: Plo Koon, even more so than in canon. He bakes cookies for all his Clones, and is literally willing to fight Jenga for the position of parent.
• Atomic F-Bomb: Lampshaded by Mace Windu after he lets Anakin go to Tatooine.
  Windu: When a voice shatters though my shields, and screams, and I quote, "Tatoo-fucking-ine", I take notice.
• Bilingual Backfire: Played With. Unbeknownst to Jabba, Obi-Wan understands Huttesse and knows everything Jabba said that the translator droid left out. However, since everything the droid left out was Jabba flirting with Obi-Wan, he really wishes he didn't know.
• Broken Pedestal: Anakin mopes that his views on Qui-Gon are forever shattered after Obi-Wan informs him of the time he abandoned him on the war-torn planet of Melida/Daan by chopping off his padawan braid and disowning him as his padawan.
• Clothing Damage: A number of the mutated clones are nigh-invulnerable to various types of damage. Their armour, on the other hand, isn't, resulting in some rather embarrassing moments for them.
  Droidbait: Droidbait. I'm a ghost... do you have spare armor?
• Cool Big Sis: Several of the Command Class Clones are this to Boba, though they aren't always the best influence on him, teaching him to cheat at cards and prank their mother. Fox also acts as this towards various Jedi younglings, reading them stories and letting them nap on her tails.
• Crack Fic: If two of the tags aren't clear enough.
• Crazy-Prepared: Despite insisting that he will never do a strip-tease again, Obi-Wan keeps a foldable stripper pole and a thong in the cargo compartment of his fighter, just in case.
• Cute Monster Girl: Most of the clone officers are this, with Fox a kitsune, Codi part assassin spider, and Rex being a lizard-girl. While most of the regular clones are regular humans, several non-officers are also this, such as all of Domino Squad.
• Dented Iron: Downplayed with Jenga; while she's still healthy and spry despite her experience as a bounty hunter and Mand'alor of the True Mandalorians, her DNA is partially degraded from her time in harsh environments, forcing the Kaminoans to insert DNA from other life-forms across the galaxy into the genetic template they obtained from her to patch up the damage Jenga's genes went through.
• Dies Differently in Adaptation:
  • Jaster Mereel and Komari Vosa die in combat against Death Watch forces on Galidraan instead of respectively being betrayed and left for dead by Montross and Force-choked by Count Dooku. Montross is killed by Jaster after Komari reveals he's a traitor using her Force abilities, instead of being killed by members of the Bando Gora cult after losing a battle with Jango^note Interestingly, this means that Komari is still partially responsible for his death, as the Bando Gora cult was led by her when they killed him in Legends..
  • Poggle the Lesser is the one to kill Coleman Trebor on Geonosis instead of Jenga.
• Double Entendre: As Yoda helps Jenga get the clone army ready for the battle on Geonosis in chapter 4, Yoda comments on Obi-Wan's skill with the blade when Jenga tells him her reason for helping to rescue Obi-Wan from the Separatists on Geonosis.
  Yoda: Honor, it is, to meet you all as well. Unfortunately, pleasantries, we do not have time for. In danger, Obi-Wan Kenobi is.
  Jenga: Dooku. Geonosis!
  Yoda: Correct, this is. Feelings for Obi-Wan, you have.
  Jenga: Hard not to have them. The man’s charismatic… and quite good with a blade.
  Yoda: Which blade, are you asking? With his lightsaber, a master he is. Little saber? I do not know. (Jenga blushes up a storm soon after) Move out, we must.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Count Dooku has a few regarding the Separatists and the Sith master plan, as listed below:
  • Despite being a Sith, he'd rather reform the Republic rather than tear it down, take it over, and convert it into The Empire like Darth Sidious told him, while talking to Kenobi on Geonosis.
  • In addition, he's none too happy at how corrupt MegaCorps such as the Trade Federation have turned the Separatist Alliance away from its original goal of protesting corruption in the Republic Senate. He even tells Obi-Wan that he would've sent Jenga after Nute Gunray and mailed his severed head to Padme for the Neimoidian's crimes against Naboo if he hadn't had to keep the MegaCorps backing the Separatists on their side.
  • Dooku also makes sure that Obi-Wan is excluded from Order 66 thanks to his unwavering dedication to helping others and enacting justice and even tries to secure his early release and return to Coruscant.
• Even the Guys Want Him: Apparently, Obi-Wan is quite well known for being handsome enough to attract the attention of both genders.
  Jabba: Jee tee blee vee bai pheau ree tee toupee jen see mah banka, mo whao Jee lwaa sonpa. Wa babilkahe duapaka an Jee yoiit doth kotkepa du bo kon... tee da Jee roe doth tee… (I don't know whether to yell at not telling him of my feelings, or if I should thank you. A seductive purr and I would have been putty in his hands... not that I already wasn't...)
• Evil Parents Want Good Kids: According to Cad Bane, Jabba wants Rotta to follow in the footsteps of Blotus the Hutt. Considering how Blotus was renowned as a Supreme Chancellor who brought the Republic into an age of unprecedented prosperty and defied the common stereotype of Hutts being crime lords through his honest business and political administration, that's quite the lofty goal for Rotta to achieve.
• Fake-Out Twist: Anakin seemingly falls to the Dark Side in his duel against Dooku on Tattooine ... only for Anakin to reveal that he actually asked the Force to give him a massive power boost that would only look like he went Dark.
• Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: Shaak Ti and Colt are unamused with Bric when Cad Bane reveals that his grudge against Domino Squad is most likely due to Cutup (a slime girl) reminding Bric of a vicious predator from his homeworld, and fire him for being unable to control his biases, sabotaging the squad's tests, and unfairly restricting them by refusing to let them use their abilities to do anything a non-mutated clone couldn't do.
• Gender Flip: Jenga, and by extension the clones made from her DNA, are female in this fic.
• Groin Attack: Jenga ends up nailing Dooku in the balls with a round from her slugthrower pistol during the ex-Jedi turned Sith's escape from Geonosis.
• Incompatible Orientation: Discussed. A very small part of why Obi-Wan isn't interested in reciprocating Jabba's affections is that he isn't interested in men, at least until Anakin informs him that Hutts are actually hermaphrodites. Though it doesn't change the fact that Jabba is a giant slug and a crime lord, and thus Obi-Wan is still very disinterested.
• It Began with a Twist of Fate:
  • Jenga replaces Montross as Jaster's second-in-command after Komari uses her Force abilities to unmask his plan to betray Jaster.
  • Thanks to Dooku deciding to look deeper into the rumors of the True Mandalorians slaughtering innocent people on Galidraan (in part due to a nudge from the Force), the True Mandalorians and the Jedi taskforce led by Dooku are able to uncover the trap Death Watch set for the True Mandalorians with help from Galidraan's governor.
• LEGO Genetics: Somehow, the Kaminoans were able to use DNA from other life forms to patch up the damage Jenga's DNA went through when they were making the clone army from her genetic template, resulting in most of the clones looking and functioning like normal people (apart from the accelerated aging and whatnot).
• Logical Weakness: For all the superhuman durability Rex's genetics provide her, she's still vulnerable to asphyxiation because the vast majority of living beings need to breathe, which is shown when Asajj Ventress interrogates Rex for Anakin's location.
• Not Hyperbole: Wolffe states that Plo Koon is perfectly willing to fight Jenga for the position of Clone parent, and she makes it clear she means literally fight, as she's seen him going through katas for hand-to-hand combat.
• Meaningful Name: Several of the Clone officers names relate to their species. For example, Fox is a kitsune, and Rex is a lizard girl.
• Mythology Gag:
  • When Anakin is told about his popularity among the younglings of the Jedi Order, he exclaims that he's nowhere near patient enough to tutor them and would probably kill them as a reference to his infamous massacre of the younglings in Revenge of the Sith.
  • When Rex reveals that some of the Monster Girl Clones became ghosts, she also reveals that the Clones have no idea how it works and just blame the Force. Obi-Wan's response?
  Obi-Wan: That’s not how the Force works!
• Nigh-Invulnerable: Whatever genes the Kaminoans put in Rex have left pretty much damage proof, with blaster fire only making her itchy, and her able to block a lightsaber with her bare skin and only feel a somewhat unpleasant warmth. She states that there are limits, and Asajj gets around it by simply Force choking her, as she still needs to breath.
• Noodle Incident:
  • Yoda implies that the Jedi Order has, in especially dire times, resorted to prostitution and drug dealing for funds.
  • Obi-Wan still has PTSD from having to perform a striptease for someone some time ago.
• "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Chapter 10 has an author note revealing that, yes, the canonical name for the genre of music mentioned in the chapter really is Jizz music^note It's the genre of music that is being played by the band in Jabba's Palace in Return of the Jedi.
• Playing with Fire: As a Kitsune, Commander Fox has the ability to summon fire to attack her enemies.
• Proud Warrior Race Guy: Even after mellowing out somewhat, Jenga is still proud of her heritage as a Mandalorian warrior, mentally dissing the New Mandalorians for abandoning their people's warrior culture.
• Related in the Adaptation: Boba Fett and Korkie Kryze are Obi-Wan's sons by his flings with Jenga and Bo-Katan.
  • The Force outright states that Anakin is its son while it chews out the Tuskens who captured Shmi.
• Sex God: As Jenga puts it, Jedi aren't supposed to get laid because "everyone and their mother would be throwing themselves at the temple" for being that good at satisfying their partners in bed. Yoda implies that the Order has actually allowed such things during times when they were in dire need of more Jedi... or funds.
• Shout-Out:
  • In the arena on Geonosis, Obi-Wan asks the audiance "Are you not entertained?!"
  • Anakin gives Dooku "a little lesson in trickery".
• Spared by the Adaptation:
  • The True Mandalorians escape annihilation on Galidraan and are around to help train the clone troopers made with Jenga's genetic template.
  • Jenga survives past Geonosis to become a major ally of the Jedi Order and the Republic.
  • Shmi never dies from her injuries thanks to the Force making its displeasure for the actions of the Tusken tribe who captured her very clear.
• Stacy's Mom: Jenga still retains her beauty and youth even after giving birth to Boba, as Obi-Wan finds out.
• Tactful Translation: Jabba's translator droid accurately translates what Jabba says to Obi-Wan... except it leaves out all of Jabba's flirting. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan knows Huttesse. Though he probably wishes he didn't.
• Toon Physics: Fives mutation basically turns her into Bugs Bunny, complete with summoning carrots out of nowhere and being able to stop and redirect blaster bolts by making them sad then cheering them up.
• Undying Loyalty: The majority of the clones have this towards the Jedi for actually caring for them like their own.
• Unwitting Pawn: Dooku ends up as one for the Hutts after falling for Jabba's plan to expose his and Ziro's parts in kidnapping Rotta, and it's implied that Darth Sidious is being played like a fiddle by the Force itself.
• What the Hell, Hero?: The Force shows up through a vision that the Storyteller receives to chew out the Tuskens who kidnapped Shmi for their actions, leading to them deciding to return her to the Lars family without a scratch.
• Wrong Context Magic: Nobody can figure out how Fox is able to summon fire, with Jenga noting it isn't the Force, as she has the Force sensitivity of a brick. They also can't figure out how some of the mutated Clones became ghosts.

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