Fan Fic: A Man Of Taste And Breeding
"A Man of Taste and Breeding" is a Lemon
-Lime fan fiction
written by wanda von dunayev
on Fanfiction.net. Set in the World of Warcraft
universe, it follows the rather raunchy (mis)adventure of one Magister Astalor Bloodsworn as he attempts to woo Archmage Aethas Sunreaver by means of sexual harassment, magically aided stalking and breaking-and-entering, and some of the worst
pick-up lines you will ever read.
Aethas...is less than thrilled. Of course, Astalor would have you believe the poor Archmage was confused about what they both wanted. Or some such thing.
This fanfiction provides examples of:
- Accidental Pervert/Accidental Pornomancer: One of the many, many things of which Astalor is likely to convince any who inquire about his behavior, if his thought process is anything to go by.
Astalor, when pressed, would later claim that this is what he meant to do, only it was a damp spring night and the tile ground on the balcony was slippery and he lost his footing, which was why his gesture wound up as more of a playful swat on the backside. Completely accidently
- All Magi Are Perverts: In this alternate reality, all magi are horny and bisexual at the very least, providing mentions and outright scenes involving rare male-on-male examples.
- Attention Whore: While not specifically seen or commented on here, Astalor's behavior and the author's own comments seem to suggest Astalor is this as well as a pervert.
Author's Note: [...] I can just picture him running out into the street, struggling to tie up his robes, and pausing to admire how charmingly tousled his golden curls are in the hall mirror.
- Belligerent Sexual Tension: Very apparent between Astalor and Aethas, and it comes almost entirely from Aethas.
- Berserk Button: Aethas really doesn't like being called Around-the-Clock Cock (see Embarrassing Nickname, below). He also really doesn't like getting caught in compromising situations with another man.
- Beware the Nice Ones: Despite Aethas blowing up a vase very close to his head, this lesson does not manage to sink in with Astalor until Aethas is literally advancing on him with clearly murderous intent. Even then, the author's note makes one wonder if he still hasn't gotten the point.
- Bullying a Dragon: Any reader aware of Aethas's position in Dalaran will suspect Astalor of this from the start, but for those who aren't as informed Aethas happily blows up a vase near Astalor's head to display how very stupidly his tormentor is behaving.
- It becomes crystal clear when Aethas, after his sister flees the scene, immediately turns on Astalor with what can be best described as intent to maim and murder.
- But I Would Really Enjoy It: Astalor suspects and tries to convince Aethas the latter is hiding this by continuously rejecting him. Oddly enough, he turns out to be right.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Astalor has shades of this, particularly when flirting with/harassing Aethas.
- Crosses the Line Twice: Invoked every time Astalor thinks, speaks, or physically acts. In fact, this may be one of the tropes Astalor's character is built around in this fic.
- Destructo-Nookie: Particularly savvy readers may suspect this is only way Astalor is ever getting near Aethas's pants. And they are absolutely right.
- Double Entendre: Astalor is rather fond of these, although they're all fairly obvious.
Aethas Sunreaver: (upon being "accidentally" swatted on the rear end) I... excuse me, you didn't just... Magister, Ió
Astalor Bloodsworn: Oh, I did. [flutters eyelashes] We can discuss it in detail if you'd like.
- Do You Want to Copulate?: More or less Astalor's general approach, until Aethas becomes rightfully offended and begins to reject his advances.
- Embarrassing Nickname: Aethas has apparently earned the nickname 'Around-the-Clock Cock' from his associates in Dalaran.
- This is made even funnier when he immediately suspects Ansirem Runeweaver and then Rhonin Redhair (in that order and just that rapidly) of coining the nickname.
- Failure Is the Only Option: Aethas manages to reject Astalor's advances often (and violently) enough that the reader is convinced of this. Astalor manages to completely subvert this by being just that much more bull-headed.
- Good Is Not Soft: And following Zaedana's dinner party, Aethas is happy to prove this if Astalor is anywhere within thirty feet of him.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Rommath responds to Astalor not paying attention to him and commenting that he must not have taken his Happy Thoughts Potion by heaving a stack of papers out the window. Granted, he could have tossed Astalor, but the scene still paints the picture of a man who was going to fling papers at some point either way.
- Hypocrite: If the rumors being spread around Dalaran are to be believed, Aethas really has no right to call Astalor out for being a sex fiend. Astalor, of all people, is the one to point this out to him.
Astalor: My reputation is well known? Pot, kettle, Archmage. Really.
- Idiot Hero: Astalor - though only because he's the character the third-person limited narrative focuses on. Really the man's too horrible to count as much of a hero otherwise.
- I'll Kill You: Very strongly invoked when Astalor and Aethas are discovered by an unfortunate Magistrix Elynara. And just the scene before that, it gets invoked when Aethas blows up a pot near Astalor's head. Not surprisingly, it's Aethas who invokes this trope both times.
- Interrupted Intimacy: Oh, poor Magistrix Elynara...
- It's All About Me: Astalor. Oh god, Astalor. The author even comments that she can picture him running away from Aethas, who is very clearly out for blood at this point, and stopping to admire his hair in the first mirror he passes.
- Jerkass: Several characters are shown or implied to have varying shades of this, but Astalor manages to out-jerkass Grand Magister Rommath simply by his attitude and the methods he employs when chasing after Aethas.
- Lack of Empathy: Astalor shows absolutely no ability to understand the feelings of others. See It's All About Me, above.
- Moral Myopia: Astalor apparently finds it offensive that someone would dare to spread rumors about his person, even though he himself mentally admits to having to make a conscious effort to think even four clean thoughts a day.
- Nice Guy: Fresh-faced, inexperienced Aethas gets cast as the Nice Guy, which makes for an interesting (read: hilariously explosive) contrast to Astalor's Jerkass.
- No Social Skills: Astalor appears to be build around this trope, as he is not above telling Grand Magister Rommath to "take his Happy Thoughts Potion", considers four seconds an appropriate pause before following Aethas out of a dinner party in order to try flirting with him, cannot fathom why politics should be an obstacle to getting in Aethas' pants, and apparently has to make a conscious effort to think at least four clean thoughts a day.
- Astalor also apparently told his ex-wife she was too fat to board a blimp to the newly-relocated Dalaran, seated a Zandali ambassador at the servants' table during a dinner party, and fell asleep during Magister Duskwither's Royal Suncrest Appointment Lecture (what makes this even worse is that Astalor apparently snores.)
- Oh Crap: Astalor's reaction to Aethas's second attempt to murder him is incredibly satisfying for readers who feel about as ready to smack him as Aethas is.
- OOC Is Serious Business: Heavily invoked when Astalor actually takes note of and tries to prepare himself for Aethas's quickly boiling rage at his continued harassment.
They were entering prime explosion territory, no question, and Astalor wondered vaguely whether Sunreaver had the power to blast the entire Spire off its foundations and into the sea. He decided this was best not known. [...] Astalor sauntered towards him (this was sexier, but he also wanted to be ready to run if Sunreaver tried to explode him again).
- Out-of-Character Moment: Astalor's reaction to Aethas trying to kill him. Both times.
- Please Put Some Clothes On: A rare female-to-male twist. Magistrix Elynara does not actually say this, but her reaction when she interrupts the pair certainly has strong undertones of this.
- Rage Breaking Point: Aethas has two of these. The first is when Astalor tries to pull out the nickname. The second is right after the two are caught 'rehearsing a play about vrykul battle rituals'.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Despite his hair color, Aethas is the Blue Oni in this pair. And Astalor is the very clear Red Oni, both in behavior and personality.
- Shameless Fanservice Mage: Astalor, of course. Although this isn't confirmed until we see his reaction to Magistrix Elynara walking in on him and Aethas.
- Straight Man: Aethas, especially when compared to Astalor. Actually, any character when compared to Astalor.
- Stupid Neutral: Astalor shows shades of this when he becomes offended by rumors people are spreading about him and sites his conscious effort to think at least four clean thoughts a day as the main reason.
- Too Dumb to Live: Astalor. Oh my god, Astalor.
- Tsundere: Aethas gets treated like this a lot by Astalor. Shockingly enough, this is actually the case... to an extent.
- For those wondering, Aethas is a very solid Type A in this case.
- Unstoppable Rage: Astalor manages to trigger this twice in Astalor.
- You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry: The author seems to very much enjoy doing this with Aethas, if his fits of sheer rage are anything to go by.