History Funny / JackieChanAdventures

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* This exchange between Tohru and Hak Foo in Season Two.
--> '''Hak Foo:''' Yin-Yang, the power of balance! You will be unable to knock me ov-
--> '''Tohru:''' [[VerbalTic NYAR!]] *headbutts him* Spiritual balance, Hak FOOL.
** Which is immediately followed by...
--> '''Uncle:''' *kicks Hak Foo away without even looking at him* YOU ARE BLOCKING MY LIGHT!
** Uncle is a gold-mine for these.
--> '''Uncle:''' The hand is quicker than the eye
--> ''(SlowMotion as Uncle moves his hands about. Uncle kicks mook in the face)''
--> '''Uncle:''' But you should have been watching the ''foot''.
** Another Tohru and Hak Foo exchange.
-->'''Hak Foo:''' Minnow wallops whale!
-->'''Tohru:''' I'm sorry, what was that last part?
-->'''Hak Foo:''' I said minnow-
-->[Tohru charges into Hak Foo knocking Hak Foo into the wall.]
-->'''Hak Foo:''' ''*Mockingly, yet dazed*'' What was that last part?

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSOzAGbyzt8#t=50s Finn's dream sequence about the Dark Hand starting a band, only to get beaten up by Jackie anyway.]]
-->'''Finn''': But...we're not even doing anything wrong!
-->'''Jackie''': You are off-key. *punch*
* An Oni mask gets broken in half, with one of them sticking to Valmont and the other to Jade. She tries to resist the murderous impulse of her Oni half.
---> ...''[Jackie's]'' brain's starting to get smelly.

* Captain Black: (Re: an EvilTwin) "Let's go kick my butt."

*** Any time Hak Foo calls his (or anyone else's) attacks leads to a [=CMoF=], really. For instance, early in Season 2, in Space;
---> '''Hak Foo:''' Tiger Prowls Through... ''*confused*'' ...Pudding?
---> Moments later...
---> '''Hak Foo:''' Flying Monkey Snatches Magic Box!
* Then there's Jade's CrowningMomentOfFunny: Jackie pushes a button on the [[OvertOperative secret agent]]'s briefcase, which unfolds into a giant glider plane...and promptly flies away, leaving them stranded on the side of a volcano and alerting the {{mooks}} to their presence.
--> '''Jade:''' See? This is why we can't buy you nice things.
** That whole episode was a hilarious parody of the JamesBond series, but by far the funniest of these scenes is when he uses an unconscious secret agent as an ImprovisedWeapon, going so far as to twirl him around as if he were a Bo staff.
* How about in the clip show episode when things really start to speed up?
--> '''Jade:''' I think I'm gonna hurl.
--> '''Uncle:''' Uncle becoming very dizzy...
* Jackie rescuing Uncle from Hsi Wu from the top of a water tower. At the moment, Hsi Wu is trying to get Uncle to uncurse his broken tail, and his goons have just arrived with Uncle's books, having been sent all the way across town to get them at Uncle's insistence. Uncle notices Jackie coming up behind Hsi Wu, so he delays. ("These are not my reading glasses!") Hsi Wu, finally fed up, is preparing to strike at him when Jackie throws him off the tower.
--> '''Jackie:''' Uncle! Run!
--> '''Uncle:''' ''(looks to one side, then the other)'' Where to?
* Good Jackie's reaction to being kidnapped and forced into a car:
--> "Are those seats real leather? ''(cries)'' Oh, the poor cows!"
* All of "The Chan That Knew Too Much". Especially this bit:
-->'''Magister''': [[YeOldeButcheredEnglish Thou knoweth too much!]]
-->'''Jackie''': NO WE DON'T!
** He ends up in their bathroom briefly. "He is privy to our privy!"
** Not to mention the Magisters always conveniently finding him as he tries to call for help.
--> '''Magister''': Thou has fax-ed our insignia!
--> '''Jackie''': It didn't go through!
* Jackie is undercover in prison. When he gets his one phone call:
-->'''Jackie''': Chinchilla. (''{{Beat}}'') What do you mean, "What's a chinchilla?" That's the password!
** Then there's the bit where Jade turns Jackie into a chinchilla with the monkey talisman, just to see what one was.
** Later in that episode, Jackie, as per tradition:
-->'''Jackie''': Jade, stay here.
-->'''Jade''': Tch...in a prison?
-->Cue Jackie's frustrated look.
** At the end, after they've just beaten the bad guys, the prison guards show up, grab Jackie, and drag him to solitary confinement. Jackie begs for help, only for Jade, Uncle, and Tohru to do a ShrugTake and walk away.
* "The Chi Of The Vampire" is non-stop laughter (well, after the introduction of said vampire and [[EyeScream how he extracts your chi]] at least). Some highlights include: Jade switching her chi with Uncle (obtaining certain... abrasive personality traits), and Tohru getting some of Jade's chi (and turning moe - complete with big eyes and exuberant personality). But then, Uncle is bitten and Jade uses her Uncle chi to put a holding spell on him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.
--> '''Jackie''': *Approaches the completely still Uncle and leans in close. There is a brief beat and then...*
--> '''Uncle''': You are '''DOOMED'''!
--> '''Jackie''': AUGH!
--> '''Jade''': *In Uncle's ''duh'' sort of voice* One more thing! He can still ''talk''.
--> '''Tohru''': *Crossing arms and pouting* Shoulda put that thing over his mouth.
** That's not getting into Uncle's Renfield behavior during the final fight. Jade's discovery that in order to defeat the vampire, he must [[spoiler:have a mushroom from a graveyard put into his left sock, and then have said sock thrown into the river]] (Jackie's reaction: "...you're making this up,") has Uncle lying on the ground completely frozen (with his arms in the most ridiculous position), saying things like "Is that [[spoiler:your sock]], master?" and begging him to take the others' "delicious chiiiii..." complete with Uncle's slight increase in pitch at the end. Classic!

* The episode where they all went to Hollywood.
-->'''Jade''': Hey look, Film/TheThreeStooges!
-->'''Ratso''': (''he, Chow, and Finn look up excitedly'') Where!?
-->'''Jade''': (''steals their map and runs'') Duh!
* From "Queen of the Shadowkhan"
-->'''Jade''': Help! Anybody!
-->'''(Shadowkhan appear)'''
-->'''Jade''': Shadowkhan... oh no oh no oh no...
-->'''Hak Foo''': *smirks, then advances toward Jade*
-->'''(Shadowkhan block him)'''
-->'''Hak Foo''': Huh?
-->*[[CurbStompBattle gets the stuffing beaten out of him by the Shadowkhan]]*
-->'''Hak Foo''': *in utterly humiliated tone of voice* Bunny flees from vicious jackals! AHHHHH!
** Same episode, you see the Shadowkhan reappear, surrounding Jade in the bathroom, only to offer juice, cereal, and a toaster with fresh toast. Seeing them tend to her needs before school's oddly funny because of how unusally ''innocent'' the normally serious minions appeared.
** The whole spanking sequence, especially since the way Jade initially said it, it sounded like a childish euphemism for kicking ass. Bonus points for two shadowkhan literally kicking Hak Foo's ass to spank him.
** Same episode...
-->'''Shendu''': Come, minions! ''[no Shadowkhan appears]'' Minions?
* Here's one:
-->'''Uncle''': Captain Black, your place is too big! I have to walk very far to get to the bathroom!
* Tarakudo has a psychic battle with Egbert, and in case you are wondering, Egbert is a rooster with the rooster talisman.
** Perhaps the only thing that makes it funnier is that he struggles with the whole battle and has to win through a cheap shot.
** To be fair, Egbert is a Noble Animal and lives on a farm with two Nobel Prize physicists.
* In the ColdOpening to 'Viva Las Jackies', the Chan Family's background antics behind Daolong Wong. "Ay-aaah!"
* Heres a good lone from the episode ''The J-Tots'':
--> "El Toro Fuerte never removes his pants!"
* Valmont's reaction to his freedom from Shendu in ''The Eighth Door'': "WHOOPEE! BOOM SHAKALAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKALAKA!!"
* In one of the later episodes, the J-Team participates in a humiliating game show in order to win a MacGuffin. Jade gains a rivalry with the other team's youngest member... Who develops a crush on her by the end of the episode.
* "Flying Monkey Snatches Magic Box?"
* In "Curse of El Chupacabra", El Toro Fuerte is transforming into, well, a {{Chupacabra}}. So of course, Jackie calls Uncle to help them find a cure. The first thing Uncle does upon arrival? Walk in, drop his bags and begin to bitch about the flight.
-->'''Uncle''': The flight was late, the food was terrible, the movie had no plot and I had turbulence!"
* Every once in awhile, Jackie gets in some excellent [[DeadpanSnarker snarking.]]
-->'''Shendu:''' Why the interest in the box Chan? You have sealed the portals.
-->'''Jackie:''' I want a keepsake of our time together.
* Viper's reaction to Jade turning up in the Christmas episode:
-->'''Viper''': "You brought an elf to a Hanukkah party?"
* In the episode with the clones, they're trying to find out which Jackie is the real one, and Captain Black asks, "Jackie, when's my birthday?" Neither Jackie knows, and Captain Black gets upset and says, "Jeez, Jackie, I thought we were pretty close!"
* In the Season 5 opener, Drago gives the Enforcers some of his fire demon chi, so they test out their new [[PlayingWithFire powers]]. Ratso's response?
-->"Hey! I can make grilled cheese sandwiches whenever I want!"
* In the Christmas episode, Jade thinks Santa is fake, just like the tooth fairy. Cue flashback to Jackie trying to slip a dollar underneath Jade's pillow only to get caught presumably because Jade pretended to be asleep.
* What motivates Finn Ratso and Chow to perform their HeelFaceTurn?
-->Ratso: We're tired of never making any money!
-->Chow: We're tired of being enslaved by [[BigBadEnsemble dragons, wizards and floating demon heads]]!
-->Finn: But most of all, we're tired of getting our butts kicked...by you.
-->Ratso: It hurts.
* In a season 2 episode, Finn tries to start his own crime syndicate and holds auditions for henchmen. Everyone's pathetic except for a skilled swordsman...except he has a fear of mice. The joke was recycled in season 5 with Dragon finding some henchmen of his own with the same results even having a man who can destroy a refrigerator in a few punches only to be scared of flies. As a bonus, [[DemotedToExtra Valmont]] shows up but immediately gets rejected by Drago.
* In order to reseal some evil mirror spirits that have infected them, Uncle instructs Jackie and Jade to retrieve some moss from the top of a statue. Jackie climbs his way up and notices that Jade beat him to the top. Jade points out there were trams that allowed tourists to reach the top of the statue. Jackie [[FacePlant face plants]].

* In "The J Team", when Uncle sees that Tohru and Jade followed him and Jackie to Tibet to fight Shendu and the Dark Hand, Uncle asks who's watching his shop. The scene cuts over to Captain Black sitting in Uncle's library reading a book about chi spells. The episode ends with Captain Black casting a chi spell which turns him into a frog. There's also Jade and Paco's loophole abuse regarding Uncle's orders of watching Jade and the shop and telling everyone else to get out. Jade points out that since she's following Jackie and Uncle to Tibet, it's impossible for Tohru to watch both her and the shop and Paco points out that everyone else left Uncle's shop just as he requested.
* In the season 5 premiere, Captain Black tells Jackie about Drago and the Enforcers. Jackie tells Jade to stay in the shop, then gets into the car, only to see that Jade is [[OffscreenTeleportation somehow inside the car, even buckled up in the back seat]]. Completely deadpan, she says: "Seriously [[OverusedRunningGag Don't you get tired of saying that?]]"
* During "Demon World, Part II", this exchange between El Toro and Tso Lan:
-->'''[[GravityMaster Tso Lan]]''': [[CatchPhrase Behold my mastery of gravity!]]
-->'''El Toro''': Behold my mastery of *''takes a look at the rooster talisman''*...[[GratuitousSpanish pollo!]]
* In the first episode, when Captain Black tells Jackie that their current location must remain secret, Jackie responds like this:
-->'''Jackie:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Yes,I can see that this is some very special garbage.]]
** Also, when Valmont has Toru punish his enforcers for their failure, you can see him casually checking his manicure
** When Jade breaks into Section 13, Captain Black only has this to say:
-->'''Captain Black:''' Would someone care to tell me how our security was penetrated by a child?

* During "Denmon World, Part II", this exchange between El Toro and Tso Lan:

** The whole spanking sequence, especially since the way Jade initially said it, it sounded like a childish euphemism for kicking ass. Bonus points for two shadowkhan literally kicking Hak Foo's ass to spank him.

-->'''Jade''': Hey look, TheThreeStooges!

*** With the Dark Hand defeated, Jackie rejoices that he has all the talismans, only for Uncle to scream "TALISMANS ARE NOT IMPORTANT!", and tell everyone the story of the eight demon sorcerers and that states that it's a good thing Shendu was unable to steal the Panku Box, only for Jade to inform Uncle that Shendu did steal the Panku Box at which point Uncle unleashes a rather drawn out "AYAH!".

---> ''[[ShutUpHannibal (Uncle knocks Hak down with one kick)]]''

* How about that episode in which an Oni mask gets broken in half, with one of them sticking to Valmont and the other to Jade? It's funny how she tries to resist the murderous impulse of her Oni half.

** Being thrown out of building by Shendu probably helped. That and he was most likely sick of the treatment he got from the rest of the Dark Hand.
*** True, but the doughnuts are the reason he gives - and the expression on his face suggests he's ''completely serious''.

** Not to mention the hilarious comeback in Season 3. "Never. Mock. The sock."

* I am quite fond of the scene where Hak Foo (the king of [[CallingYourAttacks metaphorical attack names]]) acquires the pig talisman and begins yelling "Heat-Beam Eye Blasts!" every five seconds.

*** Pretty much any time Hak Foo starts calling his (or anyone else's) attacks leads to a [=CMoF=], really. For instance, early in Season 2, in Space;

* Pretty much all of "The Chan That Knew Too Much". Especially this bit:

* "The Chi Of The Vampire" is pretty much non-stop laughter (well, after the introduction of said vampire and [[EyeScream how he extracts your chi]] at least). Some highlights include: Jade switching her chi with Uncle (obtaining certain... abrasive personality traits), and Tohru getting some of Jade's chi (and turning moe - complete with big eyes and exuberant personality). But then, Uncle is bitten and Jade uses her Uncle chi to put a holding spell on him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.

** That's not even getting into Uncle's Renfield behavior during the final fight. Jade's discovery that in order to defeat the vampire, he must [[spoiler:have a mushroom from a graveyard put into his left sock, and then have said sock thrown into the river]] (Jackie's reaction: "...you're making this up,") has Uncle lying on the ground completely frozen (with his arms in the most ridiculous position), saying things like "Is that [[spoiler:your sock]], master?" and begging him to take the others' "delicious chiiiii..." complete with Uncle's slight increase in pitch at the end. Classic!

* Basically, anything Uncle related.

* In a season 2 episode, Finn tries to start his own crime syndicate and holds auditions for henchmen. Everyone's pretty pathetic except for a skilled swordsman...except he has a fear of mice. The joke was recycled in season 5 with Dragon finding some henchmen of his own with the same results even having a man who can destroy a refrigerator in a few punches only to be scared of flies. As a bonus, [[DemotedToExtra Valmont]] shows up but immediately gets rejected by Drago.

** Chow steals the pig talisman from Jackie and tries to use the power of heat beam eye blasts only to destroy his glasses and have difficulty aiming due to his poor eyesight and gets kicked by Viper.

* The fight between the J-Team and the talisman powered Dark Hand in the Tibetan Temple is this and a CMOA.
Highlights include:
** Ratso using the rabbit talisman to ram into El Toro only for the masked wrestler to step aside and run into a wall.
** Upon losing his talismans, Ratso tries borrowing one from Finn who's busy fighting Jackie. Distracted, Jackie ''and Ratso'' steal all three of Finn's talismans.

** In addition to the Tohru vs. Hak Foo moments already mentioned, Hak Foo tries to attack Tohru with the sheep talisman only to have his astral form phase through Tohru. Tohru uses this an as opportunity to body slam Hak Foo. Upon returning to his body, Hak Foo yells in pain.
** With the Dark Hand defeated, Jackie rejoices that he has all the talismans, only for Uncle to scream "TALISMANS ARE NOT IMPORTANT!", and tell everyone the story of the eight demon sorcerers and that states that it's a good thing Shendu was unable to steal the Panku Box, only for Jade to inform Uncle that Shendu did steal the Panku Box at which point Uncle unleashes a rather drawn out "AYAH!".

--> '''Possessed Jade:''' [[EvilDead Soon I will devour your soul.]]

* "The Chi Of The Vampire" is pretty much non-stop laughter (well, after the [[NightmareFuel introduction of said vampire]] and [[EyeScream how he extracts your chi]] at least). Some highlights include: Jade switching her chi with Uncle (obtaining certain... abrasive personality traits), and Tohru getting some of Jade's chi (and turning moe - complete with big eyes and exuberant personality). But then, Uncle is bitten and Jade uses her Uncle chi to put a holding spell on him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.

* In order to reseal some evil mirror spirits that have infected them, Uncle instructs Jackie and Jade to retrieve some moss from the top of a statue. Jackie climbs his way up and notices that Jade beat him to the top. Jade points out there were trams that allowed tourists to reach the top of the statue. Jackie [[FacePlant face plants]].

* "The Chi Of The Vampire" is pretty much non-stop laughter (well, after the [[NightmareFuel introduction of said vampire and how he extracts your]] [[EyeScream chi]] at least). Some highlights include: Jade switching her chi with Uncle (obtaining certain... abrasive personality traits), and Tohru getting some of Jade's chi (and turning moe - complete with big eyes and exuberant personality). But then, Uncle is bitten and Jade uses her Uncle chi to put a holding spell on him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.

** That's not even getting into Uncle's Renfield behavior during the final fight. Jade's discovery that in order to defeat the vampire, he must [[spoiler:have a mushroom from a graveyard put into his left sock, and then have said sock thrown into the river]] (Jackie's reaction: "...you're making this up,") has Uncle lying on the ground completely frozen (with his arms in the most ridiculous position), saying things like "Is that your [[spoiler:sock]], master?" and begging him to take the others' "delicious chiiiii..." complete with Uncle's slight increase in pitch at the end. Classic!

** That whole episode was a hilarious parody of the JamesBond series, but by far the funniest of these scenes is when he uses an unconscious SecretAgent as an ImprovisedWeapon, going so far as to twirl him around as if he were a Bo staff.

* In the episode with the clones, they're trying to find out which Jackie is the real one, and Captain Black asks, "Jackie, what's my middle name?" Neither Jackie knows, and Captain Black gets upset and says, "Jackie, I thought we were friends!"