This is a list of characters in Plumbers Don't Wear Ties.
John
John
"Woah! It's 8 o'clock and I'm seein' a 10! What I wouldn't give to do her plumbing!"
Played by: Edward J. Fasulo (credited as Edward J. Foster)
A plumber pressured by his mother to find a woman to marry.- Deadpan Snarker: When John's mother claims that him and Amy are "a match made in heaven", he responds with "I think I'll wait until I get there".
- Heroic Build: John is a well-built and muscular man, as you can see in his shirtless scene.
- Mr. Fanservice: He's fairly fit, and the camera gives his mostly naked (and eventually just shirtless) body almost as much focus in the opening montage as Jane's.
- Nice Guy: Despite his snarky attitude towards his mother, John is very loyal to Jane.
- The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: People may complain that Mario doesn't do enough plumbing. Compared to John, he's a plumbing machine.
- Pizza Boy Special Delivery: John's a plumber who hooks up with Jane.
Jane
Jane
"Hi, my name's Jane. We hardly know each other, but that's about to change."
Played by: Jeanne "Hollywood" Basone
A young woman pressured by her father to find a man to marry, who goes to Thresher's office to apply for a job.- Daddy's Girl: Jane is frequently described as one even though she doesn't seem to get along with her father. If Thresher rejects her, he'll tell her that he considers her a spoiled brat who pitches a fit to get what she wants.
- Dominatrix: Jane becomes one in one of the choices.
- Everyone Loves Blondes: A very attractive woman with blonde hair whom John falls for at first sight.
- Good Bad Girl: Her argument with Thresher over how much he should pay for her to sleep with him heavily implies she has slept with other men for money, and she's kindhearted.
- Ms. Exposition: The 3DO version's intro video has Jane explaining the premise of the game to the player.
- Ms. Fanservice: She has rather large breasts, and her body gets shown off quite bit in the opening Shower Scene, as well as when she turns into a dominatrix after picking the "She'll do anything to get the job" option. She also spends quite a bit of screentime wearing just a bra, skirt, and heels.
- Naughty Nuns: Averted by the "other" ending, where Jane — who spent the entire intro telling us how many guys she's had sex with — suddenly reveals that she's a virgin and wants to be a nun. The game doesn't even show her wearing a habit. This was also prefigured in the 3DO intro FMV, though Jane denies it."Imagine that: me, a nun? Ha! I don't think so..."
Mark Thresher
Mark Thresher
Played by: Paul Bokor
A perverted businessman who tries hitting on Jane, setting up the conflict of the game.- Big Bad: He's a perverted man who spends the game chasing and trying to rape Jane.
- Camp Gay: He suddenly becomes this when you select the Gay Option.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Thresher apparently offers his new hires a generous salary essentially as a pretext for having an affair with them, essentially paying for sex on the company dime.
- Country Matters: When lambasting Jane for her selfishness, Thresher calls her a "vulva."
- Depraved Bisexual: He's rather aggressive in flirting with John in the Gay Option.
- Dirty Old Man: He appears to be in his 50s at the youngest, and offers Jane a position if she agrees to have sex with him, and becomes violent if she refuses.
- Fan Disservice: Thresher is stripped down to his boxers in the "Jane will do anything to get the job" option. It's... not a pretty sight.
- Fat Bastard: Thresher, who's overweight and quickly shows himself to be a pervert and an unpleasant person.
- Freudian Slip: Thresher, midway through the "canon" route. This turns into a Freudian Slippery Slope if you pick the Gay Option."They are the ones who get head - I mean, get ahead."
- Jerkass Has a Point: In the ending in which he turns Jane away, he harshly but truthfully points out that with 200 or more qualified applicants, Jane isn't the only desperate one. Jane doesn't argue with him.
- Karmic Rape: He's a perverted man, and raped by a bag lady in the good ending.
- Obviously Evil: Thresher in Armis' eyes. If you choose to have him give Jane a job, Armis will complain about you not noticing how much of a pervert Thresher is.
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gives Jane a lengthy one calling her a spoiled Daddy's Girl in the ending in which he rejects her.
- Take Off Your Clothes: Thresher demands Jane to take off her clothes when he decides to take advantage of her: "TAKE, YOUR DAMN, CLOTHES OFF!"
Harry Armis
Harry Armis
"This is Harry Armis. Welcome aboard."
Played by: Michael Anderson (credited as Harry Armis)
The game's Lemony Narrator, who keeps track of the player's score and gives his opinion on their decisions.- Blamed for Being Railroaded: Armis gives you grief for having you choose the ending in which Thresher tries to get Jane to have sex with him, resulting in your score going permanently negative... but it's also the only choice that doesn't immediately end the game.
- Changing Clothes Is a Free Action: Armis constantly changes hats in virtually every scene he's in.
- Commander Contrarian: Armis is never happy with the decisions you make.
- Deadpan Snarker: He will sometimes snark at your incorrect decisions. For example, in the "Meeting has to wait!" option:Armis: What is it with you anyway? Skipped breakfast this morning?
- Interactive Narrator: Armis fills this role, though it's mostly just shouting at you.
- Jerkass: Hoo, boy. He constantly insults the player for making decisions that stray from the outcome of John and Jane becoming an item, and even one decision required to complete the game.
- Lemony Narrator: Armis fills the role of the narrator, but he's closer to a commander.
- Punny Name: His name sounds a lot like "hairy arms".
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Armis will generally chew you out with one of these for selecting incorrect endings. Hell, he even gives one when you select an option required to complete the game.Armis: Oh, now you done it! You really done it! How could you make Jane into such a perverted young thing?! I’ve guided a lot of people through this story, but I’ve never seen such a disgusting series of plot choices in my life!
- What the Hell, Player?: Armis won't always agree with the player's choices.
